2020-09-14: An Unforgettable Luncheon
- Log: An Unforgettable Luncheon
- Cast: Xantia, Fei Fong Wong
- Where: The Thames - Mess Hall
- Date: September 14, 2020
- Summary: Xantia once again puts her cooking prowess on display for Fei's benefit, at least partially to try and soften the impact of a confession she feels she needs to make...
=========================<* The Thames - Mess Hall *>========================= "Booze! Booze!" Such is the rallying cry of the sailors and salvagers as they head to the Thames' mess hall following a hard day of work. The mess hall of the Thames is an open cafeteria that can house hundreds, filled with hard-working beastmen and crewmates working 'round the clock to ensure everyone's wetting their whistles and filling their bellies. As they say in the Thames: can't work on an empty stomach. So why don't you pull up a chair and grab some grub? BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YREOhjsSvOs
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
An invitation from Xantia to have lunch isn't exceptionally rare, but something about today's is. And it's not the food that's rare! Well, it is that, but not in that sense. In the sense that it's not the usual food that's served in the Thames's Mess Hall.
It's Xantia herself who brings it to the table: a jumbo-sized platter of roasted food mix. There's all sorts of meat and veggies mixed together in there: at a glance, there are sausages, bacon and chicken legs on the meat side, and carrots, parsnips, onions and potatoes on the veggie side, though there may be a few more surprises in there. Everything has been roasted to perfection and coated in various herbs and spices. Today's stand-in waitress presents the ensemble proudly with a "Ta-daaa~"
She has reason to be proud, because the stand-in waitress was also the stand-in cook today, having talked her way into being allowed to make use of what the kitchen had on-hand to make her own dish. A Xantia-cooked meal has only happened once before - unless Fei has told anyone, nobody else may even know of her skills in that area. She generally sees little cause to use it, being more of a fan of eating food than preparing it. But today seems to be an exception.
Of course, such a large amount of food isn't just for Fei. There's enough there for roughly four people, so that should be just about enough for both Fei and Xantia herself. Though Fei is the only one with a plate, given the size of that platter there's not enough room left on the opposite side of the table, where Xantia seats herself. This is probably not going to be an issue. Cutlery in hand, you know Xantia is ready to destroy this dish where it lies.
For now, though, she waits patiently (well, semi-patiently) for Fei to take what he pleases. "I didn't do anything super special here, but I hope you enjoy!"
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei hasn't been great lately, but has had a considerable and noticeable upturn when Riesenlied woke up after a couple months being completely out. He's doing a lot better now!
And well, being introduced to a jumbo-sized food platter is going to put Fei in a good mood no matter how many towns are on fire. He whistles at the spread. "You've really outdone yourself this time, Xantia!" This isn't the first time Xantia's shown off her talent for cooking.
"You know, Xan." Fei continues off that thought. Now that you're so good at this--I mean you were never bad far as I could tell--but at this rate you could handle all your meals whenever you want. You'll be able to eat whenever you want to."
Fei probably eats about as much as 1.5 times the average human so this should probably be plenty for the both of them.
"Oh no, no no..." He shakes his head. "It's plenty special! Look how good it looks! It must've taken you forever to prepare all this."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia actually looked pretty shell-shocked for a bit after the recent assassination attempt. She hadn't really talked about the details - to Fei, at least - but it's pretty clear that the whole thing had been a bit more than she bargained for. After doing her assigned part, covering the retreat and making sure everyone got safely, she quietly took off, and by the time she came back it was like nothing happened. If anything, she was even more cheerful than she normally is. And now here she is suddenly doing something elaborate like cooking all this food, for no reason that she's mentioned.
"Hee hee," is her simple reaction to being told she's outdone herself. "Save that for after you've tasted it, that's what really matters!" She headtilts when Fei adds that at this rate she can eat whenever she wants to. "But I can already do that. I just buy it, I have money." For all the effort she put into this, she still can't follow that train of logic, it seems.
