2021-01-05: Hug It Out
- Log: Hug It Out
- Cast: Lan Lilac, Gwen Whitlock
- Where: The Lost Woods
- Date: January 05, 2021
- Summary: Gwen finds Lan foraging for food near the Lost Woods and the two finally get a chance to talk about their experiences.
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
It looks like town is a little further away than she had hoped, and Lan only brought enough food for one person. Finding more food shouldn't be too hard at least - they've made camp along the edge of the Lost Woods, because Lan's not exactly sure what's inside said woods, and she's not sure Loren won't just wander off if he sees a bird or something.
Is this what being a single parent is like?? No wonder people live in tribes.
She was lucky enough to find a slow-moving marsh area, and where there are marshes there are cattails. She's dug up several of the tuberous roots and washed them in the cleanest water she can find, the lot of them safe in the woven bag over her shoulder.
She eyed a couple of fine fat frogs, but... honestly, even if she knows you can eat them, it's a little weird. They're just so cute.
She casts her gaze over at the distant light of her campfire. As long as she's back by dark, it'll be okay.
<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.
As she gets further in, there's the distinct sound of... whistling.
Not unpleasant whistling, but not terribly great, either. The whistling someone would do if they've rarely ever had to whistle for someone with a discerning ear, but they themselves aren't exactly tone-deaf either. That sort of whistling.
The sort of whistling someone does when they're alone, and need to occupy their brain.
Specifically when they're gathering firewood for their own campfire.
It stops suddenly as Lan gets close enough to be heard.
Then, a very cautious, but friendly sounding enough, "Heeey, someone there?"
If Lan goes towards the sound (which may or may not sound familiar to her, at this point) she'll spot Gwen readily enough, some snapped dead wood bundled under one arm.
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
Whistling, by itself, is not a terribly frightening sound. Even if it's in unfamiliar territory, and even if it's not particularly... musical. In fact, its very mediocrity is what makes it comforting, because plenty of totally normal non-serial killer people whistle like that when they're doing something and failing to not look out of place.
If Solaris had caught up to her, they wouldn't be whistling. ...Well, deVriese might.
She was scary like that.
Her sandals squish in the muddy edge of the marsh bank as Lan wanders a little closer. She just wants to see-- Oh, she knows that voice--
She pushes a few of the tallest reeds out of the way, only to find, "Gwen!" Bag still dripping water, Lan practically throws herself at the other girl, armful of firewood and all. "I'm so glad to see you!" HUG
<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.
It's Gwen, alright, her chin lifted slightly as she cranes her neck, a small smile on her lips. A courier's best weapon was to seem as unassuming as possible, and then, if that proved to be the deciding factor for an ambushing thief, you switched it around to gain the element of surprise.
But this face is not one of a stranger, but someone who could be just as dangerous, as Gwen herself had proven that one night in the desert. But that was just that night, and now, Lan is herself, and Gwen is herself.
So when Lan throws herself at Gwen--
"Lan!" *clatterclatter*
The wood goes thudding against the soft dirt, the louder sounds coming more from the impact they make against one another.
Laughing, Gwen grips Lan just as tightly in a hug, even as she nearly tips backwards from accepting Lan's hug. "Lan, hey! It's so good to see you! How are you?"
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
With all the crazy stuff going on, sometimes it's just nice to run into a friend. Especially the kind of friend that has never tried to murder you in a ruin.
Gwen didn't start that fight and they were in the desert at the time. It's completely different.
"It's good to see you too! I, uh... I'm okay. Like okay, okay." She acknowledges the deeper meaning behind her words - that at least Lan hasn't been bothered by the Stranger lately - with a 'you get it, right?' kind of questioning nod. "I mean there's some stuff right now that's super not okay, but I'm... kind of just dealing with it." Somehow. She'll manage.
She takes a deep breath to center herself a bit and to keep from jabbering a mile a minute. "--How about you? Is everything okay?"
<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.
"So, like, 'okay', or, ah." Gwen seems to follow Lan along as Lan hints at the deeper meanings behind such innocent words. "That's good. The first part, I mean, not the second part, but maybe you could tell me about it if you feel up t'it."
