2023-07-28: Weakness
- Log: 2023-07-28_it's not a date
- Cast: Avril Vent Fleur, Rebecca Streisand
- Where: Meribia - Port District
- Date: July 28, 2023
- Summary: Avril opens her heart to Rebecca about her fears, and what bid her flee Filgaia for a time. Weakness is not always a terrible thing.
<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.
The best thing for the both of them, Avril had decided, was for her to remove herself to Lunar.
This is not to say that she thought her capture was a likely thing. It hadn't seemed as if Shijie's actions had been... expected. Still. Still, it had complicated the matter, and she didn't doubt that this was a matter that the Radicals were now aware of. If they thought they could attack a human city just because she was present...
And then there was Yue's own circumstances. She had tended to her as best as -- as much as -- she was able, but was getting involved in this for the best for her, either?
It was a hard decision to withdraw from a Filgaia that is recoving from a brush with destruction, but she had decided it was for the best. She can be assured that no warships will follow her to Lunar -- no, if they want to take her from here, they will have to go about it another way. Avril is not safe here, precisely...
But rather, she and the people of Lunar are perhaps safter than those of the Blue Star might be.
Besides, the shift -- the way that it permitted her to help with the matter of Omega aside -- had another silver lining.
It's why she's out in the port district, trying to catch up to a particular red-haired young lady of her acquaintance.
<Pose Tracker> Rebecca Streisand has posed.
It's always a difficult thing for Rebecca, to know what to think of Yue, to really think of her. Much less...
Well, the fact is that Avril felt threatened enough to come here. That means something, it means Rebecca is going to take that concern - perhaps fear even, seriously.
And so Rebecca is here today, in Meribia, dressed similar as always, like they could be on the road again at any moment. Catching up with Avril, doesn't preclude the idea that it could be interrupted. That they may need to move on.
It's the life she's chosen to live.
Rather than pick a cafe to sit down at, she chooses instead a fisher's dock that's abandoned this time of afternoon, to sit on the edge of. Out of earshot, and given all the shipping containers nearby, mostly out of sight for any casual onlookers.
"So? Been a while since we could just sit down like this." She tells her, with feet dangling over the water, as it laps back and forth around the posts of the dock that disappear into the depths. "First thing's first. You okay?"
She gives her a long look, as a hand cards through one of her braids, nervously, "You deciding to leave Filgaia, that's no small thing."
<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.
She's been threatened before, it's true. There have been far more immediately dire circumstances with the Veruni than this. But the stakes had been different: Shijie had set upon Meria with Veruni warships. If she had desired -- if Minder No. 7, no, Xue, hadn't attempted what she had -- Shijie could have had her in custody by simply threatening to level Meria.
Avril's attempt to levy the force of her authority against her had failed. Did all of the leading forces among the Radicals now know of her condition...?
Both of these things had shaken her. She had thought they wouldn't attempt an action of that scale to bring her into their hands. She had thought that perhaps it was only Volsung and his immediate conspirators who knew -- had thought he would have kept such knowledge closer to his chest.
Had thought that Shijie Rohay's sway within the political party was not as great as that.
She can't stay in Lunar forever. But she needs some time to think and reflect, and in the wake of the death of the Lord of Calamity and Sin both, there is much for them to do here in any case.
For now, things are peaceful enough.
It doesn't take her long to find Rebecca. Quietly, she takes a seat at the table, a cloth bag in her lap. Something is within it, though its precise shape is obscured.
She knits her brow, gazing at Rebecca across from her. "I am..."
Avril shakes her head. "I was reckless in Meria," she states bluntly. "I shall need to be more careful from here on. ...Still, it is not... the first time that I have left Filgaia behind, is it?" She attempts a smile, then continues, "...Worry not, I do not intend to remain here forever. I ought to think about how best to proceed... perhaps if I were to keep a low profile, such might suffice."
It might be one way to avoid the threat of an armed force descending upon the place in which she has taken temporary harbor, at least.