As for how much effort that actually was... Xantia doesn't really answer that one. She only scratches her cheek, then comments, "Weeeell, I did have some help. When the head chef saw I knew what I was doing, he made sure everything I needed was brought over, that saved a lot of time." She then insistently points her fork at the food. "But never mind how it looks, try it, try it!"
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei isn't really eager to talk about it himself. There's nothing he can really do to fix the Id problem and he's kind of sore about it. To be actually clear about this though--
--Fei is absolutely ok with killing Shakhan. The issue is that Fei wasn't Fei and so 'Fei' was trying to do something completely different. Or at least...a bit different.
"Well yeah," Fei admits. "But when you prepare it yourself you can make it just the way you like it!" He pauses. "Or, you know, try something new that nobody's making.
Fei starts eating and he's wondering, thoughtfully, if he should ask Xantia if she's okay or something like that--she might not want to talk about it. And he really doesn't want her to call for Id today. He's definitely not up for it right now.
But eventually he does say, "You holding up okay?"
She can step through that door or not.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Even Xantia was totally on board with the goal of the mission. Never not earnest, she meant every word of what she yelling about at the time. Even if it wasn't personal - which it is, Shakhan is responsible for causing much grief to those she holds dear - from the point of view that she has now, an alliance with Solaris is basically betraying all of Filgaia. Her issue is different. She tried to go beyond her comfort zone in killing him herself, and found it not as easy to go through with as she'd imagined.
And yet, now... "Oh, well, I guess I could! But I don't think I'm good enough at it for that. Right now I'm taking more time preparing the food than I need to eat it, so I must be doing something wrong." Now she is just the same old Xantia, with her own brand of logic. "Besides... I don't really know what 'the way I like it' is. I just kind of like everything!"
In the end, she is far more curious about what Fei has to say about it. It's easier to put more effort in things that are meant for someone else. She waits for Fei's comment on the taste...
...and is instead asked if she's holding up okay. That visibly takes her off guard. "Huh? Well, I..." After taking a moment to readjust her thought process, she continues. "...I talked about it. With Lily, and with Clarine. I'm alright now, I understand how what I was trying to do just... wasn't the way of doing things that works for me. Although... I did want to tell you about something, that's sort of related to that."
She idly picks at the food with her knife, but she doesn't actually move to eat any of it. "I'm more concerned about you, really. I could tell something bad was happening over there. With one of you, at least." And then she abruptly interrupts her own train of thought with a whine, demanding, "Come ooon, tell me how it tastes already!!" Which, well, 'restaurant quality' is a good general benchmark.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"It's amazing, Xantia!" Fei reassures Xantia. "Sorry," He grins. "I was too busy enjoying it to comment hahaha!"
FEI: WEAKNESS ONE OUT OF MANY: KIND OF A GLUTTON. Though really, Xantia is probably not in a position to talk too much about that. And come on, Xantia's player made it SOUND super delicious too.
"To be honest it usually takes more work to cook something than it does to eat it, especially at your speed." Fei admits. "I'm honestly not sure how restaurants make it work... But if you've got chefs helping you out, they can probably tell you how it's done. My guess is that they have a team--and are also doing multiple meals at once. So instead of taking like 30 minutes for one person it's maybe 40 for twelve."
He shrugs both shoulders. "But I'm not that kind of chef myself. I just know how to make something on the road. I usually would eat Yui's cooking when I was hankering for something delicious. And this is comparable, you know?"
He tilts his head, considering Xantia's words. He nods once.
"Yeah. We gotta do things our own way. Not every mission's gonna be everybody's cup of tea."
But Xantia asks about him. And he laughs awkwardly and adds, "Well... I think Josie's ... everything ... it really hit us hard. It's normal to be a little out of control after something like that right?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
To be quite fair, Xantia doesn't normally show much of any concern over how anything tastes, whether she is eating or anyone else is. When she's the one making the food is the one and only time that she's ever shown to care. And when she gets a positive response...
"Good!"
...that's the only reaction to that. Well, she looks happy about it, at least.
Xantia listens with half-attention to Fei's explanation on cooking, because this is when she's done holding back and starts to eat herself, straight from the platter. She shows no favoritism towards certain dishes, it's an equal opportunity 'whatever is closest to me' kind of deal. It really is good, but she has trouble seeing herself putting in that much effort regularly.
