2019-09-23: Buried Memory
- Log: Buried Memory
- Cast: Lily Keil, Citan Uzuki
- Where: Thunder Plains
- Date: September 23, 2019
- Summary: Waiting outside the temple to catch up with the other Black Wolves, Citan and Lily get to talking with one another. Lily asks him about the phenomena of buried memories, and he answers as best he can.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
In its way, the area on the approach to Macalania Temple might be the most nostalgic place Lily has yet seen in Spira. That way, specifically, is 'snow.' The plush drifts of it, as far as the eye can see, except down, down below to a distant canyon floor...
It's not so different from Nortune's environs, really. Particularly not in the winter, when she would work her magic to bring a little warmth to the chill winds.
--The initial battle of many sides is done, for the moment. For better or worse, the Summoner Yuna has made it to the temple, and most have moved to retreat and regroup. There's the makings of a celebration at the temple proper--
But Lily herself has found a high place to look out over the frozen lake, towards the structure but not close enough to really see or ahear anything from it--or to be noticed too hard by any guards keeping watch.
"..."
Her hair flutters lightly in the wind, as she stares out golden-eyed. She isn't really dressed for the winter, not precisely, in the same gear she'd use to cross the Thunder Plains, but she shows no sign of suffering from exposure to the cold. ...This isn't that unusual, really. For her.
She looks down to the object in her hands, and further inspects the casing of the ARM she holds, a heavy pistol of old, special make. Check the loading, ensure the rounds are ready, that there's no obstructions...
Basic stuff.
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
Not everyone took part in that fighting -- particularly not those with any good reason to join in on the part of any side. Citan Uzuki is not particularly 'neutral' as such, no -- he has understood some of the motivations for some of the sides that clashed today. But as an Otherworlder, as they put it...
...as he has said, he is not a mercenary, and he has no interest -- no right, really -- to meddle in Spira's affairs. But that doesn't mean he will withhold his assistance from those who do.
"Is there no sign of them yet?" He's added layers himself, in deference to the weather. "The fighting seemed rather serious from here," the doctor continues, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He glances away, his expression -- perhaps -- vaguely troubled. "Fei and Elly had said they would also meet us here..."
And yet, so far, this is all there is.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily only engaged on the outskirts--she was avoiding otherwise, having already had a close call in Guadosalam wherein she almost let slip magic that would surely have only made it worse. But she can be stealthy when she wants, particularly when she's in reserve to help the others if something should go wrong.
"No," Lily answers, with a shake of her head. "But given the terrain that isn't surprising--they'll have had to go the long way around, with the extra snows, to avoid running into the Temple guards." A pause. "But it was, I could tell. They were all conscious by the end, though, and they have the signal flares."
She looks down, and with a click, the ARM comes back together, and Lily stows it in its concealed holster. She probably won't even need it, but...
"I'm more concerned by Odessa's sudden presence. I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of them here."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
"I see," he says after a moment, crossing his arms over his chest. "In that case, I will continue to wait." He pauses a moment, then shakes his head. "I apologize, I do not mean to make you also worry. My wife always says that I think and worry too much... But in a situation such as this, I suppose I cannot help but do just that."
He's silent, when she goes on. "I see. In that case..." He glances once, towards the temple. "..."
The festivities are just beginning to be underway, it seems.
"They were out here in force. There were more of them here than I had previously thought. That is also bothering me." Citan sighs, shaking his head. "Here are 'all the troubles of the world', perhaps." He glances back over at Lily. "If my suspicions about Yevon are correct, then..." He pauses again, as if considering whatever line of logic had led him to that conclusion. "You did say that the Gebler officer had appeared to be aligned with the Yevon faithful?"
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
"It's fine," Lily answers. "I'm the same way. I'll overthink a lot of things, given the chance. It's why I apprecaite having tasks at hand to focus on."
Lily inclines her head, as he says he'll wait, as he starts to muse on something...
"Agreed. We see no sign of where they're hiding, just a little activity... and suddenly they can field multiple transports full of soldiers, undetected?" 'All the troubles of the world. It just about feels like it, frankly. But then--she looks him over again, thoughtfully.
"Suspicions?" Lily asks. "...That's correct; he displayed an easy cover with them, really. It's not the sort I would've imagined him choosing, though..." She pauses. "I suppose I did get him arrested by the Guard enough that he'd avoid them."
