2019-07-18: A Story That Gives People Hope

• Log: A Story That Gives People Hope
• Cast: Xantia, Lily Keil
• Where: Guadosalam
• Date: July 18, 2019
• Summary: In the wake of war breaking out in Spira, Xantia and Lily discuss where to go from here, and their views on Heroes.

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===============================<* Guadosalam *>===============================

Guadosalam is an underground that sits on the path from the north bank of the Moonflow and the southern trail of the Thunder Plains. The city is found inside an underground cavern, where the walls and walkways are composed of the twisted roots of the trees of the Moonflow's north bank, giving the entire area the faint resemblance of an underground swamp.

Guadosalam is the ancient home of the Guado, a race of Beastman-appearing humans who, until recently, lived outside the grace of Yevon. This changed with the coming of Lord Jyscal Guado, who brought his people into Bevelle's fold; following Jyscal's death, his son Seymour - also a Maester of Yevon - now rules the Guado people both temporally and spiritually.

BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmcCd1eCJq4

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

In the end, what Xantia feared would happen and she tried so hard to avoid still ended up happening. She got separated from everybody she knows and then got herself lost. But it wasn't really her fault. There was that whole Thing in Luca, which Xantia of course couldn't help but get herself involved with. It's easy to lose sight of people in the chaos that something like that creates.

It was Fei who eventually found her, wandering through the Macalania Woods, just trying to get to... any friendly place there might still be on Spira right now. She couldn't even think of any that she'd been to. Luca was of course out - that's where she ran from, after continuing to harass the Guard until even she was forced to acknowledge nothing she did was making a difference. Kilika's a Guard stronghold too. The Feresthe'd taken off long before she'd given up fighting. What did that leave?

Xantia'd never been to Guadosalam before Fei brought her back here. She'd normally have found it kind of a dreary place, but at this point she's just glad to be somewhere she can feel at all welcome. She still has trouble understanding how everything could change so much in such a short amount of time. And after she tried so hard at this vacation thing, too.

Still, Xantia wouldn't be Xantia if she didn't default to good cheer. She at least appears to be in good spirits, marching through the rooted passages of the city at a brisk pace, looking about as if searching for something.

Though she herself looks fine, her armor still bears the scars of battle. Heavily scratched up in the front, dented in a few areas, one shoulderpad missing a piece... she must have been fighting quite a bit, even by Xantia's standards. Or maybe it just stands out more now that she's wearing a single set of armor all the time, instead of replacing her clothes with identical ones whenever the need arises.

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

Lily Keil dropped off of the map for a while herself, after Luca--caught in the battle just before she'd intended to get out of the city and link up with Leon, she turned up a few days later having made her own way out. It wasn't clean, it wasn't pretty, and it wasn't pleasant--

That's war, though.

By this point, every wound Lily suffered in the battle--and after--has healed completely. After a change of clothes, she might as well have never been harmed in the first place, and unlike Xantia she has gone for that. When she's spotted, Lily will be dressed in red over black, a closer-fit top with bulkier pants and boots, with a darker red overlayer, looser.

But she's not hard to pick out anyway.

As Xantia marches through the rooted passages, Lily Keil steps inside from below, from the passage that leads out to the Moonflow exit, and--

"Xantia," she notes. "...Looking for something?"

She looks over the woman and her armor. Hmm.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

"Ah-!"

Xantia reacts with surprise, almost as if she was caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. Which isn't really the case, her mind is just wandering all over the place, and she wasn't expecting to hear her name all of a sudden. When she turns and sees who it was that, her expression grows all the brighter for it.

"Lily! You were around? I was just looking for something to eat."

It's Xantia, what did you expect?

Expression souring slightly, she crosses her arms and adds, "I'm getting a little tired of 'bounty of the forest'. Do they have any real food here?" She doesn't clarify what she means by that, but 'more filling, and a lot of it' are good general guesses.

