2019-08-17: The Problem Is, We Haven't Met
- Log: 2019-08-17: The Problem Is, We Haven't Met
- Cast: Lydia Seren, Ivan
- Where: The Moonflow
- Date: August 18, 2019
- Summary: In the aftermath of the Shadow Dragon cult battle, Lydia checks in on Ivan. By and by, a series of CONFESSIONS are exchanged...
===============================<* The Moonflow *>=============================== The Moonflow is a large river that bisects Spira's largest island into southern and northern halves. Strange flowers called Moonlilies grow on the Moonflow's banks, attracting pyreflies that gather on its surface at night, making the water sparkle. Although a beautiful area, the weather tends to be overcast more often than not, the souls of the dead providing the most reliable source of illumination. The primary method of crossing the Moonflow is aboard a shoopuf - an elephantine creature that can swim across the expansive river. The crossing service is funded by the Temple of Yevon and is free of charge. BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wcVnJQ-FN4
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
Lydia didn't rest until after hugs to Talia have been given out and she fell asleep at which point Lydia rushed off a bit to throw up. It must have been some effort to keep that in for as long as she did. It's a messy silver gunky mess when she does too, a mess that evaporates quickly and leaves little trace of its presence.
Lydia returns shortly thereafter to check on Ivan. Upon finding him, she offers a relieved smile that he doesn't seem to be on fire anymore before flopping over onto her back and staring upward at the sky. Or ceiling? It's Schrodinger's location here but you get the deal.
Either way she seems comfortable lying on the floor and staring up at nothing so she doesn't budge from this position for several more moments.
But eventually she says, "Talia's gonna be okay." to him. "How about you?"
If she had her way she'd probably already be hugging him and it's probably inevitable but there's some hesitation here out of respect for Ivan's comfort levels.
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan is sitting outside whatever dwelling or establishment they found for Talia to rest in, trying to recover his strength before he sets off again. The pain inside him is fading, but he still takes measured breaths, waiting out the lingering dizziness and weakness.
He hears the now-familiar flop of Lydia depositing herself nearby, and gives a faint little smile, though he keeps looking on ahead in the hopes that she can't see it from this angle.
"Me? I didn't even get hurt in there really. With all of the blah blah blah and trying to kill everyone I know and recruit me. How is your neck?"
He definitely thought Lydia was dead in there for a while; he knows she has different physiology but he wasn't factoring in the... time delay between apparent Lydia murders and miraculous Lydia recoveries.
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
The now familiar flop. This time Lydia is kind of worried maybe Ivan is mad at her thanks to the power of insecurity that she actually does kind of miss the smile this time which would have, ironically, put her fears to rest.
Luckily asking about her neck doesn't hurt and Lydia smiles bigly as if Ivan had just confessed or something.
"Yeah, uh, my neck is fine! I thought I was a goner but I guess thinking about it it easn't as bad as the time when Janus shot me in the face pointblank! So I guess I'm fine! I'm...fine. So is my neck."
Ivan explains he wasn't hurt and Lysia admits, "I know. I just sort of figured you've had a real stressful time."
She snickers a bit. "Blah blah blah is right, right? Toldja they were up their own philosophy's ass."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Lydia assures him she is fine in the same breath as admitting she thought for a while she was going to die.
"It sounds like it was scary," he says, in a softer tone of voice.
But once she turns the topic back to him, he's back to Classic Ivan: "Oh. I don't really... have stress ever. So you don't need to worry about that."
Even though Lydia can't see his expression probably, he still takes care to say this with the straightest face possible even though he has run away from basic social encounters on a regular basis and he was the one who was losing his shit so bad he was setting off explosions randomly and might have had to get dragged off the battlefield if the enemy hadn't retreated.
Mocking the enemies is a bit more comfortable territory than discussing his EMOTIONS, so he agrees with her comment, making a derisive noise.
"They don't even have a damn mission, do they? The whole sales pitch was 'join me, get stronger for no reason, and as a bonus I'll murder everyone you know. Dumbasses."
But how is he going to kill them before it happens again...?
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
Lydia's cheeks silver very faintly, at least relative to how her entire face was silvered up for a while there. She sits herself up into a seated position. "I really think the leader really just breaking these kids so that he can feel--so he can be stronger himself. Like even the one there that punched a hole through me isn't really comparable to him. And if that's the case, he's not really doing a great job as a teacher now is he?" Considering she baiscally vaporized one of them she feels confident in saying that even while they may be 'stronger' than they would have been normally, none of them really compare to the leader who has proven to be nigh untouchable.
