2020-12-06: Unexpected Reunion
- Log: 2020-12-06: Unexpected Reunion
- Cast: Lan Lilac, Loren Voss
- Where: Spira - The Calm Lands
- Date: December 06, 2020
- Summary: Loren isn't looking too good when he manages to track down Lan.
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
The Calm Lands. They're well-named, and Lan likes that. She likes calm things in general, honestly! A little excitement sometimes is good for the soul, but you've got to sit down and rest your mind and body too. Stress can make you sick if you carry it for too long.
Even if Spira isn't home, there are worse places she could be.
Her campfire is visible, if a bit distant from, from the nearest road - after all, it's not like she's hiding. She probably should be. Maybe? ...She doesn't know.
She'll eat dinner here, Lan decides, turning the rabbit-on-a-stick to cook evenly, and then find a hidden place to set up her tent. That feels a bit safer. A bit smarter.
But for now, while it's still afternoon and the sun is out, this will be fine. Laid out next to the fire is another basket full of herbs to be sorted. It's not fast money, but wildcrafting is something she knows. Maybe a few more days and she'll have the money to start looking at upgrading her supplies a bit. That's a cheerful thought, and it motivates her to go ahead and start separating the leaves and stalks into bundles at her feet.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
The Calm Lands. Based on the intelligence they'd gathered, it seems many of the Drifters -- strange to lump them like that, but it would have to do; it isn't as if there is any better way to designate those individuals in their mix of Filgaian and Lunarian alike -- have taken to the Calm Lands as their refuge after that incident with the Yevon authorities. Most likely they were plotting something.
It didn't matter to him. All that matters right now is his orders.
And...
...There had been another report. Something closer to home, as it were.
Or perhaps, rather, someone.
It's bright out here. Warm, even. Loren's been keeping to business in the lake region, which is cloaked in a chill that seems almost supernatural for its geographical positioning. Or maybe it's something about the mountains?
Maybe. He can't remember if he was any good at geography.
But there'd been a report. That's right. Someone had said they'd spotted someone matching her appearance. Off on her own, most of the time.
So she hasn't connected with any of them. That's fine.
He double-checked with the scouts. Last known coordinates were...
...and so, given how far someone could move on foot in a day...
...so therefore...
It takes him time, but eventually he finds it. A campsite, not far from the last observed location. ...He'll have to recommend that scout.
Because that's her. That's definitely her.
He doesn't run. If anything, he hesitates for a moment, uncertain whether to advance or retreat. But, in the end...
She'll hear footsteps rustling in the grass. Dressed in a Solaris field uniform is a man with a familiar face.
"...Lan," he says at last, stopping a distance from her campsite. "I thought it was you."
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
It was bound to happen eventually. Maybe she wanted someone to find her. It's a bit lonely, after all - traveling by herself again. There's a rustling in the grass nearby. Her hand closes on the handle of the basket as Lan looks up from her work, turning her head to see the face that matches that familiar voice. "Loren." He's still wearing a Solarian uniform. Is he alone? Her mouth creases faintly.
She stands up, basket in hand, and glances around. If he brought reinforcements to take her back, she can't see them. Is... is this really how she thinks of him? Her friend?
She takes a slow, deep breath before letting it out in an explosive sigh. She's not going to think of him as an enemy. "Yeah. It's me." She looks better now than she had the last time they'd seen each other. Healthier. Stronger. She levels her gaze at him, posture guarded. "Did you come to try to take me back?"
If he thinks he can just, just force her to go back with him--!
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
There doesn't seem to be anyone else here. Just Loren, the soft rustle of the wind through the grass, and...
He has a sword. Not his sword (his brother's sword), but another sword, of Solaris origin most likely, hanging from his hip.
"I've been looking for you," he says then, and there's something foreign, alien, about the way that he looks at her. "...Come with me."
Maybe that's her answer: the same words she'd said to him, turned back at her.
He stretches out a hand, as if expecting her to take it.
She'll take it, won't she? She'll come back?
She won't. He knows she won't. This is-- he can't--
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
She's seen him use a sword. While he's made great improvements since they met, she doesn't consider him a threat with it. Instead, he's strong at using Ether. And he has a Medium. Lan has felt that power before. And while she doesn't think he'd use them against her, not at a campfire on the plains of the Calm Lands, Lan knows what he is capable of.
