2017-10-01: The Unkind Reality
- Log: The Unkind Reality
- Cast: Riesenlied, Noeline, Id
- Where: Wayside
- Date: 1st October 2017
- Summary: Riesenlied and Noeline entertain a most unusual guest at their inn...
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied feels something like a prisoner in her own home right now.
Perhaps it's apt, perhaps it's not, but... either way, she is in Wayside along with Noeline at present, as well as their most esteemed guest -- the one who destroyed their former home, Old Petra; the Demon of Elru, Id.
Last time they spoke, it was under less auspicious circumstances -- with Riesenlied communing with Id on a mental space that left her a fragile, emotional wreck for a time; she's still recalling some of the feelings from that time, the way her good hand imperceptibly twitches as she leads them to a fairly comfortable meeting room with a table and comfortable chairs. She turns to make some tea before anything else, perhaps as a measure of calming herself.
She's not good at poker faces. Her look is one of pain right now, in the wake of Ida's lambasting, in the wake of... well, what's to come. She still isn't certain. "Would you like some tea as well?"
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline has Riesenlied's hand in hers whenever it's available, her expression resolute as she tries her best to get used to their new situation. To be honest, it's almost surreal to imagine Id casually sat in front of them, probably sprawled in the chair like Some Asshole - and yet, here they are, and Noeline has maybe the tiniest bit of hope that something might come of this. They managed to talk to the Guardians, after all - and Id seems to be just as timeless, just as powerful if not more.
"... from what you said... you're aware of what we're doing here. Or at least, that the two of us have made something of a pact with Equites," she ventures, because if nothing else it's something she'd like to get clear most of all, before anything else. "The two of us are-- taking ourselves, and perhaps Wayside as a whole, out of the war effort at large."
She drags in a breath, and looks to Riesenlied. Being devil-may-care doesn't usually involve actual devils not caring.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Id just showed up and caused a stir but promised to not destroy Wayside (this time) ((assuming you can trust his promises)) and is even going so far as to follow the rules of not starting any fights--at least not with his fists, he's still an asshole.
He is actually kind of blown away by Ida's outburst too though he is a lot more carefree about it. It was pretty out of nowhere for him. He doesn't need to be good at poker to notice Riesenlied isn't handling it well. "I wonder what spit in her milkshake," He asides to Riesnelied, glancing over to Noeline. He does sprawl in the chair like an asshole just as predicted. He is pretty good at sitting in chairs, don't you know?
"Yeah, I mean, you're not the first people to try and avoid war," Id says. "I know I said it'd be Siegfried taking out your village, but it might be a human force. You're pretty close to a war already, after all. Or the Ice Queen will destroy it in a fit of pique." He pauses, checking Noeline out again. "To be honest, hearing that you're just trying to survive by hiding out here kinda pisses me off. I don't know if that's why Ida started barkin' at you, but if that's why, I'd get it." He smiles faintly. "'Friendship' isn't enough. It's been tried. You're gonna need to fight."
He looks back to Riesenlied. "Make hard choices. Well, it's not as if I know the specifics, I just know anything worth doing requires sacrifice and you usually have to pay more than you've got." He leans forward. "So it's been a while. Whatcha think of our last encounter? Are you still interested in understanding me? Do you remember how it felt?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied doesn't turn around. There's probably a quiet, pregnant pause accompanied by a shot of the teacup quietly steeping in that silence.
"I do," is her quiet, reticient response. "It was painful. It should be. You would know."
She holds onto the gem at her neck, quietly placing her thumb over it. Still, it does not shimmer, as if to say that it isn't of any help to her. "... I spent some time trying to get back on my feet. I might not have recovered."
She does look more wan and pale than before -- the scales that grow over her body have suggested other distortions atop, or perhaps indeed caused, by her Taintedness.
She looks a bit too tired to directly comment on avoiding war, of friendship, of making nice. Her eyes are a bit distant.
"... I still have not given up trying to understand you," she asserts, however. There's a faint glint in her eyes.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
With a huff, Noeline folds her arms. "... we are already aware we are on borrowed time," she decides to point out. "But that time can still be of use, if only to give the Tainted a chance to decide where they want to be in this whole war. Besides, the more alliances we can make now, the better prepared we are for the future - you saw your yourself the range of people that now reside in or visit this village. Friendship isn't enough - but it is a means to an end, speaking in longer terms."
She settles a little, letting out a sigh as she looks back to Riesenlied and furrows her brow. She's taking it carefully, but is evidently deeply worried about the other metal demon and her wavering state, and how easily Riesenlied can slip back into the wan trances she's had as of late. Maybe Ida's got a point on that front, but-- well, it's not like Noeline has any hope of ever stopping Riese from being the way she is.
