2017-04-23: The Most Powerful of Globes
- Log: The Most Powerful of Globes
- Cast: Claude C. Kenny, Bart Fatima, Zed, Sephilia Lampbright, Ambrosius
- Where: Adlehyde - Starfall Saloon
- Date: 4-23-2017
- Summary: Another group of Drifters challenges the Saucery Globe. The Horror. The Horror!
========================<* Adlehyde - Starfall Saloon *>======================== Located in the southwest quadrant of Adlehyde, the Starfall Saloon is situated next to the local Adventurer's Guild outpost and kitty-corner from an ARMs Meister; the mostly-happy not-at-all-coincidence has turned the Saloon into a popular gathering place for Drifters. The Saloon has been carefully constructed to recreate the feel of a frontier alehouse - it has stables and a livery out back, and the main floor is taken up almost entirely by the sort of dark, slightly dank wooden tables and chairs that appeals to its clientele. An old harpsichord even sits in the corner, although it does not seem to be heavily used. Or in tune, for that matter. The Saloon's proprietor and bartender is known as Honest Tom; this is a bit of an in-joke among the regulars, as the man rarely speaks more than a dozen words over the course of an evening. The Starfall Saloon is widely known among Drifters for offering warm beds, cold beer and decent grub for a fair price, and so it sees a great deal of out-of-town traffic. It is also known for the three rules hung over the bar: NO GUNS, NO FIGHTS, NO CREDIT. BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MQRL7xws7w
DG: Claude C. Kenny has created a party! To join, type +party/reset and then type +party/join Claude C. Kenny. DG: Bart Fatima has joined your party! DG: Zed has joined your party! DG: Ambrosius has joined your party! DG: A party led by Claude C. Kenny is now entering The Saucery Globe. DG: Party formation is now over. An Entry Challenge will now be drawn and displayed to the party.
======================<* CHALLENGE - Crust Never Sleeps *>====================== |Type: Entry |Dungeon Ability: Brute |Challenge Rating: 1 | ---------------------------< Challenge Information: >--------------------------- After much vaunted praise, unbearable waiting and bated breath, the Saucery Globe... is here!! It's so large, it has to be rolled in on a specially made cart. It's... spherical, as the name implies. A delicious-looking golden brown coating of breadcrumbs hides all the devilish layers, sauces and juices that this culinary catastophe has to offer. You'll need to power through what seems like an endless expanse of crust, made to evoke Filgaia's many wastelands. Its diameter is... is... at least twice as large as your head. The knife and fork has been placed before you. "There's only one rule: you have an hour to finish! Pace yourselves, or you'll burn out well before you can make it to the end! Anything else goes in this ghastly gastronomic gauntlet! Bombs, knives, magic, whatever you need to shove that food from the plate to your throat!" The waitress raises her hand... and tips the hourglass over! GO!! =Dungeon Conditions: Tire=====================================================
<Pose Tracker> Claude C. Kenny has posed.
On the first days of the Saucery Globe challenge, Claude C. Kenny was...nowhere to be seen. Which is probably a bit surprising for anyone who is getting to know him well, since he is a) sort of poor and b) a notoriously big eater what with the snacking mid-fights and all. As lesser gastronomists fell by the wayside, the Warrior of Light was nowhere to be found! And that is because Claude one does not simply walk into an eating challenge. One prepares first.
And so he gathered allies (mainly men, although he figured with Sephy he was getting her and also the doll). He trained, basically doing like a two-a-day workout for two days on little more than bread and water. And he meditated on the challenge to come.
And when it arrives, Claude is silent. Focused. He has done all he can to prepare for this onslaught. Now...now there is only the clash of steel. He picks up a knife and a fork, and begins carving out a hole.
DG: Claude C. Kenny has contributed a Brute Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Crust Never Sleeps.
<Pose Tracker> Bart Fatima has posed.
Pace yourselves - that is probably the biggest bit of nonsense that Bart has ever heard in his life. Having been friends with a certain princess for a while now, Bart has been training himself to be able to compete with the Hidden Technique that is apparently taught in Crest Sorceress Monasteries known as 'Delete Food'. It's a powerful technique, and one that he's been unable to replicate.
THUS MORE TRAINING IS NEEDED.
Thus... the Saucery Globe.
Bart watches as the thing is rolled in, and considers it for a long moment. "Well, at least it looks tasty, although I swear Lunata must have a hell of a time actually cooking this thing and making sure that everything is done." He pokes it with his fork for a moment, and considers the best plan of attack.
Let Claude use a knife and fork. Bart pulls out a silk wrapped tool it and lays it out before him. He unrolls the bundle, and pulls out a small, heavy mallet more akin to something you use to break open shellfish, crabs, or those particularly nasty little crawly things you find in the desert sometimes.
And he brings it down on his part of the globe, aiming to break open the crust and start devouring it!
DG: Bart Fatima has contributed a Brute Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Crust Never Sleeps.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
Zed was called, and so Zed has come.