"Maybe they need to hire more merchants if they really want to get a proper sales pitch going. Like maybe don't start with the family murder but sort of reveal that as the 8th step of the 10 step program."
She has a bit of a dark humor streak to her. "But I'm guessing it'll be a while before they make a move again. You could still come to Filgaia, you know? They don't really have a presence on Filgaia. We have different assholes who don't really care about you."
She lowers her head. "But I guess I get it. Lunar's your home and all. Plus the food is better."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"Yeah. At least they're dumb enough to reveal the family murder thing upfront. At least there's that. Not that I would have fallen for it either way, but..."
Ivan sighs. It probably isn't good to get worked up again. He doesn't think he could get the chain reaction going again where he starts burning out of control, but it's probably safest not to press his luck.
Lydia invites him to run away to Filgaia--not to escape his father, but to evade the cult. Without the ... baggage of necessarily having to see it as meaning anything besides a solution to a clear and ongoing threat, he seriously thinks about it for a few moments.
"It might be a little... complicated for me to go to Filgaia. But maybe if everyone else I know went to Filgaia where the cult couldn't go after them randomly, that would be good..."
Ivan does not comment on the fact that it would be lonely for him if everyone he cared about went to Filgaia without him, since obviously he has no feelings and that kind of thing isn't a concern.
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
Lydia listens to Ivan's answer to that quietly. Lydia certainly has selfish reasons for wanting Ivan to go to Filgaia with her but the fact of the matter is, she kind of understands now that even if Ivan leaves Lunar and no longer has to fear his father or the cult nearly as much--he's still going to be Ivan and he's still going to have the same uncertainties and concerns as before.
Lydia stands herself up with a 'hupp!' and approaches Ivan.
And then... oh no! Here comes a hug! Can Ivan evade it in time?!
Either way, she says, "I can live okay on either world. If you want to stay on Lunar, I'd find a way to. And if I got dragged to Filgaia, I'd look for a way back. Maybe some day we'll be able to go back and forth freely, even."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan does not flee the hug, but looks at Lydia questioningly, like he doesn't understand what it's for. Surely she has taken everything he said seriously and at face value so there is no reason for hugs right now because he is one hundred percent fine and has merely described a practical solution with no particular consequences?
His brows knit as she suggests staying on the same world as him, or traveling between. It's a lot of pressure to be her reason for choosing a world, and his mind still kind of rejects that that could be what she's getting at. He sort of pretends he didn't understand that part.
"It would be good if you could come and go as you wanted. If it was like that and there was a simple travel method, I might be able to... check it out there someday, depending on my obligations and all..."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
Lydia's hug tightens before it releases. Lydia smiles. "Sorry for being selfish. That hug was for me. I really needed one."
She pulls away, reluctance in her eyes that she quickly banishes and checks out the surroundings one more time. A habitual worrier perhaps but this time she may be concerned they were followed. Her pupils dilate briefly as she scans about before returning to normal.
"We won." Lydia says. "It was messy and we couldn't even touch the guy but... We won. And we'll only get stronger. And every time he loses, every time his students lose, their weak worldview will only get wealer."
She nods slowly. Even if they end up on different worlds...it does not mean they will be seperated forever. "But I'll probably just stick around whichever world you're on the most. Usually we don't get to choose but I can at least stack the dice."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"Oh. If I'd known it was for you, I might've..." Ivan abandons the sentence and pretends he didn't start it. Clearly a man immune to fear or stress.
During the hug, Lydia may have been able to detect a bit of an elevated temperature, although perhaps that's not so noteworthy given that he was on fire for a decent about of time.
Lydia tries to cast the situation in a hopeful light, speculating that the enemy will simply be weakened over time, as they grow stronger. Ivan doesn't know if he believes that -- the cult has been going strong in one form or another since Amaranth was alive, a long time ago. Are they really going to get strong enough to take it down before something irreversible happens?
She reiterates that she'd rather stay on the same world as him. He winces a bit, chewing on some complicated thoughts and worries.