There's a few possibilities, and Gwen is certain which one is more likely, considering she's seen Loren about in the past few months.
She lets Lan go from her hug, kneeling down to pick up the pieces of dry wood. "Are you camping out here or were you coming back t'town?" Her eyes spot the distant glow of fire in the distance. "If it's the former, I can just camp with you, if y'don't mind. My Gear's off a bit in a clearing, but it should be fine if your campsite's in that direction."
Is Gwen okay?
She pauses.
There are so many questions Gwen wants to ask. So many things she wants to say, to someone who likely has the best chance to understanding what is going on, and yet, Lan wouldn't.
"Business's been great," she answers, with a sheepish grin. "I've got nothing t'complain about."
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
It's such a relief to have run into Gwen of all people. The courier has always been a sweetheart, but... well, they've certainly grown closer since Lan's exodus from Damzena Base into the desert. "I made camp for the night not too far from here. We were going to start towards town tomorrow, once I got my bearings a little better. I've only been here once or twice before."
Lan bends down to help gather the dropped firewood. "I'm glad business is good! What would the world do without people willing to carry messages and stuff? ...And, actually, I'd really really like it if you stayed with us. Um--" She pauses for a second, trying to figure out just what she's supposed to say. Loren finally went all-the-crazy, tried to kill me, and now he's an amnesiac?
Isn't that just... super crazy?
"...So uh. Loren's with me, but he's not... I think I need help. He's been losing his memory for a long time now, bit by bit, but it all kind of came to a head yesterday and it's just... all gone now. He's back at camp now. He's not even..." Lan tries to grasp at words for the strange calm that's seemingly come over him. "He's not even grumpy anymore. Which, it's good, of course, but it's creepy too!"
<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.
"Oh, this is all new for me, actually. Been pretty lost, I admit!" Gwen brightens as Lan mentions where the camp is. "Ah, great! No need for me to try n' get a fire going with this stuff, then. I'll just have it be my contribution! Aside from whatever food I can scrounge from the Halcyon."
The final bits of firewood gathered, Gwen's smile brightens even further. "Oh, yeah! Now with the passage between Spira n'... wherever part of Spira this is? There's gonna be even greater ways t'get messages across. I mean, here, they got the memory cubes, n' over there, they got the goddess statues, but *between these worlds*? Nothin'!" She starts back towards the camp as Lan leads, a hop in her step. "I mean, sure, the amount of stuff people need to be delivered is next t' nil, since only Drifters really would need it, and out of those, just anybody with keys, *but*, if I get in *now* and work out some of the kinks, I'll be in on the ground floor."
Business woman Gwen Whitlock, super courier.
She's riding so high off the fumes of this plan that she doesn't initially notice Lan's hesitation.
But she notices quickly enough.
"Wait, Loren?" Loren needs help. Gwen squints. "Wait, did you... oh. Oh." Her expression falls. ".... oh. His memory's been failing, huh... I guess, this might explain some things, but I 'spose I just went 'Solaris' for those things in the first place." Her tone becomes more gentle, more understanding of the weight Lan must be vcarrying, right now. "So you're watching over him. How, uh, much has he lost?"
He's not even grumpy anymore.
"... Yeah, I get what you mean. Even after everything you went through, y'still want to see someone you care about smile. But not when they might be doin' that because something's off." Her gaze grows warm, as she looks at Lan's back. "If that's what you mean, I understand that all too well."
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
"Yeah! I'd really love for you to come camp with us." Because Gwen is wonderful and also sometimes Lan wonders if she's going insane. If anybody would understand her, wouldn't it be Gwen? "You're going to be super busy pretty soon, especially if those statues can't talk to the memory cubes. You'll be rich! Gulliver will be wearing gold horseshoes!"
She shoulders her gathering bag again and starts leading the way back - though as dusk approaches, the light of Lan's campfire grows brighter against its surroundings. "I think we're in a place called Sylvaland. I haven't met anybody local yet to check though. But the weather is right, and the forest." There was something about the forest Lan was supposed to remember, probably? But she's forgotten it.
