2019-08-14: Possessed By An Idea
- Log: Possessed By An Idea
- Cast: Xantia, Seraph Ragnell
- Where: Macalania
- Date: August 14, 2019
- Summary: Xantia unsuccessfully attempts to develop a new power, when who should come along but her good friend Seraph Ragnell, who has an enlightening idea...
===============================<* Macalania *>================================ The Macalania region is home to two ancient, crystalline formations of unsurpassed mystery and beauty. The first is the Macalania Woods - a shining maze-like forest overseen by strange, ancient, birdlike Beastmen who speak in bizarre riddles and weave light like silk. The second is Lake Macalania - an eternally frozen lake surrounded by snowy crevasses, which one can just see the frozen Temple beneath. Macalania is a distant, remote region -- and full of its own dangers. BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jz644GeAdE
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Spontaneous lightning crackles in the distance - a sight that wouldn't particularly stand out in certain parts of Spira. But this isn't actually the Thunder Plains. Though fairly nearby, they shouldn't be affecting the weather this far into the Macalania Woods, which makes this a clearly artificial phenomenon.
Plus, you know, the skies are actually completely clear out here, that's a pretty obvious tell that this doesn't have anything at all to do with the weather. Somebody would seem to be practising lightning magic out here, would be a pretty good guess. But even that's not totally accurate. Because if that was the case, one would think it's going pretty well. The voice that sounds out in between the flashes of lightning sounds anything but pleased, however.
"No, no, no!"
Xantia grumbles, closing her fist and causing sparks to scatter. She looks miffed for a few seconds before letting out a deep breath, and closing her eyes. Several deep breaths follow, then she nods to herself. "Okay. One more time."
Holding her right wrist with her left hand, she turns her palm upwards, and opens her eyes once more. Her expression shows that she's taking this matter very seriously indeed, doing her very best to focus on the task at hand. A task which she reveals the nature of when she announces what it is she's trying to make happen.
"...Light. Come on, Light. A warm, bright day on a beach. A comfortable sunbeam coming in through the window. A lantern, guiding the way through darkness."
Of course, if all she had to do was think about instances of light, this would have worked a long time ago. Thus it is no surprise that what ends up happening is just more lightning bursting from her hand. Well-controlled, perhaps, but that wasn't what she was trying to do, and another expression of dismay escapes her. "Gaaaaah!"
This time, she smashes her fist into the ground to disperse the lightning, leaving a small crater at the point of impact. "I don't get it! What am I missing?"
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Ragnell has posed.
It's exactly that artificial phenomenon that draws Ragnell's attention north from the Thunder Plains. It's probably just some black mage fighting fiends with thunder magic or something--or that was her first assumption, until she felt the familiar ring of Ether. That's different, and worth investigating, which is what brought her to the Macalania Woods. Not that she wouldn't chill in these woods anyway, but she's got something to occupy her attention with over by the Moonflow--something she's not too keen to stray too far from. This might well be a trap or a lure...
When she hears Xantia's voice, though, Ragnell tosses that possibility. Instead, she approaches on silent feet until she has the redhead in sight; then she watches silently as she's trying to talk herself through... producing light, maybe? Light without heat and flash, perhaps. The Seraph leans on a tree, arms folded, until finally Xantia craters the ground in frustration.
"You might just not have what it takes for light magic," she remarks. "Light an' lightning do have some things in common, but as you're obviously comin' to realize, that doesn't mean you can produce one as easily as the other." A beat. "Why're you tryin' to do that, anyway? You always struck me as bein' pretty content with the skillset you had."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia remains crouched after the latest string of failures, quickly going from angry to just sort of disappointed. She felt like she could manage this pretty quickly if she really put her mind to it, but here she is several months later without anything to show for her efforts. Not that she's about to give up, of course. No matter what Ragnell says.
"I know I have what it takes, I did it before. You saw that, right, back in Dazil?"
...Wait.
