2019-09-12: Letters, Confessions, And Mom-Bomb (Again)
- Log: Letters, Confessions, and Mom-Bomb (Again)
- Cast: Riesenlied, Noeline
- Where: Djose
- Date: 12th September 2019
- Summary: Setting up for a nice date teatime, Riesenlied has a cute confession to Noeline... and also eats a whole cookie in one go.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied is kind of having a pretty big day today, not because she's going anywhere far or has a lot of people to address or there's danger involved and she has to fight and dig but because--
There's a confession of sorts today?!
Or at least that's the pitch Riesenlied is going with as they sit at the aft of the Fereshte where she's gotten some help arranging a nice little seating table for them to have tea and cookies at.
She's also asked Noeline to pick out an outfit for her, so she's probably looking very pretty today. There's big date energy going on, but...
I mean, what else is there to confess about?
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
The other Hyadean looks mildly but happily bemused as she helps bring the last of the things over to the table, not to mention terrifically curious. Every so often there's a faint probe from their link, but it quickly becomes clear that she's doing her best to hold back her instincts in order to not spoil the surprise and so that Riese the time to work up to whatever she wants to say.
For old time's sake Noeline is wearing one of her Crimson Noble era dresses, paired with a shawl around her shoulders - but her hair is down, and her manner now is a lot calmer and more self-assured than those times around Adlehyde.
She'd picked out a nostalgic dress for Riesenlied as well, but had a small surprise of her own to unveil. She's not a phenomenal seamstress, but can at least do a little to account for Riesenlied's deformations since then - it's easier to put on where before it was nigh-impossible, with her scaled arm covered by a half-cape of sturdy cloth that isn't likely to rip.
Once everything is laid out, she holds out the chair for her partner, then seats herself in turn. ... ... 'calmer and self-assured' is one thing, but she chuckles in visible anticipation as she reaches towards Riesenlied's hand. "It's been much too long since we sat like this."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Seeing Noeline in one of her old dresses does send Riesenlied into something of an explosive emotional spiral, because on the one hand she always looks really gorgeous but she's always so aware of all the eyes on her and needs to not feel incredibly insecure or jealous and there's also the /era/ she associates those outfits with--
Which ultimately isn't really irrelavent to what she's going to bring up, so that's good.
She's really red in the cheeks as she looks at herself with some kind of awe and splendour, mumbling, "I haven't worn this in a while... but... y-you know, I feel really good in something you picked out."
Even if she feels somewhat self-conscious about all her scales being on display, but somehow the dress compliments them? It's grown over her shoulder and clavicle, and starting to creep down her spine too.
There's bone-like stumps where her wings used to be.
She misses them.
That was an era where she had wings too.
But...
"Y-yes... we should do it more often," Riesenlied sucks her breath. She reaches out for her again. "Let's have some tea..."
She pours for the both of them and compliments it with some treats, looking a little bit relieved.
Then she admits quietly:
"Um. I want to come clean about some things before we go further, so..."
A pause.
"I've been spying on you."
wow that's like, SUPER unromantic?? context???
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline obviously understands and accepts Riesenlied's worries to some extent; there'd been a moment as they were setting up where she made sure the rest of the crew knew they wanted a private moment, and she's kept it that way by setting up a couple of makeshift screens, leaving her partner the only one to see her.
And though she's as careful as she's been ever since the deformations started, she doesn't shy away from them either. When her hand rests on Riesenlied's arm or back in support, she makes no distinction on whether she touches scale or skin - and though she frowns a little at its progress across Riesenlied's body, it's obviously meant out of pure concern rather than anything else.
Besides, most of the time her gaze is caught it's out of sheer affection than anything else; this is one of those times, as it takes Noeline a moment to realize that Riesenlied's responded and blink up. "... I'm glad," she chuckles as she laces their fingers together. "Because as far as I'm concerned, you deserve it. And, of course, because you look beautiful in it."
She looks content as Riesenlied pours them both tea, enjoying the quiet moment.
