2022-10-12: My Name Is...
- Log: My Name Is...
- Cast: Katriona, Lily Keil, Xantia, Elhaym van Houten
- Where: Deku Isles
- Date: October 12, 2022
- Summary: What's in a name? Perhaps that's the first thing that Katriona ought to resolve -- but there are many other things, yet, as Elly is quick to remind. Not all business is easily undone.
<Pose Tracker> Katriona has posed.
Breakfast had been a ration bar, courtesy of Lily.
Now, there's a great many things that would be a fair sight better, in Katriona's -- Kat, to her friends -- estimation as a breakfast item (sausages would be a good start) but in the context of everything that's happened...
It's the sappy sort of thing that would be better placed in the midst of someone's tales for children, but Kat would also be a goddamn liar if she didn't admit that it had been touching.
And besides, she's literally gone scrounging in trash for a meal in the past. Can't complain!
But most likely, 'Kat stays a night and then sees herself good and gone' had been the agreement made with Leon. Not that Kat's about to gainsay him: frankly, even this much is more than she'd expected.
Still, there was a slight deviation from plans, insofar as Kat has wound her way into the hangar rather than waiting in one of the common areas as the Karlsefni travels between destinations (and when she makes her final departure).
There's someone she's been missing, if you take a rather broad definition of 'someone'.
Crouching down alongside the dusty cloth, she tugs it aside to reveal the weapon of mass destruction beneath.
"Well, hello there, baby!" she practically chirps to the Nostos Cannon. "Took good care of you, did they~?"
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily steps up into the hangar as Katriona talks to the cannon. "Of course," she says, like it's nothing. "There was no sense in letting equipment deterioriate." This is not the only reason she took care of it, of course. But it is a reason. One of them.
Lily was there for breakfast; she's still there now, though she's checking on a small vehicle before she goes anywhere else, walking around the motorcycle before she seems satisfied that nobody's touched it. Then she looks back to Kat.
She's still here, Lily's noticed.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia is right beside Lily as they enter the hanger, munching on an extra ration bar that she took to go. Oddly enough probably to anyone else who's ever tasted those, she's always had the highest opinion of them. Which basically proves that she has no sense of taste and/or likes literally everything equally somehow. Never been a food she didn't like yet, as far as any of the Wolves know.
She waves cheerfully, taking a moment to wolf down the last of the bar and clear her mouth before finally speaking a proper greeting.
"Hi Josie!"
...wait, was that proper? It takes a second for the gears to finish turning.
"Er... Katriona, I mean?" She sounds uncertain, because she is. Scratching her head, she thinks aloud, "It's weird to suddenly call somebody something else than what you've been calling them for as long as you've known them." Tilting her head, she turns the thought into questions. "Is it weird to go by a different name than your actual one for that long? Or... maybe even unpleasant, because of... everything? What do you want to be called?"
Katriona has already noticed that Xantia is not entirely the same as during her time with the Wolves. There have been Developments there, which caused her to change, in some respects. And yet... right now Xantia seems much the same as she's always been. Very cheerful, often eating, and asking a lot of questions in quick succession.
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
Elly is coming through the hangar from where she had been - yes - fishing; though it seems either she did not catch anything today, or that she was doing some sort of complex fast fishing art. She is wearing a coat against the bracing sea air, even if it's not really necessary in here -- just in time to look down and see a cannon!
Well, not quite.
Elly waves without calling out, mostly at Lily, and descends a catwalk-staircase with all reasonable haste. She will likely get close enough to the others to say hello shortly-- but it's a gear-scaling height of a staircase.
It will take a few moments.
<Pose Tracker> Katriona has posed.
"Huh, so you kept it in good shape, then, Tiger?"
Katriona glances back at Lily, her pale hair -- down from its usual braid and bun, it's quite long -- tumbling over her shoulder.
Her lips split in a slight smile. "Heh heh... wonders never cease."
She rises to her feet, stretching out her left arm and shoulder. "Well, given that you're its grandmother, technically-like... I'll leave it in your hands for good this time 'round. Sound good?" What, is she actually -- after everything -- leaving it behind with Lily for good?
This is where Xantia comes in.
"Hey, Sparky!" Kat calls over to Xantia, waving with her left hand for good measure.