"I do... prefer for you to be on the same world as me..." he admits, very slowly, as if he isn't certain if each individual word ought to be let out, "...but I was sort of just saying the opposite, that maybe it's better to try to be on different worlds, so that they don't grab you and try to figure out something more permanent than normal murder methods."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
"You can still do what you might've!" Lydia assures Ivan though she's honestly pretty sure he won't. She doesn't comment on Ivan's elevated temperature just yet either, probably trying to figure out mentally whether he might be sick (she saw him take the medicine but usually it's been mid or post fight) or if it's normal. As she's mulling on it, Ivan admits that he wants her to be on the same world as him too! "Aw Ivan!" She says, touched, but then he goes on to say that maybe they shouldn't be on the same world after all so she isn't murdered!
"Nah." Lydia says. "I mean, the people who want me can show up on both worlds anyway so I might be murdered on either world and statistically speaking two groups wanting to kidnap and/or kill me is not that big of a difference over one group wanting to kidnap or kill me right? Besides, I don't... I don't want living to mean giving up on what makes me happy, you know? Even with all the bullshit, I've never been happier than I have been the last few months."
She shifts her body weight slightly to the side. "Um. So. You want some water? I'll get you some water. And some ice Just to be on the safe side, tough guy!"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Despite Lydia's expectations, Ivan responds to her invitation to wind back the clock and have do-overs on how he might have handled the hug if he knew she wanted comfort by pulling her into a new hug, one hand to her back and the other to the back of her head.
He holds on for few moment like this and then retreats again, looking like he's trying to reset.
Lydia suggests there would be little point in choosing a planet based on fear, especially with people after her on both. Ivan concedes to this honestly kind of horrible point, but looks a little shellshocked when she mentions she's been happier lately on a timetable that coincides with meeting him.
I'll get you some water. And some ice Just to be on the safe side, tough guy!
"Y-you don't have to like patronize me," Ivan says, reddening. Why is she offering him water? He feels his own forehead to try to see if he's hot, although that's usually not a thing that works.
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
<poem>Lydia is shocked by Ivan SUBVERTING EXPECTATIONS but she closes her eyes, resting her head briefly on his shoulder and oh okay there he goes backpedaling again. But it was a really nice five or six seconds. Sometimes life's just about appreciating those six or so seconds you get to have, it seems.
"I-I'm not!" Lydia protests. "At least... I didn't think I was...?" She frowns. "I'm sorry, Ivan. But I um. What I mean is, it was a rough situation and we should probably drink some water and get some ice one your forehead in case, in case you caught something? An ounch of prevention is worth a pound of cure! I read that somewhere..."
She steps on in, "So I'll be right back!"
And she isn't gone long before she has a couple cups of water and an ice pack with her, offering the latter to Ivan first.
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
It was probably the 'tough guy' part that sounded sarcastic or insincere to Ivan, but regardless, he feels a bit bad for making her feel bad about it. He winces a little at the thought that the wording she used to dance around the topic of whether he was sick and avoid injuring his pride ended up... injuring his pride.
Is he really that sensitive? He's trying to be the opposite of sensitive...!
He accepts the ice pack and holds it uncertainly to his head.
"Uh, if I have a fever I'll be better in a bit," he says. "I already took something for it. It, uh... it doesn't happen often I guess, but it happens kind of... regularly. Pretty much whenever the last dose wears off."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
It's understandable. Lydia was sort of aiming for mild affectionate teasing and that can be pretty close to patronizing if you aren't careful. Lydia doesn't consider Ivan weak or flimsy but she finds the way his heart makes itself known irregardless of Ivan's actual intentions to be rather sweet. If Ivan is trying to be the opposite of sensitive, he might need more training but it's also--honestly--kind of too late. If he starts trying to be insensitive now Lydia might actually just read it as him trying to protect her! WHICH IS SENSITIVE AND SWEET.
If, okay, sometimes kinda really frustrating.
"What do you take? Medicinally I mean. In case uh....you lose access to your supply because that happened to me...maybe can get Jay to wokr up a batch." Uggh why does the one pharmacist she knows have to be a terrorist now? It's super inconvenient!
She has some water herself and huffs out a breath before adding, "Is it helping?"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan makes some uneasy faces at the question. "Uh, well, some of the ingredients are kind of rare so it costs... a non-trivial amount of money to get a batch. Generally also I don't want to ask for help from people I've tried to kill, either, so..." he waves his hands a little, dismissively. "I'm good with just getting it from where I'm already getting it whenever I can afford more. But I can't, like... just go off to another planet for a really long time or anything, for example..."