He's been looking for her. Lan actually - really - smiles a little bit, even if it's an uncomfortable and sad one. He tells her to come with him, and reaches out a hand to her.
She puts down the basket, steps forward (because Lan is Lan, and Lan is kind, and Lan doesn't want him to be lonely even if they're not on the same side anymore) and takes his hand. Her knuckles are rougher, growing thin calluses she didn't have before.
She takes his hand, squeezes it gently and smiles sadly at him.
"I won't."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
She takes his hand. He still has the slight callusing from his time practicing the sword (are some of them thicker than before? maybe?) but it's otherwise the hand of someone who never had to do hard labor.
If he blinks -- or looks at all confused -- perhaps that's understandable.
She won't, she says.
His grip on her hand tightens. "Why?" he asks, as if he couldn't comprehend it. Maybe it's the memory loss.
Or maybe he could never understand it.
"You won't... there won't be trouble. I'll make sure of it," Loren says, gazing at her -- through her -- as his grip shifts upwards,for her wrist. "I don't think... it shouldn't happen again. It should be fine. I'll explain to them," he continues.
If it's fine, why is his hand shaking? Why is he staring through her as if she were just an obstacle in his path?
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
It's sad. He's gone downhill since they last spoke. He'd looked at her oddly sometimes, but Loren has never looked through her before. The sad smile on her face fades away.
Why, he asks. He promises there won't be trouble. Has he really forgotten so much... or did he really never understand at all? He had to know, didn't he? Wasn't that why he'd looked so oddly guilty, and Lan couldn't understand why at the time?
His hand shifts to grasp for her wrist, and that's it. He's not listening. He doesn't care about her.
Suddenly it's Lan's hand around Loren's wrist, fingertips digging in between the radius and ulna with just enough pressure to get a point across. In just the right place to keep him from being able to use his hand. Lan is kind, but Lan is strong. Lan will become strong enough to save her beautiful, dying planet.
Solaris doesn't care about the planet - not the way she does.
"Listen to me." Lan tugs at his arm to get his attention back up on her face. "You've never treated me like an equal. I've never heard you say the word Lamb like it didn't make you sick." All that time she'd thought - he was just-- "You let me believe I was one of you. Why do you even want me to come back? Is it because I was the only person who was kind to you? You have other friends. You have Anaitis, and the Major." The words spill from her throat as all the betrayal finally comes bubbling to the surface.
"If the way you plan to save the planet means acting like you're better than everybody who lives on it, why are you even bothering? Why would you-- I don't want to go back, and you don't even seem to care!"
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Her hand slips upwards, snaking about his own wrist; he might have been trained in self-defense, once, but how much of it did he ever really take in, and how much does he remember now? Her fingertips find a spot that causes him to flinch and half-recoil, but as he discovers for himself, her grip is on a place that doesn't permit easy escape. Not unless he's willing to walk through the metaphorical fire.
"What are you... Lan, let go."
She tugs on Loren's arm instead and his attention is all hers.
Maybe, once, he might have looked guilty when she names some of his sins in rapidfire.
Now what he mostly looks is confused. "...Why?" he voices first, blinking. "Why is that important? Isn't it enough to... know where you belong?" Something by his left eye twitches: is it because of her grip on him?
And she asks, doesn't he have other 'friends'? Is it just because she was the only one who was kind to him, and
Something within him seems to sieze up. Hasn't he considered that it's this? Even though she's told him that over and over, is it only sinking in now?
"Friends...? I..."
He needs her back, for primal root-deep reasons he can only begin to understand and has largely forgotten.
And he wants to run away.
Loren tries to move his arm; the results of that attempt can be seen etched on his face. "Let go," he repeats, the fingertips of his free hand ghosting over the hilt of his sword. He wouldn't draw on her. Would he?
"It's..." he hazards, at her final accusation, "it's because you can't... I need... the world is..."
His left hand has wrapped around the sword's hilt. His fingers tremble as he starts to try to pull the blade free.
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
He tries to answer her, disjointed as his words are. He tries to wrest his arm out of her grip. One hand she keeps in her grasp, and the other...
Does he even know what he's doing? A certain, sad realization sinks home, and the look on her face turns slowly to one of pity. "Oh, Loren," Lan sighs. He's really...
