2018-07-25: Practical
- Log: Practical
- Cast: Riesenlied, Matilda Whitehead
- Where: Taben's Peak
- Date: 25th July 2018
- Summary: Riesenlied and Matilda reconvene at Taben's Peak.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied has spent the last couple of days at Taben's Peak, tending to the training of what she views as the next natural evolution of the Ebony Wings; now that they're free of compromise and bargaining of forces more naturalised for warfare and nothing else, the Wayside Outreach can more fully take form...
"Left side! Three more patients are incoming!" Riesenlied calls, more authoritative than she usually is as she directs the drill. Several of Nall's kids, several Wayside villagers and-- Althena bless her heart --Val are playing the role of disaster 'victims', training a batch in paramedic and emergency response situations.
"Woe is meee, oh, my guts have been torn out!!" Val, the Hyadean with a refrigerator-like tub for a torso, exclaims as she gets carried in on a stretcher with... what looks like gardening hose spilling out of her open fridge latch.
It's all very lively, and fits the motif of Wayside and what the people there wish to do...
<Pose Tracker> Matilda Whitehead has posed.
It's... been some time since Matilda checked in with Riesenlied; she's been busy in Glenwood of late. Still, she... doesn't hate her, and they've had a lot to talk about. Besides -- they're nominally partners in the Ebony Wings, right?
Matilda hears the drill as she approaches, and on reflex, she stands bolt upright; when she sees it's just a mock session, though, she stops herself, and starts heading toward Riesenlied in earnest.
"Ah -- Miss Riesenlied," she says, with a small, respectful nod. "It's been -- some time. Are you well?" It's obvious that she doesn't really want to interrupt, but on the other hand... well, what else is she going to do?
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied blinks and-- smiles warmly as she turns towards Matilda; the Waysiders are doing their hardest, with the actual doctors and nurses instructing those who need guidance on the matter. "Hold the arm up straight and apply pressure," Riesenlied expresses, before stepping towards Matilda.
"Miss Matilda. I'm sorry, I haven't been around to talk to you and Kaguya as much... I hope you're well? I must thank you again for helping with the expedition to the Earthenspire Mountains."
She tilts her head with a furrowed brow. "I hope the incidents at Glenwood have not affected you too much...?"
<Pose Tracker> Matilda Whitehead has posed.
"We've been well enough," Matilda says, with a nod to Riesenlied. "Kaguya... definitely seems better, on Lunar. It's been very nice... I -- worry, about how much time we have left, often." That's a dire note to start the conversation on!
"It's -- truthfully... Mrmm..." Matilda has to agonize over this one a little -- is she really... can she trust Riesenlied with this line of thinking? In the end, she feels like she has no other options... Riesenlied is one of very few to even know, so...
"... I -- I'm more upset, than anything else, about... what we learned, from Lombardia. I can put it out of my mind often enough, but..." The compounder sighs. "It's -- it's not fair. They left us with a mess and have the unmitigated gall to just -- say it's our problem now. And they're right -- it is our problem. But they could at least not..."
She gestures a little helplessly with a gauntleted hand. "... I don't -- know what I'm saying. I just know that it feels as though..." Looking down, she says, "It simultaneously feels as though there's nothing I can do, and like without me, the times will never change."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"... I am too," Riesenlied whispers. "I want to do everything I can to combat the threat of Zopt Syndrome and the VR Factor, but we have very few leads to go on... I've been gathering information on how some of our own kin interact here. With some of them, Lunar's cleaner air does help, but... not entirely."
She pauses for a moment as Matilda expresses how what Lombardia said bothered her. "... it hurts. And I agree -- it does hurt," she expresses. "And that's part of why I want to make sure that our legacy is a better one, for our future generations... at least, that's what I want to make happen."
The Hyadean has a longer pause, as she expresses, "You're an amazing compounder, Miss Matilda. The medicines and other solutions we've synthesized here to help the Tainted and those we treat have already saved lives... let's not take away the victories we do have, even knowing we've a long road ahead of us."