It's honestly a little nervewracking even to be across the ocean from his usual apothecary. He ordered a new batch a while back that hasn't arrived yet, though he still has stock to use in the meantime.
He uses one hand to hold the icepack obediently to his head and the other to sip at some water.
"Yeah, I'm feeling better."
He frowns down into the cup because she mentioned she regularly takes some kind of medicine as well. "Um, I guess this is personal so you don't have to answer, but... ... do you secretly have a serious illness or anything? Not that I do. Mine's pretty minor, nuisance kind of thing."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
"Well I get that," Lydia admits quietly. "But ... what if we end up somewhere and you can't rely on them? Wouldn't it be smart to plan ahead?" To be fair to Lydia here she has been involuntarily transplanted to another world three times now. Once or twice is coincidence but three times is a pattern and it just so happens that if Lydia finds herself teleported to ANOTHER DIMENSION she'd want to drag Ivan along. But it'd be hard for her to justify that if dragging him along means murdering him. "The ingredient might not even be as rare on Filgaia."
She pauses. "Well I mean, something to think about atl east, right?"
Ivan asks if SHE has a mysterious anime coughing disease or something worse pretty much and Lydia says, "Nah. I mean. I sort of told you about it before, but I took medicine for that. And also I guess...mood stablizers... but I haven't taken those for a while because I ran out and..."
And to be honest, she doesn't feel any different and she hasn't screamed at anybody that she wouldn't normally scream at so she's actually nervous to start up again. Maybe she never needed it. Or maybe something in her brain changed and she really doesn't want to think about that possibility.
"...Well if you say it's mostly just annoying..."Wait that probably isn't actually the case, Lydia!
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"I am planning ahead, I'm stocking up as much as I can," Ivan grumps. The herbs he needs don't really grow on the Spiran continent, so having a second supplier on Spira would just entail asking someone else to order the same ingredients he's already ordering. He also doubts that a dying desert world will have rare Lunar herbs in abundance, but... who knows. It wouldn't be the craziest thing he'd learned about Filgaia, anyway.
"Ah, I see," he says, as she explains the purpose of her medicine. "I didn't know there was medicine for stabilizing moods..." You can kind of see Ivan speculating on whether he could medically switch all his feelings off. Bad Ivan. But still! Maybe Filgaia DOES have better medicine than Lunar does and he should think about that...? Like if they don't have the stupid rare herbs he needs to take forever, but what if they had something totally different that could be a cure? But no sense having Lydia fret about it, either way.
"Yeah, it's just annoying so there's no reason to worry about it either way!"
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
"They don't work that way," Lydia says as if reading Ivan's mind. "It's not like a switch, though I don't really know how to describe it any better but the idea is to kinda chill me out a little rather than make me completely turn off. Though there is stuff for that I guess like--for a few hours but you wouldn't want to take them all the time. I bet Cyre still has some drug--some medicinal herbs with him."
No reason to worry about it either way...
"Well," Lydia admits. "I am going to worry about it either way. Cause that's what I do but you've managed it this long so I guess you don't need my lectures. S'long as we don't end up stranded on Filgaia with no supply--" Though it does occur to her it might be pretty tough to get Ivan medicine with a 'rare ingredient' that Ivan seems hesitant to share.
But it doesn't seem to be on Spira so she supposes what would she do with that information anyway except feel better if something similar existed on Filgaia?
"Point is," Lydia says. "If I do end up on Filgaia because, say, a giant whale attacked and we had to sneak into a temple and get teleported to Filgaia... I would find my way back. It might be a bit since I'd haveto find a way back but I'd come back. Is what I'm trying to say."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan is mindread, and looks guilty about the contents of his mind!
"Ah, well, that's probably good, it would be kind of sad if you switched off..." Only he is allowed to think about doing stuff like that! There are definitely some double standards at play here for Ivan but what else is new?
She mentions her worry over the medicine thing, though she agrees to let him handle it. "Yeah, I mean, I'd just rather be independent about it, you know? There's a little bit of baggage there, I guess." A 'little.'
The topic is shifted back to world hopping, and Ivan relaxes a bit.
"I mean, if you've got people after you on both worlds, then, uh... then I wouldn't mind if you wanted to come back..."
Even Ivan knows that response sounded super lame in the face of her vowing to find a way to cross worlds to hang out with him. But he already admitted he wanted her on the same world as him!! That was dangerous! He's afraid of making it worse!
