2023-03-07: A Big Bro's Responsibility
- Log: A Big Bro's Responsibility
- Cast: Xantia, Fei Fong Wong
- Where: The Fahrenheit
- Date: March 07, 2023
- Summary: Following the assault on Sin, Xantia has a pleasant chat with Fei... and shares a serious concern regarding her physical condition.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
No one could have predicted how the assault on Sin was going to end, but the odds didn't exactly favor a positive outcome. And yet, when it was all said and done, they had survived, and Sin had... stopped. Not died, just stopped, with all evidence pointing towards an internal struggle for control being waged. And now it's just hovering there, no one exactly certain what to expect next. A moment of reprieve, but one that would have to be followed up on, soon.
It may or may not have been a surprise to have found Xantia fighting at the forefront, electing to use her own two hands in this fight. On the one hand, yeah, of course, that's totally her deal. On the other, that's not where the rest of the Wolves were, and considering her painful lack of success in the past, she had plenty of reason to be worried about what she would be able to accomplish that way. Still, this is simply the way she felt it had to be, for more than one reason.
She's still wearing the symbol of one of those reasons. The domino mask, marking her as not Xantia, but MYSTERY CRUSADER X. Unlike before, symbolic is all it is. She no longer needs a disguise, and she no longer strives to conform to her former idea of a Hero. She just wants - needs the sacrifices she witnessed to have meant something. Destroying Sin in this guise is the only thing she can think of that may make her feel that. And since Sin is not yet destroyed, the domino mask stays on.
Having retreated along with the other on-foot combatants aboard the Fahrenheit, that's where she has remained. There's probably no small amount of discussion and planning happening, but she's stayed away from all that. She's been difficult to get a hold of, as she's been randomly wandering about the ship, pacing restlessly, wishing she could get back to the action. Even in a crazy situation like this, where the wait is to return to a fight that most would consider suicide, Xantia would rather do something than nothing. Eventually, she once again comes to a stop in a window-lined corridor on the upper deck and looks outside, towards the hovering, wounded form of Sin, expression inscrutable.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei has been overseeing repairs to Weltall. Contrary to most people, surely, he isn't thinking of this as a suicide mission. He's actually in a pretty great mood considering what's going down. Not only does he get to punch Seymour in his stupid face, maybe he can even punch JECHT in HIS stupid face. Fei is normally pretty against violence but he is still a monk and once Sin is destroyed he can really focus on what's important in his mind--ending Solarian rule over Filgaia.
Of course there's plenty of other work to do but if they can defeat Sin, even if by weakening it through the Hymn, why--they can just about do anything right? Even Id was wary of Sin (admittedly, without his gear).
But he needs to keep moving. When you have a body like Fei's you have to like work out CONSTANTLY. Even if it's just a walk around the deck of the ship.
"Oh! Xantia!" Fei says, smiling as he stumbles upon her. Then he blinks and says, "Er... Sorry. I mean uh. Mystery Crusader...X! Wow, to...uh...speak to you in the flesh...! It's an honor. I'm glad that you're here representing the people lost that terrible day."
Fei sweats. He hopes he's doing this right.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia, too, didn't see this as a suicide mission for a second. As she's said on more than one occasion, she doesn't believe in self-sacrifice, for any reason. If that's what she thought this was, the only reason she would even be here would be to try and stop everyone else from going through with it. No, they definitely have a shot at this - considering how many circumstances had to align for it, it may be the only shot, but that's good enough. And then... yes, she is also very much ready to return to ensuring Filgaia is safe from Solaris, once and for all.
It's really not very surprising at all that these two would end up siblings, is it? Of a mind in many things, and in others, complementary. Whether assisting Fei in his battles, or getting in his face when he gets too gung-ho about taking a bullet for everyone, she'll be there.
As for exercise... you don't need to actively worry about that when it's so difficult to sit still at any given time. By now she's been around basically the whole ship several times, for no reason at all save restlessness. She wasn't expecting this go-around to be any different from the others, but then... a familiar voice.
Fei's mistake becomes clear as soon as Xantia turns her head and that mask is there. Yes, clearly this is going to take a different approach. Which he has plenty of reason to think he may be doing wrong, given the puzzled look Xantia is giving him. In response, she stands up straight, and snaps off a quick salute. Here it comes.