It took Xantia's mind a moment to catch up to her mouth, just sort of replying automatically before the situation fully registers. She's talking to Ragnell. Which means Ragnell is here. When did Ragnell get here? ...How is Ragnell here?
In a whirl, Xantia stands up straight and immediately turns towards the source of the voice. She's as good at hiding her feelings as ever, as evidenced by the astonished look she has on her face, making what she's about to say pretty obvious already.
"Ragnell! You're alive?!" Ragnell has probably seen many expressions much like this one as of late. But this one is Xantia's, so it should be no big surprise that the expression is soon replaced by a bright, cheerful smile. "...Oh, I get it, I should've known! It was all a trick! Of course you're alive!"
Looks like she hadn't yet learned that Ragnell's fate was not as final as it had appeared back in the Sanctuary. But she has absolutely no problem rationalizing it in a way that makes sense to her. She was only taken aback for like two seconds, that seems to have been all the time it took for her to accept this as part of reality. On some level, she may have already expected that things would turn out this way.
As such, she switches back to casual conversation as if nothing is at all unusual about this. "So yeah, I'm just trying to do what I already know I should be able to do. That's the only way I can think of that I might learn anything about myself while I'm over here. ...You wouldn't know a way to get back to Filgaia, would you?"
After a moment, she adds with a renewed smile, "You got your hat back." A random thing Xantia happened to notice, or does she have reason to believe that to be a significant detail? Equal odds, you never know with her.
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Ragnell has posed.
"Yeah, but was that really 'you'?" Ragnell counters, twirling a finger at Xantia. "Or maybe the better question is--is that someone you really want to get closer to being?" She pauses, then rubs her chin in thought. "Then again, I respect the desire to grow stronger. If you made that power yours, without losin' your control to... whatever the hell that was, you'd definitely pack even more of a punch than you do now. An' better to practice now when you're out in the middle o' nowhere than to have that go off in the middle of a city again."
Then Xantia whirls on her, uttering the phrase that is now well familiar to the Traitor Seraph. Ragnell chuckles and spreads her arms. "I sure am! Didja miss me?" She doesn't explain what trick or not-trick is behind it; Xantia probably wouldn't be interested in that much anyway. "I'm kinda happy, though," she adds, hooking her thumbs into her gun belts. "You're the first one to say 'of course you're alive' like it makes more sense than for me to be dead."
A way back to Filgaia? Ragnell blinks a couple times, then shrugs and shakes her head. "Not a reliable one. An' for travelin' between worlds, I'd really recommend against gamblin', unless you're REAL desperate."
She got her hat back. Ragnell grins. "Sure did," she drawls. "Turns out someone picked it up an' gave it to a friend to hang onto. Lucky me, eh?" She tilts the brim of her hat down. "I always really liked this 'un."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
"I did!" Xantia readily responds to the question of 'did you miss me'. Nothing if not earnest. She never stopped seeing Ragnell as a friend, so it only makes sense. What doesn't make sense is other people's reactions, which visibly puzzles her.
"Huh, really? I thought it was weird how it didn't look like you thought what happened at the Sanctuary was a failure. I don't think you'd look so okay with things ending like that, so... it makes sense things didn't actually end like that, right?"
Even if she has a tendency towards phrasing things in a bit of a clumsy, simplistic way, make no mistake: Xantia Notices Things. This extends to the hat, as well, to which she adds only, "I could tell!" Even took notice that Ragnell really likes her hat - she was never told that, it was just obvious to her from watching Ragnell. Maybe the world should be glad that Xantia doesn't know how to play Poker.
Getting what she can consider the objectively positive things out of the way first, she waits with her sigh of disappointment and lowering her gaze until after that point. She was kind of expecting a negative to the question of how to get back to Filgaia, but still, she had to try. "You're probably right. But, if it takes much longer... maybe I will be desperate." She looks back up to Ragnell. "I shouldn't be here. I need to be on Filgaia. That's... just the way I feel." Sounds a little more serious than homesickness.