She can't help but notice the inspection of the armor, prompting her to rub the back of her neck in slight embarassment. "I'm kind of a mess, huh? I need to get Carina to fix it. If she's even here. This place is awful, I can't find anybody."

She's not really one to remark much on other people's appearance, but one can guess Xantia would approve of reds and blacks, given her own tastes judging from her armor. Or were those Id's tastes, and did she just steal them?

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

It's easy to get the 'caught' expression when someone as naturally sharp-eyed as Lily walks up. ...But then, that's just Xantia, too. It doesn't throw Lily; instead, she inclines her head in acknowledgement. "Actually I was just getting back," she admits. A moment later she laughs quietly, shaking her head.

"That sounds like you. I don't know, but it's worth a look. All I've got on me is old rations." Lily after all is... not exactly known for her pickiness when it comes to food. "The Blitzers probably know where to find something more high-energy."

Lily closes the rest of the distance and replies, "You are. But then, you're not the only one. There is a war on," she points out. Then, a pause. "I don't remember seeing her. We can probably find someone around here for at least basic repairs; last time I was in the weapon shop seemed decent quality, if overpriced."

Theft! Either is fine.

"...It's a unique place, that's something." She looks around, and has... not entirely made up her mind about something. But she motions with her head towards the Thunder Plains exit. "There's likely to be fewer people staring daggers at the foreigners closer to the storm. Walk with me? I can give you one of these ration bars."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

It's definitely 'same old Xantia' territory here, the way her eyes light up when Lily even mentions the rations. Her tastebuds must be defective, or somehow make up their own taste when there isn't much of one. Quite the opposite of picky herself - she just needs more and more filling food than she's been getting lately. If it's enough for one person, it's not enough for Xantia. She'll take whatever she can get.

Her mood tapers off a little at the mention of the war, but that too is known. Xantia likes fights. She doesn't like wars. There's an important distinction. With a slight shrug and shake of her head, she only actually responds to the matter of her armor repair. "I don't know. Carina made it. It feels wrong to let anyone else fix it." She doesn't know anything about craftmanship, but she's always thinking of her friends.

Xantia wouldn't have objected to leaving this city - there's just something about it that makes her uncomfortable - but when the promise of food is brought into the equation, she doubly doesn't need further convincing. "Oooh, thanks! I've been looking forward to having more of those!" Not exaggerating even a little. Xantia gets excited over the weirdest things sometimes. Then again, maybe it's not so weird, viewed from the perspective of eating something familiar in a strange land.

It doesn't take more than a few steps away from the city for Xantia's expression to turn more serious, and express the sum of her current feelings in a succinct manner.

"...Can we go home yet?"

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

Lily reaches into her bag and proffers the wrapped foodstuff--it is definitely filling, provided that one doesn't break their teeth eating it. Frankly she's not entirely different on that front; she also eats... a lot, though not as much as Xantia.

There is a difference, though. And for friends, "Better someone else fix it than someone need to fix you before you meet her again," the medic points out. For her, after all--equipment is just equipment. It is what it is.

The truth is that Lily doesn't plan to go very far, but even far enough that they're standing in front of the cavern opening out onto the Thunder plains is far enough--enough that the noise will largely obscure their conversation in case of any eavesdroppers for... whatever purpose.

Lily's old commando habits don't die easily.

"You're in luck. I didn't lose them in getting out of Luca. Once they dried out they were fine."

Lily does not answer the question immediately. Instead, she looks out into the rain, and a crack of thunder splits the air ahead.

"No," Lily answers. "Not yet. Unless you've found something I haven't. And looking is going to be even trickier with a war in the way. Sailing from here is out. Unless we find something to transport us back, we're stuck for a while yet."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Food always does wonders to take Xantia's mind off anything that might be bothering her. Unfortunately, food tends to not last very long in Xantia's presence, and this time is no different. As elated as she is to receive her promised ration bar, in no time flat the wrapper is all that's left in Xantia's hand. She agrees, "Sure tastes fine to me!"