And then blinks her eyes back open out of sheer confusion, her eyebrows shooting upwards for a moment. "... ah?" she blurts, and tilts her head to one side as she tries to-- well, there's taking it seriously and then there's the mental image of a small Riese peeking out from behind the Fereshte. "Um. Have I been doing anything... wrong?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
AT THE VERY LEAST,
Riesenlied and Noeline are empathically soul-linked so it's really obvious that the former Metal Demon Commander is fumbling really adorably on her words and there's nothing malicious or suspecting or cruel behind it.
"I--I mean you look gorgeous too! I mean--"
oh no Mom Bomb is happening again! exploding!
She hides behind her cup of tea again as she reels and tries to scale back what she actually wants to say. Noeline's mental image of what her spying sounds like is also not helping.
"No, not recently. I mean..."
And those letters come out again, the ones Noeline's seen Riesenlied attempt to surreptitiously shuffle.
They're in a basket and they're... really old, actually -- the paper has been carefully treated for preservation and even a glance looks like they're, at least, decades old.
They're addressed to an 'Olivia', and the return senders speak of people from Jolly Roger, the Thames, and beyond...
"... a long time ago, when you left for Aquvy..." she twiddles her thumbs. "I used a lot of my connections to find people in your path. And those became some of my longest-lasting pen pals. I would ask them about you, and they would write to me, as you passed by each city..."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Oh no, the Mom Bomb! When Riesenlied starts to reel, a softer laugh bubbles up from Noeline's throat - she's quick to lean forwards, to take both of her partner's hands in hers and squeeze them gently. (Or try, in the case of Riese's scaled hand, but she feels the attempt is the important part.)
"It's alright," she tries to cut into the panic. There's a warmth and security in her air that's reflected by what she can feel over their link; it makes it easy to close her eyes and offer a warm smile. "There's no rush, and it's just the two of us here. Take a deep breath, and take your time."
She's not entirely sure what she's expecting Riesenlied to unveil, even with the knowledge that it isn't a bad thing. Talk of the Fereshte, perhaps, or the Djose refugees, or-- anything recent, if she had to sum it up. Not for the first time, she realizes that recent events haven't really given them much time to reminisce and catch their breath.
A fact that becomes all too apparent now that they have a little time to do so. She reaches carefully for the basket, but stops when Riese starts to explain, her eyes slowly widening as she looks towards the stack of envelopes. "This many..." she breathes as she turns the first one over to glance at the postmark - then compare it to the next, and the next, treating the letters with infinite care.
She looks much older for a moment, lost in her memories as she studies the place names; a frown flickers over her features, but one of quiet rememberance rather than sorrow or upset, trending slowly towards soft smiles. "... this would explain some of the knowing looks I got from my landladies," she chuckles, but her voice is a little thick with memory, still somewhat overwhelmed.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied takes Noeline's hands and squeezes them tightly. Once Noeline inspects some of the names and reads some of the letters...
... it's kind of evident that a lot of the correspondence from these pen pals is clearly -- quite jovial, like they all think 'oh look at this poor lovestruck girl trying to keep in touch with her person of affection!!'.
"... really," Riesenlied slumps. "Perhaps I was myself doing a whole lot more spying and skulking despite my tasks... once you flitted your way away from the Photosphere, from Elru, I couldn't try hiding potions and other medical supplies, after all."
A pause, as she twiddles her thumbs.
"... that young me really wanted to get taken along, I think. Maybe that was why she had a really burning desire to keep writing those letters."
She holds one of the letters up near her face...
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline's very, very slow to actually read any of the letters, and she only does so after a long glance at her partner, solemnly checking whether it's alright to do so. When she opens one it's with the same delicate care she showed when handling the envelopes, all too aware how important these memories must be, and how fragile the mementos might have become over time.
By the time she's read through the first of the letters she picks up, she's wearing another lopsided and deeply affected smile. Her heart feels like a rather jumbled mixture of fond memories of her journey, warm affection for Riesenlied, and not a little quiet pride in her partner; she suddenly finds herself blinking back a few tears and a lump in her throat, without knowing exactly why.
