2019-03-13: To Not Be Ready

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  • Log: To Not Be Ready
  • Cast: Riesenlied, Noeline, Lydia Seren
  • Where: The Fereshte, outside of Krosse
  • Date: 13th March 2019
  • Summary: Riesenlied works through difficult emotions after the encounter with K.K. and Ragnell in Krosse, with the help of Noeline and Lydia.


<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Everything went down in Krosse.

In the aftermath of King Krono's last struggle and purification, in the aftermath of Timotheus Lovelace's flight and K.K.'s subsequent entrance and acquisition of the Anomalous Orb becaues of Seraph Ragnell's untimely reveal of her allegiances...

Riesenlied was struck down by an empathic burst.

It'd be a frantic worry the way she was years ago, when she first was assaulted by Id. She was in a deeply fragile state afterwards, when they had to retreat to Lacour to recuperate. Ironically, it was also K.K. who reached out and also formed a link that helped her on the path to healing.

But now...

She's at least spiritually strong enough to hang on, but she's spent the last few moments in her bedroom clutching a pillow. She's crying at the moment. She has a lot of emotions to work through.

She's not demanding to be alone, though. Which is probably good; some people recharge better alone, but Riesenlied knows that she needs the company of her beloved and family.

<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.

Even Noeline looks rather haggard and without sleep, and she only got the blowback from the empathic burst fed to her through the link she shares with Riesenlied - but then, she's much less used to attacks of that nature, and is still working through her first actual experience of facing one down.

Noeline likes to pride herself on her spiritual strength, but that's usually rooted in a firm grasp of her /own/ identity, and an external challenge such as that presented by the Trial Knight isn't really something that compares. Her confidence seems relatively unbowed, but-- there's no denying the fact that they lost that battle, regardless of what happens to the war.

Unwilling to leave Riesenlied alone - and to be quite honest, needing some warmth and company herself - she's stayed at the other Hyadean's side, making sure she stays in contact with her at all times as they rest in their room surrounded by pictures and reminders of family.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia Seren honestly hasn't been too involved in Krosse. She's seen it and didn't like what she saw, but it's hard for her to go against K.K. They saved her mom and, on top of that, indirectly saved her in her opinion. And Ragnell? Well, that's perhaps a bit more selfish. It's only partly an excuse to keep Fei at the forefront of the K.K storyline.

But maybe, at this point, Lydia wonders if she'd been too lax. K.K is apparently hoping to murder a friggin' guardian lord (good luck, Lydia thinks, they'll eat your face off) and that is a particular bridge too far.

Another bridge to far is making Riesenlied cry so much.

And so Lydia is making waffles. Made waffles.

She is bringing a plate of raffles over to Noeline and Riesenlied. "Heeeeeyy...." She says, half sheepish and half awkward.

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Riesenlied is knowing, at least, better than to go the route of 'i shouldn't be crying, i shouldn't be feeling this way' because she's learnt to be a bit more honest about her feelings ever since the Photosphere and everything she and Noeline and Lydia have gone through.

So she's crying, because she needs to, and there's feelings to work through. And Noeline needs help on her own accord too, as she clings closer to her partner's elbow and looks up when Lydia comes in with pancakes.

"Lydia..." she whispers, as she lets out another loud sob. She bites her lip, dabs at her drying face for a moment.

"Thank you... I'll-- I'm-- I'll," she doesn't words very well right now.

<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.

Noeline's hand rests at the back of Riesenlied's head; she shifts as Lydia shows up, apparently an attempt to make room for her in the midst of the small pile of cushions they've found for themselves but also to nestle Riesenlied protectively against her. If she's bashful about anything, it's the quiet murmur she offers to Riese as the pair of them lie closer together, and the kiss she sneaks atop the other woman's hair in plain view. Gosh.

She draws in a bit of a breath as she sits the pair of them up, and it takes her a moment to find her voice - then she clears her throat, and lets out a quiet laugh. "... I don't remember when I last decided to indulge in comfort food outside of making a show of Crimson Noble things," she admits with a lopsided grin, but one tinged with a genuine smile. "I /do/ remember my first experience of a greasy Arctican breakfast, mind you," she adds, happy to offer Riese a different topic to dwell on.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Waffles! Lydia has learned to not make them cucco shaped by now, at least.