To the matter of the armor, she only 'hmmm's in a non-committal way. That's how you can tell that she knows it probably makes sense, but she's not likely to actually do it. It might be fine, in her case, considering everything she's managed to shrug off before she even started wearing armor. Maybe it's the armor that needs protecting from Xantia.

"Someone already did need to fix me, before the armor got to be like this," she decides to share, but cheerfully, as the getting hurt part obviously wasn't as important as the rest of the circumstances. "I met a Seraph of Light, she helped me, and is still helping me to try and understand Light better. I know I can use it, I... did it before."

In Dazil, beyond her control. Thinking about that drops the levels of cheer considerably. "...Haven't had much luck with that. But I have to keep trying, maybe it'll help me figure out how to heal people better." And do Light punches, of course. But the healing aspect somehow feels more important to her right now.

Xantia follows Lily's gaze towards the rain. A pretty magical phenomenon in its own right, to someone who isn't used to seeing this much of it.

"I haven't found anything," Xantia replies evenly, though audibly getting more frustrated the more she continues speaking. "It seemed like such a nice place at first. I thought taking a vacation here would be nice. I tried my best to help the people here. And then they suddenly got real mean. And then a war happened. And I just..."

She turns towards Lily then, frustration starting to make way for desperation. "I can't... be here, Lily. I felt that way last time, too. I need to be on Filgaia. Even if there's a chance I'll lose control again if I go back... I have to. I can't explain it, that's just the way I feel." She places a hand on her chest as if for emphasis - if she were one to use more colorful language, she might say that her heart lies with Filgaia.

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

Some wonders don't last long. That's fine.

"Well, do what you think is best," Lily allows to that 'hmm', debating and deciding against pushing it for the moment. They don't need her micromanaging everyone; she's not in charge of equipment for these Wolves. Besides...

"Sounds like a good friend to have. If anyone can help you understand it as an element, I suppose a Seraph could. Like we've discussed, my way... doesn't seem to necessarily transfer to helping you figure it out." Lily opens her palm, looks down at it--but doesn't summon forth that heat for the moment. It's best... not, to use her version of light when it isn't necessary.

"I'm the last person to tell you not to try. But don't push yourself harder than you can handle--that's all."

Rain, snow; all part of something grander...

"It's pretty," Lily offers. But she remains serious, watching Xantia as she turns, seeing through desperation, through that need...

"I understand," Lily answers simply. "You don't need to explain. You'll know, one day. But that day isn't likely to come before we go back."

"...The waiting has always been the worst," she says, changing tracks a little. "When you're actually out on a mission, it's fine; the little details of getting by on assignment, keeping track of everyone, staying hidden, accomplishing the objective--all those can keep you going, keep you occupied. But when you're just at base, waiting for something to change, waiting for orders... That's when people go mad. That's when the tension gets to everyone. You can't go relax, because it could happen anytime; you can't go act, because then you won't be ready if they need you. You just... wait."

"But we'll get through. For now, our mission is to survive, all right? That's the assignment I'm giving you. We will find a way back." Lily curls that open hand into a fist, presses her lips together, and then stares out into space.

"...I promise. I'll find a way, if no one else does."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

If Xantia believed that Lily could help with what she's trying to accomplish this time, she'd certainly have asked. But it's true... in this, Lily's way feels too different from what it is she does, exactly. She wouldn't be able to articulate what her own way is supposed to be - if she could, she wouldn't need help to figure it out - but in her experience, following her feelings on these matters seems to work out pretty well. Eventually. These roads are never as smooth as she'd like them to be.

"It's fine, it's fine," she seems to wave off the concern of pushing herself. But unlike the typical Xantia way of charging into things, she actually is already being cautious with this one. "I'll be more careful now, I have to be. Messing up an attack isn't a big deal, but I wouldn't want to do anything wrong when healing somebody. Ah-- I can still help you though, if you need it. That's different."

One would think that what is effectively magical nanosurgery would be a lot more complicated than a regular healing technique. But she's making it sound like it's the opposite to her.