"Kat's what sis called me as a kid," she says, rolling both shoulders in a lazy shrug. "...Heh, don't I know it. Must be a tongue-twister for the ages or similar, yeah?" She folds her arms over her chest and nods to herself, as if considering the matter more deeply. "Me, well... I got used to it, yeah? As a matter of fact..."
She turns towards the both of them and smiles in a strange, almost wistful way.
"It's kinda weird not being Josie. So, here's what I'm thinking."
She ushers them in closer, almost conspiratorially. "How 'bout I go on being 'Josie'? It'd be easier, for sure. And for another..."
She glances up at Elly, who is hastily descending a staircase.
"...Maybe a bit of my sister can live on, that way."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
it is a little weird. Lily understands that, though; she has two names she goes by, at this point, though most people call her Lily. And that's fine. Lily waves back at Elly, noticing her witout particularly trying, and then focuses on Kat again.
"I like tinkering with things anyway," she says, protesting a little too hard maybe. But... Hm. In her hands for good...
"I guess that's true," she allows, with a small frown. But--
But Katriona proposes an idea. She got used to it, and...
"...Josie then," Lily answers her. It's easier, but...
No, that's not really why, is it?
"Maybe so."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Kat's already less of a mouthful, and honestly the kind of name-shortening that Xantia might end up doing spontanteously, so that makes good enough sense to her. Question is, should that be the name she goes with from now on?
Xantia, wearing her heart on her sleeve like she always does, has overt sadness in her eyes when she thinks of Josie and Kat's past. Even if she doesn't see the same outward signs in the one who actually had to go through all that... Well. She's already proven to be capable of seeing things that Katriona prefers to keep hidden. Besides, she was there in the battle with Antenora. You don't just forget about an outpouring of long-hidden emotions like that.
Noticing Elly is what changes her expression back to the smile from before, giving a wave in that direction as well before she replies to Katriona - who suggests to keep calling her Josie.
"Oh, I see! That's a nice way to look at it. But then... what about you? We shouldn't just ignore you in favor of your sister, right?"
She rubs her chin, this seemingly causing an internal struggle on what she should do here. Then she nods, firmly, before she cheerfully announces her conclusion.
"Josiekat!"
She looks so proud for coming up with that one. And of course, she feels the need to explain what should already be obvious.
"If I call you that, you can both live on! Hehe, it's like the thing you do where call everybody something different than their actual name. Pretty cool, right?"
Oh yeah, Xantia learned the figurative usage of the word 'cool', did you know that, Josie? Kat? Josiekat?
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
Elly reaches the bottom of the staircase and turns to face Josie.
Elly's eyes turn towards Lily, who has accepted what Josie offered. Her hands remain at her side.
Elly's eyes turn towards Xantia, who is speaking warmly. With concern. 'We shouldn't just ignore you in favor of your sister,' Elly heard. Complete with a sweet name.
Elly's eyes turn finally to focus on Katriona. Josie. The woman before her.
She isn't smiling.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98lluY4c6bY
"How did it feel?" Elly asks Josie, calmly.
You might think, is she about to specify what she means. The seeking of revenge? Resolving her issues with her father, to at least some extent? Having a machine with a badass cannon?
Nope, Elly's just watching. Occasionally she blinks and she's still breathing, of course, but other than that she might as well be a statue.
<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.
For someone who called the cannon her 'baby', Kat is being surprisingly relaxed about just giving it away -- even to someone who she claims to love like Lily.
"I know you'll take good care o' it, right? And it's your kid's arm, so it's practically yours anyhow!" she continues, as if attempting to persuade Lily in this.
'Josie' is just fine, Kat says, once again releasing her hold on the name she was given at birth. Besides, she'd even gone so far as to bury her sister under the name Katriona, so it might be simpler for the record-keeping anyway -- insofar as that matters, that is.
But what about her, Xantia asks. "What about me? It ain't like I had a lot of attachment to that name, right," she says, shaking her head. "And it ain't like..."
She trails off as Xantia comes to some sort of conclusion on this and instead encourages her with, "Yeah?"
"Josiekat?"
It's not an approach she'd considered, frankly. Though, she smiles lopsidedly. "I'm already livin' on, Sparky. So, Josiekat... Let me think about that one, now! And it's 'nicknaming', kiddo."