To be honest, it's a surprise he wasn't here earlier. You would think that the moment anyone had mentioned the existence of a Super Eating Challenge, he'd be RIGHT THERE with his face neck-deep into the giant puffed pastry. But no, Zed has been busy. Zed has been punching and cutting bandits. Zed has been training, ritualistically expanding his stomach with indigestible foods, until now... Now.
Now he... thinks he is ready.
"...This is..." Zed squints at the enormous pile of food before him. "No. There is no thought here. There is only food!" He stabs his knife and fork into the behemoth before him. Yes! Now is the time!
NOW IS THE AGE!
OF THE FATSO
DG: Zed has contributed a Brute Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Crust Never Sleeps.
<Pose Tracker> Sephilia Lampbright has posed.
Sephilia has heard the tales of the Saucery Globe, since she spends a lot of time in the saloon lately--hiding from the Pyre Witch, or at least, that was the idea. She hasn't actually witnessed the challenge, but...well, she's frustrated, she's peevish, and she's still kind of hungry because her encounter with Agatha the night before left her too upset to eat dinner.
So here she is, preparing for the battle of a lifetime, a challenge she must not lose.
Knife and fork? Pah. Mallet? Hah!
Sephilia has Lord Chauncey of Foxington. And Lord Chauncey of Foxington...has trowel-like digging claws. "Chauncey!" Sephy cries, climbing onto her giant doll's back. "FOXINGTON STYLE FEEDING FRENZY!"
Chauncey...sets to. He's a machine!
DG: Sephilia Lampbright has used her Tool Digging Claws toward her party's challenge, Crust Never Sleeps.
<Pose Tracker> Ambrosius has posed.
A bizarre culinary creation...the Saucery Globe It was said that all who challenged it were brought out unconscious. One of the first who had opposed it had yet to recover - in fact, he had heard word that even a legendary gourmet had failed to overcome it. Just what was this strange human weapon that masqueraded as food?
Ever the curious one, Ambrosius decided that it would be only advantageous to check it out for himself. There was a chance he could learn its secret, or, at the very least...prove his superiority over it.
But when he saw it...the ghastly sight almost made him recoil. It looked...delicious, certainly - but...how uncouth! Was this the true depravity deep in humanity's soul?
But as a proud Veruni soldier, he could not back down from a fight he had already accepted.
He recognized some of the challengers here, though one of them was unfamiliar to him.
Still, that didn't matter. They were all comrades-in-arms this day, human, Veruni, and stuffed doll alike.
"Iii...will not...faaail..." He muttered.
He did not need a weapon for an opponent such as this. He strikes the globe with a mighty blow, wrenching out a chunk of its shell and disposing of it in the only fitting manner - into his mouth.
DG: Ambrosius has contributed a Brute Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Crust Never Sleeps. DG: The party led by Claude C. Kenny has passed this challenge! The party gained 22 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw. DG: Zed has drawn a new Challenge.
=======================<* CHALLENGE - Fry Some More *>======================== |Type: Exploration |Dungeon Ability: Agility |Challenge Rating: 1 | --------------------------< Challenge Information: >-------------------------- You nearly lose an eye when a chicken thigh bone erupts from erratic angles! Digging further with your cutlery, you discover that a finely roasted and butterflied chicken has been stuffed into the next layer of this Saucery Globe! Served with a delicate and titillating chili and lime sauce and wrapped with thin-sliced cuts of bacon, nothing but pure chickeny goodness awaits ahead. It's good for the soul. But who's got the chops to properly dissect this curious cadaver? You'll need a quick hand and a deft eye to split meat from bone... lest you waste a lot of time picking cartilege out of your teeth!! =Dungeon Conditions: Slow=====================================================
<Pose Tracker> Claude C. Kenny has posed.
Hammers and claws and fists smash into the crust of the Saucery Globe, tearing away the tough outer layer to expose the deliciousness underneath. Claude continues moving with steady determination, carving out a piece, shoving it into his mouth, chewing a few times, swallowing. Over and over and over, with the deceptive speed and inevitability of a lava flow.
"Damn, they're through the crust already," an onlooker breathes.
"Just wait..." another whispers. "You don't know...what horrors are still to come..."
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
Zed... Zed was not prepared. He thought he was. He thought he was ready. Nobody could ever be ready. Not for what awaited him. Not for... this. He shovels layers of crust into his face, only to... To choke!? No! There's a chunk lodged in his throat! He slams a fist into his chest, coughing and wheezing around the lump of dough in his windpipe.
But...
But they are not done, are they?
No. Zed growls around the blockage, his face turning red as they breech the crust layer, and reach... An entire chicken. But how will they dissect it? How--
Zed. No! What are you--
HIS SCARF! Around the choke and the gurgle, Zed whips his scarf INTO the food, tearing the chicken into the air with a whip of his neck. There, friends! TEAR INTO IT!
(Also maybe save Zed)
DG: Zed has used his Tool Grapple Scarf toward his party's challenge, Fry Some More.
<Pose Tracker> Bart Fatima has posed.
Bart can see that this is going to be a challenge when he hits the first bone. Who the heck is going to make something like this and leave so many bones in it!?! "Watch out, I think it might be booby trapped!" he comments, considering the best way to handle this particular challenge. "And it's trying to slow us down! It's almost like they wanted to make this a challenge!"
