2023-03-24: Soul Hackers

• Log: Soul Hackers
• Cast: Fei Fong Wong, Emeralda Kasim, Elhaym van Houten, Xantia
• Where: Sin
• Date: March 24, 2023
• Summary: Within Sin, Fei unexpectedly finds himself facing something from the distant past... and he does not take it well. Luckily, he is not alone - his family does what they can to help him through the trauma.

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<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei Fong Wong hasn't had an attack like this before. It isn't even from Id, it feels like it's hitting him from something even more primordial within him.

You could say that there are two wolves inside of us. And inside one wolf is one that will tear through the world in defiance. And the other one will cower from it. Right now, it is that latter wolf that is being fed.

Billy saves Fei's life. Fei holds onto him as this reaction he doesn't even understand or comprehend the source from hits him. That strange memory, it's just a child looking for his mother. It shouldn't affect him so much--even considering the terrible eventualities one could imagine coming from such a memory.

Billy (with Emeralda's help!) is able to get Fei through the window. He collapses into to computer room. Has he been here before? It...

...Reminds him of the Fila del Fia if anything.

Fei's mouth is dry.

LOOK AWAY.

Fei spins around, trying to turn his head away from the flickering screens.

You shall be as gods repeats ad nauseum all around him. Fei grabs at his head with both hands. The terror only grows within him.

Id screams something at him but he cannot hear it.

He just hears this thrumming in his head like a heavy bell slamming around against the inner sides of his skull.

BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqrESRX0pzc

Vinsfeld is not the One Who Bares His Fangs At God.

Maybe many bare their fangs at God, but as far as the people in this sector, there has been one who has been baring his fangs at God longer than anyone else. One who has been fighting against this LIE!! longer than any other on Filgaia.

That primordial truth, that primordial fear grows so fiercely within Fei Fong Wong as SOMETHING within him lets out a terrible shout.

"NO!" Fei shouts. "THAT'S A LIE!!"

Fei leaps forward, bringing his hands down against one console-- trying to smash it to bits with a rage deeper than Id in his eyes.

No, not rage. Desperation. He bares his fangs in pain longer than most existences.

"Shut up...!" Fei shouts, pushing towards another console--

--this might be the time where hugs stop him from causing more of a mess, but he weeps openly all the same.

"It's a lie. It's all lies..." Over and over.

Unaware of himself.

<Pose Tracker> Emeralda Kasim has posed.

Emeralda lets herself fall behind, a little, so that she can be other people's support. She's more interested in making sure that all of them get in than she alone, so she slows her forward movement, guiding Fei to Billy's help, catching Elly from falling herself.

But the result of that is that she is the last person through the window. Someone has to be and it might as well be her; she boosts herself into the red-tinted room, looking around at the multiple screens. She didn't even hit a button this time.

you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods you shall be as gods

"..."

Something about the text makes Emeralda uneasy. Uncomfortable, even. It's more than just the bizarreness of the sentence fragment, repeated over and over and over; something about it isn't just weird, it's wrong, but she doesn't know why, can't say why.

It doesn't hit her like it hits Fei, though.

"...Fei?"

He goes to hit a console, and Emeralda doesn't even realize that's what he's trying to do at first because since when does Fei just tear off and smash consoles? It's when he goes for a second that she reacts, lunging toward him. "Fei! It is a computer! It can't shut up, it's just broken! It's not dangerous!" She thinks.

She comes up behind him in something between a hug and a grapple, trying to hold him still. "What's wrong??"

<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.

 
There are many things here Elly doesn't know, even if there's a faint sensation of something familiar about the entire situation. Something that she can't put her finger on. But there's not really that deja vu - for her, at least, it really might just be the cumulative exposure to a series of Zeboim-type ruins, in a number of other situations.

But there is something that she knows.

She knows that Fei is hurting. He is showing every one of ten thousand signs of it, and Elly is only off guard as far as she is because she was somewhat further across the room than him, and she had to pick across wreckage to get closer.

It may be telling that she didn't tear up her calves anyway because of how far she trusts Emeralda. She, too, is here. "Fei!" Elly cries out, even so, advancing, moving nearer. "Fei - Fei, stop it, don't -"

She clasps his wrist, jerked slightly by inertia afterwards, looking towards him with wide, slightly wet, sad, guilty, living eyes: "Don't hurt yourself - please, take breaths--"

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia, having made it inside a little bit ahead of the others, has a moment to take in the surroundings of this... what is this, exactly, that they've stumbled into? This feels like the sort of bizarre thing that might prompt a memory, if it had anything to do with her past. But there's no recognition from her as she stares at those screens, repeating what feels like an ominous message. Then again, anything would probably have come across as ominous if it was in red and repeated so many times.