Perhaps relatedly, she finally gets back to the original points made, regarding herself. A faint smile is briefly visible, before her expression turns serious again. "You were right before. I don't really care about becoming more powerful, that's not why I'm doing this. I just... want to know who I really am. I won't find out by running away from what I know I can do. I'm still worried about losing control again, and I'm not unhappy about who I am now, but still... I don't want to give up on whoever it was that I used to be."
She rubs her head, pushing past the moment easily enough, smoothly continuing, "I must be doing something wrong, though. Maybe Clarine's advice won't work for me, after all." A brief pause, before she thinks to ask, "Hey, does Clarine know you're alive? She was really sad about what happened."
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Ragnell has posed.
Ragnell blinks once at Xantia's immediate, earnest response. Then she turns away so Xantia can't see her smear a palm down her face and go "hhghghhgkgkk--" She really should have known better than to tease the incorrigibly honest Xantia like that, when Ragnell's weakness is emotional sincerity. Sh-she's shining! She shines too bright...!
She manages to calm herself, though, when the topic turns back to the battle at the Sanctuary. She takes a deep breath, lets it out, and turns back to the redhead. "On the other hand, are me or K.K. really the types to flip out?" she says. "Sure, I can lose my temper sometimes, an' I got a sharp tongue an' all. But K.K.! D'you really think they'd be fazed by somethin' as paltry as fallin' into the Leyline?"
Whether they were fine with the outcome of that battle or not, Ragnell's not going to say. It's just as well that the topic changes again to the matter of Filgaia. Ragnell tilts her head at Xantia's assertion that she needs to be on Filgaia.
"..." There is a way, but... well, she's not going to sell out her new allies quite that quickly. "Well, the Guard's around an' all, right?" she points out. "Maybe if you buddied up with them, you could catch a boat back to Meribia an' head to those teleporters that were under Azado."
Ragnell's not sure that would actually work with Sin trawling the seas, mind. But it's a possibility, and one that Xantia can potentially pursue until some other way becomes apparent. For now, though...
"Hmmm... Yeah, that does sound more like you," she muses. "Good for you, then. I hope you figure it out." She pauses, then half-smiles. "Yeah, Clary an' me have met up a few times since then. Fought a few times, too. I'm not too keen on that, but... as long as she's standin' against me, I can't just overlook her, either."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia, of course, has no idea what her emotional sincerity is causing. She only tilts her head and you can just about see a question mark appearing when Ragnell turns away for no reason that she can tell. She Notices Things, but Understanding Things is something else entirely.
She doesn't comment on it one way or the other, instead just shrugging when asked about her assessment of K.K. falling into the Leyline. "Probably not. But I don't get K.K. at all." Does that imply she feels that she does 'get' Ragnell? Sure sounds like it. But she doesn't elaborate on that. Instead, she has but one, innocent little question. "What's a Leyline, anyway?"
Why is it that whenever it looks like she might know more than she lets on, she soon makes it obvious that she often has no idea of the things she's getting herself involved with?
But at the moment, what exactly happened at the Sanctuary - and the matter of K.K. also being still alive, which is presumably another thing she feels only makes sense - is far from the most pressing concern on her mind. The matter of getting back to Filgaia is of far greater interest. Ragnell's suggestion on that front, however... she can only laugh awkwardly at that one.
"Ehehe... Iiii don't think the Guard is very happy with me right now. I did kind of try to smash one of their Gears." Golems actually, but it's all the same to Xantia. "And then I kind of fought them in Luca for days. But that's for a reason - I'm not very happy with them either."
She treats that matter fairly casually, but taking a closer look at Xantia, her armor... well, it looks like crap, to put it plainly. Damaged or bent out of shape in many places, a few pieces of it flat out missing... Even if she looks to be in good health, it's obvious how much she's been fighting, and how she doesn't seem to have ever heard the term 'armor maintenance'. Either way, it's plain to see why the Guard won't be an option. And of course she wouldn't be asking if she had any idea about any other possible ways to go back. All the more reason why she'd be out here doing this Light Training - Xantia can never just stay idle for very long, always has to move towards some goal or another.