"Hail and well met, citizen Fei Fong Wong. I am here to keep the peace, and ensure those lost to us may yet find peace of their own. The honor is all mine, your reputation, too, precedes you."
That's how far she gets with a straight face before she bursts out in laughter, giving Fei a mock punch to the shoulder. "Just kidding! You totally thought I was for real just now, didn't you? It's just me, you goof, you don't have to talk to me all differently." All worried for nothing!
That moment past, laughter ebbs down, but the smile remains. "Seriously though, you look like you're in a good mood. Happy things have been going well so far?"
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei worries that he puts a lot of pressure on Xantia in that regard. He knows his mental issues and his struggles and it's a relief knowing that Xantia is there to help him through it but sometimes he worries it's just a big weight that Xantia is willing to carry--sure--but that he can't really repay. He'll do anything for Xantia, but sometimes it feels like her problems are just too dang smart for someone like him.
He loves her. If something terrible were to happen to her, he doesn't think he could endure it--even if Xantia would insist on it. He feels weak, knowing this, maybe even a bit pathetic. But he hopes to God that she can live a happy life, knowing who she is and living free. And maybe destroying Solaris as it is understood is the only way to really ensure that.
hm...
Fei ignores that 'hm'. It should be terrifying but...
Fei immediately stiffens as Xantia calls him Citizen Fei Fong Wong. he is completely buying into it. "Er... It does?" Fei says of his reputation. "I'm sorry, uh, for the reputation." Fei naturally assumes his reputation is terrible.
But then Xantia starts laughing. Fei manages a hazy smile. Xantia is in a rough place lately so it's nice to see her laugh like normal.
"...Oh." He adds at her explanation. "Haha, sorry I just...Ah, wanted to respect it you know?"
He looks like he's in a good mood? "...Well, yeah." He admits. "It's kind of ... like we have a man on the inside right? If we're ever going to defeat Sin, this feels like just about the best circumstances to do it with. Which--you know, is kind of...the reverse of what I'm used to?"
He rubs at his neck. "And maybe I can even punch Seymour in his stupid face?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia is all too happy to have others to worry about, so she doesn't get stuck focusing on her own worries. They crop up often enough as it is, and she has her own guilt about burdening Fei with all those unknowns. It's only fair to do her very best to help Fei in turn, which also helps herself, and it all becomes a happy helpful circle. It's that whole One Wing thing, what's difficult to deal with alone can be more easily dealt with together.
...If only she felt like she understood Love, as a concept. Or emotions, in general. It's so hard to believe her feelings are even genuine when she's missing so much of her frame of reference, the formative parts of her life that most take for granted. Maybe that's all in her head, but even then, it'll always be there as long as the uncertainty remains. She can't be thinking about that all day, every day. She is thankful for every second she's kept distracted enough to not have to.
Evidently she's happy enough for Fei's presence at this moment, enough so to mess with him a little. The way he was talking was funny enough to want laugh right away, but then she had a better idea. Even with how genuine she usually is, she can put on a convincing act when she wants to. If not for very long.
With a shrug, she explains, "Well yeah, it's a serious gesture and all, but it's also, you know. Symbolic? I'm still me under here." As if to prove it, she removes the domino mask from her eyes. It's fine, no real need to go full Mystery Crusader X mode until it's time to fight again.
Crossing her arms, she nods at his assessment. "Guess we do, but uh... from what I understood that man on the inside actually is Sin. Kinda weird, that Sin is helping us beat Sin. Maybe this is all a trick, and punching Seymour in the face is just what it wants."
Apparently, if Fei's not going to be the one to suspect things will take a bad turn, Xantia'll do it. Just supplying whatever it is he doesn't. Complementary, indeed. Not that she sees this as a reason for pessimism or anything.
"That's fine though, we'll just keep punching faces until we're done!" See? All good. She makes a fist with her left hand and everything. And in doing so, displaying clearly that she's wearing the other half of her paired bracers, newly restored and looking in pristine condition.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"No I mean--I'm glad that everyone is caring so much about their sacrifice. I mean... On Filgaia, people die real easy and it's just ... life on Filgaia. And here, it's just life in Spira. But people holding onto that, and caring about it--that's all I could have ever hoped for, really." Fei refrains from rubbing his neck again. "But you know..."