"...What is this place?" she wonders aloud as she steps forward, running a hand across a console. Some kind of computer room, clearly. Reminds her a bit of when they first found the Karlsefni. Is that what this is, a vessel of some kind? She has no idea how correct that guess is.

This is when she suddenly hears a terrifying shout behind her. Fei, she realizes immediately, whirling about to see the others who entered behind her. A lie? What's this about a lie...? For the moment, she can only stare, dumbfounded.

And then, thanks to her earlier thoughts, it hits her. This really is the sort of thing that might prompt a memory, that's exactly what's happening right now. By the time Fei smashes a console, she is no longer surprised, only concerned, rushing to his side.

"Fei! Fei, calm down! Whatever it is you're remembering - it's in the past! Talk to us, we're here for you!"

Emeralda and Elly have the physical contact covered, she'll stand by to act in any other ways that might be necessary. Such as if Fei were to swing his fist again, she'll be ready to catch it.

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei swings his fists desperately. He doesn't want to destroy these remnants of lost technology---he NEEDS to, almost as surely as if his name was Ethius Hesiod. He doesn't hit anything--at the very least, even in this position he doesn't want to hurt the people he loves.

Emeralda tells her it's not dangerous. "It is, it is..." Fei whispers. "It wants to hurt us." Emeralda hugs him---so he can't pull free to continue his destruction of anything. His hands are seized up by Elly and--

Don't hurt himself, he says. Even Xantia is telling him to calm down. But this isn't exactly the first time he lost it and everyone needed to stop him.

The guilt drags him underwater like weights.

BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBw29graYh8

And he sinks against Emeralda as the strength leaves his legs. He squints his eyes closed, focusing on his breathing.

"Twelve in a desert..." He whispers. "I call out but they do not see me. I'm terrified of them. Lost everything. That's what it feels like."

He takes in a breath. He lets it out slowly. He takes in a breath. He lets it out slowly. Over and over again.

But why did these words make him think of that?

No, they didn't actually. Not directly. That's an old dream.

He looks up to Elly and looks into her eyes.

"..."

He doesn't say anything. He just wants to seize her hand--seize all their hands, Emeralda and Xantia's too, and run away from here.

Some cogency returns to him.

"...I'm scared. I'm...really just a coward. Right now, all I want to do is get as far from here as possible."

<Pose Tracker> Emeralda Kasim has posed.

Emeralda finds herself holding Fei and not entirely sure what to do. She lets him sink against her and tries not to be too pointy or too metal-hard while he focuses his breathing, guided by Elly, with Xantia working to calm him down.

Twelve in a desert? She doesn't get it. There's no desert here, not inside Sin, but it doesn't seem like the right place - or time - to say that. "What does?" she asks instead. "It's just a screen..."

you shall be as gods you shall be as gods

She tries to push away the unsettling nature of the text again.

"Well, *I* won't let it," she says, firmly. Fei took care of her for so long, and still is, sort of. Maybe it's time for her to take care of him, a little bit. "I mean, none of us will! It's not just me, it's everyone. But this whole place..."

Emeralda trails off for a moment, lost in thought. Then, thoughtfully: "It's all a memory. Everything in Sin is a memory, right? And memories can hurt, but... you don't have to run away from them. You shouldn't. That's what I learned." She sounds serious, without the levity she sometimes has in her voice.

<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.

 
Fei's lashing out. Elly can tell, but the reason is strange to her. But she's there, he's there, the others are there, and all she can do is hold on. Moments like this come and moments pass, but this is *terror* --

and he speaks quietly.

Elly looks towards Xantia during this time. She answers her, quietly, somewhat hastily. "It's a server room, I think, it looks like that - central computers - like the mechanical brain of, of a facility or a ship or something. Zeboim did that, Solaris does it too, I think Shevat distributes their computing resources--"

Her focus comes back.

".. It's alright," Elly says, reaching down to clasp Fei's own. "... I understand," she says, and it's simple, but it's true. "Just sit, alright? This place - we have to get our bearings. If we found the worst possible way into here, we just have to figure out another way out. Alright?"

Elly steps a little closer to Fei, moving into a sidewise hug. She looks towards Emeralda, asking her, "Do you see anything coming...? This place must be... stable or whatever this is -- those huge... cables must be something like, Fiends or the like." It's reassuring sounding. Elly even halfway believes it.