"Regardless--Maybe you've seen something I haven't. I admit I'm not... the most clear-headed, today."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
In spite of the situation, Citan can't help but smile, if slightly. "I suppose that is the way of a soldier, for better or for worse. Even now, certain instincts are still with me..."
Maybe that's why he's stayed out of the fighting. Another reason for it, that is.
He nods, once. "I think it highly likely they have perfected some means of transporting their forces to Spira. There is no other obvious answer for it -- they were the ones to send us all here, and thus it follows that they retain that ability."
To say nothing of other forces here at the ready.
"Then that seems likely that it is with Yevon that we might find the rest of their number," he says, bowing his head. "However many there may be. ...I do not think we would be able to raise the matter now, in any case"
If, indeed, it ever would have been possible. There was the matter of the scribe.
He lifts his head and looks over at her, raising one dark eyebrow. "Did you? Ha... I see." But he shakes his head at her question. "No. I cannot say that I have. All I can do is conjecture, for now. If Gebler is aligned with Yevon and if they are here now... if Odessa is likely to strike again..." He sighs.
"I am afraid that you Black Wolves will have your work cut out for you soon enough, particularly if you still seek to spirit the summoner away."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
"Sometimes I think I should be thinking more, really." Lily doesn't elaborate on that, immediately. Instead--
"i agree--it's the most reasonable explanation fitting the facts at hand. ...Which means we should be prepared for significant reinforcement on their part at any time. Not the best position to be in, with their forces."
She considers Citan's assertion about Solarians... and feels that it must be the case. "If they'd care at all that we mentioned Otherworlder politics to them. There are worse places for them to be, I guess--I don't know what angle they have here, if any besides getting back. Since..."
Hmmm.
"On the other hand," Lily suggests, "This does give us some useful information. It seems to me that Odessa's appearance and action took Gebler by surprise. We can't confirm it, obviously--but that's one headache we don't have, for the moment."
She glances down, then. "We always seem to," Lily admits. "But simple battles... those don't concern me as much. What's behind them--what their goals are--that bothers me more. As far as the Summoner, I doubt we'll have another good chance immediately--if marital traditions are anything like familiar, then a prominent pair like that will have a procession to wherever it takes place... the capital? Probably the capital. Our best chance might be then. But the Temple itself is too defensible. ...In a crowd where it's less feasible to deploy an Aeon, maybe..." She lifts her hand, and lowers it.
"Mm. I admit, I have no taste right now for abductions. But then, that doesn't matter much; I'm not on that team. ...My specialty doesn't include bringing the enemy back alive."
She pauses, then, turns, to look back. "...Doctor Uzuki. You apparently have a working knowledge of brain injuries. Do you know much, about memory? Specifically, buried memory?"
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
"Few of us against many of them... I would prefer not to become entangled in this conflict directly, but under such circumstances, I would not have a choice otherwise. There is a time and a place for neutrality, and that," he says, closing his eyes, "is not it."
Without question, Fei would become dragged into it. And then...
"If it comes to that, then I will assist as I am able."
Perhaps even an self-alleged former soldier of Solaris might help in a situation like that.
"It could be. There are still factors of which I am unaware. Too many uncertain variables. Still, it is seeming as if Odessa has the upper hand," he agrees, ducking his head in a short nod. "Which means that, yes, we need only immediately concern ourselves with their movements."
And their motives, for that part.
"Of that, I cannot say. We only know what Vinsfeld himself had said of their motives. Whether all of his followers are as purely devoted to the cause, however..." Citan ducks his head, fidgeting pensively with his glasses. "...And you believe you will have the opportunity to make a separate attempt? I wonder why it is that the Al Bhed are so keen to retrieve the summoner..." He glances up at the cloudy sky, as if he could read an answer there.
His lips press thin at that comment from her, his profile fleetingly stony. "..."
He would otherwise have lapsed into a silence utterly were it not for her next words.
"...Buried memories?" He regards her for a moment like someone might look over an unfamiliar book. "I have read a thing or two on the subject. ...I assume that you mean amnesia rather than the phenomena of 'recovered' memories. It is unfortunate, but minds are suggestable things." He folds his arms over his chest, and shakes his head. "...No, perhaps you mean more akin to a case such as Fei's?"