If she figured Ragnell could help with this one, she'd have asked, of course. But when Seraphs all have their own element, it just makes more sense to ask one of the appropriate element, doesn't it? That's where Clarine comes in. She smiles when she hears that Ragnell's already met Clarine a few times, but that smile quickly fades when she hears the rest. "Wait, you fought? But... you're friends, aren't you?"
It takes her a second or two before a little something else hits her, and she crosses her arms. "...oh wait, so are we, and we have to fight too sometimes. That's a shame." She can be practical about such things. She's not sure if Clarine can.
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Ragnell has posed.
Xantia may not elaborate on it, but that implication is definitely not one Ragnell will just let slide. She's observed for herself how Xantia can seem stupid one moment and keenly insightful the next. Of course, there's no reason both can't be true, but that awareness makes her raise her eyebrows at her. "K.K.'s a tough nut to crack, all right, but... does that mean you think you get me?" she asks.
Then Xantia asks what a Leyline is. Ragnell gives her an 'are you kidding me?' sort of look. "It's that big energy thing we were fightin' next to. The thing me an' K.K. fell into. It's kinda like..." 'The circulatory system of Filgaia,' she pauses to say. Would Xantia even know what a circulatory system is? What a vein is? "It's kinda like, a bunch of underground rivers flowin' with the energy of the planet," she says carefully. "Not somethin' you generally wanna take a dip in."
A pause as Xantia explains why cozying up with the Guard isn't an option. She barks out a full-bodied laugh. "Did ya? Good for you! So much for that option, though. Hm." Another pause as Ragnell eyes Xantia. Yeah, she does look like her armor's seen better days. "Does that mean you've palled up with, whatsitcalled, Yevon? The Yevonite guys? Or did you just decide you're against the Guard?"
However she answers that, Ragnell quirks up a half-smile. They fought, but they're friends, but Ragnell and Xantia are friends too and they also have to fight sometimes... Heh. She nods. "You know, for a dummy, you really do get it. I like that about you. It'd be nice if more humans were like you." Although, truthfully, Ragnell's not entirely sure Xantia is human, so that might be unfair of her to say. "Anyway, what kinda tips did Clarine give ya? Don't know if I'll be much help, but maybe I can rephrase what she said so it makes more sense to ya."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Many would likely be taken aback at least a little bit by being pressed on the point of whether or not they think their understand a person, by the person themselves. Not Xantia, though. She just gives a little shrug, and smiles. "I don't know if it's possible to entirely get anybody. But I think I get you in the ways that really matter." Whatever the ways that really matter might be to Xantia. Knowing her, she probably couldn't articulate exactly what they are herself, if she's put any thought into it at all. Probably another instance of her just speaking from her gut, as she so often does.
An 'are you kidding me' look is another thing that Xantia isn't taken aback by. She gets that a lot. It's fine, no reason to not ask about things you want to learn about. She nods at the explanation given regarding Laylines, concluding, "Oh, I see. So it's like a vein." Well, that answers that. Did she get that from a book, or what? She probably doesn't make things any less of a mystery by remarking, "Yeah... it's not great to get caught in something like that." In a way that kind of sounded like she was speaking from experience. But that can't be right. Can it?
Xantia can't help but smile when Ragnell laughs, even though she isn't very happy about the mess she got herself into. War isn't exactly her favorite thing. Fighting in one of those never feels good, but this one feels especially bad. One reason for that is obvious when she's asked whether she's on Yevon's side, and a sour expression appears in response. She doesn't like either side of this war.