"As for Ida... I don't begin to know. For someone that well-connected, who has earned the respect of even the Quarter Knights - well, who can say?" she sighs, not particularly well-equipped to understand the situation. Besides, right now, her eyes are rather on her companion.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Id says, "Heh. You're just like the other Metal Demons, so proud." Id says. "Well, you can't change anything without gambling either." He does pause though, distracted by something. He shifts his body and leans forward, peering at Riesenlied. Id isn't known for his empathy but he does note, "You sick?" He squints his eyes. "....Tch. What a joke." He looks annoyed. "Well I can't do anything about it. So how'd you do it?" He looks back to Riesenlied. "How'd you get inside my head. How does your weapon work? Everyone else died, what makes you different?" He smiles suddenly. "Oh--maybe that's what we should do next. You should kill someone--" He frowns. "No...no, killing someone isn't the same. Kill someone with your mind. Mmmm..." He leans back. "I really wasn't expecting you to agree, heh... Has 'she' talked with you yet?"
Riesenlied looks lightly confused, as she finally turns around with the cups of tea on a tray and sets them on the table.
"... change comes with desire. But many forces conspire to suppress that desire, to mute it such that it is imperceptible even to its neighbors," she quietly speaks. "You said I am not fighting, but I don't think that's right. I seek to fight on more than just battlegrounds, with swords and spells."
She stops her trembling for a moment as she habitually rubs at that gem again, as if seeking an answer from it. "... I want to fight on a social and cultural level too. I want to fight the doctrines, the normalisation of violence as a means to an end. Not just in our home -- but in human homes as well. In Kislev. In Aveh."
A pause, as she admits: "I ... don't know how I entered your mindspace. ... I'm still trying to understand what's happening to me, why Laevateinn did that. Why I feel weaker now, physically, than I did when I first resisted you. My mother says I have been growing more and more unstable. Yet, these senses that allowed me to reach you keep growing in intensity..."
A frown, at that suggestion. She chooses to ignore it. "... 'she'...?"
The dead and frozen girl's eyebrows rise for a moment, almost imperceptible past the curtain of fringes that hangs over her eyes. The frosty cross shifts just for a moment with a glint.
Conflict-avoidant as always. But there are those that are too set in their ways. And you know that. And they are closest to you.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied looks lightly confused, as she finally turns around with the cups of tea on a tray and sets them on the table.
"... change comes with desire. But many forces conspire to suppress that desire, to mute it such that it is imperceptible even to its neighbors," she quietly speaks. "You said I am not fighting, but I don't think that's right. I seek to fight on more than just battlegrounds, with swords and spells."
She stops her trembling for a moment as she habitually rubs at that gem again, as if seeking an answer from it. "... I want to fight on a social and cultural level too. I want to fight the doctrines, the normalisation of violence as a means to an end. Not just in our home -- but in human homes as well. In Kislev. In Aveh."
A pause, as she admits: "I ... don't know how I entered your mindspace. ... I'm still trying to understand what's happening to me, why Laevateinn did that. Why I feel weaker now, physically, than I did when I first resisted you. My mother says I have been growing more and more unstable. Yet, these senses that allowed me to reach you keep growing in intensity..."
A frown, at that suggestion. She chooses to ignore it. "... 'she'...?"
The dead and frozen girl's eyebrows rise for a moment, almost imperceptible past the curtain of fringes that hangs over her eyes. The frosty cross shifts just for a moment with a glint.
Conflict-avoidant as always. But there are those that are too set in their ways. And you know that. And they are closest to you.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"I am proud of Wayside - and certainly not of a great many things to do with Metal Demons," Noeline mutters to herself. "We're just doing what we can to survive, day by day." In some ways, it's a surprise to be told that. She's always considered herself proud on some level, but it's a very selfish sort of pride, and the sort that wouldn't exactly hold up to significant scrutiny; she'd always been too eager to avoid trouble, and too flighty to pin down to any of it.
It isn't hard to imagine Wayside changing her on that front, at least, given the way she's had to step up to help in leading it, organizing it.
With her spiritual senses mostly relying on the Medium she carries within her, she doesn't really have the necessary abilities to be able to pick out the more subconscious thoughts; she watches Riesenlied instead as she gives the brief speech, nodding gently as she draws out a breath.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Id doesn't argue with Riesenlied on the matter of how she is choosing to fight. He knows that it's a lost cause and clearly SOME elements of that are working. "Tch...just like her." He says, though he doesn't clarify what 'her' is. He is reigning in his anger but it could go off at any moment. Id doesn't seem like the most stable of individuals when it comes to restraint. "nggggh... would you at least think about the people you're gonna leave behind when you're murdered?" Maybe that's why Ida was flipping out at her. Still, this is a strange attitude for Id to take and he steps away from it to focus on matters that seem, somehow, less hopeless.