There is a very pregnant pause.
"You are... asking after your own lost memories. Is that right?"
He knows just the outline of her tale.
He does not know what she has learned more recently.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
"...Noted. We may need the help, depending." She says she doesn't worry about battles as such, but it's not completely simple that way. There are... aspects. Judging by the serious cast to her expression, it's complicated.
Her lips, slightly chapped by the chill wind--really the only concession other than the snow dusting her black hair that she seems to make to the cold--press together.
"Their resources are significant, to say the least. Finding a way to counteract them will be a major task, and it might be of a scale hard to accomplish for a small group. ...But if we can keep their movements in mind, it's a start."
Considering... a shrug, then. "I'm sure not all of them are. There's no ideologically 'pure' fighting force, not of any size. ...As for the chance.." Lily hedges a little. "If we get one, that's likely our best shot. I don't know why it's such a priority, either."
But she could've let it go. She doesn't; the look doesn't bother her. Instead, she waits through his talking it out... and eventually--after that last question--inclines her head.
"...Something like that," Lily answers. "My own. Under a different name, and from a long time ago. I don't know... how, exactly, or why."
"But I think maybe, if I can find a way to access these memories--the memories of who I suppose I was..." She shakes her head. "Maybe I can do more for the group than just killing. Maybe I can understand why Father did as he did. ...Maybe, maybe. But I'm not sure where else to start looking, at this point."
"...Apparently," she says, "I used to be a scientist. Or an engineer. ...Or both? I don't know. But I created Gryndille. And I don't remember doing it. So I need to know how. ...And maybe why."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
"If nothing else, I will be able to lend you my expertise both medical and otherwise."
What's 'otherwise'?
...Well, Citan had said he was a graduate of Jugend.
"Indeed. There have been stories about a small force, with superior movements and coordination, outmanuevering a larger one. It is possible, if difficult. But we will need information in order to effectively pull such a maneuver off." He does not state that they don't have that. There's no point in highlighting the obvious. Instead, they will have to work with what they have. "I would start with evaluating the terrain about here. If they intend to also capture the summoner, they may strike during the ceremony."
He nods, then, when she speculates they probably all aren't ideologically pure. "No. Everyone has their own motivations, goals. Even in a movement like Odessa," he says, glancing off into the distance.
Snow, by now, has peppered his dark hair. A contrast, to the lighter colors more often seen among those of Solaris.
She asks her question.
And he speculates on the why.
And then, she explains further.
He listens. If there is one thing that can be said of Doctor Uzuki, it is that he is a good listener. Once she's finished -- and only then -- does he speak.
"I see... so you have some connection with that machine, Gryndille. It is a pity I was unable to examine it, myself. There are many unanswered questions." He shakes his head. "...No, never mind that. From a long time ago... as a scientist and engineer..." One hand cups his chin, his expression pensive as he turns this over in his mind.
"You grew up with your adoptive family, correct? And, ah... you do not seem to be much older than your early twenties," he says, approaching the subject carefully. "This is the puzzle: as you are, it would seem to be impossible for you to have created Gryndille, taking into account your life history alone." With Emeralda around he, perhaps, cannot consider 'and the fact that it would have happened so long ago' to similarly be an obstacle to the scenario Lily proposes.
"...I have heard some speak of 'memories from another life', though I have always felt it to be fancy rather than fact," he says after a moment more of considering her. "But as to your question on missing memories and amnesia, let us set all these extraneous facts aside. There are two forms of the phenomena called 'amnesia' of which I am aware: that which results from a brain injury, and that which results from a psychological block. For those with a brain injury, recovery is impossible, or at least near enough so. Either they cannot form new memories whatsoever after the incident, or they lose everything before. I do not think either is the case for you or for Fei." Folding his arms over his chest, he glances downwards at the snow underfoot.
"In the other case, the phenomenon is purely psychological. A trauma occurs that is great enough to cause the mind to bury what had happened and anything that could be connected to it. You could say that it is almost deliberate on the part of the psyche. Given what I have learned of Fei's past, I suspect this is the case for him. Perhaps the same is so for you."
He's silent again, as if to give her time to digest this too.
