2023-05-06: Failsafe
- Log: Failsafe
- Cast: Xantia, Citan Uzuki
- Where: The Fahrenheit
- Date: May 06, 2023
- Summary: Even after plenty of bedrest, Xantia's poor physical condition shows no sign of improving. Suddenly, she decides to take matters into her own hands, and the only one who can de-escalate the situation is a simple country doctor.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Following the battle within Sin, Xantia needed assistance to make it back to the Fahrenheit, having exhausted herself to the point of losing consciousness. It was one way to get the rest she clearly needed, but the question remains: just what was wrong with her this whole time? As Fei would likely freely admit to at this point, Xantia had already been feeling unwell before they ever ventured into the immobile Clysmian, but she had him swear to secrecy since she didn't want people to worry about her, or try to make her stay behind. And what she'd told Citan earlier, about 'worrying herself sick' over what might be happening in Filgaia... at best, that could only be part of the story.
The main, most obvious symptom was akin to a heavy fever. The exact cause, however, would be unclear to most doctors. By all appearances, her body might be fighting off a severe internal infection of some kind. But what's really going on matches Xantia's earlier claims: the Ether flow in her body has changed drastically, in a way that makes no logical sense. Of course, Xantia's Ether use has never quite matched the standard, but it's plain to see that this isn't normal, even for her. And yet, there still seemed to be a pattern to it, even if that pattern made no sense. It's as if her body were out to deliberately sabotage itself, yet not to the point where it would fail completely.
Though she reached consciousness a few times, enough to eat a little, she quickly drifted back off to sleep each time. Until now, where anyone approaching the guest room that Xantia has been staying in can hear raised voices coming from inside.
"I have to go, now! Move!"
"Secc, bmayca! E'mm caht cusauha du vadlr ouin vneahtc, drah oui lyh--"
"I don't know what you're saying! Just get out of my way!"
The sound of an impact and glass breaking heralds a sudden end to the conversation. A moment later, Xantia quite literally stumbles out of her temporary quarters, immediately needing to lean on the wall to steady herself. She looks... a mess. Haggard, with disheveled hair. Having made it quite clear she didn't want a change of clothing, she's still in full, unwashed battle gear, which considering the amount of sweating she's been doing doesn't make for a great smell. Yet, the look in her eyes is alert and wild, not unlike that of a prisoner trying to escape.
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
In the aftermath of Sin's demise, there had been a number of things to attend to. Many of them had been related to Spira itself, freshly released from a centuries-long curse. Many of them had related to Yuna and her allies, coping with their twinned victory and loss.
And for Citan, there had additionally been the matter of Xantia. In any other situation he would, at this point, have already begun his return to Shevat, but her 'Ether fever' shows little sign of abating.
Perhaps he should remove her to Shevat. He has considered the wisdom of that, as well as whether they might be able to do anything for her in the first place.
Or if it would be wise.
For now, he does what he can to try to keep her fever low. Too high, and she runs the risk of death. Too high, and he'll be forced to evacuate her to Shevat, regardless. She at least has periods of wakefulness -- at least continues to have these small turns for the 'better' before she slips back, again, into some more precarious state. This, itself, is provoking significant worry as it continues to play itself out. To fail to break out of a cycle like this is a poor prognosis, isn't it...?
No, he's going to have to make a decision soon.
These are the thoughts running through his mind as he raises a hand to knock on the door to her 'sickroom' only to pause at the sound of the exchange within. Xantia, and one of the Al Bhed--
He takes a step back at the sound of glass breaking and this ultimately serves him well as he does not get hit by the door as Xantia erupts from within. "Xantia!"
She's awake, and she's certainly looked better.
"Please, calm down! You are among friends!" he tells her, spreading his hands wide as if to implore her to desist. "Please, tell me what it is you need. You have not been well."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Thankfully, the Al Bhed medic left inside Xantia's room is not seriously injured. He is, however, out cold, having been slammed into a standing storage cabinet hard enough to crack the doors, and shatter its fragile contents. A reminder of the fact that Xantia doesn't need to be capable of using Ether to do that much: her raw physical strength is completely unrelated to Ether ability. Which may be cause for immediate concern, given the way she appears right now.
One might expect Xantia to not be in the best of spirits, following all that. But that look she gives Citan as he speaks to her. Rarely has there been so much hostility in her eyes. Hostility... and desperation. The words that could be heard from inside the room just now support that much.
"Friends...?" If it wasn't clear enough before, the unusual skepticism with which she says that word should put anyone on edge. And if not, then the way she pushes off the wall and faces Citan with a glare should fix that. "Friends listen to you when you ask them something. So I do hope you'll be a good friend, and aren't trying to stop me from leaving."