She slides a plate between them and some other assorted cutlery to each of the moms here. She thinks about her own feelings.

She's frustrated. She worked so hard to cheer Riesenlied up and to get her hopping again and now her OTHER parent has gone off the deep end and made her all sad again. Why do people keep doing this to her moms?! There are other moms in the world! Make them miserable!

"Ah, yes, the rock salad," Lydia quips about New Arctican meals. She's glad to be back in Ignas.

"Don't rush it. It's okay." Lydia tells Riesenlied somberly. "It's okay."

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

There's a warm feeling from Riesenlied as Noeline takes her in to kiss her, that erratic sob escaping her as she grumbles, "I remember begging on the street a long time ago," as she hiccups and sob, "Some lady gave me sausage and bacon. I was really grateful," she chokes, "and also really sick by the end. I don't like eating animals." It's one heck of a story, to be certain, but--

Noeline's liable to coax her upwards so they can have their breakfast, so she does that. And Riesenlied at least does fumble for the fork and nip at waffles, sniffling a bit louder. She gives them both a smile, the best she can. "... thank you... I just need to... work through it. It's not just K.K. ... it's Ragnell too, you know?"

She swallows waffle and has some tea. "Ah..."

<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.

Slowly, Noeline manages to pick the both of them up to a seated position, keeping one hand on Riesenlied's back until she can be sure the other Hyadean is stable; she accepts the tray of food from Lydia with a wordless sigh of relief and thanks, accompanied by a tiny nod as she sets it on her lap.

She watches their daughter move for a moment; she doesn't have to be an empath to imagine the sort of thoughts doing through Lydia's head and the confusion and annoyance they bring, especially not when she's been in so similar a position. Perhaps that's why she pats a space next to them, offering it. "Say what you like, they knew how to make a meal that immediately tempted you right back to bed," she huffs in nostalgia.

Noeline falls silent as Lydia turns sombre, wanting to pay that feeling the respect it deserves; she glances aside to Riesenlied's quiet mumble, quietly fussing her way towards being on hand in case Riese's strength gives out. "... mm. I won't say I don't understand her actions, but... I think I grew past that version of myself long ago."

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

"Sometimes you have to eat what you can. Animals eat animals. It's no sin to eat 'em too, in moderation, though I figure that's not the problem you've got with it." She has some waffles herself and says, "Ragnell was m'first kiss."

What.

"I mean, it wasn't like the start of a relationship or anything. She was trying to help me get over my anxiety over that kind of stuff. And I think it helped, a little."

She sighs. "...I know she was workin' with K.K. Hell, I worked for K.K, indirectly." She did like literally one job for him though. "But like... I guess it's not her working for them now that bugs me about it. Just feels like she didn't really trust us. Which, I guess, okay."

She shrugs both shoulders.

"She's weird." She fidgets briefly in that seat near Noeline and then looks to her.

"You understand 'em? Wish I did!"

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Riesenlied looks disappointed and glum about herself for a moment, mumbling, "I... know. The Tainted certainly could not be picky. I couldn't be picky, back then. It does not mean I have to enjoy it," though she's immediately distracted by Lydia's admission--

She blinks a few times.

"Ah..." Riesenlied quietly nods. She's gentle as she says, "I knew too. We all did. She helped guide me before I even had any sense of Resonance."

There's a quiet sigh, as she shies away from the conversation and lets out a longer sob.

"She pushed me to wake up. When Alhazred's cloud hung over my senses. And K.K. was there to save me, with the rest of you..."

She stirs a little, Noeline's prediction coming a bit true as her strength comes and goes and she flags.

"In many ways, they were like us, back then... but they helped us find hope and a path forward. With Equites, which led to Wayside, and the Outreach, and all that we have now... and that I can't offer them anything in turn is..."

She buries her head down a little.

<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.

Noeline's eyebrows soar at Lydia's admission; for a moment her eyes dance, and she clearly wants to ask more about it-- but it's not even vaguely the time, so she files it away for happier days with nothing more than a chuckle.

"We certainly aren't the sort to blame you for that, given we were doing more or less the same thing," she admits instead as she lets out a slow breath. "Certainly, we knew that Ragnell worked for K.K. - and even after we knew of some of the Trail Knight's deeds, she continued to be--" she chews around the word for a moment, examining it. "A friend, I suppose. Or so we thought, as you say."

