2021-10-05: The Importance of Self-Care
- Log: The Importance of Self-Care
- Cast: Riesenlied, Noeline, Citan Uzuki
- Where: Deku Isles
- Date: October 05, 2021
- Summary: While the other Wolves fight against a strange intruder, Riesenlied, Noeline, and Citan remain within Wec Stann. With little else they can do presently, they discuss what has happened and the next steps.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
An urgent situation has arrived at Wec Stann, and the rest of the Wolves have rushed off to assemble their Gears and address the situation. Riesenlied herself is hurrying, as best as she can; Strife chirps a little as it helps glide along and motion her wheelchair onward. "I... in a situation like this, I must..."
The rings pulse, the irregular thumps of her heartbeat pulsating clearly. That 'irregularity' coming from the shift in her physiology, as she feels the transformation spreading out first from within her...
"Everyone needs me, focus, focus..."
Riesenlied breathes out, as a wellspring of Ley starts to accumulate from under her feet even at this depth in the facility, and yet--
*beat*
Her eyes shrink, and she lets out a strained, awful noise. The Hyadean clutches her chest for a moment, as the Ley spectacularly fails to pool into one central point and irreverently scatters in worrying waves all around them.
"I... I cannot. Why?" Riesenlied gasps, her face slicked with sweat. She doesn't want to admit it's too much and she's too exhausted right now. Not at this point...!
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline has never really-- gotten the hang of fighting in a Gear. She knows how, ostensibly, but there's something about trusting in her own strength and working together with Riesenlied that feels a lot more 'them' in terms of how they approach things like this. Even if it means putting undue stress on her partner - after all, she knows that Riese would still wish to help any way she could, and better with her than separated.
The rest of the Wolves are quick to deploy, but she hangs back, ready to act as the Ley Dragon's senses - that is, until she feels the sudden wrong beat of Riesenlied's attempt to focus, jolting through her over their link like a physical sensation. She doesn't mean to suck in a breath, but can't help it, and finds herself reaching for Riesenlied's shoulder uncertain which of the two of them she's trying to reassure.
It doesn't take much for her to draw a conclusion, one supported by a single look at the exertion across her partner's face, and she steadies herself to apply a little bit of pressure, shifting so both hands are on the other Hyadean's shoulders. "... it's alright," she decides, puffing out a soft breath, feeling the panic be the first thing to come to mind. "Take it slowly."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
His own Gear had been receiving some much-needed upgrades courtesy of Hammer; there had been no need to take Gears on this expedition, or so it had seemed. What horrible timing this all was.
"Riesenlied!"
The doctor is not the first to her side. Not when her partner is close at hand. But he may at least manage a close second.
It's clear after all what she is attempting to do. Even if he were not able to feel things such as this -- perhaps such a person might exist, who is unable to sense the absolute upswell of the Ley that is gathering in this place -- her desperation is almost palpable.
"You must stop this!"
And just at this juncture, it all comes away from her, falling as waves that sink below the threshold of Citan's awareness. Just for a moment he turns his head, as if trying to track where it's headed, but...
It's gone.
"...Please listen to Noeline, Riesenlied," Citan says, taking up position at the side of her chair. "Even by looking at you, I can see you are in no state to join them. You are beyond the point of exhaustion... are you not?" One of his hands has come to rest on the back of her chair, as if to steady her from there.
"...I understand how you must feel. Without my Gear... I am simply unable to stand alongside them," he adds after a moment more, gazing away from the both of them, up and towards the ceiling. "But there are times when we must trust that they will be able to manage it on their own."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied looks towards Noeline, through her wet locks hanging down and partially covering her eyes; through her trembling, pale fingers reaching up towards her partner's hand on her face. Her head is swirling, but she's remaining upright enough -- if only through the nature of being in her chair -- to clutch at her fingers.
Citan urges her to stop, and she heeds it; he urges her to listen to Noeline. She shakes her head as he advises well -- that she's in no state to join them. "Yes..." she admits, knowing that he can perceive her far better than even she can -- he's the doctor, after all.