<Pose Tracker> Matilda Whitehead has posed.
There's... something welling in Matilda as Riesenlied talks. She doesn't know enough to recognize it as bile. "... It doesn't feel like enough," Matilda says, quietly. "I don't think it's ever going to feel like enough. I've taken so many impossible risks. I've -- I don't think I've made the wrong decisions, and you're right -- I've done much, both as a compounder and as a strategist."
That lingers for a moment. "... But it doesn't -- do anything. I'm not any closer to... what I set out for. Or what I found to look for along the way." Her whole body seems to tense up for a moment; her nostrils flare a little.
"I..." She's thinking aloud, now -- just enough off her game, just enough, that she's letting Riese in maybe more than she should. "... I'm not the type of person to take pride in solving someone else's problems without solving the ones closest to me. It doesn't feel... real. I... all the progress I've made that's felt... like it mattered, has been bought in blood."
... She's already mapping the next step of the conversation out in her head. She knows where she's going, what she's... stepped in.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied sags very softly, stepping closer for a moment to offer a hand to her shoulder, if she'll have it. "We need reach... we need scale," she expresses, knowing that what she can say can't really... soothe, but...
"What I want to do... is to educate, and grow -- as an organisation. Because you are right -- we can only get so far as individuals. But where we can pass the techniques and knowledge to empower others... to promote health and wellbeing in disparate communities..."
She pauses just for a moment as she lowers her head. "... I-- in truth, I feel the same way. There are nights where I stress that I cannot do more for Kaguya, and I can't-- won't pretend I know how you feel."
She blinks at that last part, though. "In blood... do you mean with the-- Oasis Free Company, or...?" She's not quite certain what Matilda is referencing...
<Pose Tracker> Matilda Whitehead has posed.
Matilda... flinches from the hand for a moment, but ends up letting it rest there. It's not even really a full flinch -- more of just, a start. "... You're right," Matilda murmurs, "and I hate it."
The question -- gets a pause. "... it's the only way anything ever changes," Matilda explains. "When I was taken -- we had no ransom. The band outnumbered average patrols, and it's hardly as though Krosse would spare dozens to rescue a farmgirl. What freed me... was my willingness to kill all of them in their sleep. The bounty paid my way through the Academy, even. And, as you say -- it's... no different, with Oasis."
She looks down. "I just... I just want to feel like I'm not going to be -- punished, when I choose to care. Intervene on Kaguya's behalf -- find nothing, *still* find nothing. Keep deserters and the displaced from banditry -- so many of the CaraKin seem to fear or distrust me..." She's meandering. She knows it, even. "And then, with Lombardia -- I was so angry at the Guardians for not helping... but now I know how weak they are. It's not unwillingness, just inability. And now, I -- I can only be miserable, or be -- *angry*, at *nothing,* at *everything,* and I've drunk my fill of misery for one lifetime."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied has a quiet look of horror, yet it's not one of surprise -- because she's been around enough children of Filgaia... even those closest to her, Janey and Mikaia, have had stories that she'd rather no one would have to go through.
"I wish to be-- honest," Riesenlied expresses, "As I wonder if I -- am weak to you, Miss Matilda. Because I know that we, as a community, are moving away from blood..."
A pause, as she expresses, "We came, as you know, from a society where violence was the only solution to anything. The freedoms of the choices availed elsewhere were... never even so much as conceived. And as we were the weakest link in that society..."
She hesitates, not really certain she's engaging in a way that she should. "That we found a chance to break away -- to do... /this/..." as she looks towards the paramedics in training.
A longer pause, as she sighs and says: "Sorry. This isn't about me or Wayside." She looks towards Matilda, that hand still on there as she gently asks:
"What can I do for you, Matilda? Is there anything I can do to help you get to... where you want to be?"