Plus that Zed guy is also choking! It's time for drastic action. Bart dramatically pulls his whip out from his belt - there's no time to call for refreshments! He's just going to have to handle this himself!
"Drinks are on me!" the pirate calls, and his whip snaps out one, two, three, FOUR times! Each time he snags a bottle of... something off of the counter, THERE'S NO TIME TO CHECK, HOPEFULLY THESE ARE ALL POTABLE. And each one is delivered back to the table in a single smooth flip, landing in front of each person assaulting the Globe!
And Bart digs in, popping the cap off of his drink and resuming the assault. Has he been practicing that move?
DG: Bart Fatima has used his Tool Bart's Whip toward his party's challenge, Fry Some More.
<Pose Tracker> Sephilia Lampbright has posed.
Sephy knows how to handle a choking friend! "Chauncey!" she cries. "FOXINGTON HEIMLICH!" The doll lumbers over to Zed and, wrapping its arms around him from behind, pulls in sharply!
Careful now! Careful!
She's maybe not helping too much with the chicken, delicious as it is, but she may save her friend's life!
DG: Sephilia Lampbright has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward her party's challenge, Fry Some More.
<Pose Tracker> Ambrosius has posed.
Was that...a chicken? Ambrosius had heard tales of such a beast, and how they had ravaged this town some time ago. So, this was the fate of those that opposed humans. Well, they would not need to worry about that. For now, they could only remove the obstacle in their path.
From within the depths of his poncho, Ambrosius draws a knife.
"I will...haaandle this, friiiends..." He says. The knife swings out with surprising agility, aiming to slice and dice meat away from the bones. They did not have time to deal with such nuisances. The timer was still ticking, and he had no intentions of losing!
He either didn't notice or didn't care about Zed's current...predicament. Besides, it was being taken care of anyway so that was perfectly fine, right?
DG: Ambrosius has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Fry Some More. Arleph Ardan has arrived.
<Pose Tracker> Claude C. Kenny has posed.
Claude C. Kenny sees that Zed has experienced the first food-related injury of the encounter - but not the last. Before he can move to respond, however, Bart and Chauncey begin taking steps to remove the critical blockage from his the Arctican swordsman's throat, while Zed himself hurls the chicken up into the air. Claude's lips curl in a smile as he chews and swallows. This... this is the mark of true teamwork, with every member focused on the task at hand.
But with Bart and Zed both distracted, each having used one hand to deal with these emergent problems, the party's progress is slowed. Claude digs deep and continues to eat, increasing his pace by chewing more quickly. This is a dangerous maneuver this early in the campaign - by accelerating his chewing, he's keeping up the pace, but if the inner layers are composed of denser materials, like congealed cheese or tougher meats...his jaws may be too weary to power through.
Claude shakes his head and carves out another swath of poultry meat, savouring the interaction between chili and lime for the two thirds of a second it takes him to chew and swallow. There is no time for doubt.
DG: Claude C. Kenny has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Fry Some More. DG: The party led by Claude C. Kenny has passed this challenge! The party gained 12 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
This... Is the power of teamwork.
Chauncy's arms crush around Zed's ribcage. But nothing comes up. No! It... It goes down! Zed's body uses the force to contort around the crust, gobbling it down moments before he snaps out to seize hold of that bottle of... Of...?
...It smells vaguely like... Peat??
On the label is a little puppy dog wagging his happy little tail. Somehow, the liquid inside is turquoise. On closer inspection, the puppy dog is comprised entirely of liquor bottles.
...
Well. Zed looks like he's okay. If... A little bit red. But that's probably fine, right?
Knife and fork and scarf carve through the chicken, tearing it into neat divisions of meat and bone. Zed seizes what was once a thigh and shoves it into his face. "MORE!"
He's back, baby
DG: Bart Fatima has drawn a new Challenge.
======================<* CHALLENGE - Ill Gotten Grains *>======================= |Type: Exploration |Dungeon Ability: Agility |Challenge Rating: 2 | ---------------------------< Challenge Information: >--------------------------- A beautiful sheen nearly blinds you for a moment, as you descend into a wonderful layer of fluffy white rice. It's pilaf, done to perfection with an attractive lightly-spiced golden colour with a sensible touch of saffron. There's a mouth-tantalizing mixture of chopped vegetables and meats in the mix, but this ain't no ordinary fried rice. If you aren't quick, the grains'll harden up and this'll get nasty before long! =Dungeon Conditions: Bad Luck=================================================
<Pose Tracker> Bart Fatima has posed.
Seems like the drinks worked out pretty well, and Bart is happy with that. But unfortunately a terrible globe such as this one isn't going to yield to their actions quite so easily. But that's fine! They're here for the challenge!
Unfortunately it seems that they've broken through to a lair that is nothing but RICE and meat and veggies and other things, but there's a WHOLE LOT OF IT. Enough that no matter how much Bart is shoveling into his mouth, he can't keep up!
