2017-04-13: Zed's Bizarre Adventure Part I: Yuritopia
- Log: Zed's Bizarre Adventure, Part I: Yuritopia?!
- Cast: Riesenlied, Noeline, Zed
- Where: Adlehyde
- Date: 499 PC
- Summary: Zed is confused about what a kiss means. Noeline eggs him on. Riesenlied loses her dignity.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied is ... returning from a rather discreet meeting outside Adlehyde, having just gathered news that the allies they are gaining are rather... esoteric, shall we say. She's also maybe having to drag along a rather dazed and certainly off-his-feet Zed, who she's bringing back towards the Saloon where Noeline is going to meet up with them. She's feeling a bit better from her previous episode, but this certainly has given her a lot to think about.
Not to mention Odjn, who just flies in from sideways and crashes into her. "You're back--!! Omigosh omigosh I made so much money! Who knew Adlehyde loves the hat-throw so much? I'm such a smooth criminal!"
Riese groans and pets the dragon, saying, "I--I see... well, let's come back in and sit down, shall we?"
Carrying the weight of the world right now, perhaps.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline's disapproving stance suggests she's aware of what the pair were up to, or could at least venture a pretty educated guess. She's already there waiting for them when Riese staggers back through the door with the weight of the other Metal Demon on her shoulder, and the Crimson Noble has her arms folded and one heel tapping irritably against the floor as if impatient (and absolutely not worried, you understand.)
"You're back late," she huffs simply, temporarily paying very little attention to a stricken Zed but glancing over in his direction once she's confident that Riese is whole. "And I /assume/ it wasn't all sunlight and roses."
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
Zed has had an interesting twenty four hours.
No. Scratch that. Zed has had his world turned upside down in twenty four hours. What is love!? WHAT IS A KISS!? AND WHY DOES HE FEEL WEIRD WHEN HE THINKS ABOUT IT!?!? These are not Zedderly emotions. They're barely proper Metal Demon emotions! Hyadeans should put honor and battle prowess and destructive potential above all else!!
And now, right up against his forebrain, a soft, passionate--
NO!
HE MUST GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS!
Zed's eyes flash as he walks in the door. He fastens his hands around Noeline's shoulders like a vise grip. "I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS," Zed says, "HELP."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"For certain interpretations of sunshine and rose..." Riese murmurs gently, before slacking Zed off the moment he's able to walk with a tired huff of her own, rubbing at her head as Odjn continues to dote and limpet over her. "And now we have Zed acting like this."
She folds her arms gently to say, "I don't mean to sound like you, but I certainly could use something sweet to console myself at the moment."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Immediately, Noeline lets out a squawk of surprise and then a sharp huff, angling a swift kick at the brave ninja's ankles. "--get off! Don't squeeze so hard!" she complains as her hands land on her hips, leant forward a little in annoyance. "At the very least, pay attention to the fabric! What on Filgaia has gotten into you?" she adds, almost suspicious as her eyes flick towards Riesenlied as the more reliable source of information.
"At least you're back safe, I suppose. Relatively speaking. Really, diving into a situation like that..." she moderates down to a constant and very familiar sort of litany about how she should have been around, all while turning to both motion and head towards a set of seats she's apparently decided to claim as her own.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
"NOELINE," Zed says completely and utterly seriously. He seems... Distressed? Very much so? But... But what could have caused--
"NOELINE, WHAT IS IT CALLED WHEN A LADY PUTS HER LIPS ON YOUR LIPS AND THEN THINGS HAPPEN THAT I CAN'T PROPERLY DESCRIBE AS ANYTHING BUT FIRE-HEART?"
Welp
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline halts mid-step, stiff as stone, and simply swivels on the spot to stare at the Adult of the conversation.
"--see-- /this/ is why you should bring me along! I missed something like that?!" she blusters all of a sudden.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Odjn's own eyes gawk open as she exclaims, "I missed something like that?! You should have brought me along too!"
Riesenlied puts her hands to her head for a moment, like she just wants to curl up into a Riesen-Morph-Ball and maybe bomb-jump her way up a ledge that no one can follow her into. But alas, she has not the upgrades, for she is the very essence of Any%.
Riese clears her throat and-- coaxes Zed away from Noeline, before having them sit down in something approaching sensible, even if she's leaning to the dressed-up Metal Demon for some measure of support. "... I-- uh--"
She pauses, as she begins to stammer. "Well-- why-- why don't you calm down and... describe the feelings, Zed? Just-- slow down and... use... discreet terms. Try to not exaggerate."
