2021-12-03: Damned by Praise
- Log: Damned by Praise
- Cast: Riley Arwell, Xander Lovell
- Where: West Nota
- Date: February 01, 2022
- Summary: While on a solo shopping trip Riley finds, and takes, a rare opportunity to lift the curse without incident. Such evils deserve no praise, and yet...
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Riley wasn't even hunting, just taking one of innumerable breaks on the long road home. He was plucking out a tune on his guitar when a man approached him, solidly built and armed for the road, but getting on in years and with a warm and friendly air about him.
Oh, hey, I used to play.
What followed was a winding conversation where Riley learned his name -- Everett -- and life story -- guiltily scouring it for clues that the man was secretly unfathomable. But he was just an ordinary traveler -- once a Drifter and self-reported daring adventurer, now semi-retired and more like a wanderer who took on whatever odd jobs fortune tossed his way. He wasn't the ideal victim -- with leather armor and a sword on his hip -- but he saw enough of himself in Riley that he never suspected that the tired-looking young musician would bury a knife in his neck.
And Riley, for all his recent failures and bad luck, didn't really expect him to die.
But as the life drained out of him, the pain drained out of Riley, leaving a cold silence behind. Leaving Riley with that familiar, unsettling mixture of despondency and relief.
The ritual, the burial, was as always a way to ground himself, to find his way back to feeling that it was all right to go on, to forcibly try to fit the terrible wrong back into the natural order of the universe.
There is a song he sings for the dead as he puts them in the ground, his own hymn. It has no words, just hums and vocalizations -- what is there to say to someone whose life you've stolen that wouldn't cheapen any attempt to honor their passing?
The long, somber notes drift on the wind. There's apology in them, and reverence for what was extinguished, and an intensity that ebbs and flows, a thread of anger that the world had to be so cruel.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BK52XbjNXw
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander waits. All he can do is wait. Any other plan that flits in his worried mind has to go through a rational filter that reluctantly determines about five other ways each action could make everything worse. But he will go after Riley, if he takes too long. ... How long was too long? How long did Xander have to wait? Dark. Helpless. Alone.
Before despair makes him do anything truly foolish, the throb in his eye fades. Like a lazy dawn, the thorns crumble away, and brightness pierces into Xander's vision with a new kind of pain. But it's one that quiets, leaving the world in all its light and color before him. For a still, surreal moment, all he can do is take the world around him in, wiping blood absently from his cheek.
Then panic slams back into him, and Xander launches to his feet.
That idiot lied to me! is the first of his thoughts as he dismisses camp into its bottle. What if he didn't, what if he killed someone fighting to defend his life? comes next, Xander remembering where he heard Riley's last song retreating from. What if he's lost control? Faster and faster, Xander breaks from a jog to a run to a sprint, following the tracks of a limp aided by the marks of a shovel.
It's those, and a sorrowful hymn, that leads him to Riley.
The relief collides with Xander so forcefully he goes lightheaded. Once he regathers himself, he's left staring a little longer than he means. He hasn't seen Riley for a while. And he was hoping he wouldn't have to see him like him like this, mournfully tending to a quiet grave. Even if it is a hauntingly beautiful sound that carries on the wind, perfectly paired with Riley's tender manner as he conducts his funeral rites.
"Riley," Xander greets to announce himself, his voice unusually soft. He closes the distance between them, setting his palm gently to Riley's back and sliding his grip to squeeze his shoulder. "Are you hurt anywhere?"
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
"...Xander." Riley is a little afraid to turn and look at him. Right now there's hope that Xander's sight has returned, but if he turns around and finds that Xander has groped his way blindly to his side again with sheer spite and determination, then that hope will be gone forever. There are no other miracles in reserve.
But he has to look. He turns, slowly, with visible, exaggerated trepidation, like Xander is a door he's opening to see if a monster lurks behind.
Xander's brow is clear, if still smeared with blood. And his eye... Riley sees life in his eye.
Tears spring to Riley's. "I'm okay. Can you see me...?"
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander waits, unaware of Riley's fears and hurting with the dark thought: He did this because of me. He had to do this because of me. He rubs gently into Riley's shoulder until Riley finally turns around. The tears sting. The first Xander sees of Riley's face in some time, and it's tears.
Desperate not to mirror it, Xander forces a smile, but his grey eye still glosses faintly. "I can," he says, voice still quiet, and his hand moving up to Riley's face, as if steadying it to get a better look. The smile twitches, threatening something more genuine with the invitation to acknowledge it now that his panic has passed.
"I can," he repeats. "Thank you." It's such a cruel thing to say, the part of him that still has a shred of morality thinks, but the words come out so easily and gently.
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
"Xan-derrrr!! You can see!!" Riley throws his arms around Xander, squeezing him and maybe even picking him up off his feet a little.
Some of the tears do fall, then, because he had been living in the possibility that he'd destroyed that part of Xander's life forever.
He finally releases him, holding him at arms' length with a fond, watery smile.