There's something missing. Even in her current state, there has to be a reason why she's casting doubt on Citan like this. At least Xantia is still her usual self in the sense that she doesn't let this remain a mystery for long.
"...Was it you who took it?"
She wants to see how Citan reacts to that question, but doesn't leave much pause before taking a step towards him, and holding out her hand. "My Teleport Key. I need it back, now."
She doesn't actually know whether Citan had anything to do with that. But it is rather odd that it wasn't kept with the rest of her possessions. Evidently she's gone with the assumption that this means that people are trying to keep her from leaving, and is not taking kindly to that. Though, as she realizes a moment later, perhaps it doesn't matter so much.
"Actually, I don't really need it be mine, do I? You have one too. So if you ask me what it is I need... let me borrow your Key, 'friend'."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
He doesn't look back in the room -- perhaps if he had, the sight within would have served to alarm him. Be that as it may, though...
...the look that Xantia gives him as she steadies herself against that wall serves to do just that.
As do her words.
"That is true, yes," he says, shifting his stance minutely as he lets his arms fall at his sides. "Yet I should also add that permitting a friend to do something dangerous is hardly being a friend at all. Spare me a moment, if you would please, Xantia... why is it that you must leave so suddenly, and after being so ill for so many days?"
He is poker-faced at that question of hers.
"I do not know what you mean," Citan tells her, in the space between the initial question and her advance towards him.
Her Teleport Key, she clarifies.
"I do not have it, no," he answers, seemingly unflinching as she approaches and makes of him that demand.
To which she simply demands his own.
"...While I am not against loaning you my Key... might you not tell me first where you intend to head and what you intend to do? Please understand that without my own, I too am unable to travel home, and would then need to borrow another's!"
He smiles slightly. Disarmingly. There is more he needs to learn about this situation -- about what is happening.
About what has come over Xantia, and whether or not this is the threat Xenia foretold.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia seems disinclined to answer Citan's questions immediately, intent on forcing the issue towards a favorable resolution (for her) as quickly as possible. If she doubts whether Citan is telling her the truth regarding the status of her Teleport Key, it doesn't show in her expression or bearing. Perhaps in answer to Citan's own unflinching reaction, she seeks to react the same way in turn. Even though they both know: if this were to become a matter of who lets their emotions break through first, Xantia is not going to win this one.
For some time, she just keeps standing there, with a steely gaze, still holding out her hand. Silently pushing for that quick and painless resolution, making a threat that is only implied. Because in spite of the fire in her words, she finds herself unable to actually utter a direct one. She doesn't want this to turn into a fight. And that has nothing to do with her condition. In spite of everything... she wants to believe Citan is telling the truth. That they really are still friends.
That smile ends up breaking the last of her resolve. Her face falls, and the rest of her almost follows suit, needing to rebalance herself following another dizzy spell. Should Citan try to approach, she holds up a hand though. She's good enough to stand on her own. She needs to be.
"...you can be really frustrating sometimes, you know that?"
There's resignation in her voice, now. She's given up on doing this what she considered the 'easy way'. Apologizing later is easier than having to explain everything beforehand, sometimes. She takes a step back, so she can lean back against the wall. "...Fine. I guess I had to tell somebody sometime." And if she were perfectly honest... maybe it's for the best that it's Citan she tells this to.
"I know what this is now. What's going on with me. It's... an override."
A word chosen deliberately to coincide with the one Azoth uses to describe programmed responses beyond his control. She's started to see similarities between them - none more striking than what happened during the summit.
"The way I acted, when Krelian showed up... I wasn't in control of myself. What's happening with me right now... it's similar. My body acting out of my control. But, rather than making me do something, this is... punishment. For not doing what I should be doing."
She lets that statement hang there for a moment, studying Citan to see if he's piecing things together in the same way she has. "Do you get it now? Why I feel the way I do about protecting Filgaia, above anything else? It's not because I want to. It's because I have to."
With a shake of her head, she continues, "And yet, even knowing Vinsfeld threatened all of Filgaia... I went against my instincts. I knowingly chose to stay here, instead of doing what I felt I should do. So... this is punishment." Feeling certain about her assertions, she looks Citan in the eyes to make plain the conclusion this led her to.
"I have to go, now. Until I see Filgaia is safe, with my own eyes, this will not get any better."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
Unfortunately...
...unfortunately...
If there is one thing at which the simple village doctor is well-equipped for, it is a standoff of will. He remains precisely where he is without so much batting an eyelash, gazing at her as if he were a statue in her path instead of a man. Or a wall, for all that he blocks her way. Ultimately, the one to give is...