<Pose Tracker> Rebecca Streisand has posed.
Rebecca offers a curious look at her lap, with the cloth bag, before shifting her seat over a touch, her expression softening as she speaks, and nods.
"Maybe so." She breathes softly, "But you know you were, so I don't feel much like lecturing you like you were Dean."
It's a different thing, when Avril chooses to be reckless. And Rebecca knows it is. So instead she sets the record straight, "I'm not worried about that. Just worried about, how you feel about it all. Whether it shook you - whether you felt upset, or frightened."
She gives her a sympathetic look, "S'okay if it did, won't think less of you. Just you know - it feels like you spend so much time tending to the feelings of other people, Avril."
And not enough to her own.
"So if you want to talk about it, it's okay. If you'd prefer not, that's fine too. Can talk about anything..."
Her fingertips smooth across the wood of her position, as she takes a deep breath, "... but I thought I'd offer, because. I want to be there for you when you're having problems, and not just to fix it with my ARM."
It's perhaps a tough subject, she knows from experience it's hard to get Avril to open up, but at the same time... she wants to try.
<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.
She had known it was reckless at the time, at that. But the choice had been between attempting to do what she could -- to try and use her position to sway Shijie lest the entire city be set aflame -- and pretending as if the actions of her people had nothing to do with her.
Avril's is a precarious position at times. At once she is responsible for what her people do as their queen, and in the same instance, she is a ruler who cannot yet take her throne. Her damaged memory makes her vulnerable to the political undercurrents within Veruni society, and it's entirely possible that even if she were 'of sound mind' she would find herself with quite an undertaking. A reputation five thousand years old can only get her so far--
As she had found in Meria.
"That... is true."
It's possible to be too kind, sometimes. To lose yourself, worrying about others. "...It did," she admits to Rebecca, ducking her head if only briefly. "I had thought that my reputation might sway Shijie Rohay. I was overconfident, it would seem." Before, it had gotten her quite far during certain encounters. But five thousand years is a long time. Neither is Avril the only one from that long-lost era.
And Shijie Rohay has one up on Avril: unlike Avril, she remembers what had been five thousand years prior.
"I felt powerless," she continues, closing her eyes. It comes naturally to lock things away: it's harder to pull a few bricks out of the wall and let in the light. But it must come, mustn't it? Or the flowers will never grow.
And Rebecca is someone she ought to trust more than any other.
"If she had been able to attempt such, I would have had no choice but to return with her," she tells Rebecca, her expression creasing in the affliction of that near-miss. "I am fortunate that Xue was so brave." That Shijie had herself an ace up her sleeve in the form of Yue's 'control unit', and thought that enough. That they were able to incapacitate Yue before anything terrible happened.
"It has reminded me that I am not..." Avril hesitates, frowning. "That I am not impervious, however I might wish I were." Her grip on her bag tightens, if briefly.
"I suppose... that is the reason." That this has affected her so deeply.
<Pose Tracker> Rebecca Streisand has posed.
As Avril ducks her head, and makes that admission, Rebecca says nothing for a time, and then slowly scoots herself closer to where Avril is seated. Without a word, she takes her hand not too long after she mentions how powerleess she felt.
And just squeezes it, while watching her, listening.
"I'm fortunate too." Then she breathes softly, "Grateful to her." Her eyes look down, and away. A moment's thought-
"It has to be difficult, knowing you were- the Ice Queen, that that's still there. You're not used to feeling powerless." Her eyes drift up to hers, "I bet, even back at the start of our journey, some part of you just - always knew, even if you couldn't realize it, so it's just... not something you're used to."
A look of sympathy, after a time, "Power, it's a part of you, so you just- you're used to knowing it's there, understanding how much you can handle."
And as she looks her in the eyes, "Knowing you can do this, protect us, protect yourself, even as hard as it might be on you to bring that side of yourself to the surface."