"Then I guess we need a better kind of cooking, like... like Cooking+. Maybe if I apply Ether in a certain way..." she muses, but without seriously considering it. Which may be for the best, who knows what bizarre things Xantia might accidentally manage to do when she experiments with her powers.
Xantia's attempt to stick her fork into a sausage fails miserably when she somehow misses badly enough to send it flying off the platter. Either she rolled a critical failure for eating, or something Fei just said must have been upsetting. And since this is real life, it's probably the latter.
She slowly sets down her utensils before looking at Fei, asking him seriously: "Is it, Fei? Is that just our 'normal'? Considering what we're capable of, can we be okay with that?"
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Cooking+...
Fei worries he may have made a terrible mistake.
Nevertheless, Xantia asks him if it's our normal. That gets him to look up with a raised eyebrow. "Have you... Has it happened again?"
He sets down his fork and adds, "Well, I'm not saying it's okay. Just because something is 'normal', doesn't mean it's okay. There's a lot in this world that's normal and not okay at all."
He lets out a long sigh. "Sorry, I'm just...trying not to beat myself up over it. Even if I feel like I should, that's just going to feed him, you know? It's just going to make everyone worry--but honestly, he just made Ashley sad. It could've been way worse. Least Meria Boule still, you know, exists."
He shakes his head. "I'm not sure what else to do."
He picks the fork back up and pokes at the food.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
When Fei asks if it happened again, Xantia doesn't ask what he means by 'it', instead looking away from him. That makes it clear enough that she knows what he means, and that he is right. Aside from one detail. "...not again. Before. It happened once before the time you were there to see. That's... what I wanted to tell you about."
She closes her eyes for a moment, and takes a deep breath before opening them again, turning back to Fei. "It was in the Photosphere. Lily is... probably the only one who saw it. I don't know if it was really the same thing, but I don't know what else it would be... even if I don't remember doing it. Just... that I did it." She's stalling with actually saying it straight out. It's difficult enough to admit it to herself, let alone another. It's not typical for her, but in this instance, she chooses her words carefully rather than being simply factual about it.
"...Let's just say that, if it wasn't for me... there would have been a lot more Metal Demon survivors that day." She was planning to leave it at that, but she finds herself adding, with more emotion, "They didn't even fight back, Fei. They couldn't. And yet, I..."
She closes her eyes, stopping herself mid-sentence, calmer when she opens them again. "...I thought I'd put that behind me. But, lately I find myself thinking about it again. What it could have been that made me do that."
She chuckles, then, shaking her head. "You're right, though. I suppose there's no point in beating yourself up over things like that, is there? I mean, look at you, I just worried you now, didn't I?"
She picks up her fork again and sticks it into a piece of potato, idly rolling it around. "...I guess that's really the only thing you can do, in the end. Talk about it."
She frowns, suddenly, raising the potato-tipped fork to point at Fei. "You know, Id was upset back there, I could tell. It's weird that he'd get so upset about making someone sad. Especially not the kind of upset that makes him want to blow things up." Regardless of the way she feels, it's always hard to let the subject of Id go.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"I'm sorry," Fei says. "I don't know what made him upset. I don't actually know what happened in the attack. I don't know why he attacked Ashley though---" He considers the boy's form. "--Well, you'd be better off asking him one day, but I think he wanted to wreck the peace conference and didn't find the kind of ally he was hoping for in the kid. Don't think he's gonna answer right now though."
He listens to Xantia's story. He nods thoughtfully as he listens to it. He doesn't spaz out when Xantia indirectly reveals she killed a bunch of Hyadeans.
"We were busy fighting to save the world." Fei says. "Pushed to that point..." He looks away and adds, "I guess... I should've known that it was going to be rough on you too." He looks back to Xantia. "It's ... probably a good idea to not think that we need to save the world on our own sometimes. So we don't feel like we have to be the judge, jury and executioner too. Even if sometimes, as Drifters, that's exactly what we gotta be. But it shouldn't be the default." He supposes Id is the natural end result of thinking you must be that.