He trails off. "Oh--yeah, haha, well if beating up Seymour is just what Sin wants, I'm all for teaming up with the Calamity in this instance! He's just made everything worse constantly since we came here."
He sighs. "But I don't think it's gonna be easy. But we're as close to defeating Sin for good that any group of people has ever been ever so--you know..." He smiles. "It's tough even for me to not have a little..." He finger guns. "Fayth."
They'll just keep punching things until conditions improve? "That's my plan." Fei admits.
His eyes trail towards the...repaired bracer.
"You got it fixed?" Fei asks. Xantia still seems to be Xantia! That's...good? Was Xenia just ... testing him?
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia's mouth presses into a thin line, thinking about the sacrifice of the Crusaders. Even knowing death is everywhere, it's different when you're in the middle of it all. Walking away from it with 'only' a badly wounded and paralyzed arm, she felt... not quite survivor's guilt, more as if a great injustice had been done, which she had no power to do anything about. But she always wanted to. This may be her chance to make it as right as it can be, at this point. But does that mean she 'cares'? Or is this just a selfish need? Just one of the many things that a lack of understanding of her own emotions makes very difficult to be sure of.
She elects not to speak of this aloud, and instead focus on the punching they can still do. And messing with Fei a little more. "Wow. Teaming up with an ancient civilization-ending scourge just so you can punch one guy, huh?" She's smiling, it's obviously not serious. Not like she has any room to blame anyone for that, she could name an ancient civilization-ending scourge she'd team up with to beat a bad guy any time.
Xantia just sort of stares at Fei's finger guns, evidently missing what he doing there. She may be better at figurative speech than she used to be, but puns are still usually wasted on her, sadly. So she just responds genuinely, "Well I'm glad to hear that. Nice that we're all in agreement then!" The agreement that punches are going to solve everything here, naturally.
She blinks blankly, looking down at her bracer when she sees Fei looking at it. Wow. One of the most important leads she'd been chasing, and she finds herself needing to conclude that she'd entirely put it out of her mind. Does it feel natural to that great a degree? Xantia does not refrain from rubbing her neck.
"Actually, I guess I, uh... kind of fixed it myself? Or, just, did a little work, and it fixed itself? Don't ask me, I'm still not sure how that happened." She flexes her left arm a bit. "...It feels right. Just... 'right'. But I don't really know what good it does me. I couldn't get it to work like the other one. Lily thinks it may be for defense? Even then, I feel like it should respond to my Ether, and it just... doesn't. So I'm not sure if it's actually fixed."
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei says, in a deadpan, "Seems pretty common for me." Especially since the world ending scourge is his alternate personality. Of course Xantia is even more likely to team up with a world ending scourge--and Fei does worry about that--but Xantia has pretty consistently moved to punch Id when Id got too... ID about things. He thinks she, and Emeralda, are probably the two biggest reasons why Id has mostly grumbled at him as of late. He doesn't typically get too chatty in the first place.
"Oh yeah?" Fei's eyes widen. "Wow huh--yeah, I guess--it might not be completely fixed but it's also possible that as far as fighting goes it mostly works in tandem with the bracer you already have been relying on--suggesting maybe better control or power but not a fundamental change in your abilities' natures." He thinks about it. "It's also just possible you haven't really run into a situation where you needed whatever that bracer does. Also possible what it does isn't really combat oriented. Or not directly combat oriented. Some kind of auxiliary support thing..."
Fei notices Xantia mimicking the neck rub and kinda smiles at it. Not by blood perhaps but their sibling bond seems as strong as ever. He hopes Xenia can be a part of that one day. It just isn't fair otherwise is it?
"But honestly I wouldn't uh put auxiliary stuff in a spot that could easily break if I were to design it. I could think of a few ways there might not be an alternative to that but not many..."