It's not in her nature to be cruel. But she digs her fingers in harder, deeper, until blinding white pain arcs like electricity up his trapped arm. It doesn't take long - this is an old technique, one of the first self-defense tricks her mother taught her. And thanks to the lessons he gave her, Lan even knows what most of the things inside the wrist are called now. She doesn't ease up until he's forgotten the idea of drawing his weapon.
"I don't belong there. You don't have to belong there! You can still come with me! Even now!" Even after he thought about drawing his sword on her. Even with the things he's said. The things he's believed. "You can come with me and we'll travel together again. You can figure out who you are when you aren't oppressing people. I'll keep your memories for you. Even when you forget, I won't abandon you. But as long as you're with Solaris-- as long as you're the kind of person who's okay with other people being enslaved or having their brains rewritten-- I'll never agree with you! Do you understand me?!"
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
"Gah... ghk," Loren utters, approximately, pain rocketing up his arm in white-hot currents. He jerks away from her; this likely only makes it worse.
Did he know the body could respond like that? Did he ever know it? There are some things that basic self-defense doesn't get you. Especially when the assumption is that you would always have Ether as your first last result before it.
His left hand releases its grip on the hilt of that sword, in fits and bursts. It takes her a while to teach him what she wants him to stop doing, but eventually he gets the idea.
He's a little paler once she's eased up. He breathes a little harder.
She doesn't belong there.
He doesn't have to belong there.
She'll hold all his memories for him, until...
He seems to reel for a moment, and it's probably not because of the force she just applied to him.
"If you... remember," he rasps, trying to right himself. "Then... then you tell me... why I haven't." Loren takes a breath, one of those shaky breaths she's probably heard from him before -- the ones he uses when he's trying to center himself when he can't do it on his own, anymore. "You know why... right?!"
He tries to tug his arm free, even knowing how that will go for him.
"Because you're just a... I'm a..."
Is he even aware of the fact that his logic has long since failed to add up anymore?
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
She doesn't like hurting him. She doesn't like hurting anyone.
Even now, Lan is holding back.
What are the reasons he's stayed all this time? She has an idea, of course - one she pieced together from hearing people talk about Engil Voss, from knowing Loren for three years. "You were trying to make up for what your brother did. But he's been dead for years, and the accident wasn't your fault either way. You don't owe them anything! Your parents would rather you be home anyway! I'm right, aren't I!" Not that he'll probably remember them anymore, by now.
Lan is partially right, of course. He'd wanted to make up for Engil's sin. But she never learned just what his intended method was.
He's close to breaking down again, she realizes. She's heard that shaky breath before. Finally, perhaps against her better judgement, she lets his arm go and steps back. "I meant it. If you decide you want to leave Solaris, come find me then. But until then, just... don't get in my way. Okay?" She doesn't want to fight him. Not for real. Those sparring matches they'd had in the desert feel like a thousand years ago. "Just think long and hard about it. About why Elly left, even though she was everybody's favorite. Even if she'd be forgiven for anything."
Lan turns away from him and scoops up her backpack and the basket, leaving the plants she'd gathered in their bunches on the ground, and pours out her canteen on the low flames of her campfire. She's got to leave. She's got to leave, she has to get out-- She's not going to cry, not right now, just because Loren's making the wrong choice and she can't stop him--
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Loren was trying to make up for what his brother did, she tells him.
His brother. He knows he had one -- he has enough reminders in his digital notebook about that. But he can't find, however deep he searches, a trace of any sort of emotional response. It's like a wound that has healed over without any scar. There's nothing there anymore.
Which may be part of the reason that he holds such a blank look when he regards her.
The rest of it -- what she says about his parents -- may be the rest. Go home. He can't go home like this -- not now.
He had considered a particular means of making up for his brother's accident, once, after he'd come to the conclusion he had no other options to otherwise attain it. But it has been lost just as his recollection of his brother, a now-permanent secret even to himself.
But she releases her grip on his arm and he draws away from her, rubbing at the spot she'd held and inflicted such pain on him from. "Elly...?" Loren utters. He blinks, as if utterly confused about who Lan is referring to.
Another thing gone.
But it's only a mere side-road on the route he's on within. His lips part as he gazes at her. Advance. Retreat. Both halves of him do war with another. He takes one step backwards and hesitates. Pursue? Flee?
He lingers on that knife's edge for a seeming eternity and then, drawing in on himself, he jerks his left hand away from his right forearm and cups that hand instead over his mouth.
He turns abruptly, already doubling over, and runs.