"Keep at it! We're not gonna let rice beat us when Zed came back from the brink of death to eat this damn thing!" The pirate captain is trying to be inspiring. But is also feeling increasingly full. And all this rice will start getting hard and nasty... unless... unless!
"Right, bring on the sauce!" Bart calls out, and employs his whip again. He snags a bottle of some Aquavy salty sauce off the counter, and pulls it over to the table! "If it starts resisting, just douse it in this!"
DG: Bart Fatima has used his Tool Bart's Whip toward his party's challenge, Ill Gotten Grains.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
"I... Have a plan."
Zed says, staring at his share of the rapidly hardening grain. He just stares, watches, as it curdles and crumbles and dehydrates. What is he doing? Why is he--
He... He's grabbed the whole, rapidly drying thing.
And shoves it right into his face.
Yes. Of course! By waiting for it to dehydrate, he reduces the volume he's taking into his stomach, and meanwhile, the grain will rapidly absorb any moisture it finds down there! THE PERFECT PLAN!
(Except it tastes awful)
DG: Zed has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Ill Gotten Grains.
<Pose Tracker> Claude C. Kenny has posed.
Rice! Damn it, why did it have to be rice! Claude C. Kenny grimaces, wiping mis mouth off with the back of his sleeve because he's 19 years old. "Be careful," he warns his companions. "It's not just the drying out that's the problem - once we eat it, the rice is going to expand in our stomachs, taking up even more room. It's the curse of the carbohydrates..."
Claude stares at the slowly-congealing wall of ivory grain. "There's only one chance," he says. "If...if I manage to eat a whole bunch of it quickly, I can tense my muscles and compress it down into a layer. I'll have to hold it there for the rest of the challenge, but..." Claude
<Pose Tracker> Sephilia Lampbright has posed.
Sephilia gets Chauncey back over to her spot at the table, and hops off his back to get at the rice--Chauncey's digging claws will just make a mess of this, instead of being useful.
"We can do this," she says, psyching herself up. "We can eat all of the food!" She...tucks in, with surprising relish despite all the food she's already eaten.
All that energy and enthusiasm gotta come from SOMEWHERE, and all them calories gotta be replenished!
DG: Sephilia Lampbright has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward her party's challenge, Ill Gotten Grains.
<Pose Tracker> Claude C. Kenny has posed.
Rice! Damn it, why did it have to be rice! Claude C. Kenny grimaces, wiping mis mouth off with the back of his sleeve because he's 19 years old. "Be careful," he warns his companions. "It's not just the drying out that's the problem - once we eat it, the rice is going to expand in our stomachs, taking up even more room. It's the curse of the carbohydrates..."
Claude stares at the slowly-congealing wall of ivory grain. "There's only one chance," he says. "If...if I manage to eat a whole bunch of it quickly, I can tense my muscles and compress it down into a layer. I'll have to hold it there for the rest of the challenge, but..." Claude's jaw tightens. "It has to be done." He closes his eyes, draws in a breath, and begins to eat, shoveling rice into his mouth with both hands, channeling chi into his core muscles to compress it into a tiny ball of hate.
In about a day and a half, he is really going to regret this decision.
DG: Claude C. Kenny has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Ill Gotten Grains.
<Pose Tracker> Ambrosius has posed.
With a rousing speech from the eyepatch-wearing fellow, a bottle of sauce lands in front of them.
Yes...of course. It made sense to fight Saucery with sauce. Ingenious. And he certainly would brook no resistance from an impudent pile of food!
The sauce is applied, and he uses this to down some of the rice himself.
Fortunately, two of their number seem to have decided to sacrifice themselves for the cause. He would not forgot those brave souls.
I mean...probably. Not promising anything, though.
DG: Ambrosius has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Ill Gotten Grains. DG: The party led by Claude C. Kenny has failed this challenge! The party gained 0 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw.
<Pose Tracker> Bart Fatima has posed.
Claude takes one for the team, guaranteeing that he's going to be experiencing some sort of terrible suffering in the future. Bart... really has no idea what the hell the guy is talking about, but he's too busy eating to actually question it. You do you, Claude man. You do you.
Unfortunately, the rice proves even more resilient than the party expects. They eat. And eat. And eat.
And eat.
And EAT.
"It never ends...!" someone exclaims from the peanut gallery.
"Oh my god where are they putting it all?" someone else asks, sounding horrified at the spectacle.
Bart just sort of rocks back in his seat. "Whhhyyyy....." he utters in a sound of horror and despair. "...why is there sooooo muuuuch riiiiiice..."
+votes: You have received votes from Cassidy Cain.
DG: Ambrosius has drawn a new Challenge.
==================<* CHALLENGE - The Long Arm of the Slaw *>================== |Type: Exploration |Dungeon Ability: Wits |Challenge Rating: 2 | --------------------------< Challenge Information: >-------------------------- In every delicious meal is... a delicious side of slaw. That's just Filgaia's law. (Or, perhaps, it's just the Starfall's law.) But this ain't no side, boy! This main course wall of coleslaw that stands before you looks impeccably crunchy and delicious, but you'll need to find the courage and will to have coleslaw all on its own before you can get to the next things resembling a main course!! =Dungeon Conditions: Tire=====================================================
<Pose Tracker> Ambrosius has posed.