Xantia remains quiet after expressing her strong wish - her need to return to Filgaia. She's always appreciated Lily's insight in complicated matters, even though she often doesn't completely understand. This time, however... this time is very easy to understand. The hardest thing for Xantia to do has always been 'nothing'. It took real effort to attempt that vacation! And then she still ended up being active during the attempt most of the time.

And when Lily makes that promise... Xantia can't help herself. She abruptly goes in for a hug. A quick one, this time, not coincidentally.

"...Sorry. I know you don't like that." That's the first time she's ever apologized for a hug. Or gave any indication that she'd noticed Lily isn't comfortable with that. "I just... thank you. I've been feeling so useless... like I can't make a difference, no matter how hard I try. I never feel like that on Filgaia."

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

It's normal by now, for Lily--she's had time to understand how unlike... most approaches, her magic is. It would certainly be simpler otherwise--but the world is as it is, not as it could be. But there are other ways she can help, that they can help each other, for that matter.

"That is an important caution to keep in mind," Lily answers about healing. "I've made that kind of mistake before. ...The results weren't pretty. And..." Lily considers, and then just nods along. "I appreciate that. I haven't had any issues, but... I've also been... avoiding, relying too much on them, on that power generally. I don't want something to go wrong under these circumstances. Letting out that much magic--it could only make things worse here, I think."

The difference is intuitive to Lily, anyway. Some things you can just do, or not, and it's more intuitive than anything. The difference, clearly--organic, mechanical...

It's already told her things about herself she's still working out.

"Ah--"

Xantia abrubtly moves in and Lily is surprised by it, briefly stiff but only briefly. When Xantia pulls back Lily watches her a moment before, "...It's fine. I'm glad I was able to help some."

She watches Xantia a little further--and looks if anything, sympathetic. She actually smiles, briefly, almost a different person for a few moments. "It's not a good feeling to have. Just hang on as best you can."

Lily glances back up to Guadosalam. "It's one of my least favorite feelings, personally. Feeling powerless, when the thing that defines you most is power?" Lily lets that hang. "...Besides. Assuming we can do better than the Spirans can after seeing the situation for a few months, as compared to trying for years--Well."

"The Althenans are bigger fools than I'd realized. We may not be able to fix things ourselves, but we can damn well at least not make it worse."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia looks pretty uncomfortable when Lily implies how bad the possible results could be when healing goes bad. Hopefully that doesn't mean she already found out the hard way, just that she can imagine how terrible it is. But it's rare for her not to freely share her experiences if a subject happens to come up, so perhaps it's safe to draw positive conclusions from her not speaking up this time. She nods in approval, though, when Lily says she's been keeping That Power to a minimum as of late.

"It could also make things worse for you, if you use it too much," is all she says about it. That seems to be common with the people close to her - them seeming to be concerned about literally anything else more than their own well-being. At times like that, reminding them to also think about themselves is almost automatic.

Much like hugs just sort of happen automatically sometimes. Lily claims it's fine, and Xantia does tend to believe anything she's told... but she's already proven to have noticed otherwise. How will this conflict be resolved??

Not today, in any event, as Lily identifies with the way Xantia feels, prompting nothing but a headscratch from her in reply. She doesn't really need to say anything, it's... really pretty clear that she also feels that she's most defined by her power. That similarity is so obvious, it's obvious even to Xantia.

"...I was hoping," she finally speaks up again, balling her fists when Lily points out it was folly to believe they could solve Spira's problems so easily. Even if it was hardly just her out there, it still kind of feels like a personal failure. The reason for that may have something to do with how she replies when the Althenans' actions are brought up next, causing her to go into a spirited little tirade.

"I know! Why did they think that would help anything? I don't understand anything about what's going on! They even have heroes on their side... but they're acting like villains! People told me that heroes to the Althenans don't have to be heroes to everyone else, but that doesn't make any sense! Heroes are heroes, they should always do the right thing, and the right thing is never to do something that'll hurt innocent people, that's like the opposite of justice!"