"Hhmmnnn....." Id considers Riesenlied. He listens to her explanation. He listens to those words. Weaker now. "...Guess we shouldn't connect again." He frowns. He was kind of looking forward to hitting Riesenlied with the rest of them, but as she is now--it's clear that it wouldn't work. It would just be martyring her on the cross. Cute and all, but not what Id is going for.
"You can't hear her?" Id considers this. "Mmm....I can think of a few reasons why you're deteriorating. Maybe your mind's connection is..mmm...partially disrupted from your living metal or..." He taps his foot, thinking about this. "Mm...Actually, if I look at it like with the fake then..."
He looks up to Riesenlied. "Oi. You ever try using Laevateinn on yourself?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied does take a moment to -- reach out and hold onto Noeline's hand, choosing to pace herself very deliberately as she tries to sustain herself through the pain that's still very fresh in her mind. She... takes a sip of her tea again.
"You've... said that a few times..." Riesenlied quietly mumbles. "Do I remind you of someone? 'Her'..."
A pause.
"You grieve, do you not? You hold well the sensation of deaths in your mind. You cannot forget." Her voice is not one of someone trying to probe or analyse, but... someone who's trying to empathise with him. As she always does. Which might just be more irritating to Id.
She hesitates for a moment, and then answers, "... I do think about that. The spectre of death, and our fear of it, does light our day to day lives. But you heard what the villagers said. They choose to not be paralysed by it. And I won't let fear compromise who I am too."
She tilts her head very slowly, eyes half closed. "And Noeline helps check me, day to day. That we may both walk the paths that we've chosen to do so, together."
The question surprised her, as does the musing of what her mind is like. "Ah-- um--" she looks lost. "I'm... no, actually, I haven't... I didn't think it would even be... possible."
She doesn't look certain.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline feels the hair on the back of her neck prick up once more; it warns her that she's in dangerous territory, continuing this line of conversation, and maybe she should shut up and let this situation ride on out rather than try and rile up the incredibly dangerous individual sat in front of her. "... Riese manages quite enough introspection on her own without sticking a sword through herself," she grumbles in the wake of Riesenlied's measured commentary, though, because she's always been the sort to pick at a scab however slightly.
But-- the idea is at once interesting, and also terribly dangerous in some ill-defined way that Noeline can't exactly pick out. It almost appeals to her, certainly appeals to the impulsive way in which her own mind works, shere diving off on a tangent can sometimes be just what the doctor ordered.
Even so, this time, her hold on Riesenlied's hand is rather more fierce. Everything suddenly feels a lot more transient, and it's a distinctly unpleasant feeling.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Id looks away. "Sure, but I'm not gonna talk about it. Who 'she' is isn't anything for you to worry about. Just know that her life sucked and ended real quick." He's more snippish about this than the other matter, the deaths that are within Id's memory. He smirks a little at Riesenlied's attempt to understand and admits, "Well, I guess it's one way to put it, but I don't think I'd use the word 'grieve'. I mean--" He laughs. "--It's not great, but if you have to walk through the mud every year, you stop crying about the mud." He considers the way Riesenlied say that he can't forget though. That's also not one hundred percent correct, but it's close enough to be that he says, "That's right. I remember every time. A curse placed upon me. Even Siegfried doesn't seem to remember me. Heh, well, not entirely. But I remember him. And Mother. Even Berserk, ooh yes, even him." He grins very wide. "I remember the ancient people you slaughtered." Why is this funny to him? Maybe he's just happy to see the world burn since it means he's not burning alone.
But he adds, in the end, "You should try it. Won't know if something works until you try it. Trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, well, that's just madness, but trying something you haven't tried before--well--that's something!"
He looks to Noeline and adds, "I'm not asking her to stab herself, I'm asking her to get inside her own head."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied's expression turns to one of sorrow and concern -- and perhaps ironically, it's that concern that lets her forget her current pain. It's how she operates, so plainly. Focus your efforts on being concerned for others, that it lets you forget about your own troubles. No matter what it does to you.
"... I see," is her quiet expression in turn, knowing that... well, she hasn't exactly pushed Id's buttons, but she's come close. He did comment about the 'people she'd left behind, when she was murdered'... it rang similarly to she whose life sucked and ended quick, so to speak.
"Is that why, even through all your deaths... you remember?" she shivers quietly. "Doomed to relive painful memories, over and over..."
A fragile sigh. She closes her eyes. "If you think there is something within myself... but... I do not think there could be anything, could there?"
