2020-11-12: Crystalline Hearts

• Log: Crystalline Hearts
• Cast: Lulu, Tidus, Rikku, Yuna
• Where: Macalania
• Date: November 12, 2020, but backdated to immediately after 2020-10-28: Suteki Da Ne
• Summary: Having escaped the Via Purifico, the pilgrimage party regroups in the crystalline woods outside Bevelle. They lick their wounds, check up on each other, and remember Seymour's latest murder victim. Yuna announces her decision to continue her pilgrimage despite the group's excommunication and death sentence.

---

<Pose Tracker> Lulu has posed.

Lulu has been quiet, since the group has left Bevelle.

This would not itself be surprising; this is Lulu, and it is late. But she hasn't been sleeping. The forest stretches around the clearing, crystalline blues a long way off. Stars dot the sky where they are visible through the trees. Most of the group is here in some spot or another. Earlier, Lulu was near to the way back further into the woods. She has not been ready yet to share her feelings with anyone else, standing in silent guard for a while with Wakka, who is likewise quiet, his usual boisterousness keenly absent in the night air.

Macalania is a beautiful forest, but it can be hard to focus on its beauty now; instead it looms ahead, each path out into the dark uncertain. The sounds of various animals and Fiends call out in the night, but there is a great deal of stillness here, in this part of the forest. It would be easy to forget how close to an exit the group is.

Maybe because of the larger exit they found earlier, from Bevelle.

Right now, Lulu stands beside a tree, arms crossed as she looks out into the distance. She is not really watching what is in front of her, though. She is here another time, and another, journeying through the Forest on her way...

Maybe the better word is solemn. Maybe another word is waiting.

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    At least if one has to be kept waiting, Macalania Woods are a good place for it. They're serene, tranquil... even when fighting fiends, there's a certain quietude here. It's no wonder a fayth was consecrated nearby. It's the sort of place where you'd expect to find something holy.
    
    Perhaps that's why, when Tidus sought out Yuna to apologize for his ignorance, things turned out the way they did. That moment will forever be engraved in his memory, more precious than gil or jewels, more divine than an aeonic choir. He walks back with her from the pool hand-in-hand, past where Kimahri guards, towards where Lulu and the others wait, silent but warm; his happiness radiates from him like he's a tiny sun.
    
    But... there is that one cloud, that one sunspot. He's accepted it, certainly doesn't hold it against her, but it is a source of worry. What exactly it is--well. He'll let Yuna convey it for herself.
    
    It's her right, after all.

<Pose Tracker> Rikku has posed.

 
In a strange twist of fate, Rikku has also been quiet. Because...
 
... she's writing, cross-legged next to another tree not too far from Wakka and Lulu...
 
Father,
 
I thought I would put down all the things I wanted to say here. We made it out! Yuna is safe.
 
Everything is going to be
 
The pen she's using ceases it's writing, and she shifts the slab of metal she's used to prop up the parchment on her knee. With a sigh, she takes it off, and presses a bomb fragment to it.
 
And like she pressed a rather large candle to it, it's consumed in an instant, as only ashes fall out of her hand.
 
Putting another blank page. She brings up her hand and rubs her temples.
 
She feels so much relief over all of them getting out of there alive.
 
But with everything that's happened. She can't in good conscience finish that line.
 
There are some things that positive thinking just won't fix. And one of them is closeby.
 
Glancing towards Wakka and Lulu, she ponders the quiet the two are sharing. It's a sight that prevents any inclination of intrusion. She wishes she could be giving them privacy for better reasons than grief. But just as she knows she was open about her grief... it's not the same for anyone else. While she craves comfort for her grief, she gives Lulu her solitude. While she knows Lulu would forgive her for the intrusion...
 
... one favor she can give her is not putting her in a situation where she might have to forgive.
 
While she wants to seek out Yuna to apologize, she understands at least - that this time is the worst of it.
 
Instead, she starts writing again, as she idly scrawls the Al Bhed runes on a page, her hand propping up her cheek.
 