"...My wife has said as much on occasion, yes," he says, at last moving to readjust his glasses.
His hand falls away. "Tell what?"
She understands what's going on with her now, she tells him.
"An override?" he echoes, as if to prompt her to go on. It's an override -- something to force her to do her 'duty', to ensure that she protects the world. As if she were a machine. As if she were instead...
But that might not be terribly far from the truth, such that it is.
"An override... and a failsafe, as it were," he says, frowning as he folds his arms across his chest. "As if they had anticipated such a situation... I see."
In a way, the two of them are not terribly dissimilar. What binds him is not so immediate, of course, but...
He closes his eyes, exhaling a long breath. "Of course," he tells her before he opens his eyes again. "To remain here while Filgaia itself was troubled... Though, you need not blame yourself for your decision. Would not Sin have threatened the rest of Lunar and even Filgaia in time? It is not your fault that your override cannot distinguish the two. Still, if that is the cause of your illness, Xantia..."
He extends his hand towards her.
"...Then let us return to Filgaia together. There is much I must confirm for myself, as well." He smiles, if apologetically. "It was for your sake that I remained behind as it stands. If you are certain this will right your Ether flow... though, I have but one question."
"...Did this not happen while you were trapped on Lunar and Spira because Filgaia was in those times untroubled?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
'Failsafe' is a word Xantia hasn't heard spoken nearly as much as 'override', but when she hears it, she nods. That might be a better way of putting it. She looks at Citan quizzically when he follows his thoughts further. 'They' had anticipated it? Considering the timing of it, she is undoubtedly thinking, 'who are 'they'?' She usually asks her questions, but she doesn't ask that one. Perhaps she believes she misunderstood something, or that it's not an answer that Citan has. Or perhaps deep down, she's afraid of the answer.
Either way, putting the puzzle together entirely is still out of Xantia's reach. She's only managed to connect a few of the pieces in a way that looks right. There's no way to be entirely certain until she can assemble more of it, but for the time being... this feels as close to fact as she can manage to get.
On the matter of blaming herself, she frowns, considering whether that's what she's doing right now. Her body certainly appears to be telling her that she made a mistake. Her mind, as well.
"'You should not be here'", she says out of nowhere. "I kept having that thought. I'm not sure if that was... blaming myself, or..." Or something was actually telling her that, somehow. Now she's starting to doubt the picture in front of her a little. Could it be that she's doing this to herself? Punishing herself for making what felt like the wrong decision? If that's it, perhaps 'worrying herself sick' wasn't far off the mark.
She shakes her head. She can't get lost in thought about this, that's a mistake she's made far too often. "I don't know. We'd probably have to deal with Sin at some point, I just don't know if I was needed for that here, right now. If I couldn't have made a greater difference if I'd been on Filgaia. All I'm sure of is that... I need to know. That Filgaia's still ok. That what I chose to do didn't ruin everything." In the end, for whatever the reason may be... the safety of Filgaia remains of paramount importance to her.
Needless to say, when the offer to return is made, she is all too eager to take Citan's hand, and immediately finds her smile again. "Thank you... I'm glad you understand." As well as things can be understood, anyway. She's sure this wouldn't make sense to most. But it's a mark of friendship when not everything has to.
Xantia can walk just fine, though with Citan there, having decided to rely on him rather than going it alone, she's less concerned with speed and more with keeping steady.
"...Sorry," she says sheepishly. "I was... too hasty. I mean, I still want us to hurry, but, um..." She trails off. Citan probably knows what she's trying to say, anyway. Instead, she looks back to the door of her room, regretting her outburst back there. "I'll have to apologize for that later..."
To Citan's question, she looks surprised, then pensive. That is true, and not something she'd considered before. She can't really say that Filgaia was untroubled at those times, especially not the time when Vinsfeld had forced the matter. In the end, she shrugs a bit, only getting as far as, "This hasn't happened before at all, I felt just fine the other times. Maybe it's different when I don't have a choice."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
'They'. Yes, 'they' -- the ones behind this. The ones who control her and Xenia. Her father and his followers, too, Citan suspects. The ones who use a living person as their tool instead of a machine, and as such, had to take into account such things as 'free will'.
They are not as far off from the actions of Solaris as they might think, and he wonders if it would even matter to them, such as they now are.
"You are correct, but also incorrect," he tells her, shaking his head. "Your Ether is disrupted. I had thought it perhaps an effect of Sin, even taking into account your actions when we faced Krelian, but now I can see that I was wrong. I do not doubt that what you are feeling is real." It's just also the case that she was doubting herself and her course. Both can be true without one bringing about the other.