The lingering fear and anxiety looms over her, palpable through the rings. If she can't even be the optimistic force everyone looks up to, if she can't even be a presence on the battlefield...
...
Then it's gone.
"We-- we should evacuate," Riesenlied looks around, not even really aware of where they've gone at this point. "It may not be safe here..."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline's eyes flick up towards Citan as he hurries up; she draws in another breath and doesn't mean to be jealous when it comes to the other Hyadean's health, but there's a very quick moment of visible and protective reluctance before she moves aside just a little to give the doctor space to glance over her partner. At the very least, she makes sure she remains in direct contact, cupping Riesenlied's cheek as she closes her eyes and briefly focuses on their link.
"I have to admit... I feel rather worn down myself," she adds with a soft chuckle, and not just to give Riesenlied something to hang onto; Wec Stann was a rough trip, off the back of a few other rough trips. She tightens her hand around that of her partner, glancing out in the direction of the passage down which the others rushed. "It feels like I said this only very recently, but I am due some time curled up with you and the children, I think."
She doesn't exactly catch the nature of Riesenlied's fear, but she knows enough to take a very good guess at it, and her gaze softens as she shakes her head lightly, combining it with a wordless squeeze of her hand. "... on the other hand, we are in a fairly secure - if rather iced up - bunker. It might even be best to stay put for the time being," she muses, but shakes her head. In the end, she doesn't really know enough about their attackers to say.
So she looks at Citan instead, figuring of anyone he probably has the answer.
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
It's not a look that goes unmissed. However, be as it may...
Noeline will at least not find that she's impeded, when she gives comfort to her partner. The doctor's assessment is one that can be conducted with the eyes alone.
He's been looking after Fei long enough -- even if he had no sense of the results of someone 'pushing themselves' from his years of practice, he would have been schooled in it from the younger man's antics alone.
"It was something of an ordeal to even enter this place," Citan remarks. "I think... we all may be due a moment to collect ourselves." He manages a smile, in spite of the situation. "Perhaps when they are finished, it will be their turn to sit back, and we may take the lead...?"
Given what they unearthed in here, he suspects at least something like that might not be far off the mark.
We should evacuate, Riesenlied suggests. Citan visibly hesitates. "I understand your concern. However..." He glances up, towards the ceiling, then back once in the direction of the entrance they'd used to enter this space. Looking back at Noeline, he shakes his head. "No... if this has survived at least three 'ends of the world', then I do not think it is in danger of collapsing just yet. Besides, I do not relish the thought of backtracking..." he admits with a sigh.
There is silence for a few moments more.
"You both are certain about what you saw? People with... circuitry, out in those halls?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied lets out another trembling sigh, apparently missing the look between Noeline and Citan -- well, she's only glad there are people here to assist her in a time of need. But thinking of how the doctor feels, too... without a Gear, he's unable to assist in this time of need as well.
"Y-yes..." Riesenlied admits, as Noeline says she's worn down as well, and Citan mentions they're due a moment to collect themselves. "I will try to conserve some energy for when they return -- they must need healing." Still convincing herself of something to 'do' for them, it seems.
It's a bad habit.
Noeline insists she's owed time to curl up with her and the children -- and there's a quiet flush as she lowers her head and says, "We should... we should return to Spira soon, yes, and spend more time with them."
Citan hesitates on evacuating, though, since... it seems that this place might actually be safer for them at the moment. At least, if more of those people with circuitry...
Then Citan brings it up.
"Um... yes," Riesenlied nods. "They had a singular red eye, and circuitry around their bodies. Do you recognise that, doctor...?"
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline tempers that glance a moment later - the next look she sneaks towards Citan is apologetic as she slightly tilts her head in a bow, aware that she's maybe a little bit high-strung right at this moment. "Well. We are the two who most have to keep reminding people that they're allowed to sit back and take a breather," she-- claims, even if that's rather spurious as far as these things go.
It's more for some light teasing to clear the air than anything serious; she pats Riesenlied's shoulder as she says it, chuckling softly to herself as she transitions into a light hug. "How about you conserve some energy for yourself?" she prods gently, her voice turning not solemn, but a little serious. "Goodness knows you could use it most of all. You have already gone above and beyond, and then some."