"...But yeah. Loren's memory has been going for a long time, and we still don't know what caused it. I thought 'Solaris' too, a few times. But... it doesn't make sense. He was always loyal to them. Why would they need to mess with his mind?" And... it doesn't fit. If they had the power to retrofit her own memory with just a look from one of their ... whatever Mayya Haawa is-es, why take such a long time with Loren? Why use such a drawn-out, painful process, only to leave him with nothing?
"When he woke up, he didn't remember his own name. Not mine either. He moves like a different person now. He doesn't... he was always really stiff. Tense. The way you are when you never really get to relax and enjoy yourself, no matter who was or wasn't around, you know?" Lan steps over a turtle before it shoves off into the water. "Now... he's relaxed. If... you know how little kids are. Innocent, kind of."
<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.
"Haha, nah! It'd be somethin' like steel or aluminium. Gold'd be terrible on 'im! Though..." Gwen considers. "Gettin' him a nice saddle, with all the trimmin's?" But it would mean taking Gulliver from Vash, and... did she really want to face Vash, and that possible disappointment?
...
"Well, it's a forest, alright." Gwen laughs. "A little humid and muddy for my tastes, but not as bad as the Spiran jungles. Those are *terrible*!" She adjusts her hold on the bundle of wood. "Oh, I meant, his whole... Loren.... ness? The culture, n' all that. Not sure why Solaris'd do that to a soldier on the ground unless some guy screwed up. 'No, we just wanted to erase the secret technology memories, not everything!!'" She makes a weird voice for effect, posturing with her left hand, then switching her tone to another one for her next part. "'Guardians, Joe, you're the worst Solaris tech guy ever! You're sentenced to... uh... cleaning all the floors with a toothbrush!'"
It wouldn't be paperwork. But Gwen doesn't want to inject her bit of humor with something that would remove any possibility of a light-hearted mood. Plus... she's not sure *what* a punishment would be, from Solaris.
She doesn't want to think about it.
"... You've got a good heart, Lan. I dunno, that would have been real scary, for me. Thinkin' 'bout what that'd be like, to have someone just... forget you. And not the normal sort of forgettin'." Her tone and words are gentle now, reflecting the seriousness of the situation. "I'm glad it went in that direction, though. At least, he'd feel a little bit of peace, instead of being panic'ed. Is he losin' the memories he's makin' now, or was it just his past?"
Maybe it would... be better, that way, a small, tiny, insecure part of her says.
Gwen grimaces at the very temptation of it, as it rubs against everything else so ultimately her that it might as well be steel wool.
"But you know, even if he continues to stay that way, it wouldn't be fair t'enable it. Not unless he decides that's the path he wants. If he can."
There's a subtle bit of sternness to her voice, underlaying the softness still present from before.
Gwen then seems to pull back, sheepishly grinning. "I mean, that's... that's my take, anyway. I mean, it'd be cool n' all if he could just be that way, y'know? Heck, now even I wanna meet him n' see what he's like."
Her smile dips, just slightly. ".... If... you think that'd be okay, that is. But that can be later. Not now. Maybe when you need to go in for supplies."
Would he... still feel the same weird kinness, like before?
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
Even with the heavy topic, Lan can't help but chuckle a bit at Gwen's enthusiastic impression of Solarian military goons. While she'd never gotten particularly close with anybody in the normal Gebler rank and file, Lan at least takes comfort in the thought that the ones she left behind will likely be okay. --Heck, there are a few of them that will probably be safer without Lan around.
"It spooked me pretty bad when he woke up. He was..." Somehow she still wants to keep making excuses for him. Even if he was sick and losing the last threads of his mind, Loren still attacked her. She doesn't need to protect him... except that right now, Lan absolutely still wants to protect him. ...Isn't that kind of messed up, she wonders. Doesn't Gwen deserve the truth from Lan, if anybody does? "...At the very end he wasn't making much sense. He told me again to come back with him, and I swear he was looking through me half the time. And when I said no, and I said if he was going to stay with Solaris we were gonna go our deperate ways again, he tried to kill me instead. We fought, and I..." Her fingertips twitch at her sides.
She has to tell Gwen. If anybody needs to know, it's Gwen.