He smiles. "But hey, if it makes you feel 'right' then... That's good right? Even if you don't know what it's actually for, if all it does is make you feel better--that's still a pretty good use for a bracer in my book!"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia just sort of stares at Fei, wide-eyed. Not intended to be rude, but she wasn't expecting him to be quite that insightful regarding the possibilities of the bracer, just rattling off multiple possibilities that seem entirely plausible but she'd never considered. For a while, she can't manage to get any words together, blinking several times before she cups her chin in thought. "...hm. Not sure how I can test any of that, but... I guess if I keep wearing it, it'll probably happen by accident at some point." That's how it usually goes.
Looking back to Fei, she smiles brightly. "That was really helpful, thanks! I didn't think that you'd have those kind of 'if I designed it' thoughts, but I guess I probably should have thought to ask." Given everything she knows, it shouldn't be too surprising. It's just hard to think of Fei as... well, anyone beyond Fei. Much like how she views Id as an entirely separate person.
She regards the newly acquired bracer again for a moment, before turning a serious gaze Fei's way. "Actually... can you keep a secret? While having this feels 'right', I haven't really been feeling... good." She crosses her arms, frowning pensively. "It's kinda like this... icky feeling inside, I don't know how to describe it. And sometimes I'm feeling hot, and sometimes cold, even though I'm not doing anything with my Ether." With a clueless shrug, she can only guess, "I think I might be... getting sick? Is this what that's like?"
Xantia wouldn't know how that feels. Never once has she been even a little sick before, at least not without the cause being very obviously something else than 'caught a bug'. Even so, she emphasizes again, "Don't tell anyone though. I don't want people to worry, or try to make me stay in bed, which I'm obviously not gonna do anyway. Just... in case it gets really bad, and it becomes a problem for fighting, then you can tell people."
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"Yeah," Fei agrees. "That's where I'd put my money. Just some weird effect happening by accident at either the best or worst possible time." There's no in between, in Fei's experience.
Fei blinks faintly as Xantia mentions it's strange for him to have that kind of thought. Fei frowns a bit. It IS unusual for him to have that kind of thought... But he does occasionally have a vision of Kim Kasim, one of the world's most (in)famous developers of nanotechnology so...
Well, maybe it makes sense for him to have ideas based on that concept. If Fei knew more about Kim's studies and hadn't forgotten it all--he wonders if he'd be able to help Xantia more than he can right now.
.....well, being her brother... If Fei knows anything it's that sometimes that is more important than all the smart stuff.
"I can keep a secret." Fei admits. "Usually." He isn't going to keep quiet on something that might be dangerous to Xantia--at least not if he finds someone who he thinks can help.
But he does consider Xantia's words and--well, truth is--he doesn't know anyone who could help with that, or even investigate it...outside of, like, KRELIAN and maybe that's a shitty idea right now.
"Mm.... I don't know any experts about this stuff... Even Doc might be hard pressed to investigate something like this--but he might be able to tell what's happening with your body even if he doesn't immediately understand the how of what's happening. The effect, not the cause... I'd definitely talk to him about it. He's the smartest guy I know--but I'll leave it up to you to decide how you want to approach him--and when."
The idea that the bracer might be...making Xantia sick seems strange. He expected some kind of mental manipulation but--physical?
"Maybe your body is adapting to the other bracer...?" Fei murmurs. "You've been without it for a long while so it might be making some modifications. It does SOUND like how a lot of illnesses hit you, though."
He nods once. "Of course, I won't tell anyone just--at least consider talking to Doc about it. You don't have to tell the whole team."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Ah yes, the 'if only I hadn't forgotten it all' feeling. Xantia doesn't just wonder - she is absolutely sure there's more she could do to help Fei and everybody else, if only it wasn't for that. It's not necessary for anyone to point anything out about her either, it's always at the forefront of her mind. Had she known that her words would trigger that sort of feeling, she'd never have said anything. It's the worst feeling in the world, she doesn't want Fei or anyone else to have to deal with that.
She remains blissfully unaware of this however, nodding slightly at the assertion that these things always happen in some sort of crisis situation. That sure has been her experience. One would almost go rush headlong into danger on purpose, just to see if something happens. But she's not quite that desperate. "Guess we'll see what happens, then."