"Well...I'm worried but..." He smiles. "I figure you'll be okay. You've got us, and we've got you. I trust you. Whatever the truth is--we'll face it together, and find a way to get past it someday."
He goes back to his food. "Though I hope sometime...when you feel the urge to cook...it can just be because you want to have a good time. I feel like there's always something on your mind... Not that I mind or anything! But ... I'm happy to do this even if you just want to hang out, you know?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia has been trying to be better about not pressing Id too much, or pressing Fei too much about Id. It's difficult because she isn't sure if that's the right thing to do, and it's definitely not what she'd prefer to do. There's so much more she wants to know. As frustrating as it can be to try and get anything out of Id, she's fully prepared to keep trying. But... that was before she started to doubt that being so insistent is actually helping him. On the other hand, trying to be patient sure isn't helping her! But... trying. So she only nods, instead of trying to force that issue further right now.
Besides, she does have other things on her mind right now. She lowers her gaze a bit, protesting Fei's statements weakly, "The fighting was basically over... there wasn't any need for that. When I think about it, I feel sure about 'I would never', and yet, I did. There was something..." She trails off there. In the end, she doesn't know exactly what happened. That's the most disturbing thing of all, to have another gap in her memory. Impossible to figure out, but it feels so important that she does.
Still, she doesn't get lost in it anymore. Because it's true what Fei says. Having others who care about her is a large part of why she can be okay, in spite of everything. It feels only natural to answer Fei's smile with one of her own. "...Yeah. I mean, it was a while ago. These days, things don't look so bad. It was just... something reminded me of that." A reaction to her intention to kill Shakhan, that much should be obvious by now.
She is about to devour the potato on her fork, when Fei adds something that makes her blink, and then actually laugh a little. "I'm sure most people would think there's barely ever anything on my mind... I guess this is just what I'm like when I'm with you. Sorry about that." She looks a bit uncomfortable then, before admitting, "I guess I just... don't often do things just for a good time. I don't know why. I guess I just feel like I need a better reason, I can have a good time doing pretty much anything if I have good company."
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
If it helps, Fei isn't really sure what he should be doing regarding Id either. He feels that he has some fundamental misunderstanding of Id that only seems to get worse and worse every time he learns more about him. Indeed, the more Fei learns about Id--the more he feels Id is AS alien to him as he is familiar.
"I don't know if there's really ever a 'need' for fighting." Fei admits. "If we were really committed to peace, could we really say saving lives--even saving the world--is really worth hurting others?" He shakes his head. "At the end of the day we're fighting for our lives. And when you're fighting for your lives..."
Xantia insists that there wasn't any need to keep going and he adds, "But--how far to go. That's something only you can decide. Like with the attack on Shakhan, there was a way--a method--that you felt you could not employ. For yourself. And I think that's a good instinct to listen to. No war, no victory, is worth...shattering yourself for, you know? There is no objective moral framework here. In the end we're just arguing with each other over what we think is right with our lived experiences. But I think that... you're usually right honestly. If you feel like you shouldn't be doing something, you're probably right about that.... But I don't think that failing to be perfect all the time--in a world like this--is something you should put yourself down on. At least, you shouldn't dwell on it. If you think you did something worth feeling guilty over--then feel guilty about it. Don't do it again--but it isn't worth tormenting yourself over, you know? You did the best you could in a stressful situation. If you...lost control..."
He trails off and adds, "Hey, you forgive me for this stuff all the time. It's okay to forgive yourself a bit too you know."
He nods once. He's just trying to make sense of it himself out loud, but Xantia seems to get what he means even if he's struggling with saying it.
He quirks his head a little at Xantia speaking of how other people see her. He considers, cupping his chin for a moment and adds, "We can't be innocent forever." He says.
But he shakes his head. "I can't really speak for them but--I don't think they see you as some simple creature. Otherwise...they wouldn't be speaking with you so seriously when the time calls for it, right?"
He smiles a bit. "Well, I'll just try to be good company then. No matter what happens, I'll be there for you--just as you've been there for me. It's the least I can do."