"You've... really been looking after me for a very long time," she admits quietly, one hand searching for Riesenlied's once more - but for her own sake, this time. "And I've been in the habit of causing you a great deal of trouble for just as long."
She doesn't apologize for not taking Riesenlied with her - or at least not in words. They've covered that before, though the sentiment still shines around her and through their link. Instead, she chuckles softly under her breath, ever so carefully setting the letter down. "I hope-- that they offered you a window on the world. Not just to chase after me, but to learn about it yourself."
"And I hope that they will give us both memories to retrace once we're back on Filgaia," she adds as she strokes the back of her partner's hand. "However could I be upset at something like this?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied shifts a little, horns wiggling gently -- but she pauses because she realises for once she's got a flower ornament in her hair and her horns might actually knock it off!
"... I'm not sure... if I could say it was because I was looking out for you," Riesenlied quietly betrays her confidence, twiddling her thumbs some more. Ow. The scale thumb is kind of painful. "I was -- maybe still am, in some way -- a girl hopelessly infatuated..."
She feels that sensation through that link though. She knows they've talked about this before. About how they won't be regretting what they didn't do, and more focusing on... what they can do together now instead.
"They did," she admits. "I was really enamored. I waited for each later with bated breath. It wasn't easy to hide all of them, but I wanted to preserve and keep each and every single one..."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
The Crimson Noble - it's been a little while since she's really acted in service to that title, but it shows now as she grins brightly enough to show a fang and clasps Riesenlied's hands in hers. "Riese... you're you," she teases, but it's not really teasing given the warmth of her smile.
"I know you well enough to say that infatuation and care can go hand in hand. From medicine left for me in a corridor, to these letters and the way they start with 'she's doing well'. It's in your nature to care, no matter how else you might have been worrying over me or sad you were not with me."
Her expression looks far off for a second; as much as she knows they should look forward, it's still pleasant to imagine what it might have been like if the two of them had been travelling together, rather than apart. "If only I'd known. ... or been just a little more observant," she laughs softly to herself.
But she swells with pride once more when Riesenlied admits she was taken with the letters. "I'm-- glad. I'm very glad to know you had the chance to do that," she admits openly. "Thank you for telling me."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"I'm... me," Riesenlied is taking quite a bit of time to reassert herself as she listens in to Noeline and clasps her hands to hers. She looks to that toothy grin.
"I'm--" A pause. They've talked about not apologising for it before. That's fine. But it doesn't mean, she rations, they can't talk about it.
"I remember feeling incredibly conflicted. I wanted to stay with father, I wanted to be with the Tainted.... but I also wanted to see that world."
A pause.
"The world you're part of..." Oh no, Disney Princess musical incoming. "I wanted to be part of that world so much. So I read every single letter, top to bottom, multiple times. My pen pals would tell me about all kinds of things big and small... about the screw elevator and how it broke again in the Thames. About the curious new model of car they're introducing in Guild Galad..."
She tilts her head.
"... and about you, of course."
She swells just a bit more as she mumbles, "... I guess I could've been your spymaster in the end. I sort of was, in the end, a few years ago."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline tilts her head forwards in quiet encouragement when the other Hyadean starts to speak again. She can sense the hesitation and the unspoken reasoning behind the pause - even looks a little apologetic that she might have caused it, given that it's borne from the way she spent a long while being fond of falling back into those persistent apologies herself. But she's gotten a lot better at accepting things, and moving forwards along with her partner.
She's silent for a long moment as she digests Riesenlied's words, pausing to take a sip of her tea, then gaze into the cup in thought. "... at the time... it was difficult to think of myself as someone who would have been wanted," she admits in turn with a sheepish laugh. "Be it as a friend and partner, or a travelling companion, or a penpal. It... in hindsight, I know how ridiculous that must sound, especially when you were doing your best to keep me healthy and healed."
"I wish I had had the good sense and selfishness to take you with me. At the same time, I think... I must have felt much the same way. I was just one person - and you had your father to follow, and the Tainted to look after." She pauses, and crinkles her nose before she allows herself a chuckle. "And I'm fairly sure I must have been very sullen company back then, and terribly bad at letters."