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
What are the odds of Lydia being switched off?? Probably pretty low!
"Yeah I can see that. Especially since my pharmacist joined a terrorist organization. And pretty much any pharmacist might be teleported to another world at any moment." Lydia grumble under her breath briefly before adding, "Though I guess being self sufficient is a pretty drifter way to go about it. Like mixing your own medicine by a campfire, probably a dog by your side because that's what life is all about." About...dogs?
Her mind rewinds a bit as she realizes ... Ivan said she didn't want to be switched off! ... ... well that's probably good since obvious crushes are obvious but even so, being earnest about it kind of causes a delayed silvering of the cheeks as Lydia quietly turns her head a bit and laughs, "Okay, okay! But maybe I won't go in the first place, I'm just saying because I often don't really get a choice in the matter!"
She trails off a bit. Talia is going to be okay, she repeats to herself again. "It's nice that Katherine didn't have to rely on some evil ninja tech. That confetti was a nice touch."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan makes sort of a harrumphing noise as he nods along with Lydia's campfire image like it's the truest thing ever said. "Yeah, if I had it my way I'd grow it all myself and mix it and everything. Maybe by a campfire with a dog, sure. Someday, maybe."
Mixing... his own medicine. Ivan has pretty uninspiring life goals, apparently. Lydia adding a campfire and a dog just improved it by like 500 percent.
Lydia reiterates that Talia will be okay, and that the battle spared Katherine a situation where she had to wholly sacrifice her own identity. Ivan seems a little chagrined to remember he was losing his shit at that time.
"It did turn out pretty well when you consider a lot of the other ways it could have turned out," he admits. He chews on a few different expressions. He feels weird about his own role in the whole thing. Regretful. Like he wasn't useful enough. Like his presence got Lydia hurt and maybe didn't do a lot to help Talia. But it's not say-out-loud kinda stuff. "It was good confetti," he says instead. He barely remembers it.
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
Lydia hardly blames Ivan for getting hurt. She figures whenever she gets hurt it's her own fault because she's kind of used to getting mangled frequently and sure having her neck broken definitely sucked but aside from a brief moment of panic, well, at least it wasn't being burned alive by dragon fire and having all her skin melt off. So sure it's in like the top five of awful occurances in her life but not THE top one at least.
Lydia was also losing her shit but she doesn't bring that up. Partly because yes she remembers it but it's kind of a haze but also because...
...She just doesn't want to think about that right now. "That's what's important right? And it was pretty amazing confetti."
She considers for a moment before adding, "So what're you going to do now?"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
What are you going to do now?
What is he going to do now? Everything changed, but it's all back almost the way it was, except for a horrible feeling it can't stay that way?
"...kill all of them?" He hesitates. "I mean not right now." Last time he couldn't even manage to find them before they messed everything up.
"Other than that, I guess I'll just go back to what I was doing." He seems a little embarrassed by this answer, maybe. It feels kind of lame, the way that his halfassed answer about Lydia finding her way to the same planet as him felt lame.
"I guess I'll try to appreciate things a bit more," he adds quietly, looking askance.
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
"I don't know if I could do that even if I could do that," Lydia admits as it pertains to hunting down ninjas and murdering them all. Sure, she apparently could do it in the moment but that isn't the same as being able to do it aggressively enough to literally kill all or even most of them. "Though I guess since I can't do that, I don't have to worry about what I would do..." She lowers her voice dramatically. "In the dark." Her tone returns to normal. "Though I guess what I'd do is uh... laser them from... the sky and uh... vaporize some of them."
She kicks her foot across the ground. "They're not too different from you or me even. They were made into what they were. They maybe didn't have to be assholes."
Ivan says he'll try to appreciate things more and that, at least, gets Lydia to smile again though it's brief considering what she's thinking about.
"I'll have to find some more adventure novels for you. Hard to find on Spira but I'll keep my eyes open."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"They had a choice," Ivan says darkly, when Lydia contemplates the humanity of the assassins. "Kill or be killed is a choice. I made it too. If somebody wanted to come after me for the things I've done, or was going to do, that would be fair. If you want to laser them or not laser them it's up to you, though. I don't know what will really even be up to us... Being incredibly pissed off at them probably won't make me any better at finding them so I keep thinking we'll just have to do this whole thing over again later, maybe next week or something."
He sighs. But he was talking about appreciating things. And he does mean things like novels, probably, but novels will still be there if assassins try to murder everyone he knows. On the other hand...