"Was that a memory...?" Elly asks Fei, a few seconds later. "I don't know -- ancient Drifters, chasing...?"

Chasing WHO, Elly.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Thankfully, Fei's rampage is cut short through the efforts of those who care about him. Though Xantia isn't quite sure if they can breathe easy just yet. If she's right, and this really is caused by a buried memory resurfacing... she knows very well what that can be like. To suddenly be aware of something you didn't know before, without the full context to process it properly. It's overwhelmed her in the past, too. Her reaction even looked a little like this. Even though for her, it was more angry violence than violence out of fear... that desperation, that need to act upon this newly regained knowledge. She recognizes it, and understands, even without any words.

Remaining close by, she doesn't move or speak for the moment, just silently communicating that it's okay. She's fine with letting Fei handle this in any way he needs to, so long as it doesn't hurt anybody. Well, physically, at least. She suspects that there's a lot of hurt below the surface, which may be out of her reach to help with. All she has is her words, she'll at least offer those after Fei's calmed somewhat.

"...Running from something that scares you doesn't make you a coward. It's a natural response. Maybe the only reason we don't feel that way is that we're not seeing things the same way you're seeing them."

Most likely, none of them could. Everything in Sin is a memory, Emeralda says. Xantia didn't know that's how it worked, but it sure explains the feeling she's been having. The way Fei described it, too. 'Twelve in a desert'. That description might sound like a dream to most, but it sure feels like a memory to her. Images and feelings without knowledge. Instinctually knowing how something you're seeing 'should' make you feel is very capable of causing those very real feelings when you see it. As such...

She looks about their surroundings again. A server room of a vessel, Elly says, which she acknowledges with a nod. It makes sense, but how that relates to Fei... well, they can worry about that later. What matters more right now is the open doorway she sees, with a steel staircase leading back outside.

"If Fei wants to leave, let's leave. We can go out through there. But, Fei..." She gives him a serious look. "There's still something we need to do here. Focus on that. Once it's all over... we'll talk, alright? Take your time to sort out your feelings. Take them out on the enemy ahead of us, if it helps. Whatever this place means to you... it's not what's out to hurt you, not in here."

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Chasing who? Fei doesn't think they were chasing anyone, but the idea of them chasing--makes him shudder all the same.

Elly tells him to just sit. So he just sits there. He takes a moment to get his bearings. As much as he wants to leave, he also doesn't--not until he can destroy everything here. Maybe Citan will know how to destroy it all utterly. He just knows it cannot be allowed to continue existing here.

"I don't know," He admits. "The first time I had the dream was when I first met you." He rubs at his neck. "In the forest. Where the wolves got us?"

He laughs awkwardly. "....Man we almost died there."

He takes in a breath and lets it out slowly. "...After they ignored me, um..." He looks back to Elly.

"I saw you. And you reached out to me."

His cheeks pinken. "...I don't know why I'm remembering this now. It was ages ago. And I just...thought it was a weird dream...But it feels so much more real now..."

Especially since he wasn't exactly asleep when that vision took hold of him. Indeed, it wasn't exactly a vision so much as--just a batch of heavy feelings and memory fragments colliding against his psyche, scattered about. That's just the most 'complete' piece.

Emeralda says something that seizes his attention.

She tells him what she learned.

"Em..." Fei says, eyes widening as he turns his head to stare at her.

Then, still teary-eyed, his lips manage to twist into a hazy smile. "Aw Em... You're....You're incredible. You're a strong young woman."

His voice is full of pride. Not in him, but in her. He still doesn't know if he can be what SHE can be. "I'll...I have to..."

Don't run away.

"...We can't leave." Fei says. "Not immediately. We have to... It feels dangerous."

He looks to Xantia who admits that the only reason they AREN'T running too--might be because they just don't have information, feelings that he has.

"...Yeah, and we have another job here too." Fei admits as Xantia reminds him of an even bigger obligation.

Though somehow, sitting in this place, even Sin feels so small compared to this tiny little server room.

<Pose Tracker> Emeralda Kasim has posed.

Emeralda, too, knows what it's like to be ambushed by a memory. She has none of this place, but there's a faint similarity to something she has seen before... but not long enough to have any particular emotion about it. It just seems vaguely familiar for reasons she isn't entirely clear on.

"I wasn't the one who figured it out myself," Emeralda says. "It's something everyone taught me!" She points at Xantia, then at Elly... and then at Fei himself, though given how close she is she has to point at an odd angle. "Everybody did it! I just kind of... put it together."