How to fix what cannot be
 
It's not anything resembling a letter, but it is something that is on her mind.
 

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

Yuna's near-total silence after escaping Bevelle was a little less predictable. But also not totally unsurprising. When she's troubled -- when she's in pain -- in so much pain that it is her own burdens rather than others that she's suffering -- she withdraws into herself. And when she asked to be alone for a time... THAT was expected before she even opened her mouth.

Kimahri went with her, to watch over her from afar. The odds that her Guardians will be letting her out of their sight ever again is low indeed; she did not object.

Some time later, Tidus ventured into that crystalline grove.

And now it's some hours after that.

The Yuna who emerges, hand in hand with Tidus, she's...

...almost a different person. So much weight has been lifted from her shoulders. Her boots step lightly amid the boulders and moss. Carefully, so as not to squish anything too badly. The sort of gentleness that is very MUCH Yuna, yet has not been seen in so long. Has not been POSSIBLE in so long. That she has not allowed herself.

...smiling. She has the audacity to smile, at a time like this. Like Tidus, but also not. Her undiluted joy is a wonder to behold. She shines like the moon, especially when she glances at the boy she's walking with, as though his brightness fills her and then she cannot help but re-emit it.

...soaking wet. Yuna is DRENCHED. Water rolls off her earring like it's continuously generating an extra, falling bead. Her hair is a sopping snake over either shoulder, her skirts heavy with it even though some telltale wrinkles along the flowers speak of its squeezing.

As she approaches the group, she does not much school her expression -- she does not hide her vivid happiness. It would sparkle in her eyes even if she tried. But she doesn't want to try. As with all the good things in Yuna's life, what she wants is to share...

Nevertheless, she becomes more serious, because she IS serious. Serious about her feelings for them. Serious about what they've all just faced... and have left to face.

"Lulu," she calls softly, reluctant to awaken that which sleeps sweetly in Macalania with unnecessary volume. "Rikku..."

Her eyes sting as she feels the cruelest, freshest grief anew. There is something they must do, before anything can proceed.

"Father Zuke... deserves... so much. For now... the most we can do... is remember him," Yuna murmurs. "Wakka, Lulu... do you want to... say a few words?"

<Pose Tracker> Lulu has posed.

What would Lulu have done, if Rikku had come over? Would she have had anything to say, or would it indeed be 'something to forgive'? It's not possible to say. What happens, instead, is the return of two.

Lulu looks over both of them; Yuna, and Tidus. She looks at the weight lifted from Yuna, at the light practically beaming from Tidus in the dark. ...She also looks at the drenched state in evidence.

"Welcome back."

This is all she says at first, but there is something reflected in her own expression-- little less gloom, for seeing Yuna this way. Maybe it's just a reflection--or maybe not.

"..."

Her name is called quietly, and then there are more words. At first, Lulu remains silent, her primary reaction just turning to face Yuna and the others now. Her red eyes are touched with thought; her expression is one of remembrance.

Wakka speaks up first, after a look between Yuna and Tidus. "...He was a good man. He didn't deserve that. I..."

"...Father Zuke was the man responsible for my coming to Besaid," Lulu says. "He reached out to me, at a time when I thought my life was over. Long before I was his Guardian." She speaks slowly, choosing each word with care.

Apparently she did want to speak.

"I..." Lulu trails off this time, and shakes her head. "Even at the end, he wanted to help the both of us." She inclines her head to Wakka. Wakka nods back, and looks up again. "...Remember him. Yeah, I will. I won't forget."

"...Saying so is all I can do right now," Lulu finishes. She looks to Yuna, then, and right now, she is tired in a way that does not come from the late hour.

"Whether it's enough, or not."

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    In all honesty, Tidus had forgotten all about Father Zuke. It's nothing against Wakka and Lulu, for sure, but... he had died literally right after Tidus had met him for the first time. Then there'd been a big battle, then they'd all split ways with the other Drifters and made their way to Macalania Woods, then he'd gone for a swim with Yuna... A lot has happened in a short amount of time. His joy dims at the reminder, though it certainly doesn't vanish. He sobers, squeezes Yuna's hand, and nods to his friends.
    
