2022-10-30: Life Will Never Be Perfect Without You
- Log: Life Will Never Be Perfect Without You
- Cast: Marivel Armitage, Tidus
- Where: The Farplane
- OOC - IC Date: 30th October 2022
- Summary: Tidus and Marivel commiserate over lost family and toilet paper.
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
Marivel Armitage visits the Farplane periodically. Despite her vampiric nature, the plane doesn't really hold much for her in of itself. But it is quiet and--thanks to a certain battle against Sin and the following war with the Althena Guard, she actually does have plenty of people she can conjure in the Farplane.
But that isn't why she comes here.
Now that Guadosalam isn't being run directly by an omnicidal individual, she can visit again. She sits and looks quietly into the pyreflies--
--but nobody is appearing. The people that Marivel really wants to see didn't die in Spira.
Hob is napping on Marivel's lap, whom she is petting gently with her hand while Nob is rubbing himself against Marivel's cheek in an attempt to stir her, but she's just watching.
Thinking.
It might be a little strange to have someone lurking around in here without actually seeing any of their loved ones in the pyreflies but nevertheless--that's what Marivel's been up to. At least it IS pretty quiet and far enough out of the way that she doesn't have to worry about her responsibilities knocking on her metaphorical door.
<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.
Either they didn't die in Spira--or they're still alive.
But this is Marivel we're talking about, so let's be real: they probably really are dead.
It's not as though someone has to die in Spira to show up in the Farplane, either. Tidus's mother appeared here when he thought about her. But... Yuna said that she must have accepted her death while she was still alive. And maybe... Zanarkand--whether his or not--is more a part of Spira than separate from it. After all... it's being dreamed up by those within it.
A lot of really not-great thoughts all around, here. Overall, Tidus can't say he's really crazy about the Farplane, nor is he generally eager to visit it. But with Guadosalam out from under Seymour's control (or at least out from under the control of those mindlessly loyal to him), it's nice to be able to walk around. And someone mentioned to him that they saw someone matching Marivel's description come over this way, so...
"So you were here," he says at the edge of the strange platform that forms the overlapping tile of the Farplane. He walks over to her and flops down into a sit next to her. He looks down at the napping Hob with a smile, the cheekrubbing Nob with a little concern, and Marivel with more concern. "...You doing okay?" he adds.
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
Marivel looks up, startled. She really was lost in her thoughts!
She does smile. Tidus has defended someone MArivel sees as a close friend from a danger considerably more insidious than the garden variety fiends. Even if it was mostly something she saw through Cid's transmissions. She's fond of the guy.
"Didja defeat Sin? I've been off world so, you know, I thought maybe I missed it." Ever the optimist apparently.
Nob spins around and turns to face Tidus. It chirps merrily upon seeing him and bobs around his head excitedly, grinning its many sharp teeth as it bounces around happily. Nob spent a lot of time with Rikku due to being on loan to Rikku for a while.
Is she doing okay?
Marivel grimaces. "Well--mm--- Did Zanarkand have something like...Halloween? Tis a spooky season we have on Filgaia that was brought down by some travelers a while back. There's a few names for it. Anyway, around this time I usually invite a whole bunch of outsiders to the Castle and they have this big party--we're all about the spooky seasons down there!"
She cups her chin. "This year I haven't really been feeling it so I've been letting them have the Castle while I was looking for somewhere a bit more quiet."
Marivel being down on Halloween? This truly is dire. Not that Tidus might neccessarily KNOW that. Still!
"'Twas my father's favorite holiday." Marivel adds with a sigh. "I mean, it generally is for my people, pretty predictably honestly." Was it her mother's favorite holidady too?
It's tough to remember, actually.
<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.
Tidus smiles back. It's reflexive, really. He's a naturally sunny guy, even if he's got a lot of things weighing on his mind, and it makes him happy to see his friends happy. ...Even if maybe she isn't actually happy, and is just likewise happy to see a friend. Look, these things are way too complicated for a mere jock!
He does bark out a laugh at the question of if they beat Sin already. "Ha, no, I wish. But we're still working on it," he says firmly. He grins more broadly at Nob's bobbing, leaning back to look up at him before focusing back on Marivel.