She feels good about this. She doesn't know why that, of all things, makes her feel proud. But it does.

"I don't see anything coming right now," Emeralda answers Elly, after a quick glance around. "But that doesn't mean there isn't! I don't see everything." Even though she's got sharp eyes, there's a lot of things she won't see unless she's really looking for them. "I think this part is stable. It's the parts outside... maybe there was an elevator, or a bridge, into here? That was being held up? But this place isn't moving."

She looks around once more, fixing this place in her current memories. If this is the Eldridge server room... she's not sure why it's important, but if Fei thinks it is, it must be.

But Xantia, and the others, are right. "We need to keep going and help everybody, though. With Sin. We promised."

<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.

"Heh," Elly says to Fei. "I remember. And then we saw that huge 'Rankar Dragon'..."

Her own cheeks flush afterwards.

"If it's frightening you... then it's understandable to be scared. I suppose that sounds silly to say," and with this she glances towards Xantia, with a small nod, "but I want to tell you that I'm going to support you with whatever you decide. And if you really want to leave..."

"I'll go with you."

"But (and I know, a but...) we did come here for a reason, and... I'm not sure it would be easy to leave, either."

Elly looks towards Emeralda with a faint smile. She shares what Fei felt. Even if she doesn't say it, it's in her eyes.

"I think Emeralda's right," Elly says, as the red words glow on the screens, in languages living, dead and neither: "We shouldn't stay here, whatever we do. Do you think you can move alright, Fei...?"

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia listens quietly to Fei explaining his dream, now feeling more real. That's definitely what memory fragments are like. If that wasn't actually Elly, was it a memory of someone who looked like Elly, then...? She can't help but be reminded of the time Elly thought that Xantia might be her half-sister. What if there actually is one?

Well, no point in theorizing about that too much. What matters is that Fei processes this well enough to not go to pieces over this. She's very thankful that this didn't happen while he was by himself, no one to tell him the things he needed to hear to calm down. Words from those you care about are powerful at times like this, as she's well familiar with.

She can't help but smile when Fei manages to, listening to Emeralda. When she's pointed out as part of the reason for figuring it out, she adds, "That's right. There's a limit to what we can do on our own. We only have one wing, after all." Seemed like the appropriate time to echo that oft-spoken line back to him.

Fei hesitates, wavering between wanting to leave, and the need to stay. Well, of course they can't leave leave, she just meant to move on from here, out of the vessel that's causing Fei distress. She does understand that there's the possibility of danger, so when that's brought up, she nods in understanding. That's something she may be able to help alleviate. Just for reassurance, she tells Fei, "I'm not going anywhere without you, okay? I'm just gonna take a quick look to see what's out there."

Heading over to that open door, she takes a few steps beyond, then freezes. When she comes back, she looks entirely baffled. "Umm. Well... I didn't see anything immediately dangerous, but. You might want to come take a look at this. There's a whole city out there, and, well... it sure looks a whole lot like Zanarkand."

She isn't just saying that, she has a good eye for detail in anything she's seen before. The images of the ruined city she saw then and the city she saw now overlapped in her mind, and it was just uncanny, to the point where it seemed like the same place. It's probably possible that a city with an identical construction existed, but... that's not how it feels to her.

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei keeps on smiling at Emeralda, even when she admits--she had help figuring this out for herself. That isn't something that Fei will hold against her. The whole point of the Nisanite faith is that you cannot rise to the heavens on your own. Why wouldn't that be the case for Emeralda too?

Elly's cheeks flush when she thinks of the Dragon. Fei's own cheeks flush. "...Punching ... a dragon wasn't my smartest move. Though I'd do it again in a heartbeat..."

Maybe he's...

An idiot.

Elly agrees to go with him if he decides to run. He looks out back the way they came. They really could run to the end of the world together, couldn't they?

So why doesn't he? Not so long ago, he'd take that deal in a heartbeat.

Maybe he doesn't want to disappoint Billy.

"...We can keep moving, but I want to... I think I need to talk to Doc. If I fight like this..."

Xantia mentions Zanarkand and Fei moves to take a look at it at least. He stares at the city of Zanarkand. Tidus knows the Zeboim language too, doesn't he.

Xantia said, herself, that they only have one wing...

It's easy for him to tell this to others, but it still feels so impossibly hard to accept it within himself. That's why he's so proud of Emeralda right now. Of Elly. Xantia...

Why does he still struggle?