"I don't... think so. They at least don't hate us and let us stay in places they control, and they're not the ones attacking towns full of innocent people. But... what they did to the Crusaders wasn't right, either." There's something personal going on with that one. While she isn't super involved with the Black Wolves' planning operations, she knows enough to remark, "I think we're helping the Al Bhed, now?" And that's one of the reasons why it's best not to involve Xantia in the planning - she'd give away the plans to anybody without thinking.
Either way, she receives a... compliment? Of sorts? Xantia isn't immediately sure how to feel about that one, but since Ragnell makes it clear she thinks it's a good thing, that makes it easy to follow along and smile in response. "Well, then I'm glad I get whatever it is I get!"
Yeah, she probably got a fair assessment.
Regarding the teachings of Clarine, Xantia can only hold up her hands helplessly. "Well, she tried her best to get me to understand what Light is, exactly. Saying to think of things like a warm, bright day on a beach, a comfortable sunbeam coming in through the window, a lantern, guiding the way through darkness." The things she was summing up to herself out loud earlier. "That I need to focus on the feelings those things give you, immerse yourself in them. ...Become them, though I can't exactly turn myself into Light, so I don't know how I'm ever going to do that."
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Ragnell has posed.
Xantia's not really the type to get fazed by much, though, is she? At the very least, she has a certain surety of self that Ragnell likes. She listens to her answer, nodding once--she has a point there--before asking, "What ways are that? An' what d'you think you understand about me?" Even if Xantia can't express it in words, Ragnell's got to ask. It's about her, after all.
"Huh!" So she does know what a vein is. Maybe Xantia deserves a little more credit. It's hard to guess what she would or wouldn't know, though. Ragnell settles with, "Yeah, it's a lot like that. Lunar has somethin' similar too, but here we call 'em earthpulses." Well. They do in Glenwood and Meribia. For all she knows, Spirans might have a different term. She does blink at Xantia's implication that she's been through something like that herself. Huh... Well, it's not impossible for a human to survive that, based on the stories she's heard from her elders, but... "How was it for you?" she wonders.
The sour look on Xantia's face gets Ragnell to laugh again, harder this time. "I'll take it that's a 'no' to bein' on Yevon's side!" She doesn't approve of what they did to the Crusaders, huh. Ragnell gives her a thoughtful look, then nods. "I see." It doesn't matter to her much either way, but--the Al Bhed, huh. "We who?" she asks, just to see if Xantia would spill that. Ragnell suspects she means some Drifter group or another.
Sincere compliments aren't something Ragnell really does, what with her allergy to emotional sincerity. Packing it along with an insult like that is her way of easing it for herself. Which isn't necessarily great for whoever she's talking to, but... well, at least Xantia takes it in stride.
As for Clarine... "Ahh. I overheard you sayin' that stuff." She looks up and around at the Macalania Woods. "There's certainly plenty o' light in here, but... isn't it mostly reflected light? The actual sun's overcast by the treetops. Maybe it'd be better if you went to an actual sunny beach an' laid in a sunbeam." She chuckles. "Yeah, I doubt you could actually turn yourself into light. That's definitely a Seraphism." Since they can, in fact, become their elements... or at least orbs of light. Having a not-truly-physical body comes in handy. "Plus, light isn't all in one form. For Clary, yeah, it's a guiding gentleness to lead people through the dark, for sure. But there's also reflected light like the moon an' this here forest, lights that make you see things that aren't there, harsh lights that dry you up an' blind you, an' so on. There's destructive flashes o' light, like laser beams, an' even light you can't actually see. Maybe it'd help you if you figured out what kind o' light resonates with you."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia does tend to just go with the flow on things, no matter what's happening. Seemed like a good policy at the time, not knowing or understanding what 'the flow' is supposed to be in the first place. Even if her understanding's grown a bit over time, she's just used to that way of doing things now. No need to fix it if it works, no sense in making things more complicated and less straightforward than the way she tends to see them.