    Rikku's writing something that she keeps burning up, Lulu's silent and unreadable as always, so is Auron, and Wakka's unusually withdrawn... It's easy to understand why. For now, Tidus just says, "Thanks," when Lulu welcomes them back. Then he falls silent to listen to her and Wakka's eulogy.
    
    When it's over, he offers, "I wish I'd gotten a chance to know him. He seemed like a good guy. It was obvious he really cared about you two. It's not his fault he was getting used and lied to. And... he really deserved better than what he got."
    
    Ihara too, he thinks silently--but he keeps that to himself. After all, Ihara's only link to the group was... well, that he killed them when they threw themself in front of his sword to protect Seymour. ...he wishes they'd gotten a chance to talk more, but that's just his problem. At the very least, like Father Zuke, he can remember them from time to time. It's the least he owes them.

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    Meanwhile, Tidus is also soaked, as Yuna is, but--well, he's a professional blitzballer. He barely even notices, and he'll dry off quick.

<Pose Tracker> Rikku has posed.

 
Rikku doesn't look up at first, until Yuna and Tidus approach and the foot steps are audible enough in this crystalline forest of wonder, that she looks up. Putting aside the metal sheet, she flips it upside down. It's a necessary measure! Since Tidus is getting better at reading Al Bhed.
 
Unlacing her legs, she hops back up. Then jogs up, and looks like she's double taking at Yuna's smile.
 
While Rikku has cottoned on to the fact that perhaps not even Yuna smile is a genuine one, this ONE looks like it. It takes her a long moment, to look over from Yuna - to Tidus who is also drenched. In that moment perhaps she looks extra suspicious. But even suspicion can be a positive thing when it takes her mind off grief.
 
"You're back!"
 
Rikku resists the urge to ask how'd it go.
 
Even moreso when Yuna goes first to Lulu and asks of her grief. And Rikku instantly falls silent, because while she didn't know the guy, he means a lot to Wakka and Lulu...
 
Instead she stands on her tip toes and tries to catch Tidus' gaze as if she had the intent of interrogating him silently. But then she sees something in his eyes and just... stops. Because she'd swear he looks so serious right now...
 
And then Lulu starts giving her eulogy and Rikku's gaze just SHOOTS forward towards Lulu in an instant as she gives her and Wakka a sympathetic look.
 
And while she feels really awkward trying to say anything about someone she didn't know - a Yevonite Priest, she tries... her best, for their sake. And starts quietly to try and follow up on Tidus' addition, "Even with everything that was happening, he was trying to stop the violence. Even if I didn't know he meant a lot to you two - I think I'd know he was a good man."
 
Stepping up to Wakka, she puts one arm around him from the side. "... I'm sorry." She tries her best to allow a smile onto her expression, "I won't forget him either." Maybe it was only a passing encounter, she will keep that moment on the inside too.
 
She only doesn't do the same for Lulu as she feels she wouldn't want it.
 

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

Yuna bows her head and listens to the remembrances. As is her way, she listens deeply, earnestly, giving each of her friends the whole of her attention, of herself, one at a time.

Lulu's pain and Wakka's misery; Tidus' silence, which gets a sidelong glance, as though she has a sense of what -- who -- he's dwelling on; Rikku's determined kindness, and promise.

She bows her head.

"Father Zuke loved all of Spira's children," she remembers. "Especially Lulu... we wouldn't have all grown up together, if not for his love. And... I think, we wouldn't be together now, either."

Because he came back -- he let them come back, Wakka and Lulu, rather than...

...well.

Yuna gently takes one of Lulu's hands in both of hers, a combination of unrestrained and dignified affection that does not so much compromise around it not just being the two of them, as suit them perfectly, at such a time.