That was going to be her conclusion. But, when Fei responds to her concerns over her possible budding illness, she looks shocked, clearly not having thought about things that way. "Wait... I didn't mean to say... but, hm. Is that something that could really happen, that it's the bracer making me sick?" Now that he mentioned it, she feels kind of silly for not considering a relation between the two. That is the biggest change in her normal situation, after all.
But then when Fei drops the word 'modifications', that's what makes her feel far more ill at ease than before, which is clear to see in her expression. There's a sudden, "Oh, no. No no no." And with that, she immediately moves to unclasp the bracer from her arm, and shoves it back into the waist pouch she kept it in before repairing it. "I'm not risking anything scary that I don't understand happening to me, especially when we're doing something this dangerous. I'll talk to Doc first, after this is all over."
That's uncommonly cautious for Xantia. Maybe she's actually starting to learn patience, even for things related to her past.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei grimaces. "Aw geeze, I'm sorry. Sometimes my mouth runs faster than my brain and I just... put it my foot all the way through my mouth."
Though maybe this is something he SHOULD say because--well yes, maybe the bracer IS responsible. He's not sure what this hot and cold sensation could be representing but Xantia has never gotten sick before now and it feels weird to imagine she suddenly would now for reasons unrelated to the bracer.
"I mean--for all we know the bracer could turn you into a 20 foot tall Xantia that could breathe fire. It's not tech we understand and I've seen some pretty weird tech since becoming a Drifter. There isn't much that's off the table. So I think some caution is warranted--but there's no need to panic yet, if you get me?"
Fei approaches Xantia and rests a hand on her shoulder. "I...want to support your quest. But I'm always worrying about you. It's not your fault--most of this is just...stuff in my head..." He manages a smile. "It's a big bro's responsibility right?" But that Xantia is taking the concerns seriously is a relief. "Right. We gotta deal with Sin first. Hopefully stuff'll quiet down for a while later so we'll have plenty of time to look into it."
He tries to hug her!
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia's quick to interject when Fei apologizes, shaking her head. "No, it's okay, you're right. Since it's just like the other one, I thought of this bracer as just a weapon, like the other one, or maybe a shield like Lily suggested. I didn't realize how many other things it could be."
Xantia does things without fully understanding them all the time, that's easy. But as it turns out, being aware of bad things that might happen as a result beforehand can actually change her mind. Especially when they're things she fears. She can deal with a little sickness. But... "If I lose something of myself in the process... whatever might be gained is no victory." The way her inflection changed from the usual, it's obvious she's quoting someone else's words, which struck a chord with her. Though Fei assures her there's no need to panic, she has to admit, "I don't... want to risk becoming someone else. I just want to know, without being forced to change."
It's clear that Xantia appreciates the concern and the support, leaning her head towards Fei's hand on her shoulder, closing her eyes. "I know... so, don't feel bad. You said something I needed to hear. I just need to... learn to do things differently sometimes, than I have been. So that I don't end up making a terrible mistake. And it's definitely a bad idea to get distracted worrying about that in a fight like this."
Obviously Xantia will accept that hug. Obviously. And Fei will have to accept PERMANENT SPINE DAMAGE in return!! Okay not really, but hugs still tend to get uncomfortably tight the more Xantia needs one. And she needed one pretty badly.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"Well..." Fei says. "If something or someone tries to change you, we'll be there to remind you of who you are." He smiles. "Just don't go thinking that we can carry you all the way in that fight though."
Not that he really thinks of Xantia being someone who could do that. Of course, some change is just part of life! But Fei thinks Xantia understands that. She's already changed a fair bit--but he wouldn't say Xantia lost herself in the process. She's just--growing up, in a way.
Xantia admits that she has to learn to not just run completely off of instinct. Fei starts to rub the back of his neck before pulling his hand down before it quite gets there so he can do the hug.
"Did Azoth say that?" Fei asks, of whomever she is quoting.
He lets the hug last as long as he needs to. Even when it gets uncomfortably tight. Fei is a tough guy who works out a lot so instead of completely crumpling he just lets out a faint creaking noise and squeak like when Goku gets crushed in Dragonball Z Abridged.
"Aw, sis..."