This is when Elly makes her approach -- Elly, who Josie hasn't properly spoken to since she came aboard, Elly, who until just a little while ago would have still been her enemy.
Elly, who isn't smiling.
"Been a while, Red," she says, creasing her brow as she tries to suss out just what--
"How'd what feel? Gonna have to ask you be a little more specific, like?" She glances at Lily and Xantia, as if she could get some private insight from either of them.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
"...Well, that's true, but..." Lily is not so sure, at first. And then Kat mentions that it's her kid's arm, and that is true in a way of speaking, so--
Lily's uqiet for a few moments. Then, Xantia asks some questions, as Elly comes on down. Nicknaming...
"..." Lily doesn't chime in. Not as Xantia and Kat--Josie? Banter. Not as...
Just when Elly asks how it feels, she turns, she doesn't smile.
Lily looks at Elly for a moment. If she can sense how Elly is feeling, though, she doesn't say so. Instead she just looks back at... Josie.
Yes, Josie. "...Can't help you there," she says, and looks between the two of them. Maybe some of this is payback for the heartache. Maybe it's just that Lily doesn't think it's her business. It's really hard to say, because Lily can be really hard to read when she wants to be. Especially since she holds onto what she was going to say next, for now.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia's not been involving herself in the talk regarding the cannon thus far, but when there seems to be some kind of impasse going on there that she doesn't fully understand, she chimes in, hands folded casually behind her head. "...Y'know, Lily's probably never going to actually use that thing." She's already got her own form of artillery, even Xantia doesn't feel she needs to clarify that one. "Seems a bit of a waste, I think."
She leaves it at that, far more concerned about the matter of the... "Nickname, right, got it." She frowns a bit. "What's there to think about? Did I do it wrong, the nicknaming?" She wouldn't know, it's the first time she's done it. Unless shortening people's names counts.
And then... Elly. Who is not smiling. Not that this never happens, but coupled with that question, something feels odd about this. She can feel the dreaded presence of Subtext. What's going on here that isn't being said? It's very easy to guess that she must be asking herself such things just going by her confused expression, looking between all those present. Even though Josie and Lily claim not to know, she still feels like she's the only one who's missing something here.
"...Um." She's clearly struggling on what to say here, when prompted to say something through Josie's glance. "You're not... upset or anything, are you Elly?"
Someone's gotta tell her if her friends are fighting, she might need to turn into Nanako.
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
"It has," Elly tells Josie.
She glances again at Lily and Xantia for a moment. Perhaps in an effort to reassure? It doesn't quite go through. Lily can tell Elly is not preparing Ether right now. Given that it's Elly that isn't a huge warning, but ever since taking a significant head injury, her fast-cast has been a lot weaker, even if her output is fine.
"Well," Elly answers Josie,
"A lot of us were sad,"
"And hurt, because you left,"
"And because you tried to fight us,"
"And hurt us, at times, even if I know you weren't trying to take revenge or anything."
"Once, Seraphita told me that she'd help me."
"If I wanted to come back. That it was all a mistake."
"The day that happened, I remembered -- the good parts, of the times before I left."
Elly's eyes turn towards Josie. "You left," Elly says, "and you've come back, and I've heard a lot from Hammer, and a little bit from Fei, about why." This may tell her whose intel she trusts more, however deep love will run.
"So I wanted to know," Elly says, "how it felt to you, because I don't want to worry, and worry, and worry, that one day, it might happen again."
<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.
She waves a hand dismissively, as if to brush aside the 'little technicality' that Lily will have no real use for a cannon. "I'm sure you lot'd figure something or other out, right," she says, glancing between Lily and Xantia both. "Well, think about it. I know it'd be in good hands."
One thing she is planning on taking with her when she goes, though, is her sister's name.
"And the way I figure, I'll take the family name with it, too. Wasn't my choice, right, and the old bastard's dead and gone. Ain't no one left to say 'boo'. 'Sides, I've been using it for a dog's year anyhow!" So it'll be Josephine and Lovelace after all, will it?
Or possibly Josiekat and Lovelace, depending on how things go...
Which, speaking of, she reaches out to pat Xantia on the shoulder the once. "Nah. You did good. I'm just thinking on what I want to do with it, is all," she tells her.