She does not wince when her bad palm squeezes Lulu's good one, in a tiny but fierce embrace.

"Nothing is ever enough," she concludes. Not for Zuke. Or for Chappu. Or for the countless other deaths at Sin's hands, at Yevon's. At Spira's. "But... we won't forget."

She stands there in dripping silence until Lulu is ready to let go.

<Pose Tracker> Lulu has posed.

A lot has happened, all at once. Wakka gives Rikku a hug, when she moves cautiously towards him. He's big and good at those. But they both listen, and Lulu...

Neither of them speaks of the culprit just this moment. It is about something more than that man.

Lulu listens, though, to everyone's statements. She inclines her head, then, to acknowledge them... And Yuna speaks aloud something Lulu was herself thinking. "I believe the same," she says quietly to Yuna. Lulu's single hand--nails artfully kept, delicate fingers used to detailed work-is easy for Yuna to take in a way that it would be hard for many others. It does suit; Lulu's fingers curl slightly about Yuna's hand in turn, and she knows the pain that gesture had to bring. But pain does not make it any less. Either of them would easily suffer that much, for a time like this....

"Never," Lulu agrees. It is never enough? They will never forget?

She stands in silence with Yuna for long, long moments, replaying memories over in her mind, thiking what ifs...

She does it then, because she will not allow it, later. And soon...

"...But I can't stay on that bridge with him," the Guardian three times over says, straightening her shoulders and breathing in, and out.

She looks toward Bevelle, and there is a weight in her gaze. She doesn't say the word aloud. She just looks, in the direction that he was last. ...In the direction of the place they have left.

"...Thank you," Lulu says quietly, and places her other hand on Yuna's. She holds that there for a moment, then nods.

"...We'll carry on for him too," Wakka says as he pulls back, and makes eye contact with Lulu.

...But after that, it brings a question for the both of them. One unanswered as yet...

"I'm all right."

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    "We're back," Tidus agrees, giving Rikku a friendly nod and a lopsided smile. It's a good thing she doesn't ask how it went, because he would honestly have no idea how to answer that discreetly.
    
    As for the eulogy, though... Yuna wraps it up for the lot of them. Auron and Kimahri offer a respectful silence, and Tidus lets Yuna's hand go so she can clasp Lulu's in hers. He remembers what Lulu told him, about how her first summoner had died; he can only imagine how it must feel to be helpless to see the second one die too, even if she hadn't been his guardian anymore by then. Still, she summons the strength to square her shoulders, and Wakka says they'll carry on for him.
    
    They're both so strong, Tidus thinks, admiring his friends. They've both been carrying so much this whole time. His gaze wanders from Lulu and Wakka to Rikku, to Auron and Kimahri, to Yuna. ...They all have. I've got to be strong for them, too.
    
    So when Lulu says she's all right, Tidus nods. "We're all here for you," he says. "You too, Wakka. We're all in this together."

<Pose Tracker> Rikku has posed.

 
Rikku spends a moment giving Wakka that hug. She might never stop being readily available for hugs given how he was there for her while Home burned.
 
And just like that... Yuna does what Rikku thought Lulu wouldn't want. And yet she doesn't get that impression from how Lulu treats this moment. Perhaps it is proof that distance is sometimes imagined... and who better to cross it than someone who had resolved to make a pilgrimage.
 
Rikku finds herself admiring Yuna in that moment, and admiring Lulu even more with just her resolve to move on... because Rikku knows all too well the pain of grief.
 
When the time came for her to move, she could do nothing but stand still for a while.
 
She tries her best not to dwell on that thought though right now, as Wakka draws away from her. "No matter what." She says, in agreement with Tidus.
 
It is too serious a moment perhaps for Rikku to say the drawled out word that comes to mind that would prompt two categories of questions.
 
'Sooooo...'
 
What now?
 
Are you going to continue your pilgrimage?
 
And...
 
What happened between you two!?
 
Did you both go for a swim together!?
 
Did Yuna fall in and you had to go in after her?
 