She lets out a breath, highly frustrated by her values being challenged like this, and insists, as if to pre-emptively stop any counter-arguments, "...I'm not wrong. I've studied this."

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

It's a pretty gross topic! Lily does't go into detail, possibly out of secret-keeping habit. It's... probably for the best. But for Xantia's addition--

"That's true. ...And I'd rather take that kind of risk on territory we're more secure with, frankly. I can't keep away from it forever, but I don't want to add to our problems. We don't have much margin for error in all this."

It's hard to say!! But of course, if someone starts making a habit out of hugging Lily all the time maybe that's different...

"It's natural to hope for it," Lily says. But instead of going into that--instead of continuing, Lily listens to this tirade, to Xantia's clearly to her impassioned words about heroics, and...

Lily looks distant, in the moment, looking into space instead of directly at Xantia, before she focuses again on her friend. "I'm not going to say you're wrong," Lily says first, waiting for a moment to let it sink in--because she sure noticed that pre-empting. 'But'--and obviously there's a 'but'--

"..." Lily breathes in, and out, and then steps out a little closer to the Plains.

"No," she says. "I was going to talk about how sometimes, these things get subjective. That the question is--who decides who's innocent? When you believe that their way of life is evil, it's easy to justify hurting any of them, for their own good."

"...But I'm just not that much of an optimist." Lily opens her hand again, and this time she does summon up that light; palm-up, she stares, and after a few moments of pressure, a spark ignites in her hand, a ball of golden flame erupting and stabilizing, with more concentration than true fire would have taken. It seems to draw some of the dirt along the ground towards her, from the corners of one's vision.

"No, the way it makes sense is--not everybody lives up to what they say they are. People can claim to be heroes, and it can even be true for a while, only to fail. My father was a hero--he led our army to a lot of victories, saved a lot of lives. And now? You saw how that changed."

Lily continues to stare into the small nuclear reaction in her hand. "Maybe they were, once. Maybe they still are, and no one's listening. Maybe they never were."

The golden light winks out, and the haze in the air disappears; the gathered Ether fades. Lily turns back to Xantia again. "A 'hero' is a story that gives people hope. ...But that doesn't make it true. The kind of person who'll claim to be a hero--that's the one you need to watch the most carefully."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Whoa. That's pretty much what the look on Xantia's face says, just seeing the reaction that she's about to get. Of course, that's a pretty appropriate reaction to a nuclear power ball appearing in someone's hand, but let's be real - that's not something that would shock Xantia a great deal. She's not even particularly worried about what Lily's planning to do with it. But it sure has a way of emphasizing that this is going to be a more elaborate response than she was expecting.

She stays quiet during the whole thing, but she does react. Not much more than an curious expression to what Lily was going to about, before changing the perspective around. It only takes saying that not everybody lives up to what they say they are for her to frown, and look off to the side. She flexes her fists, wanting to argue against some of that, but unsure what, or how, for a time.

When the ball of light disappears, Xantia also turns to regard Lily again. Still pretty frustrated, by the look of things. Her frown only deepens with the following words. Now she knows immediately what it is she wants to argue against.

"But still, even so... I believe that people need hope, more than anything. Even if that hope is someone who could let them down. Even if it's hope that comes from believing something that may not be real. There's nothing false about hope. Ever."

Xantia's steely gaze is not meant for Lily, not really. It's a reinforcement of what drives her. Once she's spoken those words, though, that determination melts away into a doubtful expression, and Xantia brings her right hand to her mouth. Chewing the nail of her ring finger again, as she's done before when she's feeling nervous.

"...Sorry. I get... what you're saying, I think. It's really just the difference between... saying you're a hero, and actually being one. I think you're probably right... that a real hero wouldn't say they're a hero, and don't need to be called a hero. Everyone just... knows they're a hero."

That doesn't make what she's trying to accomplish any easier. But then, she said it herself just now, didn't she? Whether she actually succeeds at becoming a hero isn't what matters in the end. As long as she can give people hope.