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
Uhhh excuse you Riesenlied, the morph ball is an utterly integral part of any proper run as, before the speed boost, it's the fastest way to get from point A to point B. Not taking the morph ball is just a catastrophic error! TERRIBLE!
Also terrible, the feeling Zed has in his gut and on his face. He allows himself to be seated but only because he seems to have slipped into another brief bout of kiss-induced catatonia.
"I-It--" Zed coughs, taking a deeeeeep breath. "It's like I've got strange tingling all over? And the inside of my chest and also my face is warm? Also I can't stop thinking about soft things for some reason and this is just not right why is this happening is this what they mean by moe--" Zed clenches his hands into fists and... yells!! "WAUGH, STOP, ME."
"No! This is not how Zeds should be. Clearly that witch afflicted me with some kind of... Of... Witchy curse! It's the only proper explanation!"
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline smirks as she directs the two of them to sit down, immediately comfortable with the opportunities for fun this situation presents. She's even upbeat and fired up enough to draw an arm around Riese as she sits next to the auburn-haired woman on a long seat, careful to ensure she looks stylish as she crosses her legs and leans back against the other woman. Totally for looks. Totally not actually giving that support or anything.
"Oh my~," she hums immediately, her fangs visible amidst her grin. "To think you'd be the one to find the springtime of your life first. I wonder how we should deal with this... I could hand over a couple of textbooks~!" the noble adds brightly, probably immediately raising alarm bells in Riesenlied's head as she barrels on. "Some of them are rather /complex/, but we can start you off on the lighter ones. Odjn, dear, did you have that copy of Thrusting Passions around still?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riese jolts a little as Noeline pulls her in, perhaps not expecting that of the dark, twintailed Demon. "I cannot say I have felt such a strangeness within me, myself. I have observed many a relationship blossom from nothing... passing looks, wistful fancies, dropped handkerchiefs... but--" She pauses as she peers towards Zed. "However confusing it may seem... do not deny them. There is nothing more destructive than denying your emotions."
Hypocrite.
She blinks and-- stammers, "What-- what have you been lending Odjn?! Odjn, I thought I asked you to let me vet everything first!"
Odjn complains, "She didn't lend it to me, I asked to borrow it from her! And what's wrong with an open and thrusting relationship?!"
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
With a pleased snicker, Noeline tilts her head. "Well, now... succumbing to your emotions can be pretty destructive too, in my experience," she hums, a mixture of self-satisfied and teasing as she flicks out one of her twintails with her spare hand and keeps on pontificating. "After all, it's not as if there's any human rules for this sort of thing, outside of 'be as chaotic and confusing as you possibly can'. When it comes to something like that, poor Zed's a natural, don't you think?"
When Odjn complains, her enormous grin only ratchets wider. "Really, I don't know why you're so against Odjn learning about the world and all its little biological processes. Aren't you on board with learning about the enemy?" the Noble suggests, putting on possibly the least convincing innocent face that Filgaia has ever seen. "It's all perfectly above board, save for that one part where there's ripping and pushing and such."
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
Embracing!? Succumbing!? What is this these two harpies are talking about now? This... These feelings are not natural! It's only right for a right and proper Metal Demon to PUNCH THEM IN THE MOUTH and TAKE THEIR LUNCH MONEY and PUSH THEM IN A LOCKER-SLASH-CRYOPOD FOR SEVERAL HUDNRED YEARS and oh no this is what berserk would do.
Zed looks... Despondent!? Who wouldn't be? This is not an easy situation! This is... Terrible. Terrible. Why. "N-no passions need be thrusted of any kind at all! My heart burns with all the courage of ten thousand exploding suns! And I do not wish a relationship of any kind with that curvalicious witch! LEAST OF ALL ANYTHING WHICH CAUSES THIS."
Huff.
Zed crosses his arms firmly.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riese cups her hands to her face again for a moment, before saying, "This is not particularly-- I would rather leave such educations to... w-well, I would like to teach them myself, so that Odjn does not get the wrong idea!"
Odjn just stares unimpressedly at Riesenlied. "You don't know squat about love!"
"I--I most certainly do!" Riese stammers louder. She stares as Zed suddenly glimmers a lightbulb above his head, folds his arms, and does a picture-perfect Noeline huff. Oh my Guardians.