Spill!
 
None of those actually come out of her mouth though, no matter how badly she wants them to. Even she wouldn't say that just after a eulogy like that. Her anxiety over the first category of question though, and her curiosity over the latter... is a fine distraction though.
 

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

Yes, everyone has the same unspoken question for Yuna. For most of Spira it's a foregone conclusion: forsaken by Yevon, sentenced to execution, of course she will quit. How could she possibly go on? WHY would she go on?

That it is even a question at all, to those closest to her, says a lot more about her than about Yevon. But then -- it wasn't really in question for them, was it, either?

The whole world expects her to quit, and the highest on high of her religion demands it, will kill her rather than allow her to proceed. But in their heart of hearts, her Guardians already knew her answer, before she looked around the group gravely, each of their faces reflected, one at a time, in the gentle but resolute pools of her eyes.

"I will go on," she says simply. "I must... go on."

Not for Yevon, then. Something else drives her now...

...maybe something else always did.

When she looked over the group, she was looking over their wounds. Some of body, some of spirit. None of them have come through this ordeal anything at all like intact.

She bows deeply, in a rush, before anyone can stop her. More deeply than she ever bowed to any Grand Maester.

"Everyone, I'm truly sorry," she adds, her voice breaking a little beneath the sorrowful burden it carries, "For everything I put you through."

A sentence that encompasses both past and future suffering.

And a sentence that compresses so much grief into a single, intense expression. It overflows her soul -- it has since the moment they fell out of the sky and landed on the Ten Thousand Steps, and perhaps that is facile, because it always has. It demanded release. Her one and only true regret about her actions are how they've hurt her friends and family.

But as she straightens up, her shoulders are still... light, lighter than they were before she went into the grove to think. Her chin doesn't droop; she stands tall. Yuna looks around the group a second time with serene self-assurance, to let THEM see what's in her:

Wounds of body, and of spirit... and, nevertheless, a total commitment to her choice. PEACE with it, even. She's never been more sure in her life of anything, than of wanting -- needing -- having to continue her pilgrimage. Despite everything that opposes her. BECAUSE of everything that opposes her. And, like an object doing exactly what it was made to do, there's a beauty in that, and in her. Her oneness of purpose is radiant to behold.

She doesn't insult them by offering to let them out of being her Guardians, if they wish to follow her no further. Instead, clasping her hands loosely together below her waist, she quietly awaits their reply.

And if she seems to struggle to spread her gaze in a COMPLETELY egalitarian fashion -- if, after looking between them, and sometimes in between, her eyes keep settling on Tidus one extra time, then one more, then one more, and one more...

...that simple happiness -- despite everything that's just happened, BECAUSE of everything that's just happened -- is beautiful too.

<Pose Tracker> Lulu has posed.

"Thank you," Lulu says simply, and that is all she will say of it for now. It is all she needs to say of it for now; she can't stay on the bridge, as she said. She has to move forward...

But what is 'forward'? At a moment like this when she has been forced to question so much, is this too a question? On one level it is; Lulu is not made of stone, however much it might seem that way sometimes. But in her heart of hearts...

Yes, it's true. Lulu knew. She knows, now. But to hear it said matters; to hear it said is important.

Lulu regards Yuna in the same moments, and wonders. She wonders how long. How long, since...

It would have been easy, to go on without thinking. But it neeed thinking about.

That grief in that single expression is something Lulu knows, not only because she knows Yuna. She feels it. She feels it, and that burden... It is not something she can take from her. No; even if she could, Lulu knows she couldn't hold it in the same way.

So when Yuna looks again at Lulu, there is not only love, and not only the wounds that are still fresh. There is a pride there that even she is not sure how to express except for holding it. It is there because Yuna still is; because of that peace, because of that certainty. Yes, it's radiant. Beautiful. And...

"I would do it again."

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    Too serious a moment for sure. Tidus will probably get the third degree from Rikku later, though, unless she third-degrees Yuna instead. Or both of them?? Only the future knows.
    