She glances to Riesenlied, and then back to Lydia. "Perhaps not 'understand her' - but I know the feeling of being loyal to someone to the absolute end. There was a time when I would never even have imagined Wayside and the two of us as we are now - but if you'd asked me then, I would have happily taken Riesenlied and fled everything. Perhaps it isn't entirely the same, but from what she said to me... I do not think I'm all that far off. She cannot conceive a variation from their plan."

Frowning, she glances at Riesenlied. "... as far as I can tell, the Trial Knight wants you to be-- well, as 'you' as you can be. They have always stepped in when you are faltering away from that. I am grateful for that much, I suppose, but..." she trails off, not wanting to belabour the point. It's a very obvious 'but'.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia says, "Ah--sorry." to Riesenlied. "I didn't mean to uh, get a pity party going." She knows that at times just optimism is what Riesenlied needs but it's hard to be optimistic when Riesenlied isn't. It's kind of a catch 22.

"Huh," She adds. "It really about loyalty? Weird. I just figured she kind of did whatever she wanted whenever she wanted." Maybe her hand was forced in a way but it's hard to imagine.

She flumps back, staring upward. "but I guess I wasn't actually that close to her. Not as much as I thought I was. I'm just a kid to her, after all."

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Riesenlied's head stirs again as she shakes her head and accepts Lydia's apology, maybe feeling too grumpy and kind of just toothlessly sinking into things like sausages and bacon as it comes to her head. She's in a state right now, even if she looks a bit ashamed.

"Loyalty..." Riesenlied whispers. "It is and yet it's also... maybe it is more than that too. Love, respect..."

She swallows just a little bit deeper.

"What has happened between them is not something we know. But it is enough that I know the depths in which they would go for each other... like Noeline said..."

She lulls her head further.

"... I was asking you about this earlier, Lydia... about what it is that I should do when the time came that I had to fight them. I was paralysed with fear. Maybe I still... am, given how I reacted. We said to fight for love, but..."

Noeline says the Trial Knights wants her to be 'her'.

"I'm not..." she sniffles a bit harder. "I'm not sure I'm at a point I know what 'I' would do right now."

<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.

Noeline gently nods her head, first to Lydia's uncertainty and then to Riesenlied's point about love. "... I don't know if you saw the look on her face when she finally decided to show it, but-- there was not a great deal of mistaking her expression. It was at least admiration, and I would be prepared to say it was a lot more than that." She pauses, and has the grace to look off to one side. "... and relief as well, I'd wager."

She turns back, but only to hum quietly at their daughter's complaint. "Somehow, I think she would say that whether you're a kid or not doesn't even enter into it. Most of the world must be a kid to her by now, I should think - but that doesn't mean you can't try to reach her with your feelings, or try to understand hers." A beat. "Whatever they might be, in this instance. To be honest, I am not even sure myself."

Letting out a sigh, she tugs Riesenlied against her a little, resting the other Hyadean against her shoulder. "... if you do not think you are ready... I think it is fine, to not be ready. If you do not think you can fight right now, or if you still need to sort your feelings out - that is alright. You have been through hell and back the last few months," she adds softly despite the blunt statement. "I am certainly not going to expect you to have all the answers immediately."

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

'Fight for love'. Well, it's easy to say isn't it? If Love and Peace were easy, you wouldn't need a human tornado giving you lessons on it. Everybody would be doing it. But the world is full of complications and it's not always so easy to love and, more importantly, not always easy for that love to matter as much as it ought.

"Well," Lydia says. "I think if K.K and Ragnell are doing this, it must be somethin' real important to them...otherwise they wouldn't be doin' it. Or at least, they wouldn't be so willin' to hurt you like this. Maybe they figure if we knew what they wanted to do, we'd try to stop it."

She reaches forward to give Riesenlied a small shoulder rub. She wonders how hard it is for Noeline in moments like these when she isn't around. You can kiss and snuggle and make out all you want, but that doesn't always bring the change that brings peace of mind. Maybe it never does. Maybe peace of mind is impossible to last for long. Lydia understands that at least.

"Well." Lydia says thoughtfully. "I guess we just gotta do the best we can then and hope it goes well. Or, at least, not as bad as we fear. I know that's not, um, a great answer but it's the one I've got."