It thus probably doesn't come as too much of a surprise that her answer to Ragnell is a simple one. Simple, yet... maybe not the way most people would think. Xantia is pretty matter-of-fact about it though, shrugging a bit, clearly feeling that this is an obvious matter. "We talked about that already, right? How you're just doing what you feel like doing? And I can't imagine you'd ever feel like dying, so... when it looked like you just sort of accepted what was happening, it was hard to believe that you thought you were about to die."
Ragnell would want to at least give the Grim Reaper something to remember her by, right? That would make much more sense.
In any event, though Xantia might know a few things about anatomy one might not expect from her, she's learning new things about the workings of planets here, as is obvious from the wonderment in her expression. To think that planets would have something of a circulatory system, too... that's completely new information. Falling into one of those without knowing what it is, well, that might be possible, but that's probably not the case, given how confused she is by Ragnell's question. "Huh? How was what for me?" Looks like that one will require a bit more directness.
How much directness pays off is immediately obvious when Ragnell asks her to clarify who 'we' is, and Xantia answers without hesitation, "The Black Wolves, of course! You know, the mercenary group I'm with? Or... didn't you know about that?" Only now does doubt work its way into her expression, Xantia thought Ragnell was aware of that already. Which doesn't have to mean that it's actually the case at all, she has a bad habit of assuming things obvious to her are obvious to others, without thinking about whether or not that makes sense.
But, of all topics, it's the matter of Learning Light that interests her the most, and she absolutely welcomes any insight that Ragnell may have on the matter. It doesn't start out super great, with the implication that she's been Doing It Wrong, and when that ends with the suggestion to lay in a sunbeam, she can only whine, "But I've already been doing that, a lot, and it didn't help at all." And yet, not much of a tan to show for it.
But when the nature of light is brought into the picture, Xantia crosses her arms, looking pensive. That's something she hadn't thought of. "Is that how it works? I thought I could just, you know... learn how you activate Light power, and then I could use it to do light punches or heal people, depending on what I need it to do." It's not a strange perspective - to her, anyway. That's just how things have worked for her before.
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Ragnell has posed.
"Hmmm... So that's what you mean. Yeah, okay, I'll grant you that," Ragnell says, of her doing what she feels like. She thinks back to the battle at the Sanctuary with a half-smile. Then she chuckles. "Yeah, I see what you mean. I'm not the type to go off quietly hand-in-hand with Death, huh? I'm the type to struggle to the end. Mm, yeah, that's true. o/`" ...She seems oddly happy about this.
She tilts her head at Xantia's confusion. Was she mistaken...? Ah well. "Never mind," she says. "It's nothin'." If it comes up again, she can ask again.
The Black Wolves! The Black Wolves. Did Ragnell know about a group called the Black Wolves? This doesn't stop her from acting like she does, with a loud, "Ah, yeah, them! Well, things have gotten awful mixed up of late--all these new groups showin' up, so I wondered if you might've shuffled around too. Yeah, the Black Wolves. That makes sense, o' course. Y'all haven't gotten folded into any other groups, then? Still the same folks as before, you an' the others?"
So Xantia's tried laying in sunbeams to no effect. Ragnell laughs another loud, rich laugh. "Yeah? That's too bad!" She tilts her head at her, then adds, "Do you remember anythin' from when you lost control an' started fightin' me an' all those folks? Anything from how it felt back then? If not then, hmm... You could see if Clary would be willin' to pop into your body an' channel her power through you. That might help out. 'S'how a girl I know got so strong, in fact."
Okay, so there's a lot to unpack there.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia notices Ragnell seems happy following her assessment, but she has no idea what about. And thus, her expression shows a clear lack of understanding to go along with a small, uncertain smile. It's so easy to read her like a book. Well, normally speaking. Dazil happened, after all. Nobody saw that coming.
Though curious, Xantia doesn't usually press matters when told 'never mind', so she lets whatever that was about rest. Given her confusion about being asked, it's very possible that whatever she was going on about was unrelated to begin with.