The look on her face alone says 'no.' Still, Tidus lets her speak, even if it gets her a blank look. "Halloween? What's that?" A spooky season... but also a party? Tidus scratches his head. "Not really," he says with an apologetic shrug. "Sounds like a fun time, though."
He doesn't know that being too down for Halloween is a massive bad sign for Marivel. But yes, still.
"Oh, so it's a holiday?" he adds. "What exactly d'you do on Halloween? Besides throw big parties and, uh... be spooky, I guess?" He gives her a lopsided grin.
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
"Oh it is! It is a great time." Marivel assures Tidus. "Well, children go around bugging their neighbors for candy. They shout 'Trick or Treat' and uh, they get candy. Though..." She frowns. "I wonder if they still do that?" Maybe they have their own traditions now. "Anyway if you don't give them candy, traditionally speaking they are then allowed to 'trick you' which usually involved throwing toilet paper all over their house."
She blinks a few times.
"Uh, toilet paper...it's... You know, its not important, but you don't want it thrown all over your house is my point." She has no idea what Spira uses. Probably some kind of toilet sphere? Marivel hadn't really spent time investigating.
"Anyway, ah, the most important thing is that you wear costumes." Marivel explains. "Usually a costume that is... 'something scary', you see. So naturally as a kid it was one of the few ways I'd get to go out. Accompanied of course... Everyone would think we were wearing costumes."
She sighs, turning back to the Farplane mists.
"You know due to our natural inclinations, we didn't really have to wear a costume. Though one time I tried wearing a human costume, mom was so mad heh heh..."
"...I spent most of my last days with them fighting with my father. When he--mom too, were gone--it was so sudden. I had no idea that--I don't know, that they were even listening."
Listening to what? She doesn't immediately clarify.
<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.
Kids running around getting candy? "Hey, that sounds like a pretty great time. Now I wish we had had something like that," Tidus says with a laugh. "I sure wouldn't have minded free candy as a kid!" But getting tricked, huh... Tidus makes a face. "Uhh, you don't need to explain that one. We definitely had toilet paper in Zanarkand."
It's one of the things he misses the most, honestly. But he doesn't say that.
Scary costumes, huh... That explains the spooky season she mentioned. And--ahhh. Understanding dawns on Tidus's face. "So no wonder you loved it so much," he says quietly. "I never really thought about that before... It must've been tough for you, having to hide yourself." For her and her people--but he keeps that last bit to himself.
He does laugh at the mention of Marivel wearing a human costume. It's just a funny mental image. "What did that even look like?" he wonders.
He sobers when Marivel mentions her father and mother suddenly being gone. It's... well, it's something he understands well. His own mother's gone, and his father... his not being gone is still something he's grappling with. He's been trying not to think about it too hard.
"It's tough, huh," he says quietly. "When you're left on your own all of a sudden." He scratches his head. "...Well, I guess I still had Auron. But to me way back when, he was just some guy who showed up one day, claiming he knew my old man. I guess it was better than no one at all, but... still."
A pause. He takes a deep breath, then looks back at Marivel. "What were you fighting with your old man about? Was it about... whatever you wanted them to be listening to?"
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
"Oh! Sorry. I did visit the 'New Kasim City' but wasn't sure how much of that made it to Zanarkand." Marivel frowns. "And I did ivsit that library too. It seems like there was some concerted effort to be 'away' from the Blessing. Unsure why."
She smiles again. "Well, I mean, it wasn't like the Emperor was still hunting us--but it wasn't so bad. Humans are fundamentally decent people in my book. Least by the time I got to know them. And well, eventually they were mostly about the sort of people I could get to know. Any sort of group of people can be aimed in a destructive way like that."
Her hand tenses slightly at the mention of Auron. She hasn't seen that guy in ages.
"I guess I remember one case--" She thinks. "Sakura..."
She trails off before she can get pulled into some memory or another.
She'd rather focus on her parents right now anyway. "Heh, I had Belle--and Anastasia and...other folks. They weren't, you know, my family. And many of them were gone real suddenly too."
This isn't really true it's just Marivel's perception, really. To her any mortal end is sudden even though she does have some understanding that it isn't that way for the humans themselves.