"As for restoring a memory in this case... it is delicate and dangerous work. There is every risk of reigniting a trauma or causing a psychological collapse. ...I am certain that it would be extremely dangerous for Fei, for instance. In your case..." He shakes his head. "I am sorry to say it, but I do not know where to begin. It is possible that your father might have more awareness of whether there was an incident that affected you and caused you to forget, but..." He trails off, as if unwilling to bring up the other factors involved -- the 'how' of her being Gryndille's creator.
"I am afraid I can offer little else. If you had some idea of the trauma, if there was one, it might be possible to consider how to approach the phsychological block."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Otherwise--it's an interesting prospect. Under other circumstances Lily might be more inclined to indulge her curiousity--but as it stands, considering what's ahead... She nods along, in silent agreement; the obvious is indeed apparent to her, as well. "...For that matter," she considers, "If they can bring reinforcements..." Lily looks back to the Temple, thoughtfully. "I don't think we'll have time to rest once the others arrive after all."
The matter of motivations, goals, she leaves behind for the moment. Instead, she listens to his response to her revelations, to the new questions it raises--there are many--and...
"Right," Lily answers about her adoptive family--though truth be told, she hasn't really changed much in the years since she's reached adulthood at all. No new scars, no real signs of age, though that's not entirely unusual, for someone lucky or with good genetics. However...
"Right. Impossible in a somewhat stricter sense than most impossible things," Lily answers. But the matter of memories... Hm. She doens't interrupt--she waits through, with the comparisons to Fei as well, the explanations... Psychological trauma; it's a concept with which she is, naturally, familiar. But the implication of her own...
"Hm."
"..So, if it's injury-related, it's unrecoverable anyway--I think I can rule that out, honestly, not just from the comparison to Fei, but..." She considers phrasing and goes simple, "I don't scar. I can apparently recover from disabling injuries fully. ...If it's supernatural, then it's not something medical science could address in the first place, most likely. But if it's a psychological block..."
Those risks seem significant. "I wouldn't risk that with Fei... and I think it would be too dangerous to risk with me, too. If I lose control of my powers, the result could be very dangerous. Holding them in takes focus as it is."
".." She shakes her head, then. "No, you've helped, Doctor. If we eliminate some options, we can focus on what remains. I don't know what the trauma would be--I don't remember anything like it that isn't something I do remember, if that makes sense. It's possible that there was something before Colonel Keil brought me to Nortune, but I'd have to ask him. Which... Gives me a way forward."
"I'll keep looking for external sources that could confirm it, even if I don't personally remember--they might jog my memory themselves. The spheres from that ruin... other Zeboim artifacts--it was in such a ruin that I recognized my facility for the language. And... I'll have to address the matter of my father."
She looks into the distance. "...Which means coming up with a way to deal with Odessa..." She stops, then, pauses. Lowers her head, to look to the ground.
"...I'd appreciate it if you kept that last part to yourself, for now. I'm... not prepared, to explain that yet."
DG: Fei Fong Wong has left your party.
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
What can he do but nod, grimly, at that speculation? He was a soldier -- or so he'd said/implied -- and there are things that you learn as a soldier. "No, we may need to be ready at a moment's notice. There may be no more avoiding it," he remarks, the last comment perhaps at himself and his general apparent reticence towards involving himself in battle.
But there are times when neutrality is no longer an option.
Citan adjusts his glasses pensively. "Yes... there are a good number of supposedly impossible things in this world. I can only say that it is 'impossible' as we know it, but there may be other factors at play. Other rules of which we are unaware..."
A thought has come to him. But as it is a most astonishing line of speculation, he does not voice it. It would do no one any good, especially if it turned out to be incorrect.
"Correct. We can eliminate injury as you -- or Fei for that matter -- do not show the signs of such an injury." It's through this -- putting aside what is unlikely, and severing what cannot from what might, that he approaches a potential cause. "Yes, that is correct," he says, when she brings up supernatural means of eliminating memories. "There are means of erasing one's past that are more, ah, supernatural in nature, I believe, but they are also outside my expertise," the doctor explains. Ether may be fundamentally sorcery, but it is a sorcery that behaves according to particular rules... even if they are not quite the rules most of Solaris think they are. "Therefore, I do not believe I should speculate. Furthermore, there may be more overt signs of a 'magical curse', I would think..." He shakes his head, as if to set that line of thinking to one side.