Unfortunately, their trials were not over yet. For it seems that the tide of rice was held back from the inner layers by only one thing - a thick wall of coleslaw. You would not think it would form such a solid defense, but...you would be wrong.
"Iiimpossible...does thiiis chef have no shaaame...?" Ambrosius muttered.
This was not a wall they would be able to overcome with brute force. They needed to come up with a way to take care of this quickly.
Sadly, no ideas were coming to mind. The only thing he could do was continue eating.
DG: Ambrosius has contributed a Wits Basic Action toward his party's challenge, The Long Arm of the Slaw.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
There is no hope.
There is no salvation.
There is only... Slaw.
Zed grunts over forkfuls of rich, creamy cabbage. His other hand is occupied with a bottleful of questionable alcohol. There's only one way to beat this. One way to deffeat this foe.
To eat it.
This... Is much more literal than the usual interpretation of that kind of thing.
DG: Zed has contributed a Wits Basic Action toward his party's challenge, The Long Arm of the Slaw.
<Pose Tracker> Sephilia Lampbright has posed.
Sephy grins. "The chef knows the value of a BALANCED DIET!" she declares. "This is the veggie dish! It's a palette cleanser! You can do this, everyone!" She digs in with gusto, confident in her knowledge that this is healthy and good for her.
Well, healthy-ish.
I mean the entire challenge is a bad idea.
But it's too late now!
DG: Sephilia Lampbright has contributed a Wits Basic Action toward her party's challenge, The Long Arm of the Slaw.
<Pose Tracker> Bart Fatima has posed.
Oh god, it's vegetables. Even worse, it's shredded vegetables in sauce. Weird sauce. Bart has never been a big cold slaw person, and now he's left staring at the giant pile of cold slaw that has emerged from the terrifying globe of food before them.
There are tears in his one good eye, and he has no choice at this point. He can only see one way forward.
Bart takes his knife and just starts shoveling cold slaw out of the Globe and into his mouth. He's got no better plan than this. He just need to eat his way through this.
While crying the entire time.
"Who had the idea..." Munch munch. "To put THIS MUCH SLAW IN HERE!?!"
Munch.
Muuunnncccccch.
DG: Bart Fatima has contributed a Wits Basic Action toward his party's challenge, The Long Arm of the Slaw.
<Pose Tracker> Claude C. Kenny has posed.
The rice seems as though it will never end, but still Claude C. Kenny continues to eat, compacting the carbs into a hard layer. Sweat begins to stain his red headband; he's reaching his limit. But then he makes it through to...salad? "Ugh, you can't make friends with coleslaw..." Claude groans, leaning forward onto the table. "Or...cole slaw... whatever."
But then... then Claude C. Kenny sees the light.
Specifically, the light of his tricorder, which is displaying the ingredients in cole slaw and their chemical breakdown. Including cabbage...
cabbage
"GLUTAMINE!" he suddenly screams, stiffening in his seat. "This isn't a challenge! It's our salvation!" Claude reties his headband, his eyes afire. "We need to split this up as evenly as we can! The cabbage in the cole slaw will help settle our stomachs! It's the only thing that will save us! NOW!"
'fancy eye-flashing persona 5 cut-in close-up'
"TEEEEEEAR INTO PIIIEEEEEEEECEEEEEEEES!" Claude screams as he attacks the layer like a buzzsaw composed of lesser, angrier buzzsaws.
DG: Claude C. Kenny has used his Tool Tricorder toward his party's challenge, The Long Arm of the Slaw. DG: The party led by Claude C. Kenny has failed this challenge! The party gained 0 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw.
<Pose Tracker> Ambrosius has posed.
They fought valiantly against the wall of coleslaw before them, but it proved to be more steadfast than any of them expected.
While it was true that it might help them in the long run, one fact remained - it had taken them quite a while to get through this layer.
This was, after all, a timed challenge, and time was not on their side.
Still, though it proved difficult, they did manage to break on through...
However, there were still even more fiendish challenges ahead of them.
DG: Sephilia Lampbright has drawn a new Challenge.
================================<* CHALLENGE - I Pie With My Eye *>================================= |Type: Exploration |Dungeon Ability: Combat |Challenge Rating: 2 | -------------------------------------< Challenge Information: >------------------------------------- Whoa! A cream pie nearly smacks you in the face, coming from within! The amazing aroma of freshly baked apple pie follows soon after, and what you gaze upon is nothing more than a beautiful menagerie of the most wonderful selection of dessert pies: cinnamon crumble, apple, blueberry, lemon meringue... just make sure that you don't end up throwing them onto each other's faces! =Dungeon Conditions: Maim=====================================================
<Pose Tracker> Sephilia Lampbright has posed.
Sephy beams. "PIES!" she exclaims, leaping back onto Chauncey's back. "Let's DO THIS, Chauncey! We know pies! Let's get these passed around! Don't worry about any damage, I'll stitch you back up as soon as we're done!" This is gonna be awesooooooome!