"I want to gaze into your eye, it's so beautiful...."
Riley continues to look at him dreamily, as if the terrible events that allowed this moment to be possible are forgotten. Perhaps for the moment they are.
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander gives a grunt as he's latched onto so tightly and lifted. "R-Riley, c'mon...!" But for once he does not try to wiggle free or throw out most protest than that. He expected to need to handle Riley carefully after the kill, but Riley is making it exceedingly difficult.
He sighs out everything he's got once he's on the ground again. "...Fine," he relents, because he is trying to be accommodating. Xander looks back at Riley, reaching up to try and wipe up some of the tears. But the longer Riley looks at him like that, the more Xander loses his composure, swallowed up in Riley's gaze.
Eventually, it's too much, and he jerks his eyes away, red faced and tense. "I-Isn't that enough gazing?!"
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Gaze, gaze, gaze... There is much to take in, as Xander's reaction to being gazed upon evolves in fluster. Riley's finger traces alongside the eye, still wearing the same silly smile until he begins to flinch away.
"All right, I'll save some gazing for later," Riley relents softly. "I'm just so relieved. ...I thought I'd taken it from you."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander's breath catches with Riley's touch, and he tries to pretend it did not do that. But Riley's words have Xander snapping his eye back onto him. "Riley..."
He gathers Riley in his arms and pulls him close. It makes it easier not to look. "... It's okay. Everything's fine now." For now. But it is fine for now. They have right now -- a now that cost them the life in the ground nearby.
"We can go into town and get a real bed and a warm meal. Then go back to where song and dance isn't so frowned upon."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
As Xander pulls him into a hug, Riley finds his eyes drifting down toward the soft place in the earth, where soon red flowers will grow. His grip on Xander tightens with a shamed, rueful laugh as he's promised all the things he likes, still in the presence of the person who died to make it possible.
"I know it's evil, but I'm proud of myself," he says quietly, leaning into Xander's shoulder a little. "I finally helped you."
Even if it was just to undo one piece of the harm he brought about in the first place. "...I didn't eat all the gels, either."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander pinches his eye shut. He runs his fingers through Riley's hair, over his scalp to soothe him and to encourage him to lean in.
"You did what you needed to. And just one. So quietly. You didn't even get hurt." It sounds like praise. Because it is. Terrible, awful as it is, he's proud of Riley, too. Putting people in the ground has dulled for Xander since Cereza. It was never going to be more awful than the first lives he stole. He cares more about how Riley's handling it than the sacrifice's loss.
Maybe it's evil. At least they both are.
"It's okay," he says again. "We're okay."
He sputters an almost laugh about the gels. "I don't believe it. Good job."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
It's good to be praised and comforted. And awful, too. There's always such a strange mixture of feelings in the aftermath. The tug of temptation to savor the feeling of safety and triumph and renewal. The undertow of nauseating regret threatening to pull his feet out from under him.
That was a real person who isn't alive anymore. That was a real thing he did... ... but it's better to pretend the world isn't quite real anymore. They're in a strange epilogue just for the two of them where nothing else quite matters anymore.
"He was nice. That's why it was easy. ...But we did need it."
I don't believe it. Good job.
"...You can thank Magilou, she came along and distracted me with Heal Berries. Would the Heal Berries have been more valuable...? Well, too late either way."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander keeps Riley against him, holding and petting him. He knows it's going to take a while for the sickness to fade. But it will. It always does, eventually.
"You think everyone is nice," Xander says. "And you make them nice. ...But we did need it." A deliberate echo.
I could have handled this. You didn't have to... But Xander couldn't have. And Riley did. Truthfully, Xander was growing more afraid by the day.
At the mention of Magilou, all of Xander tenses for a moment. He sighs again, exasperated instead of relieved this time. "Magilou..." That could have gone so horribly, he thinks. But it didn't. ...It didn't the last time she caught them near the end of their rope, either. Somehow that makes him more annoyed. "The gels will keep longer. And you probably needed the energy."
Today Xander is trying his best not to accuse Riley of anything. He can only hope Riley does not catch on and test the limits of it.
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Riley nestles into Xander a little, soaking up the attention. Whether or not he wants to engage with what he did, everything that's happened over the past few weeks has been... ... a lot. There's an exhaustion both mental and physical settling in. ...But also the promise on the horizon of getting their lives back for another brief time.
"We need to have so much fun this round," he says softly, his hand tightening in the cloth of Xander's mantle. Each new chance they get is feeling more and more likely to be their last.
Xander does not seem overly distressed about the outcome of his encounter with Magilou. He sighs a little. "I think she likes us, in her way. ...but she warned me not to make trouble on her turf, which I think is what I just did. We should probably flee the scene of the crime..."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
"We will," Xander promises, squeezing the hug briefly. "Anything you want."
It's a dangerous promise for Xander to make, if not a nauseating reward for a kill well executed. But Xander can feel Riley's exhaustion against him. He can feel his own, every tension he'd been holding gone and no longer there to help hold him up.