Even the wide-read doctor has some gaps. He is at best passing familiar with Crests and Symbols, to say nothing of Guardians.
His stay in Spira has permitted him to become much more familiar with some of the sorts of magic practiced here, by contrast.
"..." He regards her in silence as she says that she wouldn't risk that with Fei.
Or herself.
"I see," he says simply, ducking his head in a nod. "I would not force you."
He seems perhaps content to leave the matter there -- as does she. "I take it that you cannot ask your mother, either? But it is possible she may not know any more than you do," he adds, considering the subject after a moment. "...Yes. I suspect it may be the same with Fei. The ones who would know more about what has been lost are... not here. It is a dangerous thing to attempt a journey into an unknown land unguided." It is the same if it is a physical land or one's own mind.
So she'll keep looking at things that seem familiar.
So she'll keep searching.
So she'll have to speak to her father.
"Of course, to speak to you father..."
Yes. He was not present for it, but he had heard the gist of it from Fei. Citan glances away a moment.
Then back at her, when she speaks that group's name. "Odessa? ...Then your father..."
He draws a slow breath, then just as slowly nods.
"I see."
There is silence.
"I will not speak of it to the others," he says, coupling the comment with a shake of his head.
"Similarly, I would... prefer it if you did not speak to Fei of this. Of what we have spoken about. Trauma, memories... I do not think it would hurt him to hear it -- perhaps he already speculates as much. But I do not... feel this is how he ought to learn about my thoughts on the subject. If he wishes to speak of it... in that case..."
Light, fleetingly, breaks through the clouds blanketing Macalania; it heralds a short blast of a fierce wind. Citan grimaces faintly, wrapping his arms around himself as if to shield against the cold, only to smile self-effacingly when the wind dies down.
"...Perhaps I am getting a little too old for this sort of weather," he remarks. "I wonder when they will arrive."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
"...But until we're aware of those rules, we can't make predictions based on them," Lily completes for the moment. She goes over the possibilities again as Citan shares his perspective; she finds herself inclined to agree with the parameters he sets forth. She thinks the same way, really; even 'magic' operates under predictable, testable patterns in her experience, at least the kind with which she's most familiar. Her own... and that which she's studied.
"If we could assure safe conditions, it might be different, but..." Lily shakes her head. They can't. And she isn't eager to move 'safe' the way she debatably was under Gebler's care. Instead...
"My mother would be the same result; she probably knows as much as Father does, though I can't confirm that. ...At the same time that he made his move on the Kaiser, she disappeared, and hasn't been seen since. I can only conclude that they're working together in this, and were from the beginning. She was a soldier herself, before her injury."
"...I appreciate that. And fair's fair--I'll leave that for you to say. They're your thoughts, you've got your own relationship... And I'll refer him to you, if..."
The light breaks through--the wind... Lily trails off.
"Heh. Maybe you are, old man," Lily says, managing a small amount of levity. "...I kinda missed it."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
"Yes," he agrees, nodding just the once. "To speculate on a basis of little to no facts is far worse than admitting one knows nothing. The latter can be corrected, but a falsehood..." He trails off, as if something were on his mind. His gaze lifts again to the sky.
He's silent yet when Lily speculates on whether something might be attempted in a safe environment, and similarly lapses into silence. He doesn't reply.
To explore the depths of someone's mind... such things are possible, but...
He glances her way. "I see. So she is also 'absent without leave'. Then, if you only know where your father might be and how you might reach him..."
He lets that matter hang in the air. There's no need to say anything more.
So he doesn't.
The only thing that remains now is the matter of what can be spoken of and what must be kept to one's self.
"...Thank you, Lily. I appreciate your discretion. There is..." Citan pauses. "...I have a responsibility to Fei." Perhaps, because Solaris instigated what happened in Lahan, and they were once his nation?
Perhaps that may be it.
And in the end, they're where they started: waiting, in the cold.
"'Old man'... is it," he echoes, mouth crooked in amusement at hearing her voice the same sentiment as he. He shakes his head. "My wife always said that I acted like an old man. Perhaps it is only fitting that reality catches up with that sentiment." He glances off, into the distance, scanning the horizon. "Well, perhaps we will not have to wait much longer."
These are words that, several minutes from now, he will live to regret.
But for now there is seemingly all the time in the world to wait, and keep waiting.