"I think being totally alone is--unusual, actually. Instead of being totally alone it is more likely you just have a certain---element of connection that you are missing. Perhaps you have yeour family, but you are missing friends. Perhaps you don't have family, but you have friends who are practically family. Like missing limbs. I am certain it happens, that someone has noone--but I don't know too many people like that. Maybe in the black market, but there's usually something or someone."
Is she accidentally entering optimism? Well...
She looks back to Tidus when he asks what the fight was about.
"Well, it isn't really just...one thing, you know? There's a few major things, of course, but..."
"Well," She says. "There was the fact I liked humans and my dad thought they were dangerous. He was worried about my safety because I was still young and honestly not that good of a sorceress... He didn't like I was more into machinery than the mystic artes.. I was actually a pretty mediocre swordswoman... Sometimes I'd overhear my parents talking about it."
"The other thing is--ah, well, Crimson NObles didn't really have a 'government', exactly. We were too few and spread out to really need one? My dad managed a few things, for sure, but generally we kept to ourselves. We were isolationist and dad wanted to keep that going. I wanted to be more a part of that other world. And he wasn't exactly elected or anything--he was just hte leader because he led us out from the void."
"Anyway, he wanted me to look after taking care of the people, but he wanted it to be his way?"
"I don't know, it's been so long it can be tough to remember the details over the broad strokes."
What did a human costume look at? Marivel tries to remember.
"Well, I cut my hair short in a kind of buzzcut, put on these thick glasses, wore a headband to hide my pointy ears, and then wore a striped shirt and slacks with like pens in the shirt pocket? And I held a clipboard that had a bunch of math on it."
"Humans back then really enjoyed their offices and accounting and numbers."
...Right?
<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.
"Oh, yeah, we went through that place too. Me and Yuna and everyone, that is," Tidus clarifies. He frowns a little that even Marivel doesn't know why that particular exodus away from the Blessing happened. "Huh," he says, and leaves it at that.
His expression softens at Marivel's clarification about what was going on back then. He's prepared to listen to her anecdotes about humans she knew back then, but she doesn't get caught in that trap, instead talking about her close friends... who probably also included mortals.
"Unusual, huh... Yeah, when you put it like that, you're right. When I got--ejected, I guess? Out of Zanarkand, I was totally alone, but that lasted, like, half a day at best. Then Rikku found me and brought me onto the Al Bhed's ship. And, yeah, then I got tossed off of that, but then I washed up on Besaid where Wakka found me, and, well... the rest is history." Even if they were strangers in the beginning, now they're all so tight-knit. It gives Tidus feelings--ones that make his chest tighten up--so he coughs into a fist and nods instead. "I think that's a good thing, that it's rare," he concludes.
The topic shifts to the argument. Tidus listens in sympathy, nodding every so often. He grimaces at some of it, like her overhearing her parents talking about her shortcomings behind her back. "That's rough," he says. There's not much more he can say about that, but... he really does sympathize.
No further comment on Auron, though. He misses her hand-clench about him entirely.
The description of Marivel's human costume, though? That makes him burst out into peals of laughter. "Seriously?! That's hilarious!"
Looks like Zanarkand had its share of nerds, too.
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
"Rikku huh?" Marivel grins sharply. That seems to perk her mode up. She's about to say more but Tidus clarifies the Al Bhed tossed him off the boat. She blinks a few times in abject confusion. "Huh?" Oh, wait, she tells herself--Tidus can breathe underwater right?
Tidus can see the neurons firing because the natural explanation for why Tidus was thrown off an Al Bhed ship doesn't seem to occur to her. Well, her experience with the Al Bhed started strong and only got stronger.
"Only half a day though. I'm impressed. Naturally charismatic, are we?"
That's a good thing, that it's rare.
Marivel nods slowly. If it wasn't rare... Well, Marivel went off to the Farplane to be by herself so she's naturaly inclined to isolation despite her own frustrations with it-- a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy--but she can easily imagine herself succumbing even further to that kind of life if it was somehow 'less rare' to be something like that.
"Oh good humans aren't relaly as much like that these days, so I was worried you wouldn't get it." Marivel grins. "How about you? I know a bit about your dad, but you've never talked about your mother that I recall."
<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.