"Listen, there's something important I should probably say."
He knows Lydia can survive almost anything. But there's a lot of nasty variables out there now, like if something happened to Talia that made him want to tear into a den of assassins alone and if that turned out the way it usually turns out for people... well there just seem to be ways that things with Lydia could get kind of left on the same stupid note he's been trying to hold them on for months. He takes a bracing breath, and proceeds with a sullen sincerity, as if getting these next words out is the gravest and most difficult task he has ever undertaken.
"I don't really think of you as only a treasure hunting associate. I just said that so that I could hang out with you a lot without it meaning I was trying to get closer to anyone or changing any of my ways. ...And to help make up for hurting your feelings about the cake."
... ... ... is there more? No? ...that seems to be the whole confession.
...
No, wait! There IS more. After quite a few beats of complete silence, he adds an abrupt, almost distressed addendum:
"You're delightful."
And with that, he gets up, like he's going to run away.. ... ... doesn't feel up to it, sits back down, pretends he didn't try. At least he didn't crawl away. That would have been sad.
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
Lydia isn't inclined to stand up for the Shadow Dragon Cult all THAT much. Even if it may be a bit hypocritical to be ready to end them when she is absolutely smitten with another guy who has made the choice to kill, the fact of the matter is--Ivan was always Talia's brother and even setting aside Lydia's own feelings for Ivan she isn't so selfless as to pretend that doesn't make a difference for her when comparing to these poor dead kids.
But that doesn't mean she can't see the tragedy of it so, naturally, even though she nods to Ivan she doesn't seem particularly chipper about it, just sort of grimly... 'down' about it.
But who cares about those suckers?? Ivan is saying something important! And usually lone ninjas totally destroy squads of ninja! It's a fact of life!!
Lydia looks up suddenly and then kind of lowers her head a bit so she's actually looking into Ivan's eyes. It's important to look into people's eyes when things are serious even if lets be honest Lydia fails this technique about half the time a it is.
But when Ivan says he doesn't really think of her only as a treasure hunting associate, Lydia looks shocked! ... though uh, it's not because she's surprised that this is the case, she's more shocked that... Ivan is admitting it. During this period of shock, Ivan calls her
-->DELIGHTFUL<--
which frankly compounds the whole thing. Lydia's knees somehow feel weak despite being the best knees that Solarian tech can aquire.
During Lydia's loss of words, Ivan gets up, and just...sits back down. That's three very surprising things in one day but at this point Lydia recovers and smiles affecting an aura of total self-confidence. "You're delightful too!"
OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO FUCKING LAME LYDIA HE JUST CALLED YOU DELIGHTFUL YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT HOLY SHIT --is Lydia's internal voice though and let's just leave aside the constant current of 'someone called me delightful uwaaaaaa' since that's just a given at this point but rest assured--it's there.
"Um. I mean." Lydia laughs awkwardly. "I didn't really think of you as a treasure hunting associate either um..." Wait no that's even dumber he knows that already doesn't he?? "I mean, um, what I'm trying to say is--"
Why is it so hard to say one four letter word, Lydia reflects, when she's said so many others so easily. "I pretty much uh. I like you a lot. I care about you um--" She squints her eyes tightly then snaps them open again. "I lo--love you!"
She exhales a long relieved breath and quickly looks away as if embarrassed to having admitted this or not wanting to see Ivan's immediate reaction. "I love you. Um. Like. A lot."
Okay she said it now is the time where people usually say 'oh woops! I like this other girl!', but eventually Lydia forces herelf to turn her head.
"Um...what...what is it you..um..find delightful?"
Her face is nearly as silver as when she activated her murder death kill mode but in this circumstances it probably isn't very threatening.
Well except maybe towards specifically Ivans.
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Lydia processes his small confession and then then tries her absolute best to obliterate him with one of her own (that's not really what she was trying to do at all).
He just kind of looks back at her in shock and... ... what seems like it might be dismay but is probably just more Complicated Contradictory Ivan Emotions. Then, finally, he looks down. A little sad. "I haven't really been showing up to my life in a while. I'm not sure we've really fully met yet. Sometimes I kind of think I'd like to, though, and I've been thinking about maybe trying to change that and be more like a real person, kind of? ...But I think I'd prefer not to be loved unless I'm really all the way here, doing things on purpose."