And indeed some part of her feels vaguely guilty for relying on that fact herself. The idea that Avril can handle more- more than Dean or her, more than both of them together sometimes.
"And then to have someone turn that knowledge on it's head." Her eyes look at their joined hands for a moment, "But hey- think about it. Just means you're growing more courageous too right? Having to face these kinda fears, deal with them. Part of being an adult I think."
She takes a deep breath, a sigh, then- "Must be hard, since- you rely on it too, to know you can protect Dean and me in a pinch, but-" She gives her a tenuous smile, "-you don't gotta be impervious for us Avril. I'd rather run from a thousand fights, than lose you because you pushed yourself too hard for our sakes."
<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.
Rebecca takes her hand, and Avril's fingers curl around hers. Things become a little more alright than they had been.
"Yes. If there were anything I could do..."
But helping directly, in this instance, would be to undo the good that Xue's bravery had afforded her. Perhaps there may yet be some role she could play in this -- to return the favor in some fashion -- but Avril has found herself reluctant to make an offer she might find herself having to rescind.
And... what is it that Yue would wish her to do in this instance, in any case? The matter between them is hardly settled. Perhaps it never can be until she recovers her memories: Yue is reluctant to say more than she can and Avril equally ill-at-ease to ask something she might find herself regretting. The truth will set you free, yes, and yes, she cannot shirk from what had been, but...
Not all at once. Not all so suddenly.
"...Yes," she says to Rebecca, at last. "Even before I gained some control of these powers, perhaps my body remembered what it was like to be so powerful. To be in control, no matter what the circumstances might be about me. Yet, even such power..." She closes her eyes, exhales a touch sharply. "...I have limits. My body. My morals. I cannot fight and strain myself past my breaking point. I cannot flee and leave innocent people to die."
She had begun to think of herself as a weapon some time ago, a means to protect those dear to her. A way to accomplish for them what they could not -- would not -- do themselves. But a blade may be stayed... or even broken. One cannot take a sword against a castle wall. There are forces in the world that even a great weapon cannot cut.
Still, she smiles back at Rebecca. "Yes. I shall not permit this break me, Rebecca. Please, don't worry!" The smile begins to fade. "Still... neither can I afford to be as reckless a second time. I may not have another Xue to step in and spare me. I must think about this carefully. Perhaps, I might practice 'running' along with the both of you instead?" she wonders, raising her free hand to her chin as if in thought.
"If, as you say, you would rather we flee than face danger directly. At least, should that be the option," she adds, smiling slightly. "I think, it may be well to be more circumspect with our battles."
<Pose Tracker> Rebecca Streisand has posed.
A little more alright than they had been... it's the same for her as well, perhaps. At least knowing she is there for her. And while she can understand Avril's desire to help, more selfishly she's glad that she didn't go that far helping.
And so she listens to Avril's response to her support, nodding in sympathy as she speaks of it, but her hearts knots up hearing that Avril can't. Typically Rebecca can't either... as she remembers Demetrioi, that small village that found prosperity. "It's hard to know your limits when some part of you knew you were beyond most limits to begin with." Rebecca says after a moment, "Feels like you're kinda boxed into a corner with the challenges we face lately."
Indeed, Avril doesn't want to flee and leave innocents to suffer, but she might find the limit on her morality trying to save them too, not that Avril herself would decide to cast it aside. However the Ice Queen might have fewer compunctions about harming the innocent that Avril is trying to protect.
"Well." She says, as she smiles brighter at her in turn, "I won't permit this to break you either. 'cause we're a team out there, and that means watching out for you when you're on the verge." There's a small laugh, and it turns into a grin, her opposite hand resting an elbow on the table and a hand on her chin, "Think we can manage that. Heck. Maybe we even come up with plans for that kinda tactical retreat in those scenarios-"
Rebecca pauses, then realizes something, to her horror, "We're not letting Dean name 'em though. No chance." But her smile blooms back quickly enough, "Agreed. After some of our fights lately, our heads have gotten a little big. Now that we've been knocked down a few pegs time to learn from that, and do better. And sometimes that just means deciding how to pick our battles better."