Regarding the Black Wolves, it appears to Xantia like Ragnell was in the loop about that, so she immediately stops thinking about whether that was actually the case, nodding along. That makes good enough sense, it's not like Xantia puts much of any thought into all the different groups out there that she isn't a part of.
"I don't think so?" is the best response she has on whether they've folded into any other groups. "Leon handles all that stuff, I just help out with things I'm good at helping with." So, anything that calls for brute force, then. Certainly nothing involving tactics and planning. But regarding the members, she can say, "Yeah, it's still the same people, I think all of us are here. Even Emeralda."
The casual demeanor quickly fades when the time she lost control comes up. Thinking back to that makes her uncomfortable, her right hand moving to the opposite arm and her gaze moving to that spot as well. "I... remember everything I did. But, all I could do was watch myself. I couldn't feel it, I don't know how I did those things."
And then it's suggested she lets someone else enter her body. And all Xantia does is lift her head and question, "Huh... that can work? How does that work?" One would think that to be a more surprising concept than that, and likely a disturbing one, doubly so for someone who's afraid of losing control of herself. But Xantia looks more curious than she does shocked. She has a way of not reacting quite like most people would, doesn't she?
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Ragnell has posed.
Leon and Emeralda, Ragnell notes. Leon, Leon... Ah, that Leon. She remembers him now. His partner--Lily, wasn't it?--got awful mad when he got himself skewered because he was trying to shoot Ragnell. Not that Ragnell cares, since she hasn't seen either of them since. Sounds like they aren't dead, though, if Xantia is any indication. She doesn't think she knows any Emeralda. Pretty name, though.
"Good for you guys, then," she says. "I know a few o' you were fightin' K.K. an' me back there."
All she could do was watch herself. That sounds pretty terrifying to Ragnell. For all that she brought it up casually, when Xantia frames it like that, she's a little surprised she seems open to the concept of letting a Seraph possess her. "You know we Seraphim, we're not quite physical beings, right? We're elemental spirits, more or less. We can interact physically with the world if we want, but most of the time--" She reaches out as if to grab Xantia. Her arm instead passes right through her. "--Like that," she concludes, nodding. "It's possible for a Seraph to go all the way inside your body an' come along for the ride. Like gettin' possessed by a ghost, though we aren't exactly ghosts. Humans have a tendency to produce lots of Malevolence so it's not somethin' we tend to do, but I don't think that'd be a big problem in your case. Probably." She shrugs and shakes her head. "Either way, you'd have to ask Clarine if she'd be willin' to do it. She's got her own vessel so she has some protection against Malevolence, but it's still a risk to us, after all."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia nods to confirm Ragnell's words. "Well, mostly me doing the actual fighting, there at the Sanctuary. I was supposed to keep you busy so the others could deal with the Orb. I'm best at fighting anyway." At least she's not giving away plans that haven't already happened, this time. Not that Xantia being given instructions to punch people in any situation where that's applicable should be any surprise.
She would also readily confirm that not being in control of her own actions, and being aware of it, is the most terrifying thing that's ever happened to her. Xantia must be thinking of what Ragnell said in a different way than 'possession', or just not entirely understanding what's being suggested. Honestly, at the time it was said, she was kind of just jumping at the chance to talk about anything else than her previous experience.
She gets a bit more of an inkling when Ragnell's hand goes right through her arm. That, she does react to, eyes going wide and instinctually retracting that arm, then briefly inspecting it. Sure, she knew that Seraphim are spirits, and that they could pass through things if they want to. But when you see that happening with a person, that's still really weird, especially when that person is you.
"P-possessed, you say," she stammers, now more clear on the exact nature of the suggestion, and a lot more worried about it than before. Is that really something she could agree to, even knowing it could help with something that's important to her? More than anything, she needs to know the answer to what worries her the most about that option, looking back to Ragnell. "Is that, um... Would I... still be me?"
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Ragnell has posed.
Ragnell chuckles. "Yeah, I saw that for myself." She was there, after all! Plus, well, Xantia doing the punching and distracting while others deal with fiddlier matters is only sensible.