It takes Elly a moment before she speaks of what's on her mind. All the while it leaves Josie with the strange vague sense that she ought to go for her sidearm, as if she were facing down someone in a duel. But this is no battle with weapons, rather--
one that Josie is a little less than equipped to handle in the first place.
How did it feel? The leaving, the returning? All of it? Josie doesn't say a word, instead watching Elly as she speaks. As she finally comes to the question she has for her.
"...There's a lot I ain't able to take back," Josie says at last. "And I ain't gonna ask for forgiveness, neither -- don't right think that's proper, puttin' you lot in that position. I was lyin' to you lot from go, right. But if you wanna know how it feels, coming back..."
She shakes her head.
"Ever leave home and come back, and realize you can't stay? Heh... well, maybe not in your case."
"But that's what it's like. I don't belong here, but don't worry your little head about it, Red. When I'm gone, I'll stay gone."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
It's true that Lily doesn't have a lot of use for a cannon. But there's something to be said for outsourcing your energy needs, and Lily could save a lot of magical energy by using that cannon. Or attach it to another robot...
Still. Regardless. Xantia asks if she's upset, and...
However...
Elly speaks on her mind, and Lily thinks about the times she's thought of leaving. And what Elly says, what Josie says...
"You shouldn't ask for forgiveness," Lily says, not kindly. "You don't ask, and we won't offer. That's not how it works. You don't just get to pretend what happened didn't happen, and nither do we. Those scars are real, and they'll last."
"...So this isn't a 'but'. None of that changes."
"...Still. This is where you belong, Josie. You can pretend you don't--or you can leave, I can't stop you--but you belong with us, whether you admit it or not. You can't take back the betrayal... but you can't take back the days you spent with us, either."
"So that cannon will be waiting for you, when you come back. And you'd better, or you won't see the upgrades I gave it."
"You have a place here--wherever 'here' is, for us. Like it or not. And I'm not just talking about me." She looks to the others. "Right?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia only gives a little shrug, in regards to the cannon. Not really her business what happens to it. She just think it's a shame to keep it lying around in disuse, and Josie's the only one she's seen using it. Don't look at her, shooting stuff's not her style.
Besides, she's got more important things to worry about, like the nature of nicknames. What she was told just now doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense to her. There's something Josie has to do with it? What can you even do with nicknames? But, she did good, still? Does that mean she should use the nickname or not?
Well never mind any of that. What Elly has to say soon has to take precedence. Just as she feared, it's something that involves deep feelings. Elly was hurt too, clearly. She already knew that about Lily. She knows... but she can tell that she fails to truly understand either of them in that regard, on some fundamental level. Fails to understand this kind of pain. Because she... didn't experience it. And that feels wrong, somehow. More evidence that she's not like everybody else. And that does hurt.
Josie's response also does. That's not at all what Xantia wants to hear. She wants to argue against that, strongly. But, should she? Would Lily and Elly understand, when their feelings are so different from her own?
She almost lets out a sigh of relief when Lily does it - argues the point that she would have wanted to, more calmly and more rational than she would have. Emboldened, she gladly takes the opportunity to speak, nodding when Lily gives it to her.
"...Don't run. Not again. You can't make things right by doing that. If you want to make things up to people, you need to actually be around them. So, if you need some time, take however long you need, but when you feel ready... you know where to find us."
Looking to Elly, she feels that she needs to add something, for the benefit of someone who wasn't around when it happened. "I made her promise not to lie to us anymore," she says matter-of-factly. "So you can trust that anything she says to you from now on is the truth."
That's all it takes for Xantia. Just because a whole lot of lies happened and a lot of pain was caused doesn't mean it can't all be fixed by a simple promise to do better in the future. Sure, it'll take time, but that's all it is now, a matter of time. ...For everyone else. Xantia's perception of things is a little different. Either way, she is fully confident that things are going to be okay from here on out.
Turning back to Josie, she starts, casually enough, "Oh, and, if you're going... one more thing," before asking a very serious question.
"What about Akasha?"
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
Josie speaks honestly. Elly nods at her slightly, an acknowledgement. Perhaps agreement? She doesn't say anything. She speaks a little further.
Lily says her peace.