<Pose Tracker> Claude C. Kenny has posed.
Claude C. Kenny is feeling better than ever after all that cole slaw! Go glutamine! (In hindsight, he probably should have saved some for everyone else.) But what comes next is...a dessert layer. So early? Claude's not feeling it. He surveys his companions on this journey, each of whom is beginning to show signs of fading. They need to be reminded there is hope. They need...inspiration.
They need a leader.
Claude leans back in his chair. "Hey!" he calls in the direction of the bar. "I'm still pretty hungry! Can I get a steak over here!"
Ambient conversation goes quiet.
"Medium rare, please," he adds.
DG: Sephilia Lampbright has used her Tool Sewing Kit toward her party's challenge, I Pie With My Eye.
<Pose Tracker> Bart Fatima has posed.
They've been dealt two massive blows by this accursed confectionary so far. There is no choice - if they want to defeat this sphere of scrumptiousness, they are going to need to cheat like the pirates that they (or at least Bart) are.
And so Bart sets down his fork, reaches into his jacket, and pulls out a vial of cologne. "Ladies and gentlemen, I know that we're in a desperate situation here," the one eyed pirate states. "We're going to have to dig deep and use everything we've got. And right here... is a bit of magic to help us get it done. As soon as I pop the cork off of this thing, you will feel SUPER CHARGED."
Bart stands up, puts one foot on the table, and points at the Saucery Globe. "LET NO BIT OF CONFECTION REMAIN UNEATEN!" he shouts, and activates the charge of ether inside the bottle.
And then he sits down and DIGS IN. Because this sauce thing is GOING DOWN.
The hatch, at least. OM NOM NOM.
DG: Bart Fatima has used his Tool White Cologne toward his party's challenge, I Pie With My Eye. DG: Claude C. Kenny has used his Tool Pocket Steak toward his party's challenge, I Pie With My Eye.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
This is... This is...
...Pie.
Zed groans over his bloated belly. His hands twitch helplessly as the calories throb through his ravaged bloodstream. No man... No metal demon was meant to triumph over something like this. And yet... And yet--
And yet Claude is still hungry.
Something inside Zed snaps. His eye twitches! HE ROARS, hurling a tiny white sphere into the air. It bursts, exploding into a cloud of... powdered sugar. Powedered sugar... And calcium carbonate
Yes. He was prepared.
With sweet antiacid bombs.
"We will not fall here, fellows! KEEP EATING!" And so Zed does, shoveling sweet, antiacid covered pie into his face. "WE MUST NOT FAAAAIL!"
DG: Zed has used his Tool Smoke Bombs toward his party's challenge, I Pie With My Eye.
<Pose Tracker> Ambrosius has posed.
Dessert!? In the middle of a meal!? Did these humans have no sense of common decency? Ambrosius was starting to think that maybe, just maybe...
No, no. He couldn't think like that. It was only to be expected that there were some terrible humans out there.
Still, they had gone a while without a proper drink.
Water in the atmosphere begins to converge, and then fills up the glasses that had been helpfully provided for them.
Was it...safe to drink? Ambrosius seemed to have no objections to it, after all, as he poured it down without any hesitation.
His allies weren't hesitating, either. They were all working together, and he would too.
Though it offended his sensibilities, he too dove in to the devastating, disastrous, delicious desserts in front of them.
DG: Ambrosius has used his Tool Deluge toward his party's challenge, I Pie With My Eye. DG: The party led by Claude C. Kenny has passed this challenge! The party gained 26 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw. DG: Claude C. Kenny has drawn a new Challenge.
=======================<* CHALLENGE - Use Your Noodle *>======================== |Type: Exploration |Dungeon Ability: Agility |Challenge Rating: 1 | ---------------------------< Challenge Information: >--------------------------- A writhing swarm of al dente pasta emerges from within the layers of the Saucery Globe! One side's coated in rich tomato-ey neapolitana goodness, while the other's basted white with creamy alfredo! But the way this mass goes, you'll need to be deft with your fork in order to get anywhere! =Dungeon Conditions: Bad Luck=================================================
<Pose Tracker> Sephilia Lampbright has posed.
The pies revitalize the group. Sephy and Chauncey help to distribute them evenly, everyone offers something to help make it easier to stomach the pies, and somehow Claude orders a steak during all of this. But they make it!
<Pose Tracker> Claude C. Kenny has posed.
Claude C. Kenny finishes his steak just as the others finish up the dessert. Revitalized by the scent of Bart's cologne and having finally had some actual friggin' protein for the first time in several, like, minutes, Claude turns his attention to...
"Pasta," he says angrily. "Truly, this was cooked by a demon." Claude sucks in a breath. "But it's a sphere, right! So each layer is smaller than the last! We can do this! I have faith in you, faith in us all!"
Except his mouth was alreayd full of noodles, so what came out was:
"BUR NGHF A PHRR, RUH? UHV FNRGHNU, FRNGHNSRR!"
DG: Claude C. Kenny has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Use Your Noodle.