    But first, now that the eulogy is over, Yuna must speak. This pilgrimage has always been her choice, her passion, and though Tidus already knows her answer, the others don't. He looks at her as she tells them her truth, and when she apologizes, he murmurs, "Yuna..."
    
    He's already told her that he won't let her die. And she's already forgiven him preemptively for if (if, not when, because he refuses to accept there's no chance at all) he fails.
    
    But... though there is grief, and a heavy burden, her shoulders are light and strong. He smiles at her, and that smile only grows stronger by degrees whenever she shoots extra little glances his way.
    
    They're all strong, but she's the strongest of all of them. As much as it frustrates and terrifies him sometimes (Yuna please stop trying to meatshield your meat shields), he really can't help but admire her.
    
    Lulu speaks first, both her gratitude and her acceptance. Rikku will probably be next, and then the others. Just as Tidus was sure they could have convinced everyone to accept Yuna giving up on her pilgrimage, he's sure they'll all accept her going on, too.
    
    As well as what they all have to do to keep her alive. Always.

<Pose Tracker> Rikku has posed.

 
And then... Yuna answers her unspoken question. "But- Yunie..."
 
It's hard for Rikku to truly mask her disappointment, even if it's just a flicker in those green eyes of hers. A shadow.
 
She didn't expect anything different. It's more disappointment not in Yuna, but that her expectations were not shattered.
 
And because she cannot help but feel sad about the inevitable conclusion.
 
Rikku though steals a glance at Tidus... but... upon seeing the look on his face, stops herself and takes a deep breath. And doesn't finish that but. If Yuna is deciding to go on despite everything, she knew that she would keep following her. No that she must keep following her. Family doesn't stop being family just because they make a decision you don't like.
 
And because it's important to her, to be there for her, no matter what.
 
Yuna in this moment though is no less admirable, and with Rikku seeing how she looks delivering that - she can't bring herself to finish gainsaying her resolve to go onward. When Yuna apologizes though...
 
"You didn't put us through anything." She says with a certain ferocity of it not being Yuna's fault. She doesn't say out loud, how she feels it's at least part her fault, but in this moment apportioning out that fault doesn't matter so much other than insisting that none belongs to Yuna, "But... I won't say that we didn't do it for you." She finishes more quietly.
 
The distinction is important to her, even if in the end it might only a semantic difference.
 
Lulu saying that she'd do it again... is something that Rikku finds that she can only agree with.
 

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

Yuna's throat pulses with unshed tears, when Lulu says she would do it again. She feels Tidus' eyes on her, and that makes her want to cry more -- and less. And Rikku almost sends her over the edge; she feels her misery so keenly, she can't not.

But she keeps it together, because she feels Rikku's fierce love, too. All of their love.

So when she's reduced to a stammer, at least it isn't to a stammering wreck.

"I-- Thank you, I--"

"Enough," Auron interjects, killing a conversation with much the same tone that he signals the incipient death of a fiend. Kimahri clasps a hand on her shoulder at essentially the same moment.

More gently, the Legendary Guardian continues, "You need your rest."

Yuna startled at the touch, but now she rests her cheek in the fur on the back of the Ronso's hand. And she'd startled at the bark, in the same heartbeat, but now she smiles at him -- with real appreciation for everything he just said by not saying it.

She smiles at all of them. With all of her heart.

And bows a second time.

Like Auron, everything important is communicated wordlessly.

"We continue at dawn," she announces, after -- not without a pang of nostalgia. She's letting the last bit of his mantle of informal leadership settle onto her shoulders. He doesn't have to be the one to set the pace anymore. That's up to her, like everything else.

"After... we take care of everyone's wounds..."

She sways a little on her feet, obviously in no condition to do so now.

"...after...we get some sleep," she concludes, bowing to the inevitable before she collapses beneath it instead.

Weeks ago Yuna might have asked, 'okay?' But she doesn't now. She trusts herself, and she trusts them not to obey her but to trust her, too...