It looks like it's dawned on Xantia what Ragnell means by possession. She's gone from curiosity to reluctance, if not outright fear. That makes more sense. "Yeah, you'll still be you," Ragnell confirms. "Clary would never take over your body. It'd be like if you were ridin' a horse an' you had Clary ridin' on the same horse with you. You're in the same position an' she can help you out, but you still got your hands on the reins. Make sense?"
After a moment of consideration, Ragnell adds, "That bein' said--it is possible for a Seraph to straight-up take control of a human's body, or for them to affect their body while they're not aware of it. That almost never happens, though, an' like I said, Clary would never do somethin' like that."
It does occur to Ragnell to offer to pop into Xantia's body herself to let her get a sense of what it feels like. But, well, she's not feeling that helpful today. "In the end, it's just a suggestion. If you're not comfortable with it, you don't have to do it," she concludes. "Clary might refuse you anyway. Like I said, poppin' into a human's body carries a risk for us, too." If it weren't for that other self Xantia's hiding, she'd say there's no risk at all when it comes to her. She does have a pure heart and all.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Whatever her exact feelings, Xantia is clearly quite worried about losing herself, given the overt deep breath of relief when told she'd still be her. Only to look a little confused again shortly after, some doubt in her voice when she responds, "I... think I get it? I don't know how to ride a horse." Still just as capable of surprising people with what she knows about as she is of missing the point entirely due to an analogy that doesn't resonate well with her. Animals tend to parse as food in her mind first and foremost. Riding food is a pretty weird thing to do.
Comfort levels lower again when she learns that full-on possession is still a possibility. Is that something she has to worry about now? Or is that what happened to her in the first place, was it a Seraph making her do things against her will? She doesn't think that's what happened, but she can't be entirely sure of that. Saying that it almost never happens doesn't cause quite as much relief, since, well, there's that 'almost'. And there's that little issue she has with not always being able to perceive Seraphs...
But in the end, she shakes it off. Literally, shaking her head resolutely. She can't be worrying about that sort of thing every waking moment. "Okay, okay, so... that probably won't happen then, wouldn't happen without good reason, I understand." But a random hostile takeover of her body is all that worries her. When her comfort with it is brought into question, she again shakes her head. "No, no, it's fine, it's just-- well, I trust Clarine. So, if it was her, that would... be fine." Still couldn't say it entirely without hesitation, but she does mean it.
"...Maybe I'll ask, then. Sometime. If I really can't get it this to work." Which isn't to say she's quite as eager to rush into things this time as she usually is. At least she's able to smile again, if a little awkwardly. "Thanks for the advice! Sorry if I'm being weird about this, it's just, you know, I don't want to end up hurting anybody."
Aside from when she makes the conscious choice to punch people into the stratosphere, of course. But those guys had it coming.
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Ragnell has posed.
"No? Ah, well... Then maybe it's more like carryin' someone on your back, but they don't weigh anythin'," Ragnell suggests. Maybe that'll come across better. She pauses when Xantia radiates fret lines, and adds, "For what it's worth, whatever happened to you at Dazil, that wasn't a Seraph's doin'. I'm not sure what it was, but it definitely wasn't that. We can recognize our own." And anyway, if it had been a Seraphic possession, she wouldn't have any memory of the time of the possession--but Xantia doesn't need to know that particular detail.
Either way, she pats Xantia on the shoulder. "Clary's a good lady. You're right to trust her," Ragnell reassures her. This might not be very reassuring coming from the Traitor Seraph, but Xantia thinks of her as a friend, so there you go. "No worries, Xan, I getcha. Losin' control o' yourself, bein' beholden to someone else's will? That's scary stuff. Of course you'd wanna get stronger."
She smiles and flips a hand up in farewell as she turns back towards the Thunder Plains exit. "Well, I oughtta get goin'. Good luck with your trainin'." And unless stopped, she'll stroll off to head back to the Moonflow.