Oh. Good. A warning. Xander groans.
"Yes. We should. Are you okay to walk...? How's your leg?" The thorns may be gone, but that doesn't mean the pain is. Riley would have likely have instinctively compensated for it -- which makes Xander worried the other leg is going to feel the consequences.
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
"Anything I want..." Riley echoes. But Xander succeeded in his gamble that Riley might be a bit too weary to capitalize creatively on that offer just this moment. The usual evil sparkle in his eye at such a prospect is only a faint glimmer.
Are you okay to walk...? How's your leg?
A complicated question. The pain is gone -- almost miraculously so. The wounds caused by the thorns heal swiftly when they recede. But having pushed through so much pain for so long has taken a toll.
"Much better, but I still want to lie down for a week." They can't afford to waste their reprieve like that. But still, it's a beautiful dream...
He starts to move away from the grave, giving it one last lingering, gloomy look. Sorry, Everett. Riley was a terrible turn of fortune for you.
He leans on Xander a little more than he probably needs to.
"Maybe once we find a place to hide out for a while we can eat some more of your candies..."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
It's not quite relief that Riley's usual sparkle is faint. Against Xander's better judgment, the goal is to let Riley shine in his Riley way. It might take food and sleep, at the very least.
"Please. You wouldn't last a day in bed before crawling out of it even if both your legs were broken."
Xander accepts Riley's weight against him, shifting to better support it as they move away from the grave. He doesn't look back.
The candies. It would have been pointless while Xander's sight was blocked. "...Yeah. And I want to see your polka dot potion." He glances to Riley. "I have camp with me, so we can go wherever we want from here."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Riley is pretty sure he spent longer in bed than that just trying to recover from their last unsuccessful sacrifice attempt, but he gives a little laugh at the characterization anyway. In normal circumstances, it's probably true that he can't last long without finding or making some sort of entertainment. Do they really get another chance for things to be like that again...?
"I can be extremely lazy if I put my mind to it, you'll be impressed," he protests.
...Yeah. And I want to see your polka dot potion.
"Maybe you can finally unravel its mysteries," Riley says, shaking his head. He hopes it serves some useful purpose other than just being inexplicable.
...so we can go wherever we want from here.
Riley scans the horizon, choosing a direction. "...How about home to Filgaia? I like the idea of getting you dancing again."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
"Yeah? Impress me." Xander's lips don't smile, but his eye does.
Not that anyone will find Xander complaining about a little extra time to sleep after their last tangle with the curse. Sleeping with one blind eye stuck open took its toll. That and never feeling safe enough to relax. Never able to confirm the world around him the way he wanted.
"I intend to. But some alchemy understanding is beyond even me." Xander furrows his brow. "I can't even begin to imagine what you did."
Xander follows Riley's gaze, then gives a slow, single nod. "Filgaia, then." He pointedly avoids catching sight of whatever expression Riley's face might be making. "...I... don't think I'd hate that, either."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Yeah? Impress me.
A genuine, slightly flustered smile cracks through the exhaustion and lingering gloom, because, well, Riley particularly enjoys when Xander tries to sound tough like that, especially when he's really being soft. "Don't think I won't!"
The potion mystery awaits, and another chance to explore Xander's potential as a budding performer.
...I... don't think I'd hate that, either.
"You must have put a lot of work into that dance for my birthday. You're going to have so many fans..."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander breathes a tsk at Riley trying to rise to the challenge and gives him a slight nudge with his shoulder. More of a press in, given Riley's already leaned up against him.
But any confidence he might have had burns up in his flush. "That was for you! I'm not putting in that much work for anyone else...!" Xander's face brightens. "I mean -- It wasn't -- I didn't -- Don't expect it to look the same!"
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
"You'll still have fans," Riley argues. "Don't worry, I don't mind, I want everyone to see how enchanting you are..." This is delivered in that over-the-top way that once seemed as though it had to be a joke, but has since turned out to be simply Riley's strange brand of heartfelt hyperbole.
Though he may be missing the point here that Xander's own shyness is more likely to be the problem than any worry about Riley being possessive.
He smiles to himself a little. "But I'm glad I got the best show..."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander sputters, failing to form words for a moment. It always hits Xander like teasing, but more and more the sincerity has found its way through.
That only makes it worse.
"I'll show you enchanting!" Xander growls, as if the reflexive, contrary threat of aggressive, sarcastic agreement has ever gotten him anywhere.
He fiercely keeps his eyes on their path ahead. "Savor the memory."
It's supposed to be an because you'll never see it again threat, but he does not say that because he knows he could never keep his word.
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
I'll show you enchanting! gets Xander a grin, and the order to savor the memory turns that grin dangerously large.
Riley closes his eyes as they walk along. "I am savoring it..." he says. "I'm savoring it right now..."
It seems that Xander did, at least, get Riley's mind off the murder. But at what cost...?
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander bares his fangs at Riley, but softens once he sees Riley has his eyes closed. He smiles faintly and continues to lead them on.
It's always worth the cost.