"Look-- don't-- don't... first of all, 'feelings'. 'Emotions'. No need for such-- such exaggerations like 'passions'! This is the problem with that kind of literature, you see!" the horned woman starts to express.
"I think your idea of love involves ankle-length skirts, cucumber sandwiches and high tea..." Odjn mumbles.
"Et tu, Odjn?!"
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"Now, now," the elegantly-dressed girl wags a finger at the little dragon, coming to... Riese's... defence? Not that any of it really sounds genuine, coming from that smirk, so much as just a chance to tease the commander some more. "It's /perfectly/ fine if that's Riese's version of a romantic time. A bit of class never hurt anyone, Odjn, and sometimes it's all about flashing a /little/ ankle rather than a lot," she adds with the patience of a teacher.
"Even if Riese shows a bit more than ankle even on a cold day," Noeline continues in exactly the same tone of voice, so quickly it's hard to register as she tilts her head to try to look cute. "I mean, I /do/ have to admit I approve of the sight, but perhaps it's that gap that makes it work. To think a Metal Demon would be so innocent..." she adds in a sing-song lament, absolutely gleeful at having so many targets.
Straightening, her eyes light up. "In fact, in the same way, I wouldn't have thought you'd go for someone so-- dangerous," she notes of the sullen demon across from them. "Really, I had you pegged as the sort who'd be a big soft idiot underneath, and here you are getting kisses stolen from a dangerous witch? I don't know whether to be proud or worried," she hums.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
"Wh--" Zed stares aghast at Noeline's accusation. "N-no! You misunderstand! She... She attacked me! Went for my lips like some terrible alien seeking to deposit demon-parasites in my face!" No, that's Alhazred. "I had no choice in the matter! This was assault, I say! An attack upon my person and my heart for which I shall swear TERRIBLE VENGEANCE!"
It seems he's serious.
That... Could be bad.
"What? Feelings? Emotions?" Zed stares at Riesen like she's two Riesens and not at all like she's hiding behind her hands and fantasies of long romantic tristes in rose gardens with approximately twice as much petticoat than body by volume. His eyebrows furrow. "...Love? What? Is... Is this one of those Filgaia things? Like... Like stalking?"
What
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riese somewhat instinctively tugs her skirt's hem down as she huffs at Noeline. "I never said that! I-- it is not the measure of which one dresses, but the measure of purity of their emotions!" She looks really flustered as she looks to Odjn, saying, "Y-you are already conflating these things together, this is why I did not want you to read such books while you were in such an impressionable stage!"
She blinks once, before looking back towards Zed. "Let-- let us not jump to conclusions now. Certainly there is a-- um, I believe it is a physical reaction to... measures of intimacy..." she starts mumbling, "Even within our bodies. But I do not believe you would be feeling love. No, in fact, I am certain you are not feeling love. It is just a-- mere affectation, a fancy and weakness of the body that sends errant signals to the brain. That is all."
Odjn stares even longer and starts cackling. "Wow, Riese, are you jealous of Zed discovering love before you?!"
"I am not!!"
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"Those demon-parasites are called 'cooties', Zed," croons Noeline with all the charm and patience of a pleased mother, albeit one with absolutely no stake in their child's mental well-being. The idea that Zed might actually be serious is probably just amusing her even more. Spotting an opening, she shrugs her shoulders and gets down to the business of shooting fish in a barrel. "They're not harmful, per se, but you should definitely watch out for them. But, of course, you know what they say: when it comes to vengeance, it's all about an eye for an eye, a kiss for a kiss."
"I suppose you could say love is /broadly/ like stalking, yes," she adds with a lazy wave of her hand. "Perhaps you're feeling to need to go find her again, and chase her through fire and rain? You'd risk anything to make sure she knows your feelings?" she leads merrily, looking so proud of herself. The indulgent glance at Riese afterwards is coupled with a pat on her shoulder that might be meant as an olive branch.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riese's eyes widen as she turns and says, "Absolutely do NOT chase after Agatha and give her a return kiss! Non!" She raises her arms in an X.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
"C-cooties!?" Zed looks like he's been shot. He grasps at his heart in shock and terror. His eyes widen, the blood floods away from his face. "No! From what manner of foulness do they spring? Where is the font of their genesis, that I might STAB IT REPEATEDLY UNTIL IT DIES!? A... A kiss... For a kiss!? A KISS IS LIKE STALKING!?"