"Yup! I owe her a lot," Tidus says with friendly affection. The confusion gets him confused, though, and he stares at her for a moment before he realizes what that must have sounded like. "Oh, they didn't kick me off, the ship got attacked and I fell overboard!" he explains. He can't actually breathe underwater, but he can hold his breath for sufficiently long that he may as well, so he doesn't explain about that. It doesn't occur to him that that's what Marivel thinks, anyway.
He laughs though. "You know it!" he jokes, winking. It fades a moment later. "Seriously, though, they just happened to show up where I was. I'm pretty sure that old temple was abandoned. If they hadn't happened to come that same day, or if they'd come and left before I got there..." He grimaces. "I don't know what would've happened to me."
Especially since there'd been a lot of strong fiends there. The Al Bhed really saved his bacon there. Either way, he didn't have to be really, truly alone for very long.
The people of Spira are, for the most part, naturally good people, Tidus reflects.
He still laughs for a bit longer, but he grins back at Marivel. "Hey, I'm from a huge metropolis, remember? There were plenty of people like that back home." Marivel might notice his use of past tense; Tidus does not. Still, the mention of his mom gets him to hesitate, humor fading. "Ah, well... She died when I was a kid. She wasn't a bad mom, I guess, but... I guess she liked her husband better than she liked her son. Man, that sounds bad, doesn't it? I mean, it's not like she didn't feed me or give me hugs or anything. Just, when my old man was around, she ended up forgetting I was there. And when he went missing, she just... gave up on life. 'Til she wasted away. Auron was actually pretty messed up about it."
He pauses. "Guess she was really in love," he concludes gloomily. Or maybe it's more accurate to say 'sullenly.' Some things are hard to forgive or forget, even if it's not his mother he blames.
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
"Oh!" Marivel says. She is... not a sportsball person by any stretch of the imagination and probably hasn't dwelled on the difference of 'breathing underwater' and 'indefinite breath holding'. THOUGH REALLY IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, indefinite breath holding is kind of more awesome? Especially if you, for example, also have to deal with underwater random monster encounters...
"You were very fortunate to run into Rikku, Yuna and her friends as the first people you met in this land. I can only imagine what might have changed if--" She hesitates. "--Well, I'll rely on Yuna's faith here, rather, actually. I imagine I am not giving the best shake here."
While she had plenty of positive experiences on Spira--she worked most closely with the Church and, well, their betrayal still stings. Especially with the sort of stuff Seymour would end up unleashing upon Filgaia.
"Ah-- Don't worry, I'm not questioning your city boy credentials! I was more thinking of back home. We've got cities like that sure--there's November and all--but they're a rare breed."
She hears Tidus talk about his mother. She listens carefully, and then she nods slowly, thoughtfully. She doesn't speak about it for a long time. Lets Tidus get it off his chest. Seeing Tidus gloomy is rare enough, he's the sort of guy who'd force a laugh rather than bring down others' parade. She could learn a lot from him.
It doesn't come as naturally for Marivel. She can wear that costume for a time but in the end, it is a costume.
And there's something about the way he says that. It makes her think of...
"Maybe I've been worrying too much about her," Marivel murmurs. "That I left Kamui alone too often."
It can be easy to forget that Marivel is a mom too. A bit of insecurity enters the normally quite arrogant woman's tone.
"Ah, but-- you know, that story... We like to think--parents like to think they can just give everything for their children, but at the end of the day--a children is their own person. You can guide them, but you don't decide who they turn out to be. You can guide them but in the end no matter what they do, they can be pretty different."
"I'm not, ah, you know--defending her giving up like that, of course. You're a great guy. Even if life was never going to be perfect without the man she loved, she could still...walk into the future with you. She could still find some happiness. I'm sorry she... I'm sorry she couldn't do that, Tidus. But I'm sure she still loved you just as much just--the pain of the loss was just too strong. Sometimes pain is like that. Even if you love someone the same, you just...can't stop thinking about the love you lost. It's unfair but...it's what it is."
If only it wasn't too late...
She looks back to Tidus. "I feel bad for her, not being able to see how incredible her son became."
She looks out over the farplane.
"Guess we have that in common though. Ultimately they chose to leave us behind."
<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.