Xantia speaks *to* Elly a bit more; her eyes go to Xantia and she smiles at her, a faint ghost of a smile as if she's trying not to do it, and then her regard turns back to Josie.
Elly steps forwards, the three or so paces that remained between her and the betrayer of the Black Wolves; the woman over whom Elly has cried the most (so far -- don't worry, Elly, there's always more). She's close enough to reach out with her left hand, the one with the mostly-missing pinky finger, and clasp Josie by the shoulder.
And:
pull her in, without room for negotiation, for a brief but tight hug. Elly's hair smells like the ocean and peppermint-infused soap.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzdND6b2AhQ
"Don't - don't run."
"Just, please."
"Everyone thinks they're being strong, to hide their problems."
"To hold it inside. To deal with it themselves. That's not bravery, that's - that's cowardice. If there's something wrong, anything - tell us, even if it's only one or two of us, or if it's not us, someone else who you trust. Please."
"Even if you do leave, and we never see each other again, remember that, Josie... please."
Elly lets go, with wet-looking eyes.
"'Home' is a feeling," she says, "at least I think it is, and it sneaks up on you, so -- don't fight it, if you do feel it. Alright?"
Then she smiles, finally.
<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.
"Who said anything 'bout pretending otherwise, Rose-of-Sharon? I go my way, you go yours -- it's done and dusted," Josie says, making a face that could be either smile or grimace.
Still, Lily persists. Still, this is where Josie belongs -- not to some nebulous 'away' but here, with the rest of them.
Yes, even in spite of what she's done. It's not undone -- it's not possible to unring that bell -- but in spite of it.
Don't run, Xantia tells her, and to watch the expression that crosses Josie's face -- yes, certainly, that had been her intention. To slip off into the night and let it all lie where it rested, a cold grave for this life and into eternity. "Tch... you kids don't know when to quit, do you? Well... fine. Let's make it 'for now' and not 'forever', yeah? ...Assuming that's how you boy wants, it, Tiger," she says, her gaze flitting Lily's way. "But, hell... if even he's on board with it and all..." She smiles. It's brittle, unhappy smile, but not entirely devoid of warmth.
Though she just looks taken aback when Xantia speaks of the promise she'd made not to lie anymore.
"Technically-like, I already broke that one, I figure," she says with a sheepish smile. "Didn't tell you my 'real' name, yeah?"
But Elly makes her own answer not in words but in action. Josie finds heself pulled into a quick but tight embrace, there and gone before she can even halfway return the favor. "Well-- that's unexpected," she remarks, though even that smile she wears fades when she sees the look on Elly's face.
Don't run.
Stop running, said the shadow.
"...I sure can't seem to half learn a thing, can I?" Josie says, cryptically. "Listen. Listen to me, Red -- aw, no, don't cry. Just-- listen. I ain't gonna lie, like Sparky said. Am I coming back? I can't rightly say. I've got some debts that need settlin', some thoughts that need thinking and... we'll see what all's left over. But listen," she repeats again, shaking her head.
"I'll make you half a promise, right -- if I'm still standing when the dust settles, well... we'll see. Heh." She grins, almost wickedly. "Ain't much of a promise. But, it's the only sort that suits me, so take it or leave it. Yeah?"
Home is a feeling.
Even in Marze, the place of her birth, she never felt at home. Even when she lived on her own, it didn't feel like home. There's only been one place she felt 'at home' and it sure wasn't a place.
"A feeling, eh? I'll keep that in mind," she tells Elly. "That's a promise."
Her gaze turns towards Lily. "...I'm gonna hold you to that one, Tiger. Take good care of it 'til then, yeah?" Her lips split into a halfway honest smile. "It's my baby, after all."
But there's one more thing. One thing left undone.
What about Akasha?
Any scrap of easy-going nature flees Josie's expression. "Yeah. I ain't forgotten about it or none," she says, glancing up at the ceiling, as if she could stare into the heavens from here. "I've been havin' a think or two 'bout what to do with that. Thing is, storming in the bunker what controls it'd be suicide. And it ain't like I can reach the stars from here to pluck it away, right. But there's probably something."
"...Those Zeboim folks used to go above the sky, after all."
With that semi-cryptic remark, she moves to head on past the three of them. It'll be a while yet until the Karlsefni reaches the shore. But even so, she has much and more thinking to do.