"This... power. It came out of me when we fought and, and it had some of my memories in it... and I think it messed Loren up even worse. He passed out. And after that, when he woke back up, that was when he didn't remember anything anymore." It feels like confession. "I... think, so far, he's remembering new stuff. he knows his name, and he can still talk and everything. But he's kind of weird. --Of course it's okay!! I want you to see him! He was your friend too, wasn't he?"
<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.
'He was...'
"Mn?" Gwen tilts her head, following along. "So he..."
He did that. And then he did that. And then... Each part of Lan's explanation sends a sliver of emotion across Gwen's face, amplifying into sadness as she continues. And then Lan did...
"Oh, Lan..." If Lan allows it, Gwen puts a hand on the girl's shoulder, then, if she turns, press her in a small hug to her chest, pressing her there with a comforting amount of weight in that human left hand. "Oh Guardians, Lan... Y'can't... That's a hard one to pin on yourself, don't you think?" Lan never said what power it was, or what memories, but something in Gwen speaks to her, in regards to the first part. The rest, she navigates by context alone.
It couldn't have been happy memories, after all.
Lan's story resolves into a sort of neutral ending, at the very least, which seems to satisfy the redhead enough to allow Lan to go, if she able to hug her still. "I... wouldn't say we were friends, no. I mean, I'd consider him one, but I think he'd likely *hattte* it. 'Specially since I *kinnnddaa* wrecked his Gear once? And on more than one occasion, we've come t'blows, but. He's Solaris. When it came down to it, we'd have to come to blows. But when our goals are close enough, he was willing to put up with me." Her lips crack in a half-moon of a wry smile. "But I have that effect on people like that."
"But yeah. What I was thinkin' was... uh..." She suddenly slaps a hand to her forehead, groaning. "... Guardians, I'm gonna have to explain *that*. Okay, so. I kinnndaa tried to drink some of a Primarch entity named Setanta when I was in a pinch, and some of that might've been because, uh, 'He'--" She coughs once. "Okay, so, it's not like that guy, and you know what guy I mean, I mean the guy that had us tussle in the desert, that guy, I... kindaaa made a deal with him? Or well, he'd be pissed I said a deal, because it wasn't a deal, it was me flat out going 'sure' to..." She waves a hand vaguely. "I was in a pinch. But, like, part of me wanted to? But that might have been him having been in my dreams over and over and over, and that's *not even dealing with the fact that I did this in spite of him almost killing me when he stabbed me through the goddamn heart*--"
Her body slumps visibly, as she lets out a sigh. "Y'know, while I *hate* that you're wrapped up in all this... whatever it is, it *is* nice that someone might get any of this. But then again, that means you're going through this. At least, with me, I could just say, 'haha, it's me, Gwen, getting myself in a terrible situation because I think I can figure it out', but noooo...." She lifts a fist to her mouth, and clears her throat. "... Sorry."
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
Lan doesn't just sllow the hug. She goes for it, glad for human contact and human comfort, wrapping her arms around the other girl and briefly sagging against her. Lan wants to be strong enough to save the world. But becoming strong... well. It's hard sometimes.
"I know. I know, when I think about it." Her words are a bit muffled against Gwen's hair before Lan pulls herself back together and releases the courier from her deadly and terrifying grip. "But... thinking and feeling are different, I guess." She smiles a bit though, when Gwen describes her 'friendship' with Loren. "Yeah, that's... familiar. He always acted like I'd said something weird or stupid, at least at first. But I think eventually... even if I never really understood him, I think he was starting to count on me." Why else would he ask her over and over to come back? Surely not just to support him - he'd probably sooner carve out his own liver than admit a weakness.
Oh... it's true though, isn't it? It's super hard to stay mad at Gwen. Who could?!
"A deal with that guy... the Stranger," Lan murmurs in dumbfounded recognition. Even if... even if she knows just what that 'deal' likely felt like. "I can't--" Because Lan is weak, and Lan is lonely, and in the end he was there. The scar above her navel itches, and she places her free hand over it absently. "He-- Gwen, you drank a Primarch. Are you... are you okay? I mean, obviously you're okay. But are you okay okay?!" Lan puts both hands on Gwen's shoulders and peers into her eyes, as if she's trying to se through the courier to the force of nature within. (She isn't, Lan is just looking for, for stress wrinkles or something. Anything.)