"Can you imagine? 'Riesenlied,'" she adds, a grin tugging wider as she imagines it, speaking in her clipped tone of old. "'Weather was nominal at 18 degrees. Undercover position established. Investigating doughnuts.' I don't think I was very good at conversation."
"But..." she adds more softly. "I'm glad to know you were with me. In one sense, at least."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"... and yet you were everything to me," Riesenlied is starting to finally relax herself, as she starts accepting that reminiscing like this is okay. "You were a shining star amongst the neophytes, someone who carried themselves defiantly even in the face of all the bullying and horrible things they did to each other."
She places her hands to her chest. "At that time? I had just about as much self-esteem in myself as you. I was Tainted. I was exiled from the Fereshte. I begged the streets in Arctica and scavenged for scraps. I didn't think I was worthy of your time and attention."
Well, it's somewhat self-effacing, but she knows how much their station right now... isn't that.
"... you might have just been one person, but ... but ... there is a not insignificant part of me that would have said 'yes'."
She leans forward and laughs just a little as Noeline puts on a bit of an act. "Fried foods always made me sick. I have no idea how you gorge on them."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"... hmm... would I say I was 'defiant' or just 'stoic'?" Noeline wonders as she leans on one hand and allows her smile to blossom further in nostalgia. "I don't know for sure, even now. I suppose it really was more the former, but I can't help but think that internally it was due to no small amount of spite as well," she teases herself this time, but her hand finds a chance to steal back towards Riese's to clasp hers.
She closes her eyes as she listens to Riesenlied discuss her own failings - and another soft laugh bubbles up as she shakes her head. "Well... I think that's a part of us that won't ever change that easily. It has somewhat, of course - but ask anyone around this ship, and they'll probably all still say we both have a habit of downplaying ourselves."
"... I should have asked," she finishes. And even if they've promised not to get lost in what-ifs, there's a slight glimpse of sadness in her smile. "'Worthy of your time' or not, we were kindred even then."
But she lets it go, and spends a long moment basking in the warmth of the present, keeping contact with Riesenlied as she reminds herself of what they have now. "--I don't gorge! Not anymore," she grumbles all of a sudden, having to make the amendment. "It's just that going from nutripaste to a sticky, greasy mess was--" she pauses, and puts a much-too-glum-to-be-serious look on her face. "Formative."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"... I think you can be defiant through your stoicism," Riesenlied shares with a kind of idle thought rising upwards. "The fact that you left -- of your own accord, as you wandered through the world soaking up all that culture and wonder like a sponge -- is not something most people could've done, you know..."
She sips her tea again. She's nearly done. "I know I couldn't. Like you now know, I spent quite a bit of time being what everyone else wanted me to be..."
A pause.
"Even Nasrin."
The link stirs a little as the corpse of a girl long gone tosses in her sleep. "... mmph..."
"... well, I'm going to gorge on-- on something, sometime. Look!" Riesenlied puffs up as she slams an entire cookie into her face.
She gets like half a dozen chews in before she starts struggling and turning blue.
Mom... Bomb...?
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"That's true," Noeline counters with a warm smile. "And I'm not trying to put myself down, I promise. Still, the same holds true - just as there's a sort of strength to skipping off into the world at large, so is there a strength in your staying, and building and accomplishing what you did. Even if the decision to do so was due to other people's expectations, it was still something you managed yourself."
She pauses, and carefully replaces the bundle of letters. "And if these could act as a bridge between us in those times, in even the slightest way... then I'm glad for them," she admits. "If I may... I would like to chart them. To remember where I've been, and what to show you along our way.
Cool speech over with, she blinks in surprise. "You don't need to--" she blurts, but Riesenlied is already chewing, and then starting to struggle, and it's all that Noeline can do to try to hold her grin back as she puts a hand to her forehead. "Sip a little tea," she suggests as she gets up from her chair to pat her partner on the back, lips tugging wider as she fails to disguise her amusement. "Honestly, for someone who keeps telling me not to be reckless..."
Chewing a cookie hole is not exactly identical to taking on Sin, but she's not about to let that stop the teasing.