"NO!" Zed proclaims, "It is... It is not love. Yes. It's just... A passing phase. A meandering black cat which has only briefly crossed my path. Yes, that's all that it is. Haaaah. It is certainly not a thing which runs but also keeps you from running?? Stalking confuses me, friends. As do the reasons it is so popular on Filgaia."
...Beat.
But... To purge these cooties...
Zed rises.
Yes. A kiss for a kiss. That's how it is, right? He starts making for the demons across from him. He seems... Disturbed.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied protests, "Love-- love is not anywhere close to 'stalking'! Love should be..." She sighs, and it somewhat looks like she's about to sink into a bed of her own memories, before-- Zed gets up and wanders closer towards them, which prompts her to lean back a little and maybe scooch just a skosh bit closer to Noeline. "Um, Zed?"
Odjn grins and says, "Oh, you're becoming a real man, now, Zed! Kissing and stalking! You're gonna be popular with the ladies!"
"Don't encourage him like this!" Riese cries in despair.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline /barely/ remembers not to cackle aloud, both at Riese's immediately panicked response and Zed's slow ramp up through terror. Her eyebrows hitch upwards as Zed lifts up from his seat, and then even more as he approaches and Riese shrinks against her... but if the Crimsonish Noble has any weakness at all, it's the impulse to barrel on regardless if a situation looks interesting enough. "Oh, dear," she grins without any contriteness. "Was that a little too much~?"
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
Encouraging Zed like this is probably the single worst thing that a tiny dragon could do. Zed's eyes blaze with a manic-- some might even call mad-- light. "Yes. A real man, you say. Kissing and stalking, you say. Hmhmhmhm. Ahahahahaha-haaah!" The swordsman... LUNGES! BUT not with his sword. Not with any weapon at all! But he does come, with dangerous intent...!!
At... Noeline.
Specifically, at Noeline's lips.
A KISS FOR A KISS. THE ONLY CURE FOR COOTIES IS TO PASS THEM ON.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied's mouth gapes open as time seems to distill down into a frame-by-frame shot. Zed's feet leave the ground, and instinct and experience tell her that he's not aiming it towards her. Yet, he's very much slowly puckering his lips for a kiss, the art of passing a kiss for a kiss, to pass the demonic cooties along!
She--
--is drawn into a realm of her own making, with bizarre and symbolic chains and a giant heart-shaped pendulum in the background. Is she going to sit still and do nothing? She absolutely could. But what about the yearning and the emptiness in her heart? The gap that she's never been able to conquer?
She stares up towards nothingness, and is drawn back into her body in the moment--
"N-noooooooo!"
The horned woman's head turns, and close as they already were, all she needs to do is move the intelligence agent's cheek and place her lips onto her.
And then, Time resumes.
Assumedly, Zed kinda-- crashes against her, given that she's interposed her head where Noeline would be, and this causes her to smash forward and press against Noeline /even harder/.
That was the sound of Odjn's jaw hitting the floor just now.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
I mean, let's give Noeline /some/ credit here - the moment Zed got up from his seat and took a lumbering step towards them she'd already started to guess what might happen, and it's no coincidence that she shifts a little to bring one knee up ready to strike. You don't get to be a trickster without having a pretty good idea when to cut and run and when to fight back, after all, and Noeline makes it a habit to ensure she's ready for every eventuality even as she dances through them. "Zed, if you so m--mff--"
On the other hand, the idea of Riese suddenly tugging her across into a kiss isn't just out of the box so much as left off the delivery truck altogether, and it's about all that Noeline can think to do to let out a muffled squeak, locked in place by sheer confusion. When the commander's jolt presses the point - and, you know, other things - the next noise she makes becomes is suspiciously soft, the Metal Demon off-balance enough to clutch at Riese's shoulder for balance.
At least her stunned expression has gone from smirks to wide-eyed amazement, so it's sort of Riese's victory in the end.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
Wh- no! Riese! You traitor! You're not supposed to... SUPPOSED TO BLOCK!! Zed stumbles, he knocks right into Riese, and then... KNOCKS HER RIGHT OVER!
Which, presumably, might also lead to her falling /ON TOP/ of Noel.
But... But what of Zed?
He's still stumbling. Tumbling. Spiralling.
His head... Is going right for Odjn's snootle.
...
Well, does kissing a dragon on the snoot count?