"Listen! I won't... I won't say I'm glad either. Because you didn't deserve that. I remember... well, I mean I'm glad that at least it's not either one of us alone, okay?"
<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.
"I think Loren really did feel that way, Lan. You don't grate on him the same way I would. Not as loud, not as obvious, just mischievous enough, warm... The self you are, just naturally. And I think... you might've counted a bit on him, too. In a way that he could be comfortable with, given how he seemed scared of things like that, if I read him right."
Was Loren the reason Lan made her 'deal'? Or was it something else?
Lan didn't say those words, about how she felt weak, felt lonely, about how he was there, in the end, for her...
Gwen didn't need to hear those words.
She says them, instead.
"... That man. He was... just there for me, in my mind. The moment the Primarch was unsealed amd I didn't have the energy to fight against them. He didn't force me at all." Those words, which she's said many times to others, but she never was able to get them to understand. "I had to kneel, not to him, but to that throne. And now, I think, me using my ARM to drain some of Setanta's power may've not just been a fluke. I think he wanted me to, for better or worse."
Because it wasn't all bad. Gwen knew what became of those who drank of Setanta.
Suddenly, Gwen is looking at Lan, who has her hands on her shoulders. "Uhhhhhh..." She shrugs, and chuckles. "You probably didn't notice since I probably felt like a person with a warm heart, but, uh, I'm kinnnda running a low grade fever right now?" Gwen rubs the back of her head. "Eheh. I had a doctor friend confirm it as best he could. Add to that the fact that I don't really feel fear anymore, and I'm not exactly... great with holding back? Sooo." She clears her throat. "Most of it is likely that man's doing. I was able to come up with that reason when I talked to Setanta, who was pretty amazed that I was still walking around. But y'know? It turns out, Setanta... ain't that bad a guy. Er, person, I should say. Or primarch? Not a bad primarch. Just... really prideful. Prone t'anger at a moment's notice. A little narcissistic? But, understandably, since they were made to be sort of replacements for the Guardians. Which... they still want to be, in order to save Filgaia, at any cost, before they were sealed away. They are also... lonely. Sad. Gentle, when they realize that you're not an enemy."
She places a hand over the tissue of her burn scar, feeling it through the fabric of her tunic. "... They were amazed when I wasn't just scared of them. But in a way, I think, they were glad. But the only reason I was was because of the blue-eyed assassin. Your Stranger." Slate blue eyes go to Lan's. "So he insists on not giving you a name either. At least we know he's consistent, when it comes to that." She can't help it; she smiles, on the edge of letting out a small, nervous laugh.
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
Of course she had counted on him. Especially once the conditioning had taken hold. Before that, she'd liked having him around, but... no, even back then he'd been a fun mystery. Thomas the medical student from the big city, not nearly as competent in adventuring as his attitude would've led someone to believe. And afterward... he'd been assigned as her Solaris liaison, a 'minder' of sorts - if she did anything foolish in the eyes of Gebler, he was the one who got guff for it. But somehow, they'd had an odd almost-friendship.
"Even after I woke up, I couldn't hate Loren," Lan sighs, walking alongside Gwen.
"Replace... the Guardians?" You could just as easily replace the sun and the moon and the stars in the sky! "Who would even try to do that?" Lan is a shaman, a Guardianist through and through. The idea of... it makes her very uncomfortable, and her stiffened posture reflects it. "And if they're supposed to be that powerful... Gwen, that's not the same as carrying a Medium! Are you sure you're gonna be okay?"
But the Stranger... even if just thinking of him no longer makes her feel queasy, Lan would still rather never think of him again.
"What do you think he wanted? Why move you into a place where you'd have to do that? ...I still don't know why he did this to me. I don't even know if that's what he wanted - a piece of one of those nightmares became a real person, or... well, sort of-- sometimes I still think I dreamt him. But Ashansi was my friend too, whether or not he was real. We had fun together, and he taught me a lot of things. And then the Stranger killed him, and I couldn't bear to see him die like that. So... something of him is still inside of me, so I couldn't even... if I could get rid of this power I don't know if I would, because then he'd really be gone." Lan opens her empty hand, the crescent-moon gouges from her nails already half-healed. "Just... sort of like you, I'm not afraid when I use it. But... nothing seems real, either." All of it a dream.