Solemn is when Citan asks them about the figures they saw, and she quiets as she tries to pick out how to answer. "... it is difficult for me to say we saw 'people'," she says slowly, aware it isn't a particularly comfortable suggestion. "Automatons, perhaps. You likened them to Reaverbots in some of their design," she adds to Riesenlied with an uncertain frown. "Really, I do not even begin to know what they might have been, but..."
But with Leon's origin better known, she can't be certain about the possibility of a connection from Lily's end or not. Farfetched, perhaps, but she has read a lot of drama.
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
Ever-so-slightly, he shakes his head, as if to suggest to her there's no need. He can certainly understand such emotions.
"The younger ones do have a tendency to get ahead of himself," he remarks to Noeline, with a sly smile, as if he's not actually the youngest person in this room.
Perhaps he shouldn't intrude in the banter between the two of them, but all the same, Citan interjects, "As a doctor, I must agree with her on this. Still... your sentiment is not wrong. Whatever else might happen above, he," and by this he must mean Leon, "has much to think about. I am certain he will need your guidance. From both of you, in fact. ...We will all have our work cut out for us in the days to come, I believe..."
And the conversation turns to the figures they saw. "Emeralda did say that she would be able to locate one of the fallen ones. I should like to take a closer look. But... they were machines, you say? Or flesh and blood?"
Does he recognize any of that? He hesitates.
"I am... unsure," he hedges, and he looks Noeline's way. "There is something about all of this that seems strange, but I cannot yet put my figure upon it. If it was in fact Lily's father who had found this place... then he was the one to find Leon. But why not raise him as his son? And then there is Lily, herself..."
All he can do is shake his head. "There is too much we do not yet know. Perhaps I ought not to speculate..."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"... I often overdo it as well," Riesenlied quietly admits, having moved towards a kind of huddling position and tucking her capelet rather tightly around her shoulders. "But I just... wanted to be useful... I do not know if I really have gone above and beyond."
She pauses, as if even she herself is finding how awkward it is to admit that. Maybe it's just been a long day; maybe her inability to be bright and sunshiney -- as Josie would put it -- is weighing rather heavily upon her.
There's a quiet hesitance, as she leans into that hug. "They... they were people. Flesh and blood, with... cybernetics inside of them." Not unlike her, she nearly says, but catches herself.
She quietly sighs, and remarks, "I did think of that as well, doctor. But unless we can procure footage from any cameras in this facility, I am afraid the truth only lies with the Colonel himself..."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Once upon a time Noeline would have considered herself old, but-- it's something of a realisation for her to have to admit she might have to reevaluate that stance. There have been a great many people she's met who can stake claim to that term might better than she can, against all expectations.
She does plant her hands on her hips for a moment, letting go of Riesenlied - however briefly - to puff at the doctor. "Do not get me wrong. Guidance, I am all for. Lending an ear and some advice, absolutely. But--" she smooths down some of Riesenlied's hair, worry creeping into her expression a little. "You should rest and recover a little as well. You don't need to push yourself that much, or be doing something at all times," she promises.
Noeline hesitates; Riesenlied's comment isn't a reproach, but the Hyadean can't help but feel like it should be, and her brow furrows. "... I apologise," she mutters. "I didn't get to see that much of them before the next crisis came along." When she bows her head, it's to hope they have found some measure of peace - given it looks unlikely that they had up until now. Drawing in a breath the next moment, she frowns. "We could probably backtrack to where we found them."
"... there is always the possibility that he did not care to raise a son. He hardly seems the type," she puffs softly with the ghost of a smile. "In which case, he may have simply, thankfully... lost interest." Another pause, and her brow flickers as a furrow crosses it. "Remind me to find a much more pleasant way to put that should either of them ever ask directly, however," she catches herself.
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
At Noeline's advice this time around, Citan says nothing -- it would be merely repeating himself. And as much as the doctor appears to certainly enjoy the sound of his own voice... well. Some things do not need to be reiterated. Instead he shifts his position, takes a few small steps back from the two of them, and lets them have their moment.