<Pose Tracker> Matilda Whitehead has posed.
"No, it's -- it's understandable. For us to come to any meaningful, mmm, understnading, of one another, we must know where the other is, and where she's coming from," Matilda admits, as Riesenlied tries to deflect this back away from herself, from Wayside, after bringing it there.
Matilda... has to think hard about that, though. It's clear the thought is stressful for her, too. "I... it's hard to say, if I think you're -- weak." That it's not a no is dire in itself, of course. "I think... when I look at you, at all of this -- I worry you're overcorrecting for a world that was too cruel, and setting yourselves up for heartbreak."
She breathes out. It's a little more labored than it should be. "... I don't -- know. If we had some lead -- something to do with ourselves, past..." She looks out toward the drills. "... wait for some new tragedy to befall us... then maybe I could -- I don't know. I could lose myself in it. I could let myself feel... hope, or something like it."
Matilda holds up a hand. "I'm sorry. I -- I came to see how things were going, for you, and, I just." She lets that drop, mid-sentence.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied nods very softly as Matilda expresses that, though knows that she's shying away from her question... which, she respects. It's a rather forward question in retrospect, albeit one that she feels she needs to ask if she's not going to fall into a nasty habit of prescribing solutions for others.
"We... we already lived in heartbreak, I suppose," Riesenlied whispers. "I recall my earliest days at the Photosphere. ... at the Gutter, where we Tainted lived..." She sucks in a breath. "Many of us did nothing but wait for death, whether at the hand of one of Berserk's tantrums, or a Metal Beast, or..."
A hesitant pause, as she pushes those painful memories away. "A lead..." she hesitates. "In truth, I've had a painful, deep call in my head for the last day... I feel as if something is summoning me, once more. Somewhere between Meribia and Glenwood... that is all I know."
Well, that she isn't just trance-walking towards the ocean is a good start, at least.
"Would you like to investigate that with me?"
<Pose Tracker> Matilda Whitehead has posed.
"... It's -- no different, for humans, you know," Matilda says, shaking her head. "I understand what you mean, though. Most of us, too, live quiet lives of desperation and die alone. The threats we face are -- smaller. Different. But the struggle isn't so different."
Riesenlied mentions something, though -- something calling her on. "... Yes. I -- I would like to go with you," she says, with a firm nod. "Anything at all feels better than -- simply waiting, for more and different flavors of suffering. I should like to bring Kaguya along, I would think... I'd certainly feel safer, than if I were to leave her alone." There's a pause, before she appends, "-- Provided, she's, well, of course."
Looking to the drills again, Matilda considers. "... Would -- you like a hand in... running these drills, as well? I... dealing with a crisis, even a simulated one, is... natural, for me, now."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
There may have been a time in which Riesenlied would find that absolutely horrifying. Like she could... just lie down and despair, knowing that what's on the other side may not be different. Yet perhaps, she also found solace and strength in the fact that it's not -that- different either...
It's not a question with an easy answer.
"... so many of us are -- isolated, struggling... not even the Guardians are any different," Riesenlied whispers. "Yes, I'd like to meet Kaguya again, if she's up to it. Let me know, and we'll--" she frowns. "Arrange a... boat. ... I've been poring over the maps, and every way it points to me-- it seems to be over the ocean."
She looks to the drills, though, as she expresses, "Oh, yes! I'm sure a lot of the folks would love to learn about the medical techniques you can impart on them."
<Pose Tracker> Matilda Whitehead has posed.
"I've -- gotten better, at the practical side of medical work, in the last year," Matilda says, though without much enthusiasm for what that implies. She takes up a position next to Riesenlied, ready to help.
... Something still gnaws at her, though... but she swallows it, focusing on the work instead. It feels like it's... it'd be unwelcome, perhaps? Or -- too telling, or... ... regardless, she sits on it.
She stays attentive to the practical, instead. It feels good to work on that much with Riesenlied, at least.