"...Thanks, everyone. I'm sorry. I won't run but..."

Now that he's here there's this other strange feeling about this place welling up behind all the horror.

Nostalgia?

Fei shivers again, bringing a hand to his forehead. "...Yeah just... Whenever I get hit by this stuff, it feels more and more..."

He gestures vaguely.

<Pose Tracker> Emeralda Kasim has posed.

The 'Rankar Dragon' was a time when Emeralda wasn't there. She can't comment on it.

But she does look at Elly and Fei, especially when Elly starts to flush. She knows what that means, and - like every teenager, ever, from the beginning of time right until the day the universe grows cold - she does not want to think about her parents doing mushy things together. She is unsure what part the dragon plays in this, but she knows what makes Fei and Elly turn red together - or thinks she does.

Her nose wrinkles, just a little bit. *Parents*, she practically sighs, though without making any sound other than a puff of air through her nose.

"You can talk to the Doctor! I'll see if I can find him. I do want to see the city, too!" Emeralda's energy has come back now that Fei seems, if not good, at least better; she straightens, immediately going to look through the very same door Xantia looked through. "And we can all go through, together."

<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.

 
"An entire city...? How closely did it resemble Zanarkand?" Elly asks Xantia, eyes wide. Because --

A CITY? Inside of Sin? (Take your own remarks about a Sin City.) All of this may not map to the scale of such a great beast, even taken in its own lights. All of this may be surreal, a place more like a Malevolent Domain (perhaps a Pyrefly Domain?) than the real world to which they are mostly inhabitants.

But a WHOLE CITY??

But...

Someone who looks like Elly. Well, that could be a few people, couldn't it?

Even so, there's only one Elly.

"Hehh," Elly says, breathes, sobs, and she leans forwards to embrace him, arms around him, leaning in to press her cheek against his neck as she settles down, lowering her hips to actually sort of sit on the ground. "Alright," she says. "And if you do need to rest after this -- I meant it. I'll stay with you." A glance towards Emeralda. "Though I imagine you'd still want to adventure. We'd have to set some sort of rules..."

She says it lightly, even if she stays there, and yes, it's sappy, soppy, and decidedly mushy. That's how it is, Emeralda. Deal with it.

Towards Fei. "A city sounds like it's preferable to this place," Elly says. "Do you want a little help getting up?"

And Elly stays with him, at least for a while; a hand in his, or around his side.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Good, Xantia thinks, he's got something else on his mind now. Even if it's puzzling, she's thankful for Zanarkand randomly showing up, any good distraction is helpful right now. Not that Fei shouldn't think about things, but, well, he understands. At times like this, you have to stay focused on the task that still lies ahead. Once that's all over... Xantia nods in agreement.

"You should talk to Doc. I... kinda want to talk to him too, about, you know. Other stuff." Her feeling sick, she means. Fei knows, he should be able to figure it out, no need to spread it around. The knowledge, not the illness. If it was contagious you'd all already have it by now.

"If you'd rather talk to him alone that's fine of course, I don't mean to say we need to go together. Though, I am curious about what he'll say, I admit." And what he'll not say, she thinks. She's starting to get a feel for the way Citan hides things. If she were to ever catch him not helping Fei as much as he could, she would be Very Displeased.

As observant as she may be about that, she doesn't even begin to see the signs of mushiness, just sort of glossing over all of it. The only thing she does react to is, "Oh, if you ever need someone along on an adventure, Emeralda, ask me any time!" She follows along with the technically-a-teenager to take another look at the city, leaving Fei and Elly to their Moment until they're ready to follow. She may not get it, but accidental tact is still tact, right?

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei embraces Elly. SORRY EMERALDA MORE MUSHY STUFF COMING YOUR WAY but maybe Emeralda can forgive it because hugs really are bringing Fei down to Earth (down to Moon). He isn't going to make it to 100 percent but maybe he can get through this day without going Weltall-Id and trying to murder everyone. It's a good goal!

(That said, well, you know Id gets a little antsy at the end of Chapters)

But for now Fei is fine. And he hugs Elly. He nods to Elly. "I'm sorry." He murmurs. "Thank you so much. You're...the best."

He doesn't like to get too flowery about it because he knows that can be kind of offputting in of itself. But he has to at least say that much.

"I'll talk to Doc 'fore we pay Tidus's dad a visit. I think that's the way. I just--He really knows how I tick and I trust him to, you know, get it."

But he nods. "Thanks...everyone. I'll be okay," He thinks. "Least, I can keep movin' for this job. We can relax after."