He almost uses the word 'until,' but it seems overly ambitious, especially since they're only having this conversation in case the worst happens, as far as he's concerned.
But Lydia would like to know... why she is delightful! And since he just rejected a love confession like it was his favorite flavor of cake, he can at least try to do that much.
"Um... okay. I'm not used to. You know. Saying things. Out loud. Uh. So it's kind of like... ... there's a sense of possibility when you're around? Like life could be good and fun? ... ... and sometimes you say really funny things."
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
It might actually be kind of an instinctive Lydia reaction to when being hit by something that makes her happy like that she needs to try and go one...level...beyond!!...just to sort of deal. Hard to say but Lydia has always been pretty free with her mouth even when--especially when!--she didn't wish to say anything at all.
Lydia may not be realizing that part of why this conversation is happening to say things they wish to say just in case the worst happens. That's certainly a possibility. Maybe it was entirely because Ivan's own confession flustered her.
That's not the case though.
Lydia remembers Krelian's smile. She sometimes catches herself thinking things that she doesn't want to think and some of them, she's certain, aren't actually her thoughts. She hasn't been able to really talk about him except to Ivan and she didn't have any problem with doing so before. Part of her is aware that something is coming.
And she wants Ivan to be sure he knows it. That he is loved by her. Even if he doesn't really want to accept it.
Even though it's the smart and reasonable thing to say, Lydia can't help but look dissapointed, glancing away for a moment, then smiling, and laughing a bit. "Yeah that makes sense."
Her hands tighten faintly. It's not precisely the same sort of rejection as before, but it's similar enough that the knife twists a little. It doesn't show on her face at all.
But there is something different this time, Lydia thinks.
This time I really really really really don't want to give up.
"We'll table it... until you're showing up in your life. But I wanted to say it so--I'm glad I said it. I am not going to stop chasing you though. For...delightful reasons. But I'll wait, so don't worry!"
Wait isn't that the sort of thing Ivan was trying to avoid with trying to hook Lydia up to other people and failing badly at it???
Ivan does at least share why she's delightful and Lydia rubs at her hand briefly and adds, "Heh, I can be pretty funny huh? Well--thanks. I guess it's a little sad to asking what it is and all but--thank you for telling me."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"Yeah, if you could maybe... ... ... save it for me if I manage to show up and if it's still true then? I mean you don't have to really SAVE it save it -- -- if there's other people who are interesting go for it, I have been on a pretty cowardly streak here so I'm not sure I can promise to change at all... or like if it's in ten years I don't want you to be like 'I waited ten years for you Ivan because you said you might get your shit together!!' "
He pauses for a breath and Lydia kind of saves him from this self-conscious rambling by also self consciously feeling awkward about asking why he likes her.
He shrugs a little. "I think I asked you too a while ago, so it's kind of fair for you to ask back... I don't even know if I got it all in words so I hope it wasn't disappointing?"
Wow, having the truth out is REALLY weird even if it's not even a truth that was new to either of them. Are they just going to keep... ... talking about what's actually going on in their minds instead of using an elaborate code? How do people live like this???
Well, also LYDIA'S TRUTH is actually new but he seems to have partially shielded himself from it by not believing he has revealed enough genuine personality to be loved.
At any rate... there's no putting it back in the bottle, now. ... ... ... Ivan may not be totally above panicking and trying later, though.
<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.
"It wasn't disappointing at all!" Lydia promises. It isn't as if Lydia could give a full detailed list either. The big difference for Lydia is simply the power and control her feelings this time have asserted over her life. "And it's fine. I know you're going through a lot and I guess Ragnell is your mentor now so that's gonna be exciting. So um, don't feel bad for asking for time or anything. I can give it! And also don't worry about me waiting forever."
Lydia smiles a simple honest smile this time around.
"'Cause I won't. If I find someone else you're welcome to see about joining in I guess if that happens."
Oh no
"But I will wait a pretty long while." Lydia adds afterwards, pushing away the thoughts that maybe she doesn't have time like she thinks she does. "So take your time. But um. Don't take forever, okay? If this is just your way of...waiting around... then I'll be mad. Because I know you've got it in you."
She pauses a bit and then adds, "Um, anyway. We should probably check on the others. It's...nice that you're here."
And with that she'll head back on in.
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
If I find someone else you're welcome to see about joining in I guess if that happens.
Several beats of pause.
"Oh. That actually really simplifies things.
N-no it doesn't, Ivan...