A small tilt of her head, as she gives the wrapped object in Avril's lap a curious look, then back her way, "Anyhow, while we're on Lunar - bet we could devise a few of those plans before we think about heading back. Though, probably need to lay a little low too, after you know - invading a fake Goddess' sacred city."
She's still a little miffed about how that turned out, apparently.
<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.
As some other Drifters might put it, she's damned if she does, and damned if she doesn't. Go and save others and she puts her face front and center -- and depending on the foe they face, that might be just the opening they're looking for. Turn away, and she's potentially leaving others to hurt where she might be able to intervene.
It's ironic, in a way. For all the pain and suffering that Odessa caused, their presence was probably one of the reasons that the Veruni had remained out of the picture in Aquvy: even the Veruni weren't willing to commit their forces if it meant they could possibly lose. It's not as if they can afford to lose: with the effects of VR, they'd have limited people to field to start with. It seems like only the promise of Demetrioi had brought them out onto the field in force, in Harmonde...
Now, it's a sure thing that Avril will have to watch her back. What Shijie hadn't been able to accomplish, another might attempt to achieve. They'll have to be prepared to run, to stand down. To disguise and misdirect where necessary. To even avoid rendering aid should it become risky--
"Yes," Avril says, smiling even in spite of such thoughts. "We shall need to become more strategic about what help we render, and where. At the very least," she says, glancing up momentarily at the heavens above -- at distantly, the blue star of Filgaia -- "we are not alone. What we cannot attempt, another might. Furthermore..."
She returns her gaze Rebecca's way. "Perhaps, some clever disguises might help? Though, I do not think we should dress up as a horse again." That had been a little bit awkward. And Avril doesn't think anyone thought they were really a horse.
(Of course no one did...)
"Yes, I was thinking about that, too. Perhaps we might practice 'incognito' here?" she suggests. There are certain things they perhaps would be best off not exploring... too well, or too deeply, but certainly there must be people to help.
Or ruins to explore.
Besides, some of the Veruni Moderates had opted to remain on the moon. Something about establishing an alternative base of operations outside the Locus Solus... and given the dampening effect (if temporarily) on the progression of VR on Lunar, perhaps this is not a bad place to start.
"Oh, but I'm reminded," she says to Rebecca then. "I had meant to give this to you before. I'm sorry for forgetting," Avril adds, but the smile on her face suggests it's only a matter of propriety and no true sorrow over being so late. Then, she pulls the strange item free from the bag and, with both hands, presents it to Rebecca.
It's a plush doll.
Of a black and white cat with a cape and crown (cardboard and paste gems).
And a sword (also cardboard).
In other words, a Heroic Cait Sith!
<Pose Tracker> Rebecca Streisand has posed.
It's disappointing on some level that a net victory for Filgaia be such a loss for them. Without Odessa, the Veruni can commit so much more to their plans coming to fruition. Can Filgaia however, give more of its defenders to stop the Veruni's cause after everything Odessa has wrought?
Well...
I suppose, we'll see.
"That's gonna be a tough sell for Dean, but even Dean's grown up some." Rebecca notes, leaning back, and tipping up her chin, thinking about how to do it, "I'm sure he'll see reason, once we lay out what happened." Her own gaze touches the blue of Filgaia for a time, before she returns back.
Clever disguises? "Aha- well I'm game for it." She lays the hand down for a time, "Just- yeah, definitely not a horse." Rebecca flushes lightly, "Just, gotta think of what looks would work. Maybe make our time on Lunar that kinda experiment." She gestures at her outfit and Avril's, "Right now we kinda stand out."
Rebecca doesn't consider herself the biggest fashion expert, coming from a one horse town with - a seamstress. Mostly she got her clothes from the rare traveling merchant. "But it's more than just our look too, it's how we carry ourselves. I sure don't fit in as someone 'maidenly', and most people would catch your bearing as 'noble' right away I guess."