"Hmm... I see." He folds his arms over his chest, as if to mull the matter over. "So they were a mix of the two." There is a moment more of silence following.
"I think that may be well, once the others have returned. I would not wish to risk those halls with our numbers." After all, if something happens, there will be no back up. And more to the point--
It would be unwise to take Riesenlied back through there with them, or to leave her here alone. Not only is it not safe, but given her current frame of mind, she...
He keeps such considerations to himself.
"Hmm... Perhaps," Citan says in response. He can't quite keep a straight face himself. "Now that I consider my own childhood, it is probably best that I only have a daughter..."
He recalls, a moment too late, that Noeline has remarked before that Fei sort of is his son, a realization that she might be able to spot -- look right now, and his eyes widen a fraction -- if she's careful and considering much the same trajectory.
"Yes," he says, at last. "That is not the sort of thing to ask... without finesse."
Turning his attention towards Riesenlied, he considers her statement with care. "Yes, that is likely the case..." He exhales a long breath. "I only hope that Leon is able to think over what we have learned here, first. I do not think... It would be best if he has the opportunity to 'take all of this in', as it were. It must be a shock."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied honestly hasn't considered herself old for a while now; perhaps it's her view that age is relative, and the kind of things they've seen made her eralise that the only thing she knows is that she knows nothing...
"... I know, still..." Riesenlied looks aside, looking a little askance. Like she just can't settle with that advice. She bites her lip. "I just feel very... ... like I am losing something important ... sorry, perhaps it really is just the long day."
They could backtrack to where they were, but is it safe at the moment? Perhaps they should wait until the others are here... that would be the safer course of option.
There is the conversation where Citan says it's just as well he only has a daughter with his childhood, but... perhaps like Noeline, Riesenlied is ready to think...
"I think... Fei thinks of you as family," she just points out. "Certainly, no less than how Siegfried and I came to become family. It is not in the blood that such bonds come to be... much like how Emeralda has found a home too."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"I suppose most pertinent would be where they came from," Noeline notes to Citan's observations. "Can we assume that some of these pods were filled? Did they have some other purpose, or are they part of the facility? That much we might be able to work out before the others get back, but-- I do say 'might'. There is precious little to go off of at the moment."
Noeline is not the sort to keep her expression neutral when she has the chance, but she does occasionally like to dip into the deadpan, and she gazes at Citan with a remarkably flat smile. "Yes. You absolutely have no other children or nephews except your daughter," she comments in line with Riesenlied, who is still getting a light embrace. "Absolutely none." Just all of the Black Wings, to some degree or the other, somewhere along the scale.
She lets it go the next moment, though, and frowns to herself. "... I would like to think... that your past does not really factor into how well you can raise someone. As far as anyone will tell me, I am doing a decent enough job, and it is certainly not something I would have expected even a few years ago, let alone a hundred."
"Leon is smart enough to take that time, I should think. At least, I expect so. Though he may brood about it, and get blackout drunk a few times," is her rather blunt summary of Leon's chances. She doesn't directly address Riesenlied's worries - but perhaps dropping that line of thought _is_ the best way to address it at the moment, to let it be rather than push further.
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
Like she's losing something important.
"That," Citan says, interjecting at last, "is hardly an unfamiliar way to feel about the world, I am afraid. It is the nature of us 'worriers', I suppose."
"I agree," he says to Noeline. "It does not seem that any of the pods in here were in use, but that does not mean none of them were. Or, that there were not any pods elsewhere in the facility. Perhaps those who slept here were meant for a different purpose?" Leon's father had been intending to rebuild civilization. He'd been under the impression that force had been necessary. Perhaps... there had been more to that plan than the bodies who had been intended to accompany Leon to the current day. "We can at the very least begin the work of inspecting the beds here. I do not think that will put any of us in harm's way."
It's not Noeline who says it first. It's Riesenlied.
He's silent at first, as if he were handling that thought with care. "'Family is more than blood'. Indeed, I am very much aware of that fact..." Citan says, fidgeting a moment with his spectacles. "..."
It's only when Noeline makes her own deadpan remark that he's able to again smile slightly at the whole of it. "None whatsoever," he tells her.