<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.
"Do you feel like you have to? Because, I say, you don't have to hate a guy like that. Janus's a friend from my childhood n' he's done a lot of shit, but even then, when it came down to it, I still can't hate him. Maybe right after he's done something really dumb, yeah, I'll say some things, but outside of that? No." She presses a hand on Lan's shoulder, squeezing it. "What's happened happened. I bet if you shared whatever you did with Loren on a good day, this wouldn't be happening. He was in a bad state as it was, sounds like."
And so was Lan.
"Oh, wait, that was some bad wording!" Gwen waves her hands. "I mean, like, gosh, I think they were created by the Elw during a time of crisis? Maybe, nearly a thousand years ago. Likely, it was to try to help revitalize Filgaia, or maybe the Metal Demon wars? Whatever it was, they created the Primarchs. And then, when they realized the Primarches were too much, they sealed them." Her eyes lid half-way, as she looks towards to the campsite. "I never did say I thought of it as a Medium. I'm not even sure if I could really use whatever I sucked out, outside of it bein' a power source. I mean, you haven't seen me sling fire around lately, right? Even when I fought you."
But Gwen was shining, the nerves in her skin gold beating against ruby, brilliant against the night sky of the desert.
But there was never fire.
Lan speaks.
"... So Ashansi was..." Gwen's pondering stops. "So that's... what happened. So he was an illusion? An illusion that became real..."
And now, he rests in Lan.
".... Lan... damn it, you're making me want to just scoop you up and hug you again! We'll never get to the camp this way!" She's saying this, of course, as she's just trying to smush Lan in another unrestrained hug.
Letting Lan go, Gwen continues walking. "In my case, there's no power from that guy. Probably because I've already got the Mockingbird on top of that bit I drank from Setanta. I think it was more, like, removing restraints. The sorts of things that hold ya back from doin' somethin' dumb. Which, I guess... he's either bettin' I'll survive long enough to do whatever the heck he needs me to do, or maybe me survivin' ain't somethin' he necessarily really cares about. I guess... he's just makin' sure I use everything I got, instead of what I think I can afford t'spend. Or maybe... he's the reason I'm still alive in the first place, in regards to, uh, eating something from Setanta."
She frowns. "He'll probably push us to fightin' again, I bet. I mean, he did it once. Just know that, after all of that? You and I both know it won't be because we really wanted to hurt each other. Not in a conscious way, like we are, right now."
A pause. "... He must've spent all his gas on you, because you chucked me clear down the sand dunes. I mean, damn it, I ain't a lightweight, so you should at least feel like a part of that was just you and your hidden strength."
She's laughing as she says this, the humor reaching her eyes.
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
Hating someone... it's a lot of work, and a lot of energy, and it can do things to a person that are hard to reverse. "I don't know. Part of me... I hate what they did to me. What they did to so many other people." Lan takes a deep breath. "So I... I do hate Solaris, and what they do. But I don't... think I hate Solarians. I don't know. I feel like I should be angry. But I just..." Her mouth twists in an uncomfortable line. "But I don't hate him, at least."
If he'd been having a good day? Would he have... would he have understood? He had done his best to comfort her when she came to him that night, after waking up from another dream where she relived her own murder again. Even if he was awkward, when is he not?
It's somehow easier to consider the Primarchs and the complicated history of the Elw than try work through this business with Loren and the Stranger and his plans. "O-oh. I mean, I know you didn't say anything about a Medium. Just that, having part of a Primarch inside you sounds way more dangerous than normal summoning. ...Fire or no fire." Lan remembers that night in flashes and faded emotions, the rose-gold glow of Gwen finally loosing all the power her petite frame conceals. "It's just... well, be careful, okay?!" Gwen scoops her into another hug and it's just as welcome as any of the others. Lan's a touchy-feely kind, anyway.
"It feels... a little like that with me too. Like there's nothing but giving it my absolute all, and then punching through that to find even more." They're close to camp now - Lan can see the pale gold of Loren's hair reflecting peach-orange in the firelight, and the saffron-gold of her tent. "You still won the match," she hums, and it's more speculative than petulant. "I'm just glad that we didn't stay enemies. I think... I don't want any more of those. I want to have lots of friends, and I want to find a way to save our world. So even if you do something dumb, you better not die, okay?!"