The denial is strong, at times.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
The twintailed spy has fallen fully silent, for once; her brow furrows as she listens to Id's words. Belligerence is what she expected from the figure sat across them, but-- at the same time, the Demon of Elru is being remarkably open, and she has to wonder for a moment whether this odd talk counts in the same realm as their chat with Equites. Rather than focus on the idea of Id's memory and past - which seems to be likely to annoy him - she hones in on the idea of the memory of Siegfried, instead.
It makes her set her jaw in resolution. It doesn't exactly seem like Id is lying - doesn't seem like he'd give a damn about lying, when it comes down to it - and that makes his description of Mother all the more damning. While it doesn't begin to touch on the motives and reasons that sparked the ancient war, Id does appear to be remarkably frank in confirming what they've already begun to suspect about Mother's one-sided outlook.
"... I suppose a little soul-searching never went amiss in the end..." she finally admits after a long moment, but finds it within herself to offer Riese a wry smile and a light squeeze of her hand. "So long as you're careful about it, for all that tends to work." Again, Id-- well, he's being an asshole, but it's more oblique than anything. He seems genuinely interested in what Riese might discover, and without the full picture of Riesenlied's mental map, the only thing that Noeline has to gainsay it is her own natural wariness.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Id is asked why he remembers hist past deaths. He considers whether or not he has a good answer for that before ultimately deciding that he doesn't really have a good answer. Anyway, the why isn't really important just yet. He focuses on the most annoying part of this conversation: Denial of a subconcious entity living inside your brain! Ughh!! Why are brains so awful??
"Yes I know you don't think there's anything there, if you knew something was there, you wouldn't have to try this but while this is just an educated guess, it is an 'educated' one, so you should -at least--try it." He doesn't know if Nazrin has the capacity to 'take over' like he does, she might be 'stuck' in there, or maybe she's not, but if Riesenlied dies to a horrible wasting disease--he is certain that would spell Nazrin's doom as well.
Id might be a bit biased about Mother but he does seem surprised when Noeline goes for it. "HUH." He says, a bit too loudly, and then gives Noeline a biiiiiig thumbsup.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
It's not every day that you kind of get encouraged by opposing ends on the same thing, is it? On one side, Noeline, her closest confidant and lover, the one she'd spend her entire life with. On the other side, Id, the man who nearly destroyed her mind and took the last, closest approximation of what she'd consider a home from her.
Yet...
"... I'll try it," Riesenlied admits slowly. "I never even so much as thought there might be something, but... I will try it." She looks towards the Dragon's Tear again, which -- only now -- begins to shimmer, ever so softly.
It's a subtle blue light, deep and enigmatic, as if to convey mystery and the realm of the unknown.
Nasrin's grin is nearly from ear to ear as she looks towards the cross above. Someone's coming home to plaaaaaaaay....
"... Mother," Riesenlied speaks gently, shivering. She lowers her head. "For so long, I've clung to the image, the identity of a Mother that was inexhaustibly kind and forgiving. Would she not have to be, to save us from our home at the moment of its destruction?"
There's a tired sigh, as she places her hands to her forehead, lowering herself.
"The reality is not so kind, is it...? I have heard her voice myself, ever so faintly, so briefly. It was full of wrath..."
She could cry right now, as overwhelming as everything feels right now.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Well, Noeline /says/ to go for it - but then she would, having always been very big on the idea of her mind and her path being her own. (Perhaps a little ironic, given how much she's gotten used to Duras Drum being back there.) Still, she can't help but worry, because this is a situation in which she has absolutely no idea what could or might happen - so Riese's hand is in both of hers, now, held between her palms as if ready to call Riesenlied back from whatever might happen.
"... I had always wondered if she would even have a place for the Tainted in her new world, or whether she would remake them without a thought," she admits quietly, her voice in a mutter. "It-- well. Perhaps I've just always been a terrible cynic, but the thought refused to go away the more I picked at it. Maybe it was just the way that the other demons treated them, but--..."
She trails off, with a shake of her head.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Ugh it's like people are going to judge Id for blowing up Old Petra forever.
"Maybe she was once," Id admits. "Moms change." He isn't really an unbiased individiual, and he knows it. He backs away somewhat from the opinion. Last thing he wants is for these kids to say something to the wrong person. They're not foolish, but one doesn't have to be foolish to be made into a fool. If Riesenlied dies right now, this curiousity--this difference from the repetition of many lives--it goes away. Who knows how long it will be until something so curious returns.
But Mother returning would be unpleasant, even for someone who enjoys destruction such as himself. There are other dark aspects to Id that wouldn't be too happy with that.
"Oh." He says. "Good luck I guess." Wow that's helpful. Thanks Id.