She persists, though, when he explains that he had thought Sin a threat to Filgaia as well and there is nothing he can do here but nod. "If that is how you feel, then I can hardly argue against it." he tells her. "I will say this: if we approach the circumstance logically, we would know nothing has befallen Filgaia or we should know of such a turn of events already." He pauses, though, smiling slightly. "...Still, be that as it may, even beyond your... specific circumstances, it is a relief to confirm a situation with one's own eyes! I must confess that, in truth, I, too, have wondered..."
He had heard the account from the Al Bhed, their own fourth, fifth-hand tale of what had transpired. Yet, it isn't the same thing.
And it certainly isn't a return to Shevat and his family after yet another brief absence.
And if he goes with her, at least, he can confirm she is but in a state and not beginning to... change. Perhaps he might even convince her to come to Shevat again for a time and confirm other things besides.
"Here," he says, and he can at least lend her his shoulder if she needs it as they head on out.
"...Yes, I do think some apologies shall be in order, once you are well," he remarks. "I did not hear the aide while we were talking. Shall I assume they are unconscious?"
He takes this almost in stride at this point...
"Hmm, perhaps so. Or perhaps..."
Perhaps her 'powers' had not developed fully at those times. "...Well, it is no matter. In any case, if we should happen across any of the Al Bhed on our exit, I will let them know to check in on the aide." ...Wait, so if they don't cross paths will he just... leave the Al Bhed aide there?
Perhaps there will need to be more than one apology, in due time.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
'Correct but also incorrect' is such a Citan thing to say. Perhaps if she were feeling more jocular, Xantia would have pointed that out to him, but at this moment in time she retains the more serious mood, nodding when told her Ether is disrupted. No surprise there - as someone capable of purposely disrupting the Ether flow in someone's body, she finds herself able to tell beyond a shadow of a doubt when the same thing has happened to her. Yet she too had no idea what the cause might be until she pieced this much together.
"That thing you did before helped, but it also felt like... forcing things out of shape, if that makes sense?" She's referencing the battle against the Aeons, where Citan's efforts were the sole thing keeping her in the fight. Though as much as she'd like to feel the way she did back then again, she suggests, "You should probably not do that again right now." Disrupting what is already disrupted still ultimately does more harm than good.
As for approaching the situation logically... well, everyone knows that Xantia Logic doesn't work the way regular logic does to begin with. "It's not that I wouldn't believe what others are saying, but... it just feels more real when you're there, you know?" Yeah, Citan understands, she's pretty sure, from the words that follow.
Now that she's calmed down, Xantia certainly still seems entirely herself. Xenia must have had reason to say what she did, but the fact of the matter is... it didn't appear to make any difference whether Xantia was wearing both of her bracers or not. Not in regards to this matter, at least. If there is indeed a consequence of sort, then whatever was supposed to happen doesn't seem to have happened, yet.
...She will, however, politely decline returning to Shevat. She still has misgivings there, and the brief conversation between Krelian and the queen that she overheard didn't help matters.
Citan, though, that's different. She will take the offered shoulder to lean on. And on the matter of the poor Al Bhed medic being unconscious, she remarks, "Oh, um... probably? I try to hold back against regular people, but I was a little upset... so instead of shoving him aside I may have kinda thrown him a little bit." She's... pretty sure he'll be okay, still.
...Look, you get used to these things when you've had to apologize for almost murdering people a few times already.
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
"Well..." he begins, when she mentions what he'd done to her Ether, back in Sin. He fidgets with his glasses, once. "I must admit, it had seemed rather... let us say that was not 'standard' practice, shall we? I, too, would rather not attempt it again... especially under such conditions, then or now! After all, one can only bend a damaged wire so much before it breaks..." He at least has the decency to grimace, mildly, at his own remark.
"Of course," Citan tells her. "To be quite honest... I feel much the same way at times. 'There are some things which must be verified with one's own eyes', as they say. It is well to trust, but also well to confirm. Ah, but we should not linger here..."
It's a shame that he's best suited taking her right there. He should like to explain things to Fei and the others. But if he leaves her to go on her own, there's no telling whether she'd arrive safely... or whether this will have the salubratory effect she feels it has. No, she cannot be alone, and the sooner, the better.
"I must confess... I had considered moving you to Shevat the other day only to think better of it. If I had only trusted my instincts!" he laments, as she recounts the story of just what happened to the poor aide.
"Oh... I see. Well... perhaps he is not hurt terribly."
Perhaps. One hopes, at least.
"Let me know if you should need to rest. I hope we encounter someone so I am able to pass along a message..." he says, shaking his head. Even going straight there, it's going to take them a little bit.