"I know what you mean," Tidus says with dry humor about Yuna's faith. "Still, you know, I ran into two totally different groups on Spira and they were both good people. So I think the people of Spira are nicer than we're used to thinking, after all that stuff with the Church of Yevon. Just 'cuz the guys in charge were jerks doesn't mean everyone is." He looks out towards the misty waterfalls of the Farplane. "I've had some bad experiences here... but I think most people here are good people."
He was just thinking it, even!
He laughs a little at Marivel's reassurance. "Yeah? I never really explored as much of Filgaia as I woulda liked," he muses. "It's so much bigger than Spira, and even when we were there, there was so much of the place we didn't get to go around and see." November was way off the map of what they had access to.
But the topic turns to parents--or rather, turns back to parents--and while Tidus turning gloomy isn't too frequent, it does happen. To the surprise of no one, it almost always happens when his dad is the topic, even if by proxy. He blinks, though, when Marivel brings up Kamui. It is easy to forget that she's a mom. She just doesn't have that vibe to Tidus. He falls silent to let her weigh in as a parent. He... didn't really have much of a relationship with either of his parents, looking back.
Still... the more she says, the more his emotions swell and stick in his throat, choking him up. His father used to mock him for being quick to cry, and on some level, Tidus is still that crybaby. He just can't hide or hold back his tears. They overflow now, and he wipes at his face with one sleeve.
"Thanks," he says thickly. "For--just... thanks."
He looks out with her as she speaks of what they have in common. He laughs weakly. "Yeah... thanks," he repeats. "Sometimes it's... you know. It's hard to talk about this kinda thing. So I'm sorry you got left behind, but... it makes me feel a little better knowing you get it." He rubs the back of his neck. "I hope that's okay to say."
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
"That is often the case," Marivel agrees. "Even of course if you know that it can be difficult to keep your experiences and truths disparate." She is quiet for a moment. "Yes, most people are good people. People, at least in my experience, need other people and if you need other people a certain level of cruelty will just keep you away from the people you need." This makes her think of Janus but she doesn't really want to dwell on that man.
Marivel WAS hoping to reassure Tidus some. Obviously she can't really know what was going through that woman's head but she does know what it's like to have a lost love gripping your heart so tightly that it can be difficult to see the blessings around you. Even love, at its extremes, can be dangerous. Just ask Caina.
She isn't expecting the tears. Marivel's eyes widen with some mild panic, worrying she just made things worse--she does that sort of half reaching out thing people do sometimes when they want to do something but are gripped by a moment of indecision.
Instead she looks down at her own lap when Tidus thanks her. Her own eyes get a bit misty when he says he feels a little better even if it is in the sense of shared tragedy.
She wipes it away with her arm, trying to be casual enough about it that it might get missed. Marivel is a crybaby too, in the end, at least by the standards of her own people. Her resolutions to not cry again have largely fallen by the wayside. She hasn't managed it.
"Heh, yeah, I can imagine." Marivel says. "In grand stories they often push everything to extremes and tales of more common struggles fall away."
Depression is one of hte more common afflictions there is.
"It's--fine, I don't mind. Actually, more than that ah--I mean, ahah, it is a little better knowing you get it too for me too. It is hard for me to talk about--the stuff that bugged me about them."
One can imagine so when she feels like she is responsible for their demise. "Reflecting on their imperfections, it can feel a bit like a betrayal but it doesn't mean I don't love them any less."
<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.
Luckily (?) for Marivel, Tidus is so busy wiping away his own tears that he doesn't catch Marivel swiping at her own. He'd likewise feel bad that he made her cry too, but... at the same time, he'd feel better about that, too. It's nice to have someone cry with him for once, instead of always mocked for having feelings.
Though at least in his case, he never made any resolution to not cry anymore. People (men) can give him guff for it all the want; he's not going to stop being himself because someone else doesn't like it.
"Grand stories, huh," he murmurs, sniffling. "This is my story... but I guess it's not so different from the other stories out there, either."
He offers her a watery smile. "Glad I could be there for you too, then," he replies. "It really is good that it's rare for people to end up all alone, huh?" He leans back on one hand and looks out at the vista. "...I'm glad we had a chance to talk about this, Marivel."
It might be a little bit of an odd way of putting it, but... surely for right now, it's fine.