So why does she suddenly feel so unsure of herself...?

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

Lily herself seems a little different, after having said it--though it's hard to pin it down precisely. Is it because of the concentration to keep the magical effect going? Is it something else? Either way--

Lily can tell there's some wish to argue about it, but it's not easy to argue with. Lily is content to wait for now, through that frustration, after she speaks--until Xantia actually answers. Here, the golden-eyed woman regards Xantia in silence for a while. 'Hope'...

Lily isn't bothered by the steel there; quite the opposite, measuring it is important. Seeing Xantia's resolve matters as much as what she says, because if she says something like this and doesn't back it up...

Lily, when she sees the doubt, shakes her head, and closes the distance again. "...Xantia," the medic starts, waiting for her attention.

"Good. You found something you can do. ...And it is something that seems to matter, here. What I said about heroes..." She shakes her head. "Forget it. All this dour stuff doesn't matter for you."

"Because that's a goal that's worth pursuing. And it's something maybe you can do. ...The Summoners, that these people wait for--the ones that can defeat Sin. Those give them hope, even though Sin's come back when it's been defeated. That's what their history says."

"...So if their heroes aren't being real heroes... Then get out there and show them someone who is. Personally--I don't know that I believe in that kind of thing. But trying to give hope is better than doing nothing, and it's something you can do that I can't."

"...You can leave the complicated parts to us. You don't have to be able to fix everything to help."

"...You seem uncertain now--but I saw that resolve when you were thinking it. If you can keep that feeling, then it's at least worth trying. Better than sitting around doing nothing, anyway."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia did seem to be losing her nerve a bit. But all it takes is for Lily to say that what was said before doesn't matter for Xantia's head to raise, and pay complete attention to what follows, slowly lowering her hand back down.

"Yeah... yeah! You're right, of course!"

It's... childishly easy to motivate her. All it takes is reinforcing a belief she already held anyway. Suggesting she do things that she would have wanted to do anyway. Take any complication out of the equation. Make her feel like she can make a difference.

Still, she's not going to get downright delusional about it, admitting, "...Beating Sin's going to be tough. Even Id doesn't think he can do it. But... I'm sure there's a way! We haven't found it yet, but we will!"

She doesn't follow that up with 'that's what I'm going to tell everybody' or anything like that. Even if spreading hope is ultimately the main idea, she genuinely believes in what she's saying herself, too. You can't believe in hope as strongly as she does without believing that nothing is impossible.

She certainly hasn't noticed that things were nuanced for her sake. She doesn't know the meaning of the word 'nuanced', so that has as little power over her as 'cynical' does. So she can just as genuinely express, "Thanks Lily, I feel better now. I'll do everything I can to help, you have my word as hero-in-training!"

Her hand comes up again, but with conviction this time, making a fist. There's a crunching noise, because she's still holding on to that ration wrapper. Heroes don't litter.

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

And really? Lily doesn't even mind that things changed a little--as they do sometimes, with Xantia. There's a purity to the way she thinks that matters to someone more inclined like Lily to brood. So when she's claimed to be right...

Sure, it's easy. But Lily wouldn't tell Xantia this if she hadn't seen the merit there in how Xantia said it first.

"Yeah, beating Sin will be hard. But the Spirans put their hopes on the Summoners for that, and I don't see a reason we should ignore that. Maybe they can pull it off--maybe we can buy them time, away from the war, to try, and see where it goes from there."

"...I mean, I'd like to do it myself. But..." She gestures. That's reckless, and she has no plan, and especially if she's avoiding doing something dumb...

"Either way, there's things we can do now, even without Sin. Especially you."

Lily smiles--it's small, and it's brief, but there is a little genuine warmth in it. "I'm glad," Lily tells Xantia about her feeling. "Truthfully... I feel a little better myself."

She turns back towards the city this time. "Because I believe you. Now... let's see about finding where the Blitzers keep the training fuel, hm?"