She's a bit exasperated, and more than a bit tired, but there's the ghost of real humor in Lan's voice too.
<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.
"You wouln't be the only one there, I bet." Gwen nods a grin in Lan's direction. "But, it's like when I asked Elly this one time-- well, okay, it wasn't *asked*, as much as implied. But I wondered how someone like her became a memory of Solaris's military. Really, I kind of just assumed that it was because it was a militaristic city. Like, it was compulsory. But Elly said it was like any other country, in that there were different classes of people, doin' the same sorts of things that happen anywhere else. And, I guess, I believe her. If someone like her could come from a place like that..."
Elly couldn't have been the only one.
Letting Lan go from the hug, Gwen's smile turns a touch conflicted, as Lan offers her warning. She could lie, and say everything would be fine.
But Lan didn't lie.
"I'm doin' my best with what I have. But I don't think it's Setanta I need to be wary of." The lack of explanation behind that suggests many possibilities, but offers none.
Her expression grows sadder, as she realizes that she hadn't fully explained everything to Lan. Was it fair, to characterize herself as a poor victim, and Isiris some aggressor that forced her to agree with him?
"... I want to see if I can make things okay." The words tumble out, confused and contradictory, as if Gwen wasn't sure of them herself. "There's forces I've learned about, like the thing Hiro and his friends are fighting, or guys like Ganondorf, or, Guardians, just Veruni Leader Volsung's whole deal. There's people who're being forced to give up their very souls to be a weapon, maybe without a say in the matter, even if they still go through with it out of the goodness of their heart." Like Ashley. "There's a chance I can gain and store a lot of power, but I clearly can't control it. All my powers weren't enogh to do much more than scratch Volsung, and I don't think even with that bit from Setanta, I could manage much more. I..."
She stops, conflict creasing her face, tears beginning to brim in the corners of her eyes. "... It ain't fair to even admit to this, after what you've been through, what we've both been through. I ain't sure if I got a say in things anymore. But even if I don't, I wanna try to make the best out of it as I can. If Ashansi came from the Stranger's nightmares, maybe there's a way to figure out this guy's truth. But it clearly ain't something you should do. You got that Ashansi you need to protect. Because, if it's possible, I wanna meet him, someday. He sounds like a great guy."
Was that even fair, to admit to Lan?
A smile, like a thread of sun against dark clouds, parts Gwen's lips. "But don't worry. I intend on surviving. I promised a lot of people I would. Including Setanta. And now, you."
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
When she'd been taken to Solaris, she didn't realize just why the Voss family servant was so copacetic, so... dreamily calm. Lan didn't figure it out until her own conditioning slipped, and she'd had time to think about it. And afterward, she couldn't forget. She wants to save this world, and she wants to save Mirza, and all the other so-called 'Worker Bees'. And she wants to save Loren, maybe even from himself.
"Not Setanta?" Well... if anybody would know who to be wary of, it would be Gwen, right? "...Right."
"So you want to save the world too. Just-- not just the planet. The people. And it's no wonder that one person, no matter how strong, wasn't able to put a dent in a guy like that. You can't do stuff like that alone." Gwen tears up and Lan pauses to rest a hand on her shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze. "...You're not wrong though. We can use this. We don't have to do just what the Stranger wants."
Her chest still aches to think of Asha, who had been larger than life and dumber than a box of rocks at times, who'd told her he loved her and then vanished. "If there's anything left of him... I'd really like that Gwen. I think you two would really get along."
There might not be a tree left standing after the two of them went adventuring together, but that's just collateral damage.
They're nearly within speaking distance of the camp by now. The Loren sitting by the fire doesn't hold himself like any Loren Gwen probably ever knew. "I think... I think we can do this. Even if it's scary and even if we don't know what we're doing." For the first time she can remember, the power sleeping in her doesn't feel quite so much like a nameless threat. "You're right. We can... we can do this. We can save people, and the world."
And as always, Lan will start with just one person.