It's adorable, regardless of all else.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Zed rolls and lands straight against Odjn's snozz--
And the resulting high-pitched drawn out 'chuuuuuuuuuuuuuu----!! <3' noise is positively out of an old, outdated 80s cartoon.
Riesenlied is-- well-- goodness, where should we start here? In a sudden storm of movement she's tossed herself forward and gotten herself pushed up with one leg up disheveledly on the couch, moved up right along Noeline's chest with her own as they accidentally -- well, not so accidentally -- kiss.
The horned demon's cheeks are certainly fiery and red, as she pulls back immediately and cups at her mouth, staring at Noeline and her look of amazement with one of abject confusion and terror. She stares at her, at Zed, at her again-- and just-- flails as she gets to her feet.
"Y-you are all utterly incorrigible! Utterly so!" she protests, her horns probably waggling up and down in panic like ears at this point to exaggerate her expression. "Ohhhh!!"
She turns to leave in a flustered storm to go upstairs, but...?!
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
When Riese lifts off of her, it looks for all the world like Noeline has frozen up - her knee still lifted slightly, her arms out in the air and still occupying the space where she'd been clinging to the other woman to avoid tipping fully over, her eyes kind of staring at nothing as her mind catches up and then spools the scene a few more times for good measure.
"Wh-- what--" she blurts after a moment-- then jolts up to sitting as she challenges Riese's bluster. "Incorrigible-- and /who/ exactly kissed /who/ here?!" she cries, definitely a crimson Noble and just getting more crimson by the moment, no matter how hard she tries to hide it with an arm across her face. "For once, I'm the innocent party!"
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
Zed peels himself away from the most adorable dragon in all the world to not look like a flying kitty cat... Just in time to lay witness to the aftermath of his misdeeds. Two ladies entangled with one another in a burst of passion and a twist of fate...!! Is this... Is this...!?
'SHOJOU AI!?'
"R-riese! Noeline!" Zed says, clutching Odjn to his chest in a fit of shock and awe. "W-what have you done!? No... No. This whole time... Risenlied... YOU were carrying the cooties, too!? Y-you lip-thief! Cutting and running... Smooching and skittering...!! You're a witch in your own right!"
"F-for stealing Noeline's lips! You must take responsibility, RIESENLIIIIIED!"
Says the hypocrite what just tried to do exactly that.
Well, no. He was just trying to transfer the cootie curse to someone else. Totally different.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"Do not even act as if you were not inciting everything along! Do not pretend you've any measure of innocence!" She huffs a few times, before her horns wilt as she measurably and visibly deflates as well, her shoulders sagging. "There-- is much work to be done! I shall not simply dally here and act like a-- a-- something! This is foolish!"
She huffs and gives Zed and Noeline The Look. You know the one. With just a few strategically measured beads of tears at the corners of her eyes, she turns around and stomps off outside to fly into the air.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"If-- if I were trying to incite a kiss out of you I think I'd be just a /little/ more direct about it!" she shoots back, a pout firmly on her face as she reaches for the familiar territory of being contrary for the sake of it - but Riese has already bolted, leaving the spy to just drag a hand roughly through her hair and then flick it out, the latter motion late enough that it's almost like it's a tic she had to force rather than anything natural.
"Haah... all of a sudden, I'm tired..." she mumbles to herself as she deflates, one hand going up to rub at the bridge of her nose before she waves a hand. "Zed, do go keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't do anything too dangerous. Just-- at a distance, perhaps. And /quietly/," she adds, with the tone of someone who's had enough headaches for the day.
The score of red across her face doesn't seem to be dying down anytime soon, mind you, and it's a bit much to focus on anyone's face right now.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
"Look at her go, that cootie-infested cuccoo-lover!" Zed huffs and puffs, rolling his shoulders back to put on his best Offended Snob impression. It's ruined somewhat by the fact that he's carrying around a tiny and adorable dragon, but only just a little bit. But then...
"...Wait."
Zed squints.
"Did she just... In Adlehyde???" He bolts straight up! "WAIT. NO. NOELINE, I WILL BE BACK! You must... Rest here! You're having a bad reaction to the cooties! And Riesen... Is doing bad things too! I WILL RETURN!"
Zed leaps onto the windowsill, and then... frowns.
"...But first, I must be properly equipped for stalking."
And then he disappears out the window. How mysterious.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Odjn, while being carried, simply has a contented sigh. "I might not have cooties, but I sure am a cutie."