<Pose Tracker> Bart Fatima has posed.
THERE IS NO MEAT ok there was a bit of meat but Bart fears what will happen when they actually find meat inside of this thing. They've been cutting through layers for what seems like hours, but is really more like tens of minutes, and there is just more and more to be found. The fact that they found dessert IN THE MIDDLE suggests to him that no mind that possessed mercy and kindness had created this thing.
"This really calls for some alcohol," he growls, and then pulls out his whip for yet another round of retrieving drinks from the bar! He doesn't think they have enough time to wait, and while water is fine... well, Bart really needs something harder at this point.
Because plowing through this much pasta is basically an act of lunacy, and he isn't sure that he's sober enough to try and conquer the rest of this thing. But WITH ENOUGH BOOZE, ANYTHING CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED...!
DG: Bart Fatima has used his Tool Bart's Whip toward his party's challenge, Use Your Noodle.
<Pose Tracker> Ambrosius has posed.
Normally, Ambrosius was particularly choosy about the alcohol he imbibed...but at this point, after everything they had suffered through, he accepts the bottle with a nod, pours himself a glass, then downs it like he had the water before. It was far too late to care what he actually ingested.
For now, after dessert, was...pasta. Why? Was the chef here even human, or just a monster wearing the skin of one?
Regardless, he couldn't fail. He draws forth a fork and goes at the pasta with renewed vigor.
"Your seeecrets...they shall...be miiine..." He hisses, challenging the Globe itself.
DG: Ambrosius has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Use Your Noodle.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
There's so little meat. How can someone create something like this and only include ONE BIT OF MEAT!? Zed growls, then stops, because there's something uncomfortable at the back of his throat that he really does not enjoy at all. It comes out as a big, awful burp.
...Wait.
That's it.
Zed takes in a breath. Then another. Then another. And then his mouth hinges open and issues forth--
BRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUURAAAAAAAAP
...Yep. That's better. Now.
Pasta.
Zed grabs hold of his scarf again and... whirls it into the noodles. He turns, he twirls, he launches a great big lump of the stuff way into the air--
And then unhinges his jaw a second time, and begins the dread act of consumption.
DG: Zed has used his Tool Grapple Scarf toward his party's challenge, Use Your Noodle. Lunata Croze has arrived.
<Pose Tracker> Sephilia Lampbright has posed.
"Okay...this is getting harder now..." Sephilia says, rubbing her little tummy. "I'm not sure how much more I can take..."
DG: Sephilia Lampbright has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward her party's challenge, Use Your Noodle. DG: The party led by Claude C. Kenny has passed this challenge! The party gained 22 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw. DG: Zed has drawn a new Challenge.
=====================<* CHALLENGE - Quad-Fried Fatback *>===================== |Type: Final |Dungeon Ability: Brute |Challenge Rating: 2 | --------------------------< Challenge Information: >-------------------------- Oh, Guardians. They've done it. They've finally gone and outdone themselves. This is no longer merely triple-fried fatback: you can tell, just from what's been done to it... criss-crossed strips of fatback cross-hatched upon each other, and given a final blast under the frier to ensure maximum crispness on the outside, and yet with all the mouth-melting, velvety goodness of butter on the inside! Step forth if you dare, but... what will it do to your arteries? This is what being a Drifter is all about... all about knowing when to call the bluff, or stand strong and hold true to one's convictions! =Dungeon Conditions: Suffer===================================================
<Pose Tracker> Claude C. Kenny has posed.
The pasta evaporates under the determination of the challengers. Claude wipes his mouth again, preparing to....
"Sephi, no!" he exclaims, looking toward her. "You have to do this! You can't quit now, we need you! You can never surrender!"
He raises his knife, clenching it in his fist. "If your path won't lead you home....you can never surrender!"
He jabs it toward the roof. "And when the night is cold and dark...You can see, you can see light!"
He thrusts it at Sephi. "'Cause no one... can take away... your right... to fight and never surrender!"
His eyes flash as he prepares to assault the final layer. "NEVER SURREEEEEEEEENDEEEEEEEEEEER!"
<Pose Tracker> Sephilia Lampbright has posed.
"UWOOOOOOOOOOH!" Did that noise, that battlecry, just come out of Sephilia?! "CHAUNCEY! FOXINGTON FATBACK FLATTENER!" The digging claws come out again, and Sephy, revitalized, almost to the end of the challenge...eats the quadruple-fried fatback.
She's going to regret this. They all are.
DG: Sephilia Lampbright has used her Tool Digging Claws toward her party's challenge, Quad-Fried Fatback.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
Never surrender.
Never submit.
Never stare the void in the eye without being prepared to make it blink.
And always be careful what you wish for. For... Sometimes... Sometimes, the universe has a way of making you regret it.
And sometimes, the best way to make you regret something... Is to give you far, far too much.
Zed's eyes widen to the size of dinnerplates at the enormity of what he beholds. A pile of glistening pork, dripping with fat, oozing with grease. Every pore seems to seep with rich, delicious drippings. Even as full as he is, Zed's mouth waters. Yes. This is the true cruelty. The truth of healthy eating.