It's a complex problem, since most of the time they've just been... elementally themselves along the way, "Either way, we can start putting together something - there's gotta be a thrift store someone in Meribia right?"
It's a thought that makes her kinda amused at the dissonance, taking the Queen of the Veruni - thrifting! And yet, there's something fun to the idea too.
"Sure, let's give it a go."
Avril however is reminded of something, and Rebecca looks her way, and- "Oh hey - no sweat on that. We're all over the place lately- and I'm hardly gonna be mad on that after what just happened- happ-" She looks at the plush doll that Avril produces, "-en...ed."
Rebecca's brain just, perhaps pauses for a moment. Then she eyes it, and bends closer to give it a look. "... It's... ah." She seems a bit flustered, as she looks one way, then the other way. Is she looking for someone?
Dean, the answer is Dean.
Then her volume drops a touch, as she says, "It's adorable." She emphasizes, hushed. "I ah-"
Once upon a time, little Rebecca told herself she didn't need the stuffed animals her mother bought or sewed her, because she was going to be an adult. However... looking at it right now, she never really fell out of love with them. It was just she thought she was too grown up for them.
And now looking at it, she might realize, that maybe perhaps, when someone you like gives you something - it doesn't matter what people think.
"I love it." She tells her after a moment, cheeks reddening, "Aha- gosh. What a cute little guy-" As she reaches out to touch the plush, a smile on her face. "... You've been carrying this for me, all this time, Avril?"
Part of her thinks she needs to return the favor soon... real soon.
<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.
At mention of Dean, Avril giggles. "Yes, though I don't think it'll be as difficult as that. Perhaps, there will be times when we'll instead wish to choose to act apart from one another." It wouldn't be the first time, even if acting together would always be the more preferred approach by all of them. "Still..."
Someone could try to hurt one -- or both of -- them to get to her, too. She can already see the shape of such an event.
"...We must all be more careful," Avril determines, in the end.
Like it or not, everything they do from now on -- together or apart -- might require that they all think carefully about what they're doing, why, and for who. They've been misled before. They've been surprised and taken advantage of before. So far, they've been lucky.
In the future, it may not be so.
"We do," Avril agrees, of their clothing. She's opted for small changes in attire before, but rarely has anything stuck for... much the reason that Rebecca outlines. Change the paint, but there's no mistaking what's underneath. "Though, might that be overcome with practice? Perhaps another may be able to guide us." ...Is she planning on taking acting lessons as well as putting together a new ensemble?
Or maybe there's some other way to string all their oddities and quirks into a tale that is different than 'Dean' and 'Rebecca' and 'Avril'.
At least a change of outfit is one place to start. One foot before the other -- it's the only way to progress in this life.
And sometimes that first step is thrifting -- properly, this time.
Avril, though, isn't quite finished. She's had something on hand that she's meant to deliver unto Rebecca's care for a while, now, but between all of the everything (including an unexpected arrest in Pentagulia, an attack by a Fell Dragon, and a meeting with Bartholomew the former Johnny Appleseed), it's not as if the opportunity had... presented itself.
Not really. Not that it was the first thing on her mind of late between this, that, and the other (Eleanor and Xiumei's wedding, Shijie's attack, and Omega included). But the thing about 'the right moment' is this.
Eventually, they arrive.
"So, you do like it," Avril says, her smile brightening. "I'm glad. I found it while traveling in Spira, and thought that, perhaps, it might suit you. ...I really am very glad," she repeats, shaking her head as if the sight of Rebecca's expression was too much for her.
"Yes. I thought it was the right thing to do," she explains, and perhaps that's the most Avril thing she could have done under the circumstances. "After all... you two would do the same, if it were for me."
She might stumble on her way. She might find fear and terror from expected and unexpected corners alike. But she can be certain of one thing: that she's not alone.