"Oh... well, I did not quite mean it like that," he says after a moment, seeming somewhat surprised. "Rather, when I think about the mischief my brothers had gotten up to..."
It might be more accurate to say the sort of mischief he had gotten up to.
It's a subject he's quick to leave behind, all the same.
"He has a good head on him," Citan agrees, on Leon, "though he is still young." Faintly, he grimaces. "...If he should decide to cope in that manner, however..." Still, he sighs, and shakes his head. "...At least, I know some remedies from my school days. Sigurd never was able to handle his drink."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
".... mmmn," Riesenlied kind of has a shaky noise in response to Citan telling her that, unfortunately, that's not an uncommon feeling for those who 'worry', or those that are 'worriers'...
She drapes her arms around her gently, looking a little distant from the talk of Leon getting blind drunk to cope. It's happened before. "I did not know you had brothers..." she remarks to Citan quietly.
Instead, she looks towards some of the beds, falling rather quiet as she places her hand to one of them, brushing dusty, tattered sheets against her fingers.
There's a quiet grimace for a moment, the Hyadean biting her lip. "... they could be the very inhabitants of the pods. Better to rule engineered, controllable people than free-willed ones," she ruefully murmurs.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"... honestly, I think our experience with ruins such as this may be working against us a little," Noeline notes back to Citan's litany of thoughts with a light sigh. "A breadth of experience is good for you, but does mean you end up conceiving a thousand explanations where only one will do. There are just too many what-ifs to count."
"We'll keep an eye on him as best we can," she promises afterwards, but rests a hand back on Riesenlied's shoulder in reassurance. "After we've kept an eye on ourselves, and gathered our breath. And, now we know what to look for, should the absolute worst come to pass," she adds to Riesenlied's worries, since she can't really think of anything worse than the people once here being used for that purpose.
"Ah... well, it still holds," she adds back to Citan with an amused sigh. "Everyone has a chance to change, is what I have learned. Even Guardians and Hyadeans and everyone in between. I suppose we don't really know how we're ever going to end up."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
Riesenlied didn't know he had brothers. "...I do not think I had mentioned it," Citan says after a moment, as if he were attempting to choose his words carefully for this particular subject.
"I am afraid I must agree," Citan says to Noeline, shaking his head slightly. "If we begin with explanations without much supporting evidence, why... that is hardly best practice, besides. Perhaps it would be best to gather what information we have and then determine what it might tell us."
He turns his head, then, watching Riesenlied as she reaches out to touch one of the pod beds. And she says...
"...It is... not impossible," he allows, on the subject of those Riesenlied's group had encountered and the fact that they may have been intended for at least some of the pods in here. "Certainly, given what we heard from that recording. But, perhaps we should investigate and see what we find. That would give us something to occupy ourselves while we wait." And more importantly, it would not be terribly taxing, even with so many beds to cover. The status of many of them are as plain as day. "Do you not agree?"
They'll have to keep an eye on Leon, Noeline says. But only after-- "Once again, we are in agreement. First we must take stock of ourselves," and it's some small miracle that he doesn't look Riesenlied's way, "and then we can see to the others." That goes for him as well -- he would be a poor doctor to not take his own medicine, and he's been doing quite a bit of looking after others lately.
"Does it?" he says to Noeline, tilting his head slightly to the left. "Hm... I see what you mean. Why, if someone had told me that this was how things where to turn out, well! I am not certain I would have believed them. Still, here we are."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Too many what-ifs... Riesenlied continues to, seemingly, drift her gaze on the beds, one after another as her eyeline scans towards the vast horizon of the enormous room. She bites her lip further, but she still seems a bit distant.
"Mmm," she absent-mindedly answers, to Citan's suggestion that they should investigate the pods. "We should... we should do that."
... at least, that's what she does, as she starts wheeling her chair and-- *bump* --blinks a few times, so distracted she doesn't even realise she has to turn in a relatively cramped quarter. "Ugh... wait... Strife, help me out..."
Everyone has a chance to change. ... do they always change for the better? she ponders to herself. How're they going to end up...?