To hide the delicious behind the mundane.
To conceal the true prize beneath a crust of vegetable and whole grain.
To make a belly too full to take in... The main course.
"This--" Zed gulps. "This is..." His hands dig in, his utensils abandoned. "Let's go, friends. For beyond this... Beyond this, awaits our ultimate reward."
(Read: A heart attack)
(...Do metal demons even have cholesterol?)
DG: Zed has contributed a Brute Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Quad-Fried Fatback.
<Pose Tracker> Ambrosius has posed.
'Never surrender', the blonde one says...
Indeed, they couldn't surrender.
Not even to what was before them. It seems that the meat was hiding in the center all along. It loomed before them now, taunting them.
He would not let it oppose him.
Water converges in front of him...but it does not enter their glasses. No, it instead begins to spin until it forms a swirling blade.
He sends it flying through the final wall before them, giving off a satisfying sizzling sound as some of it evaporates from the heat.
Primarily, he was attempting to slice it into more reasonably-sized portions...but perhaps that was mere foolishness. Could anything about what was before them be called 'suitably-sized'?
<Pose Tracker> Bart Fatima has posed.
No amount of food can stop this party. Not because the food is unable to actually defeat a certain subsection of the party, but more due to the fact that they are UNWILLING TO ADMIT THAT MERE FOOD CAN DEFEAT THEM.
That is how Bart chooses to look at this situation, and that is what BART IS GOING TO DO. "WE ARE NOT GOING TO GIVE UP!" he declares, after Claude finishes his speech. "We've dug to the center of this globe! We've endured carbs, slaw, more carbs, and DESSERT FAR BEFORE ITS TIME. We hoped for a delicious center, but now we're confronted with this!"
He slams his fork and knife down on the table. "AND WE WILL NOT YIELD! FOR THE HOPE THAT WE MIGHT SOMEDAY BE ABLE TO MOVE AGAIN AFTER ALL THIS FOOD!"
And Bart grabs both utensils and HURLS HIMSELF UPON THIS THING.
The meat may be more butter than protein.
It may seek their destruction.
BUT BART SHALL EAT THIS THING!
DG: Bart Fatima has contributed a Brute Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Quad-Fried Fatback. DG: Ambrosius has used his Tool Aqua Cutter toward his party's challenge, Quad-Fried Fatback.
<Pose Tracker> Claude C. Kenny has posed.
"Yes!" Claude shouts as Sephilia and Chauncey begin tearing into the fatback. "That's the way! Only now we..."
A disturbing rumble echoes out from Claude's stomach. He staggers, gritting his teeth against the pain as the layer of rice - compressed for so long by his abdominal muscles - threatens to expand outward, swelling with moisture. He's on the razor's edge. And yet they are so close... so close... if they fail here...
"....and nobody wants to know you now..."
Claude drops his knife, and picks up a second fork. "....nobody wants to show you how...."
His hair stirs as he forces his final reserves of chi into his belly, willing the dying embers of his resolve into one last push. "Just a little more time.... is all we're asking for!" Claude charges forward after Bart. "AND WE WILL NEVER SURREEEEEEENDEEEEEEEEEEEER!"
DG: Claude C. Kenny has contributed a Brute Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Quad-Fried Fatback. DG: Sephilia Lampbright is too exhausted to continue! DG: Zed is too exhausted to continue! DG: Bart Fatima is too exhausted to continue! DG: Ambrosius is too exhausted to continue! DG: Claude C. Kenny is too exhausted to continue! DG: The party has failed this challenge! All party members are now Exhausted. Your party can no longer continue and is forced to retreat! DG: The party led by Claude C. Kenny has been fully Exhausted by The Saucery Globe!
<Pose Tracker> Claude C. Kenny has posed.
But in the end....
"Urp..."
Claude gets up from the table, his face a pale shade of green. "Screw it, I'm surrendering," he says as he bolts for the outdoors.
<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.
Zed...
Is face-down in the fatback.
They have failed, but... But they must... Someday... Triumph.
Someday.
<Pose Tracker> Bart Fatima has posed.
Bart has at some point just sort of oozed out of his chair, and lies on the floor. A small, terrible little noise emerges from his throat.
It is the sound of a man suffering.
So much suffering.
"...no choice... I need to get... *her* help..."
<Pose Tracker> Sephilia Lampbright has posed.
Sephy falls over, landing on Chauncey, who is a big floofy pillow sometimes for reasons just like this. "It's...it's too much," she says. "There's too much food. I can't eat any more." She groans.
<Pose Tracker> Ambrosius has posed.
No. There was no time. Not...enough...time.
"This weeeapon...it is...truly aaabominable..."
He mutters, leaning back in his chair.
To think, it could lay even him low...
He had wanted to report this weapon to his superiors, but if they found out that he had been laid low by a mere globe of food, he would become a laughingstock...
More than he already was, I mean.
They would not understand...not unless they faced it themselves. Like he did.
For the Saucery Globe was a terror that one could only understand once you experienced it yourself.